September 15, 20178 yr Author Keep going Damian. Do you still have you gaming accounts?I will complete this 90 days. Im wondering what kind of mindset will i be in after two more months. A lot is changing in my life, for good, i hope. I do have my gaming accounts, i will not delete them, dont see a point in doing so.
September 15, 20178 yr Keep going Damian. Do you still have you gaming accounts?I will complete this 90 days. Im wondering what kind of mindset will i be in after two more months. A lot is changing in my life, for good, i hope. I do have my gaming accounts, i will not delete them, dont see a point in doing so.That´s what Cam advices. Give it a try. Do the 90 days. If you want to game in moderation fine, if you want to quit forever fine, just give it a try for 90 days and you can make up your mind.I was asking for your account because you mentioned Steam? Not sure if that´s an app or just a website. Just be careful.
September 18, 20178 yr Author Day 38.I had no idea games had such a huge impact on my mind. I love and hate games almost as much as i love and hate myself... lol. I think about gaming, i wish for it, and cant wait untill i can play again, some feeling of relief right there. But at the same time i despise the idea of closing my self again. You know what would be an awesome idea, to live with a few people, guys and girls, all games, all having day jobs, and all taking care of echother, living together and having fun together, every day for the rest of our lifes. Every day would be friday
September 19, 20178 yr I think someone from the GameQuitters community lived like that (without gaming I guess), because it was really, really cheap. Everyone had responsibilities and they rotated each of them. Don't remember who thou.
September 19, 20178 yr You know what would be an awesome idea, to live with a few people, guys and girls, all games, all having day jobs, and all taking care of echother, living together and having fun together, every day for the rest of our lifes. Every day would be friday Sharing economy + gamers society? Games aside it looks fine but requires people who are REALLY willing to cooperate with each other.
September 19, 20178 yr Author Day 39. Just venting a bit.Fucking hell. Im falling appart, not in anything related to games, but in my mind. I had to end things with my gf, she just stopped caring, and im not going to force her. Its a good thing i have a therepist to talk to. No one else cares. I seem to care too much, maybe thats why people dont like me. I have to pay someone to listen to me lol. A wonderfull world.No im not going to play anything. I have been in bad shape before, i know how to handle it.
September 21, 20178 yr Day 40Cant believe its already been so long. 40 days! Great work. It's inspiring to read your journey as someone who's just beginning.
September 21, 20178 yr @dahankusIf you ever need to have some voice conversation just let me know and we can arrange it. Keep going. Edited September 21, 20178 yr by Daniel
September 22, 20178 yr Author Day 42.Today was a hard day in therapy. It was really difficult to open up to someone face to face about my problem of porn, and how it affects my mind and my life. I dont find games interesting today.
September 22, 20178 yr Good job opening up. It’s hard and takes a lot of courage but it’s also very healing. :)
September 23, 20178 yr For a long time I knew porn was unhealthy for me, but what finally convinced me was this video: The Great Porn ExperimentHave you considered doing a porn detox?
September 23, 20178 yr Author Have you considered doing a porn detoxI tried, but failed :), failed like 100 times already. I have failed to find another topic that would captivate me long enough, for the porn addiction to diminish. Edited September 23, 20178 yr by dahankus
September 23, 20178 yr Author Day 43. Im starting to feel sick, maybe a cold is comming or something like that. Its been raining for 10 days straight here, not a single sun chine or blue skies. I hope it clears at leas once before winter. last year we had 2 days of sun in 3 months of clouds.Today, as the custom dictates, was cleaning day. Kept myself busy. No games.... oh right, last night i couldnt sleep and downloaded a game for my phone, i seldom play anything there, so i start playin and its so damn boring, i could touch that screen for more than 3 min lol. uninstalled and went to sleep. Stupid time wasters.
September 24, 20178 yr Author Day 44.Well, i have a cold. damn. Hope it wont end up in a fever.I have been thinking about grand srtrategy games, and why they attract me so much. I thought it was because of the complexity, but thats not true, there are more complex games that dont give me satisfaction. It has something to do with Role playing a leader. When i ask myself what i would like to play, the portrait of a king comes to mind, a king with a country to rule. Also the feeling of oportunity, and possibility, like a fresh start. Also the thought of the people, and soldiers, and farmers and all that is present in my mind, and i want to help them make the best out of their time, so they can help the kingdom advance and be stronger, wealthier, smarter, etc.. Dont know if this makes sense to anyone. This is a smimilar feeling when i think about playing Democracy, which is much more simple, but still, the basic setting is the same. I am in charge of making other lives better, and that is what drives me to this games. .... maybe... maybe not.
September 25, 20178 yr I can relate to the feeling of playing a leader and playing for fresh start. After all you end up in a game where you can be important, powerful and having influence.Consider you could do in real life what you pretend to do in videogames, by working for the common good. This is what Cam has been doing. working for the common good and learning to be a leader.
September 25, 20178 yr Author Consider you could do in real life what you pretend to do in videogamesReal world is a mess, we all carry shit from out past, and it keeps us (me atleast) from everything. I know its just an excuse, i know i am feeling helpless and alone, just so my mind can stay in the comfort zone. I know all of this, and i can feel aout of it, but when the time comes to speak, to take action, my behaviour changes so drastically that some times i cant talk at all, frozen by panic.I believe thats what drives me to games, all that pressure, all that burden of my mind is inexistant, and i can be whoever i want to be, and persue those needs to help others. I wish i could be free, im working on it, but still havent found a reason for my fear of judgement. Edited September 25, 20178 yr by dahankus
September 25, 20178 yr Author Day 45.Well, today I made some real progress in respect to my personal development, and understanding of my behaviour. I will need to meditate on it to make it stick, but essentially my image of how a man is supposed to be was broken since early childhood. Catholic mother, drinking father, fear of hell and all that great stuff. But then again, i might be wrong No games today. Im thinking on unpacking my pc and start devoping some ideas for a bussiness. Going to think about it some more, just to be sure I can handle the temptation. Edited September 25, 20178 yr by dahankus
September 26, 20178 yr Author Day 46.Too much happening for games to even have a chance. I feel so much better without games. I no longer feel ashamed when someone asks me what i hace been doing, or what do you do on your free time. I always felt shame for not doing anything productive on my free time, or something cool. Right now i can proudly say, I train archery, go to the gym, and go on long walks in the forest picking up trash. I love that feeling.
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