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Marius' journal


Marius
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It seems like you've been spiraling down a bit. I don't mean this in a malicious way, but even if you look back at the structure of your posts, they just become big blobs with no organization and a sense of panic. 

I think it's time to reset a bit and not let one bad decision spiral into another. If you get the bad sleep and feel bad the next day, try to do something that day to help you rather than say the day is gone anyways so I'll keep going with porn and games and YouTube. That's just gonna lead to a big avalanche. 

I tried doing the club life for a little after quitting video games because I thought I could socialize but it was similar habits of staying up late and escaping life. 

I don't think you enjoy these things. 

Try to look back at your journal and see what daily and weekly things really work for you. I think you thrive on structure more. When something goes bad try to do some exercise or yoga the next day when you can't sleep, or journaling etc. It seems boring but it will slow down your mind. If you notice in the posts on this website when you're not doing well you have no paragraph structure and it's one blob written very fast. This shows you need to slow down and be more in the moment during these times of panic. Meditation, yoga, exercise, stretching, journaling, or something like that can help. Even a bath or shower. 

You're doing fine, you haven't failed. You feel bad from poor sleep. Video games give dopamine. You feel drained after games, porn gives more dopamine than games. You're looking for the next big fix because dopamine won't be as strong the more tired you become. 

You're doing fine. Takes a pause and regroup. 

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@Marius - you've got so much ahead of you, you're just in a downswing.  Confidence will be built over time - and no one is without failures.  Failures are part of success... but you know all this deep down!  :10_wink:

Congratulations to you that you're still here and talking it out, you haven't chucked it all and given up.  I agree with BooksandTrees - take a break and start fresh later...

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Well my break is over friends, I think. From Wednesday onward I didn't really care about anything in my life besides my electronic media usage. I binged YouTube, porn, even played some minor games. I did watch quite a lot of YouTube channels that are educational, nevertheless this is far from what I thought I would do when I came back to my apartment. I think I tried to change too fast and was disappointed when things didn't turn out as planned. The funny thing is that this method was actually the most successful so far which is why I will continue with it. I think forcing myself to do anything is really the bad approach. I watched a really great video on Better Than Yesterday and I will incorporate many of the mentioned ideas into my future schedules. The ways from which I set myself up to derive satisfaction and happiness from are flawed in the sense that they are unreliable. I have to stay happy throughout the day without me relying on them.

Edited by Marius
than
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