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Pernix's Journal: New Direction


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Day 1:

I'm not really sure how to begin. I'm just sitting here in my chair staring at my screen wondering: "Well uh.. should I just toss the computer out?"

I guess I can start with a positive to get this moving. 

Today, my girlfriend and I went out together and honestly, I didn't enjoy myself at first. The craving was there. Just kept looking at my phone, ready to get home and be...not bored. 
But I caught myself, and turned my attention to her. I found myself frustrated for no reason that she was trying to look for shoes and I decided to ask:

"Hey babe, can I have a hug?" Of course, she replied. So I ran up to her and got the best hug I've felt in ...well, ever. 
It was warm. Fulfilling. Comforting. Its that kind where she wraps her arms all the way around your neck and you could just pick her up and carry her away. I wanted to cry, it was that good. 
My frustration and anger disappeared almost instantly. Heck I even started trying on the women's boots just to make her laugh. Its like for the first time, I wasn't even able to think about gaming because I was so caught up in what I was doing. Being out and about with her. 

Well here I am, sitting at my desk. I'm kind of in that questionable mindset where I'm asking myself: "Should I starting weening myself off, maybe only play a few hours today?"
"Should I quit cold turkey? How bad would the cravings get? Maybe if I just limit myself for now, thats a good a start as any?"

Though honestly I'm not sure if this is a good mentality. I know a lot of people like to quit cold turkey and that theres plenty of testimonials of people who don't look back. 
I'm scared I won't be occupied enough with my time to not sit there and die of boredom. 

Its 3pm, so I guess I could set some goals through the rest of the afternoon so lets see:

Goals for productivity today:

1) Take these dang dishes off your desk and wash them.
2) Laundry
3) Find 1 hobby to begin learning: Currently thinking about programming. Lots of programming books around the house, time to crack one open.
       - if anyone has any opinions on the best language to start learning, by all means please let me know.
4) Download all of the lecture powerpoints from this semester for winter break studying. (TLDR; Neglected school due to job hunt, going to try again next semester but succeed this time. )

I'll see you tomorrow.

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1 hour ago, Pernix said:

Of course, she replied. So I ran up to her and got the best hug I've felt in ...well, ever. 

Oh yes, those are the best kind of hugs ever 🙂 so glad you had the courage to ask! Love how much you describe your feelings, your writing has a very nice flow to it!

On the topic of coldturkey vs. moderating it down: ColdTurkey will only work if you have enough activities planned out to keep you occupied. If without gaming your day is suddenly completely empty, it will be very, very difficult. I began with moderation, slowly replacing gaming with new hobbies and activities, until I had my day so filled with things-to-do that I could go ColdTurkey. 

What I do: Sit down for 10-30minutes in front of my planner/journal, and try to think of as many things I need/want to do as possible(reading, exercise, learn something, talk to someone, clean up, etc.). This may sound like something not very helpful/important, but when I have most of my day mapped-out, it is so much easier to stay away from games. 

Also, I recommend you checkout @James Good's Youtube channel, he has some super helpful stuff.

 

No matter what you choose to do to help yourself quit gaming, the first few days, or maybe even weeks will be very difficult; it might even seem like you aren't making any progress. Don't give up, failure is the first step towards success!

Cheers, Po

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10 hours ago, Pernix said:

I'm just sitting here in my chair staring at my screen wondering: "Well uh.. should I just toss the computer out?"

This cracked me up 😃

Congrats on taking the first step! Some good goals you got there.

For programming, personally, I've used freecodecamp.com before and really enjoyed what they got set up. I recommend not to spend too much time picking a language. You can learn the programming basics in any language, and then you can dive deeper into languages based on what kind of projects interest you.

9 hours ago, Pernix said:

Its like for the first time, I wasn't even able to think about gaming because I was so caught up in what I was doing.

That's awesome!! Remember moments like these! This can be a guiding force for how to spend your newfound free time.

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I personally wasn't able to do it in moderation. Every time I started playing I couldn't stop. Thats why cold turkey was the only way for me.

But I use distractions and used games in specific to evade bad emotions. So this is the main problem. Cold turkey helps to face your problems. Ylu got nothing else go do. That feels bad. But better bad in the moment then much worse in the future. 

If gaming makes you stop enjoying human connections it is time to let it go. It won't be easy but worth it. 

I had a struggling relationship when I stopped gaming. Now almost 4 years later I married that woman and have two great sons with her. I am sure that we would have split up if I did not stop this addiction. 

So do it like it works for you. But give it a honest try. Its worth it despite being bored or having other bad feelings for some time. 

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@championealThank you! I found that site today actually and I'm definitely going to give it a go! I'm excited to get a hobby started, hopefully maybe turn it into a career, who knows 🙂 

@WorkInProgress Honestly I'm so happy for you and your wife. I love spending some days imagining my life with her. Its definitely something I look forward to. I feel as though something I've done right even after all this time is constantly let her know (and this is almost exact word for word) "Babe, you understand that you can just ask me for anything and I'd drop any game in a heartbeat, no questions asked. You're my priority." I know that above all else, gaming does not come before her or my family. My biggest struggle in current days has mostly been gaming coming before my own commitments like school and personal goals, so thats what I'm going to be focused on for sure, but I'm definitely in line for my relationship. I've seen lots of people go down a path of consuming gaming in its entirety and their relationship failed, well I'll be damned if I let my relationship die. That woman is a 1 in a million chance I won't find again any time soon. Thats like winning the lotto then losing the ticket 😄 lmao.

Thank you both for your kind words. 


Also as an update to all you kind souls willing to give me support and have commented so far, I have been able to talk to my closest online friend recently (38, gamer, family type) and he was so supportive and even this morning he sent me 13 JOBS THAT I WAS ABLE TO APPLY TO 😄 I was so happy. He got on the train to push me in the right direction and I made sure to send him a hearty thank you response. 

I'm feeling so motivated to keep this going. I'll be honest, I've gamed a little bit since I started this journey, but each day brings less hours in front of the screen and more hours focused on getting my real life sorted FIRST. I'm definitely on board so far with the progressing approach to it all, dwindling my screen time slowly but surely. It doesn't make me feel like "Crap I'm losing time I could be gaining xp" but instead makes me feel "Oh heck yea I've got more stuff I can do today for once!!"

I'm not gonna lie I could cry right now because this is the most steps I've taken in 2 days than I have in the past 3 years doing this on my own, and I'm so thankful for each and every one of you that stick your neck out for me and help nudge me in the right direction.

So far I've been keeping daily journals in physical form but I'll be sure to keep the updates rolling here as well. 

Thank you all again 🙂

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Wow! What a great online friend you have, not all online friends who used to game with are supportive (like mine) but sending you 13 jobs is great! Let me know if you apply for one of them and how it goes! Sounds like things are looking good for your future! 
 

Best of luck

Jason

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