Pochatok Posted April 22 Author Share Posted April 22 Day 2 and 3 done. Still going well- stronger urges today, but simply thinking about it is a reminder that what I seek is love and compassion. Pornography never grants me those things. The urges are the strongest when I seem to be evading the present- in the state of "waiting". Today, I caught my urges peaking as I was waiting for lunch hour to begin. Why..? I don't even eat during lunchtime- I operate on my own schedule. Either way, any escapism desires are manifesting strongest in pornography these days- what I want to resort to, instead, is mindfulness- awareness, acceptance, and follow-through w/ the struggles and pains that drive my escapism. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted April 24 Author Share Posted April 24 Day 4 and 5 behind- excited to keep moving (on). Urges more significant today- I am a bit exhausted, and yet am not providing myself space of rest. I will continue to build the free world I want to live in. I can't stop, I don't want to escape and distract (again). If not now, when? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted April 26 Author Share Posted April 26 Day 5 and 6 behind - excited to begin seeing a significant continuity here. Right now, with all that's going on around the world (and US in particular), it's been light and easy, keeping myself away from escapist tactics. Yes, I am stressed, but because of how different the source and quality of stress is, I'm dealing with it differently. Simultaneously, I'm continuing to create habits that foster my spirituality. Crucially, however, I am still not working towards my passions. And I want to, dearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Sunday at 01:32 AM Author Share Posted Sunday at 01:32 AM Day 7 behind- a full week. Has not happened in a while, but I will keep this going. Proud of myself for changing so much. Dealing w/ a lot of personal hardships, but keeping together w/ some good habits- picking my face less, no gaming, etc.. I do want to acknowledge that social media and emotional distress took the place. Emotional distress seems to be addictive- it's comforting to feel sad and powerless, to me. So, gotta keep true to my discipline- exercise, ice shower, journaling, and planning my day out. Most importantly, not forgetting that God (future me) is always by my side. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Sunday at 06:30 PM Author Share Posted Sunday at 06:30 PM Day 0 - a light, but still a relapse. It's all or nothing for this counter. However, this is not the sole measure of my growth. What matters is the change between the times the clock resets. Been in a very difficult place emotionally this whole week, seem to be struggling a lot with getting things done. Sleep deprivation due to work does not help much either, sadly. But, I will continue to strive for my best. There is no excuse not to do that- I want myself to be well. I want myself to be happy. I can't get there through relapsing and escaping in other ways. I must continue to meet myself where I am. Be kind ❤️ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted Monday at 02:57 PM Author Share Posted Monday at 02:57 PM (edited) Day 1 - not relapsing today. I definitely need to back up my commitment w/ some reading- so I will read what I am already reading, just more. Caught myself wanting to order a new book... but no- there is no point! I have gotten so many to read through, already. Today, it is so important to take the time to re-learn focus. Last two weeks have been an increasing disarray, due to a variety of circumstances. Time to do better. Po Edited Monday at 02:59 PM by Pochatok 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pochatok Posted yesterday at 05:25 PM Author Share Posted yesterday at 05:25 PM Day 4. Still going well. My addiction now causes disgust, rather than complacency. glad to be here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wheatbiscuit Posted 20 hours ago Share Posted 20 hours ago (edited) 8 hours ago, Pochatok said: Day 4. Still going well. My addiction now causes disgust, rather than complacency. glad to be here. I read once of a 'successful' mindset that we should consider ourselves as all the same (and with the same 24 hours per day). When I went to a theatre drama last weekend, I tried to imagine that I had no more unique energy than the actors and actresses, or vice versa. I scared myself for a bit then, thinking that they had to be taking drugs or something between their appearances on stage. That's probably more wrong as it remains much more of a guess than the things I've read about pornographic actresses (and actors, perhaps) going through to produce what has been out there for anyone to use at a whim. I think of the seemingly mere 10-20% of my day that I feel really unified and benevolent towards everyone I come across compared to simply feeling 'switched on' or 'of use' all of the time - but rarely my concentrated self. Which of them is right? Maybe I've just forgotten in the just 1-2 weeks I've felt under the weather how to get through the day, and after 3 weeks without gaming again. (Hey, Po, well done) 🫣 Edited 20 hours ago by wheatbiscuit grammar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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