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Comm's Daily Journal


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Day 16.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Back to the regular schedule now. Reviewed the last chapter of Slight Edge and made up a list of daily habits to stick to. So far, we're sticking. Finished up the introduction to python on Brilliant, and started up on my coding assignment. Got through most of the first question, of three.

Don't get me wrong, the code's buggy and non-functional, but it's there! If I can continue to contribute rough code at a question a day for the next couple of days, it'll be pretty much done.

Otherwise, quietly happy with how things are chugging along. Just having a schedule to fall into makes the day a bit more productive for me. These journal entries are getting shorter, too. In part because there's less to write about - the grand plans have been made, the sweeping changes are in place. But in part too, because I'm feeling a good deal more relaxed. There's less to fuss over.

Off to watch some more lectures.

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Day 17.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Stalled a little on challenges lately, will need to get back to that. Otherwise, schedule's sticking. Tried to line up family holiday bookings, but all the flights are booked out, so looking at some alternate options. Learned about DrawABox as a learn-to-draw method, so I'll pick that up once I've finished working through the current sketchbook.

Didn't get through any code today, so want to jump back and get something done before I call it a day. Hopefully will check out a gym over the weekend.

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On 11/12/2020 at 1:19 AM, Commissar said:

These journal entries are getting shorter, too. In part because there's less to write about - the grand plans have been made, the sweeping changes are in place. But in part too, because I'm feeling a good deal more relaxed. There's less to fuss over.

Same thing happened to me. Things got a lot less emotional.

How are you tracking your habits?

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I've got a whiteboard set up in the room, Lamp! Came with the dresser, and only just got around to finding a use for it. It's working fairly well.

Day 18.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Tiny journal today. Breakfast with the folks, then spent most of the day chasing bookings for holidays. More exhausting then it has any right to be, at the moment!

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Day 19.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Much the same as yesterday! Took a break from most habits for Sunday, but kept on keeping on with my coding project.

Turns out I enjoy it when it's not done under 2am-must-complete-or-fail conditions. Who'd've thought it? Still a lot of work to do before things come due on Thursday, but then it's break time. Looking forward to the chance to really get on with some drawing/writing, and finally track down a gym like I've been saying I'll do for weeks.

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Day 20.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Work continues. Habits continue! Settling into a reasonable routine now, though still losing a lot more time to online dithering than I'd like to.

Focus is on the assignments due on Thursday, so journals'll likely be a good deal briefer until that's done. Happy hunting, folks.

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Day 21.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Grk! Definitely didn't forget the journal today and wander back to the PC right before bed to do it. Nope. Not that.

I've been practicing my writing on a play-by-post forum, which is good fun. I got distracted!

I swear, Journal, you're my first love. It's alright. I would never abandon you.

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Day 22.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Right? It's great to be able to put out something vaguely long form again. That said, it's worked merry havoc on my assignment schedule, so tonight's likely to be a late one again.

I really need to work on that. But, hey, little steps. And at least a good chunk of this one's already done.

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Day 23.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Fell a little down the procrastination rabbit hole with this last assignment, have to admit. I feel it had about all the academic merit of a slab of wet cardboard when I submitted it, but that's to be expected to some extent. Three weeks game free is great, but it's not magic and can't undo a semester's worth of divided attention. It's a nice feeling to have the last remnants of it nearly done, though. There's one more assignment due now, and I'm confident that one I can do well on. Really looking forward to next semester and doing my assignments as part of a structured block of time rather than a stress-induced last minute rush that leaves me in a haze for the next day or so. Feel like I've been playing catch-up a while now.

Been a little lax on hobbies too, with the all-devouring threat of assignments. Which is sort-of the root of the problem for me. Seems the more time I give myself to do a thing, the more time I give myself to not do it. Sleep schedule got bumped around some with a late one last night, so missed the morning run. Still, kept the meditation train going.

Going to run a few errands before it gets dark.

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Day 24.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

... I might be stalling a little on those challenges. Have to get on that! Meet people, make mistakes, get messy, all that magic schoolbus stuff.

Good day today! Got a decent night's sleep in, schedule's mostly back on track, and finished reading The Trouble With Peace, which was great fun. I missed the release, all bundled up in games. Finding out it was already out was wonderful news. Now to just wait for the last one. Otherwise, fairly lazy. Sorted out a few administrative things for the week that had slipped under the rug while I was doing assignments, and indulged myself by spending far, far too much time writing.

Not writing anything productive, mind you. But it's important to have fun too.

Edited by Commissar
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Day 26.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Lovely weekend. Took breakfast with the folks, then back home to do some cleaning up around the place. Officially on break now, though I've got an extension to keep working on that last assignment, so that'll occupy most of next week for me. Meditation's been good, though some other habits have slipped a little (my poor sketchbook!). I'll be getting back into them come Monday.

I've had an itch to play games again lately to escape from some stress that's floating about. The parents have been living separately for a while now, but divorce papers only just came through. Which is fine, and good news, insofar as it lets them put things behind them and helps everyone get on with their lives. The issue is that there's a chunk of money (it's always money in these situations, isn't it?) that one of the two thought was given to them to help move out and establish themselves a little elsewhere, and the other one just told me that that wasn't really what he meant at all, and that he'll need some of it to live off. This is, mind you, a couple of years down the line. Almost right after the one who's got it has excitedly told me how proud they are to finally have some independence, and has sketched out a plan by which they can finally retire. There's no actual request there yet, or one written on the divorce papers, and the pair of them communicate with each other about as effectively as a pair of boulders, but there's no way this is going to be pleasant. Right in time for the upcoming Christmas break too. I've kept it to myself for now, to avoid stressing people without a concrete request to act on, but, phew.

Don't really know what to do about it. It's not as though there's a lot of money floating about. There's no house or other assets between the three of us; and that chunk of money is about all that there is. I've poked around and looked at third party arbitration, and I might present that as an option if I'm asked about it. I've got a good relationship with both and really, really don't want to end up playing go-between here. But it'll likely mean losing a chunk of what there is to legal fees, and there's little enough there already.

Family, eh? Love them, but there's times it feels like I've spent a good chunk of my life trying to clean up those messes. Hard not to feel a little resentment, sometimes.

It'll come right, no doubt. In the meantime, day by day.

Edited by Commissar
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The hardest part about a shit family situation is the temptation to "play peacemaker" between mommy and daddy. That's self-abuse.

Asserting healthy boundaries might seem hard at first but gets easier the more you enforce those boundaries. Embrace the divine 'No.' "That's your problem, not mine." "This topic is innapropriate - something you should be discussing with a friend not your adult child." and other healthy boundary asserting phrases.

Whatever you choose, just make sure that you come out on top in the end. You get the money or whatever possessions you want. It's their fault for ruining Christmas by having a nasty divorce in the first place, and a good chunk of your life wasted on their bullshit that you'll never get back, you might as well get yours.

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Appreciate the vote of confidence, Bird! It's not so nasty as all of that, and there's nothing there I want or am owed, really. Just want to see the blasted thing settled so folks can get on with their lives.

Day 27.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Short journal entry today. Working on an assignment. I need to get through another couple of lectures tonight before bed, so that'll be the evening. Implicit finite differences make my head hurt. Otherwise, things going well. Onto the third basics back with headspace now, and I'll be just about through the first month of it soon.

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