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Comm's Daily Journal


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Day 16.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Back to the regular schedule now. Reviewed the last chapter of Slight Edge and made up a list of daily habits to stick to. So far, we're sticking. Finished up the introduction to python on Brilliant, and started up on my coding assignment. Got through most of the first question, of three.

Don't get me wrong, the code's buggy and non-functional, but it's there! If I can continue to contribute rough code at a question a day for the next couple of days, it'll be pretty much done.

Otherwise, quietly happy with how things are chugging along. Just having a schedule to fall into makes the day a bit more productive for me. These journal entries are getting shorter, too. In part because there's less to write about - the grand plans have been made, the sweeping changes are in place. But in part too, because I'm feeling a good deal more relaxed. There's less to fuss over.

Off to watch some more lectures.

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Day 1. It's a hectic day, in university land. There's multiple assignments coming due, and the old procrastination bug has reared its head again. It's late in the day, and I'm only just cracking

Day 5 - Part 2: The Promised Gaming Behaviours Special. On Day 3 I talked about setting down some of the ugly behaviours I noticed in myself as a result of my gaming. It's an uncomfortable topic

Day 7. Woo! A week! Slow day today, as expected.  I was up until nearly 4am working on that assignment. Progress was limited; and I hit a few roadblocks that, had I been a bit more proactive

Day 17.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Stalled a little on challenges lately, will need to get back to that. Otherwise, schedule's sticking. Tried to line up family holiday bookings, but all the flights are booked out, so looking at some alternate options. Learned about DrawABox as a learn-to-draw method, so I'll pick that up once I've finished working through the current sketchbook.

Didn't get through any code today, so want to jump back and get something done before I call it a day. Hopefully will check out a gym over the weekend.

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On 11/12/2020 at 1:19 AM, Commissar said:

These journal entries are getting shorter, too. In part because there's less to write about - the grand plans have been made, the sweeping changes are in place. But in part too, because I'm feeling a good deal more relaxed. There's less to fuss over.

Same thing happened to me. Things got a lot less emotional.

How are you tracking your habits?

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I've got a whiteboard set up in the room, Lamp! Came with the dresser, and only just got around to finding a use for it. It's working fairly well.

Day 18.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Tiny journal today. Breakfast with the folks, then spent most of the day chasing bookings for holidays. More exhausting then it has any right to be, at the moment!

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Day 19.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Much the same as yesterday! Took a break from most habits for Sunday, but kept on keeping on with my coding project.

Turns out I enjoy it when it's not done under 2am-must-complete-or-fail conditions. Who'd've thought it? Still a lot of work to do before things come due on Thursday, but then it's break time. Looking forward to the chance to really get on with some drawing/writing, and finally track down a gym like I've been saying I'll do for weeks.

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Day 20.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Work continues. Habits continue! Settling into a reasonable routine now, though still losing a lot more time to online dithering than I'd like to.

Focus is on the assignments due on Thursday, so journals'll likely be a good deal briefer until that's done. Happy hunting, folks.

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Day 21.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Grk! Definitely didn't forget the journal today and wander back to the PC right before bed to do it. Nope. Not that.

I've been practicing my writing on a play-by-post forum, which is good fun. I got distracted!

I swear, Journal, you're my first love. It's alright. I would never abandon you.

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Day 22.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Right? It's great to be able to put out something vaguely long form again. That said, it's worked merry havoc on my assignment schedule, so tonight's likely to be a late one again.

I really need to work on that. But, hey, little steps. And at least a good chunk of this one's already done.

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Day 23.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Fell a little down the procrastination rabbit hole with this last assignment, have to admit. I feel it had about all the academic merit of a slab of wet cardboard when I submitted it, but that's to be expected to some extent. Three weeks game free is great, but it's not magic and can't undo a semester's worth of divided attention. It's a nice feeling to have the last remnants of it nearly done, though. There's one more assignment due now, and I'm confident that one I can do well on. Really looking forward to next semester and doing my assignments as part of a structured block of time rather than a stress-induced last minute rush that leaves me in a haze for the next day or so. Feel like I've been playing catch-up a while now.

Been a little lax on hobbies too, with the all-devouring threat of assignments. Which is sort-of the root of the problem for me. Seems the more time I give myself to do a thing, the more time I give myself to not do it. Sleep schedule got bumped around some with a late one last night, so missed the morning run. Still, kept the meditation train going.

Going to run a few errands before it gets dark.

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Day 24.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

... I might be stalling a little on those challenges. Have to get on that! Meet people, make mistakes, get messy, all that magic schoolbus stuff.

Good day today! Got a decent night's sleep in, schedule's mostly back on track, and finished reading The Trouble With Peace, which was great fun. I missed the release, all bundled up in games. Finding out it was already out was wonderful news. Now to just wait for the last one. Otherwise, fairly lazy. Sorted out a few administrative things for the week that had slipped under the rug while I was doing assignments, and indulged myself by spending far, far too much time writing.

Not writing anything productive, mind you. But it's important to have fun too.

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Day 25.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Caught up with some folks in town for a visit, today. Spent most of the time in the car getting too and from. Not much else to report, journal. It's a fairly lazy afternoon and an early night.

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Day 26.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Lovely weekend. Took breakfast with the folks, then back home to do some cleaning up around the place. Officially on break now, though I've got an extension to keep working on that last assignment, so that'll occupy most of next week for me. Meditation's been good, though some other habits have slipped a little (my poor sketchbook!). I'll be getting back into them come Monday.

I've had an itch to play games again lately to escape from some stress that's floating about. The parents have been living separately for a while now, but divorce papers only just came through. Which is fine, and good news, insofar as it lets them put things behind them and helps everyone get on with their lives. The issue is that there's a chunk of money (it's always money in these situations, isn't it?) that one of the two thought was given to them to help move out and establish themselves a little elsewhere, and the other one just told me that that wasn't really what he meant at all, and that he'll need some of it to live off. This is, mind you, a couple of years down the line. Almost right after the one who's got it has excitedly told me how proud they are to finally have some independence, and has sketched out a plan by which they can finally retire. There's no actual request there yet, or one written on the divorce papers, and the pair of them communicate with each other about as effectively as a pair of boulders, but there's no way this is going to be pleasant. Right in time for the upcoming Christmas break too. I've kept it to myself for now, to avoid stressing people without a concrete request to act on, but, phew.

Don't really know what to do about it. It's not as though there's a lot of money floating about. There's no house or other assets between the three of us; and that chunk of money is about all that there is. I've poked around and looked at third party arbitration, and I might present that as an option if I'm asked about it. I've got a good relationship with both and really, really don't want to end up playing go-between here. But it'll likely mean losing a chunk of what there is to legal fees, and there's little enough there already.

Family, eh? Love them, but there's times it feels like I've spent a good chunk of my life trying to clean up those messes. Hard not to feel a little resentment, sometimes.

It'll come right, no doubt. In the meantime, day by day.

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The hardest part about a shit family situation is the temptation to "play peacemaker" between mommy and daddy. That's self-abuse.

Asserting healthy boundaries might seem hard at first but gets easier the more you enforce those boundaries. Embrace the divine 'No.' "That's your problem, not mine." "This topic is innapropriate - something you should be discussing with a friend not your adult child." and other healthy boundary asserting phrases.

Whatever you choose, just make sure that you come out on top in the end. You get the money or whatever possessions you want. It's their fault for ruining Christmas by having a nasty divorce in the first place, and a good chunk of your life wasted on their bullshit that you'll never get back, you might as well get yours.

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Appreciate the vote of confidence, Bird! It's not so nasty as all of that, and there's nothing there I want or am owed, really. Just want to see the blasted thing settled so folks can get on with their lives.

Day 27.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Short journal entry today. Working on an assignment. I need to get through another couple of lectures tonight before bed, so that'll be the evening. Implicit finite differences make my head hurt. Otherwise, things going well. Onto the third basics back with headspace now, and I'll be just about through the first month of it soon.

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Day 29.
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Day good. Code probably passable. Assignment done. Had a heart attack when I work up to a very polite email from my course coordinator telling me the due date was two days ago and they were looking but hadn't found my submission. Turned out the extension I'd requested had been approved, but I hadn't read the approval thoroughly and the date had been shifted forward from what I initially requested to allow for time to mark. It was due two days ago rather than tomorrow.

Several frantic emails later, the very kind (and doubtless thoroughly sick of me) university staff took pity on me and let me submit. When all this is sorted and it doesn't look like a bribery attempt I'll have to have coffee and chocolates sent around to the office or something.

So. That's the end of the assessments. I'm not super confident. Most of the ones I've made since I quit games are better than what I've submitted for the past six months. Whether that's enough to drag mediocre marks to passes, well - It'll be a near thing. Fingers very, very much crossed.

Going to get the leftovers out of the microwave and settle for the night.

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7 hours ago, Commissar said:

Most of the ones I've made since I quit games are better than what I've submitted for the past six months.

Are you in university? Got another semester coming up to test the new non-gaming work skills on?

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Yep, one more semester left now if I'm lucky with this round of results. Fingers crossed!

Day 31
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Fine day today. It's been a lot of nothing the last couple of days, really. Been a wee but under the weather, so just been resting up and getting caught up on a few little things that lapsed while I knocked out that last assignment. Fairly peaceful, really. Been filling in time reading. All is well. A month now, too!

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Day 32
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

For the first weekend in a long time, I don't have some assessment item looming over me. It's wonderful. I took the chance to torment myself over not playing games for a while, then gave up; did some writing, read some blog posts, and in my boredom-induced meandering, realised that the university access I've had for the longest time gives me free reign to read over a lot of military history stuff on mercenaries that I can pillage for my self-indulgent fantasy writing.

So I spent the rest of the day doing that.

It was a good day.

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Right? I've spent most of today chipping away at Swords & Cinema, which is a fun little look at how in-the-spirit of the thing the depiction we get of the ancient world in film (300, Alexander, etc) is for some of the more recent movies. It's all pretty light but it's a fun way of presenting it.

Day 33
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

As above. Spent some of the day catching up with people and the rest being a pedant about Game of Thrones.

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Day 34
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

House cleaning today in preparation for the lease ending at the end of the year. Cleaned walls, did errands, organised some access details for work. Nervously waiting on results for Wednesday. It could go either way at this point, and the tension's something else. Got some writing done over morning coffee, which is always fun. At least, fun afterwards. The actual act of writing's a little like feeding your fingers into a blender, but I keep on going back to it. Become the highlight of my day, that.

Let some of my habits slide a bit. I'm not too worried, as I'm at the end of the study semester now. It's good just to ease off and take a break, and I can't remember the last time I didn't have some assessment or work thing hanging over me. Going to head on down to the gym after this journal entry to make up for my missed morning run, and angle to do another sketch after putting dinner together tonight.

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Day 35
Day 6 of 30 of Challenges.

Lost most of the day on the bus out to get a work thing sorted, and then lost the rest getting a little overenthusiastic with a run. If I don't post tomorrow, it's because my legs murdered me in my sleep. Uni results should be arriving tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

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