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Rasa's diary


Tabula rasa
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Day 64/90 detox
10/12/2020 Thursday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? Yes (yoga)
Study? No
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? Yes
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:15am)

This diary entry is for Thursday. I did not sleep before midnight but was quite close. I had work today and managed to complete a few family related tasks as well as fit in exercise post work.

Day 65/90 detox
11/12/2020 Friday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? Yes (yoga)
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am)

This diary entry is for yesterday. I did not sleep before midnight but was quite close. Had to go out to complete a few tasks. Also managed to fit in study and exercise. My study efficiency is yet to improve, however.
 

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On 12/13/2020 at 4:17 AM, codepants said:

You know, if you really want to reset your sleep schedule, you could stay up for 36 hours. I bet you'd fall asleep before midnight then.

Hmm I believe I have done that previously. It's not really to do with being unable to fall asleep (I fall asleep in under half an hour almost always and usually less than 15 minutes). It's more to do with getting onto bed before midnight. Sometimes I have additional commitments which to be fair, I can postpone to the next day most of the time but I'm a kind of person that dives into rabbit holes and gets distracted quite easily.

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Psych, I'm back!

Day 66/90 detox

12/12/2020 Saturday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (Running) 

Study? No 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? Yes 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am) 

This diary entry is for Saturday. I focused a lot on managing finances today so didn't really get up to anything else. Ran to keep my fitness up and keep my weight in check.

 

Day 67/90 detox 

13/12/2020 Sunday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? No 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:08am) 

This diary entry is for Sunday. I cleaned the oven today but it wasn’t very difficult since we have a self cleaning oven. Regardless, I searched up what to do and what not to do. Also washed some clothes for work. Tried studying but I wasn’t very efficient. Sleep was very close to midnight but not before. 

 

Day 68/90 detox 

14/12/2020 Monday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? No 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? Yes 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (2:00am) 

This diary entry is for Monday. Back to work. I tried exercising, however my equipment was playing up on me and I spent the rest of the night googling and trying to find gym equipment to buy. Due to COVID, pretty much everything is sold out and the stuff left is either ridiculously overpriced or of seriously questionable quality. Ended up staying way past midnight to look into this. Also came to a realisation that I study extremely inefficiently while at home and thus I am going to go out to study from now on.

 

Day 69/90 detox (nice) 

15/12/2020 Tuesday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (yoga) 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:30am) 

This diary entry is for Tuesday. Had work today. I managed to resolve the gym equipment issue. I also fit in some exercise. Study will be a thing that I WILL do daily since it's something that is much easily picked up when doing it daily rather than figuring out what you were up to from last time after a hiatus.

 

Edited by Tabula rasa
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8 hours ago, Tabula rasa said:

Hmm I believe I have done that previously. It's not really to do with being unable to fall asleep (I fall asleep in under half an hour almost always and usually less than 15 minutes). It's more to do with getting onto bed before midnight. Sometimes I have additional commitments which to be fair, I can postpone to the next day most of the time but I'm a kind of person that dives into rabbit holes and gets distracted quite easily.

Yea, I feel that. Maybe set a timer? With 15 minutes to "finish up"? Or after each task, check the time and if you don't think you can finish the next before 11, don't start it.

What is it about people like us that we get that productivity itch late at night?

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10 hours ago, codepants said:

productivity itch late at night

I think this happens because our idea flow is suppressed during the day by either working, studying, or consuming entertainment. Things are quieter at night, less action happens, and the mind is given permission to explore and think.

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49 minutes ago, Bird By Bird said:

I think this happens because our idea flow is suppressed during the day by either working, studying, or consuming entertainment. Things are quieter at night, less action happens, and the mind is given permission to explore and think.

Okay, but why doesn't this happen to everyone? Why is it more common in people with mental disorders (including addiction)?

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On 12/17/2020 at 2:48 AM, codepants said:

Yea, I feel that. Maybe set a timer? With 15 minutes to "finish up"? Or after each task, check the time and if you don't think you can finish the next before 11, don't start it.

What is it about people like us that we get that productivity itch late at night?

I really like the idea of if the task can't be finished before 11, don't start it. I'll implement that going forward. I think you're describing a mindfulness action whereby we don't begin the activity which makes stopping easier since you never started it (same concept with gaming).

 

On 12/17/2020 at 1:09 PM, Bird By Bird said:

I think this happens because our idea flow is suppressed during the day by either working, studying, or consuming entertainment. Things are quieter at night, less action happens, and the mind is given permission to explore and think.

I relate very much to this Bird By Bird! Night is kinda our 'me' time. It's actually possible during the day to have 'me' time but it's just a little harder setting up that environment in which we aren't able to be distracted by other things.

 

On 12/17/2020 at 1:59 PM, codepants said:

Okay, but why doesn't this happen to everyone? Why is it more common in people with mental disorders (including addiction)?

Maybe it does happen to everyone but other people are better at controlling their sleep time haha.

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Day 70/90 detox  

16/12/2020 Wednesday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (pull) 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? Yes 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am) 

This diary entry is for Wednesday. Today was a work day and didn’t get up to too much. However, I did do a couple of hours of study which and keeping it up daily. Haven’t meditated for a long time though. 

 

Day 71/90 detox 

17/12/2020 Thursday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (yoga) 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? Yes 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am) 

This diary entry is for Thursday. Same same as yesterday. Still sleeping past midnight but getting 6 hours of sleep. Not ideal but isn’t too bad. 

 

Day 72/90 detox 

18/12/2020 Friday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? No (rest day) 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? Yes 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:20am) 

This diary entry is for yesterday. Today was more on the chill side for me. I did some studying in the morning then also resolved a few commitments outside. Caught up on some episodes of TV shows that I'm following.

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On 12/16/2020 at 9:59 PM, codepants said:

why doesn't this happen to everyone

It doesn't matter if some people are more productive in the morning while others want to sleep or some people are more productive after lunch when others want an after-lunch nap. Night creativity itches is happening to you and you have to deal with it.

 

On 12/16/2020 at 9:59 PM, codepants said:

Why is it more common in people with mental disorders (including addiction)?

We addicts and recovering addicts already have a wounded psyche. It makes sense that our creative flow has difficulty operating during the day along with all the other energy that the addictions and cravings steal from the addict.

Crazies and addicts have less resistance to the addictive technology of computers, smartphones and games.

The HEV Light emiting from screens fucks with your circadian rythm causing you to stay awake instead of going to sleep.

Healthy people who barely even use any tech have no trouble hitting the hay when the sun goes down.

Even before tech addiction there was candlelight addiction and reading books until the candles burned out.

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20 hours ago, Jason70 said:

Just want to say, keep up the good work rasa! only 19 more days until the 90 days!

 

Best 

Jason

Thanks Jason. The 90 days is very much a short term target for me though. Quitting games is something that I am doing permanently. I look at my life now and compare it to when I was playing games and I never want to go back ever. Always have your end goal in mind and vividly picture, imagine and describe to yourself what it would be like to be rid of the burden of games and what your life would be like without them.

All the best to you too in your journey!

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Day 73/90 detox
19/12/2020 Saturday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? Yes (legs)
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am)

This diary entry is for yesterday. I studied today and made good progress on study. I also watched an couple of episodes of a TV show with a friend. Organised presents and a couple of social related activities as well from home. Sleep is still post midnight, however my regularity is good since I'm sleeping and waking at around the same times daily.

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Day 74/90 detox
20/12/2020 Sunday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? No (rest day)
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:30am)

This diary entry is for yesterday. I studied today but the efficiency was not the best. Binged a bit of Youtube. I’m thinking about going out to the library to study since there’s almost no distractions there and it would improve my study efficiency.

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13 hours ago, Tabula rasa said:

I’m thinking about going out to the library to study since there’s almost no distractions there and it would improve my study efficiency

I also find going to other places help with studying efficiency. Besides library i would suggest a coffee shop, or a park. I would also suggest putting what distracts you in your bedroom and then working in a different room, then studying. I also think the pomodoro technique works if you are really struggling. goodluck

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6 hours ago, royal panda said:

I also find going to other places help with studying efficiency. Besides library i would suggest a coffee shop, or a park. I would also suggest putting what distracts you in your bedroom and then working in a different room, then studying. I also think the pomodoro technique works if you are really struggling. goodluck

I find I study best when it's almost silence around me so even ambient noises are a little distracting unfortunately.

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Day 75/90 detox
21/12/2020 Monday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? No
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? Yes
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:10am)

This diary entry is for yesterday. Had work and managed to do a bit of study. Was a bit lazy on the workout side as I should’ve exercised. Work is going great though and am super productive. Sleep is a still an issue and I’m not getting the required min 7 hours on work days.
 

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What's happening with sleep? Is it that you're doing things until that time or that you're in bed but can't fall asleep?

If you were my client, I would ask you: What's the advantage of being up late? You keep saying sleep is an issue, but you are also consistently up late. There must be some advantage, some reason to do it?

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On 12/23/2020 at 3:47 AM, codepants said:

What's happening with sleep? Is it that you're doing things until that time or that you're in bed but can't fall asleep?

If you were my client, I would ask you: What's the advantage of being up late? You keep saying sleep is an issue, but you are also consistently up late. There must be some advantage, some reason to do it?

Hey codepants,

I'm usually doing things until that time or just procrastinating about going to sleep. When I'm in bed, I fall asleep quickly so that's not an issue. The issue really is for me to get onto bed. It's a mental thing for me tbh, like I deprioritise sleep time since it feels unproductive since you aren't really 'doing anything' while sleeping. However, I do understand that sleep is most definitely productive in terms of allowing your body to recover from the day. Also, my family sleeps very late too so it's not easy in that respect too since we have dinner late, etc.

I really appreciate you pointing this out to me and what I can do that is actionable right now (done already) is to set an alarm at 10pm which will repeat daily. This should allow me sufficient time to wrap everything up to sleep before 11:30pm and then I'll move those tasks that are unfinished to the next morning.

To answer your question, there really isn't any advantage to being up late that I can see since the same amount of time I spend at night, I can easily spend in the morning. So in that sense, that's not a reason for me to stay up late!

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Day 76/90 detox
22/12/2020 Tuesday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? Yes
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? Yes
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (12:40am)

This diary entry is for Tuesday. Standard work day with a bit of study.

Day 77/90 detox
23/12/2020 Wednesday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? No (rest day)
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (3:15am)

This diary entry is for Wednesday. Standard work day with a bit of study. Went to sleep a lot later than usual since I had a few deadlines by tomorrow for work. I guess I could consider waking super early to do them instead though.

Day 78/90 detox
24/12/2020 Thursday
Play games / watch game related videos? No
Workout? No
Study? Yes
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? Yes
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? YES (11:29pm)

This diary entry is for yesterday. Standard work day with a bit of study. I tried working out today but I’m still recovering from some soreness so I stopped after 10 mins or so. Managed to sleep before 11:30pm though!

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Day 79/90 detox 

25/12/2020 Friday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? No 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (5:40am) 

 

This diary entry is for yesterday. Christmas day. My studying wasn’t very efficient and I binged watches some TV shows with a friend as well as by myself. Still recovering from exercise. I did set an alarm at 10pm like I said I would to prepare myself for sleep but at the time I was watching the show with a friend and didn’t want to I guess just ‘cut off’ from it. I think what I can do now is to let my friend know that after 10pm, I have the possibility of cutting off at any time to go to sleep so I’ll try this going forward. As a result of ignoring my 10pm cutoff, I guess it opened a floodgate to binge watch the show for the rest of the night. Still a slow and ongoing process of learning how to be able to control that sleep time. 

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Day 80/90 detox 

26/12/2020 Saturday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (pull) 

Study? Yes 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? Yes 

Meditate? Yes 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (11:35pm) 

This diary entry is for Saturday. Not productive today. Did all of my dailies but study wasn’t efficient since I was at home. Sleep time was very close to my target though so that’s a positive. 

 

Day 81/90 detox 

27/12/2020 Sunday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? No 

Study? No 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (7:52am) 

This diary entry is for Sunday. Extremely unproductive today. Was binging the same show for the whole night until morning. This does remind me of the times when I used to play games all through the night. I can feel that this is distinct from that in that in terms of TV shows at least, there’s an end to the series while for games, there really isn’t a definitive ending, especially the games that I was playing previously. 

 

Day 82/90 detox 

28/12/2020 Monday 

Play games / watch game related videos? No 

Workout? Yes (legs) 

Study? No 

Duolingo? Yes 

Reading/podcast? No 

Meditate? No 

Sleep before 11:30pm? No (1:30am) 

This diary entry is for yesterday. Once again an unproductive day. I am finally up to date with that series and so the schedule of release for the episodes is now once a week. I can assert that despite it taking up so much of my time, TV shows are by far the lesser of two evils vs games. They stimulate the same parts of the brain in terms of dopamine but at the very least, there is an end, i.e a point at which the time spent on it becomes limited by factors other than a reliance on your own self discipline, since there aren’t any more episodes per say. I am ready to resume my original planned daily routine now. 

Edited by Tabula rasa
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Day 0/90 detox
29/12/2020 Tuesday
Play games / watch game related videos? Yes
Workout? No (rest day)
Study? No
Duolingo? Yes
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (6:20am)

This diary entry is for Tuesday. Writing this entry definitely hurts but it’s part of the process I guess. Today I watched game related videos for the first time in a long time. I can identify what caused this though.

I was invited to a friend’s birthday party and in anticipation of this, I was shopping online for potential gifts that I could give. One thing lead to another and I settled on board/card games and was doing research on them. As a result of this, I wanted to understand more of how the board/card games played out and searched for gameplay videos about these online and began watching videos of people playing these physical board/card games. Does this count as me failing the detox? For me personally, I think so.

The mentality behind this was that if I’m going to a party, there’s almost no chance that we won’t play something along the lines of Cards against Humanity / Exploding Kittens / Monopoly deal, etc. However I have also played games like Jackbox which is effectively a computer game. As the lesser of 2 evils and to at the very least be social, I am prepared to play physical games only during these social events and refuse to partake in any computer games. So yes, I will restart my 90 day detox target since I think that this is something that I shouldn't shrug off and it should be something that I need to be aware of before it escalates further.

Day 0/90 detox
30/12/2020 Wednesday
Play games / watch game related videos? Yes
Workout? No
Study? No
Duolingo? No
Reading/podcast? No
Meditate? No
Sleep before 11:30pm? No (7:00am)

This diary entry is for yesterday. I am writing this entry right after my entry for yesterday in terms of timing. Today, I technically played a computer game version of a physical cooperative card game with the excuse I guess of testing the card game out before buying it since the base set is quite expensive but from what I hear from the reviews, contains everything you need to be able to play comfortably without having to buy any expansion packs. This was with the intention of being able to bring something to the party in the case that everyone decided to play a party computer game such as Jackbox, where I would be able to just grab a few people (even just 1 person) and play this card game instead together. I ended up not buying this card game since plans changed for the party due to COVID.

Am I too hard on myself in terms of my definition of the detox? Sure and I believe there’s nothing wrong about being hard on myself since this isn’t something to take lightly. Welcome day 0 of detox! I am aware though and I can definitely feel the difference between non online and non digital games vs online computer games that I used to play regarding the level of addictiveness.

This past week has been pretty rough for me in terms of staying on track but what I do know is that I will not stop reporting in to my diary entries and I will always hold myself accountable, regardless of what I do.

Onwards and back on track we go!
 

Edited by Tabula rasa
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There is nothing wrong with being hard on yourself, and if that is the rule you want to set, it's up to you.

For my part, I decided at the beginning that playing simulations of board/card games is okay, especially during COVID. This allows me to catch up with friends I wouldn't otherwise be able to see because of the pandemic. No, playing it on the computer is not ideal. But it is still a board/card game, and without allowing myself this exception, I would not be able to do anything with my friends except talk, which you can only do for so long, even with good friends. IMO, saying board/card games are allowed in real life, but not on the computer, is like saying you can read physical copies of books, but reading on a Kindle is not allowed.

Again, it's up to you. I just wanted to present another viewpoint.

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The card game thing is up to you whether or not to count it but it sounds like you already made up your mind.

It depends whether that behavior leads into video games or timewasting in general.

Well I used to be addicted to solitaire and freecel before I got a computer that could run better games and those were addictive so it really depends on your gut feeling about whether that demo card game counted or not.

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