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Daily Journal


Havey
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Whats up guys/gals,

I wanted to start a journal here to document my journey and get some accountability. 

To give you guys some background I have had issues with bad habits throughout my life, starting initially playing video games (Runescape) as an escape as a kid which has slowly morphed and transformed as time has passed. I have been on my self development journey for awhile now and have a lot of experience dealing with and overcoming many other bad habits, some serious and some more socially acceptable.

However one thing I have always struggled with and for me is the hardest to overcome is technology use. This is currently manifesting itself in playing xbox (mostly with real life mates) and excessive internet (phone/laptop) usage.

I am currently I am doing a 5 day challenge (9pm digital detox, exercise everyday, meditate everyday, take my vitamins, write a to do list and not use xbox/youtube). I live a good life however I want to live a great life, and I am painfully aware that isn't going to happen wasting hours on tech each day. 

My plan is to post daily updates and keep you updated with my insights and progress. I am aware of the benefits of journalling however have always struggled sticking to it. I have many questions I want to delve into however I will leave those for other posts.

Hope everyone is well.

Havey

 

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Day 1 

Review

Today went pretty well! Its actually day 2 of my 5 day challenge which will end on Friday. Used technology pretty productively aside from a few misteps here and there. It has become clear to me though that I am lacking a sense of direction in my life, specifically in my career. 

Currently I have a well paid, low stress and flexible job however something which I know is not my passion. It is a bit too comfortable which has prevented me from leaving in the past however fortunately I have a lot of free time to figure out what my purpose here in life is.. not quite sure how to go about that as it has been a consistent thought on my mind for a few years now... 

Managed to complete my daily habits (9pm digital detox, exercise, meditation, italian lesson and this post). Currently I have a goal to run a 18min 5km (loads of 5km challenges going around). Still need to figure out a career/mission goal to give me a reason to get going during the day.

Feedback

Can be more productive with my TO DO list. Figure out some other beneficial activities to alleviate the boredom, perhaps get into reading again. Need to bottom out my long term tech plan, which websites I can/can't use etc. Slightly concerned that my phone/laptop block runs out tomorrow, need to stay on the ball!

 

 

 

 

Edited by Havey
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Day 2

Today has been tougher. Struggling somewhat to fill my day with productive activities, the day feels so long without monging out for hours using technology especially with the virus situation.

My triggers at the moment seem to be boredom and stress (which is quite low at the moment), also arguments with my girlfriend. Need to figure out a plan for when these inevitably hit, as my go to is exercise which you can only really do once a day.

Finished all of my daily habits which is cool. Did have a slip up and watched an hour or so youtube but no biggie - need to learn to be kinder to myself as I am a perfectionist who regularly beats myself up.

 

Glad to have this journal to keep me accountable - still in the early stages and taking each day as it comes. Particularly happy with my 10k run - my goal to run a sub 18:30 5k seems to be the most exciting thing going on in my life at the moment.

 

Edited by Havey
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Day 3

Feeling a bit tired today. Think I'm training too much so looking forward to a rest day tomorrow. I'm still pondering whether playing games with real life mates is acceptable, especially given lockdown. I am eering on yes and still planning on doing our weekly quiz/game session. Everyday they message me so its definitely a test to the willpower. However these are mates I've had for a long time and I know how healthy it is to socialise and stay connected. I'm not someone who is great at texting or calling go games are a great way to watch up.

Most of my cravings today are nofap related, probably not the wisest idea to try and stop everything at once. I feel strongly that porn is bad however still debating what else is acceptable. Feeling a bit tired and irritable also feel blessed with the great weather we had today.

Stuck to all of my daily habits. House is a bit of a mess though, better get cleaning! lol

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2 hours ago, Havey said:

I'm still pondering whether playing games with real life mates is acceptable, especially given lockdown. I am eering on yes and still planning on doing our weekly quiz/game session.

Yeah, this old question somewhere between the line of moderation, complete absence and diehard excessiveness. What are those quiz/gaming sessions about? 

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17 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Yeah, this old question somewhere between the line of moderation, complete absence and diehard excessiveness. What are those quiz/gaming sessions about? 

General knowledge quiz once a week with beers then a bit of call of duty. Pretty fun tbh!

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Well you have to ask yourself this: Is it in line with your identity, your goals and beliefs? Very rarely, I play a couple of rounds of skribbl with some old gaming buddies or we watch a movie. This maybe happens like once per 3 months probably. Perfectly in line with my current lifestyle. Having steam installed at playing for 6 hours a days would not be in line. So I guess, whatever your goals are and whether you feel in control about what you do would be something to take into consideration.

19 hours ago, Havey said:

However these are mates I've had for a long time and I know how healthy it is to socialise and stay connected.

That is definitely true. However, I think that meeting people in real life would be even better. 

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52 minutes ago, Alexanderle said:

Well you have to ask yourself this: Is it in line with your identity, your goals and beliefs? Very rarely, I play a couple of rounds of skribbl with some old gaming buddies or we watch a movie. This maybe happens like once per 3 months probably. Perfectly in line with my current lifestyle. Having steam installed at playing for 6 hours a days would not be in line. So I guess, whatever your goals are and whether you feel in control about what you do would be something to take into consideration.

That is definitely true. However, I think that meeting people in real life would be even better. 

Completely agree. I just see it as a temporary thing whilst everything is locked down, as guys in general are pretty bad at staying in contact. They do as well I believe.

I'm more interested to see whether I can stay productive tomorrow with less sleep/light hangover. A good test 🙂 

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Day 4

Pretty great day so far! Realised that I am missing my morning ritual and to do it whilst walking for 20 mins this morning was awesome. Weather being sunny definitely a bonus. Feel like my main vice at the moment would be mindlessly using technology rather than games per se. 

Enjoying the act of journalling - first time I've really done anything like it. Thinking of going back to my roots and doing an old course I did a while back. Tonight is games night with friends which I am really looking forward to however need to be extra vigilant tomorrow. Did all of my daily habits again except did a core workout instead of running. Body was glad to have the rest think I was overtraining.

Need to focus a bit more during my meditation practice, my mind is often wandering without any attempts to reign it in. Happy overall though 🙂 

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Day 5

Had a fun night with my friends playing quiz/games. Lack of sleep and slight hangover left me a bit tired first thing though. Still managed all of my daily habits and have started a new course to keep me focused. Glad for the sunny weather and introduction of my morning ritual back. Feel like I am getting stronger running which is promising! Hopefully will achieve my 5k goal before you know it.

Still contemplating games/alcohol and what part they play in my life given the corona situation. Also ended up playing some xbox today so I can see how one habit falling leads to other negative consequences. Weekend is always going to be difficult though with less to keep me occupied.

Generally feel good and very grateful for my health and vitality. I feel optimistic about the future and need to remember to be kind to myself in any slip ups and keep focused on the end goal.

Edited by Havey
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Day 6

Been a tough one today not going to lie. Weekend feels so long with this lockdown in place. I can only do certain habits for X amount of time then I'm stuck with nothing to do and boredom is a key trigger for me at the moment. Played a few games today which I'm not over the moon about however not going to beat myself up.

Need to focus on sleep and not overtraining as general fatigue is a bad trigger too. 

Still, there are many things in my life I am grateful for including how awesome the weather has been recently. I've packed my xbox away and don't plan on using it until next Friday at the earliest. I am also still trying to figure out best internet practices but moreso focusing on what habits to replace bad ones with rather than obsessing with stopping.

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There's certainly a lot more time to fill now. I used to walk around the mall or bookstores before when I was bored but I can't do that at the moment. We all need some sort of "checked out" time to just relax. Lots of people read but I've discovered through this whole process that as much as I want to be the kind of person who reads a book every week, I actually hate reading more than almost anything. Lol. 

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Day 7

Back on my video game weekday hiatus, feels good to be back on track. Had a sloppy weekend, its amazing to me how slipping up on one habit can lead others to fall. I think for me having a good sleeping routine is essential and something I will focus on. I have a few ideas on how to approach the coming weeks and how to be more productive. Most importantly I want to focus on some short and long term goals along with a big picture vision I want to get to.

 

On 4/26/2020 at 6:34 PM, ceponatia said:

There's certainly a lot more time to fill now. I used to walk around the mall or bookstores before when I was bored but I can't do that at the moment. We all need some sort of "checked out" time to just relax. Lots of people read but I've discovered through this whole process that as much as I want to be the kind of person who reads a book every week, I actually hate reading more than almost anything. Lol. 

 

Ha yes I agree. It's a challenging time. I've started watching Avatar - The Last Airbender on Netflix. Gives me some time to check out and to me at least is less addicting than gaming/the internet. Although no doubt in the long term I will look at that habit too. Trying not to be too hard on myself as changing one habit at a time is normally enough.

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Day 8

Productive day today, completed all of my habits. Mulling over some important questions in my life and what direction to head in. I feel like I can do great things in this world however I always manage to self-sabotage. As I get older I realise the only way I am going to accomplish anything is to get focused on what I want and work my ass off. I worry that my time is running out and one day I will wake up an old man having accomplished very little in my life. It's a scary thought as since I have been young I have always been ambitious with big dreams but as you age these fade with inaction. I realise must take a firm grasp on my life right now and stop thinking in the future my life is suddenly going to change or things will just work out.

Still a bit clueless as to what my purpose here on Earth actually is. Possibly thinking of start a self development youtube channel, for my own growth perhaps more-so than with any expectations, at least to begin with. I feel deep regret having spent 7 years now in a job I know isn't my passion. I see people I know now starting to earn more than me, rise higher than me, doing jobs they like more than I like mine. It's hard not to feel jealousy or envy sometimes. Not because I wish bad on others - I wish them all the success they deserve. More so because it points to my own inadequacies and failures.

I am generally really happy and grateful for the gift of life however am praying for some clarity just so I having a destination to work towards... I feel like that is why video games are appealing as the destination is already laid out... complete this quest, kill this bad guy, complete the game etc. In life these steps aren't clear and you almost have to design your own game. Unfortunately creativity has never been my strong suit, so its something i'm a bit clueless about if I'm honest...

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1 hour ago, Havey said:

Still a bit clueless as to what my purpose here on Earth actually is. Possibly thinking of start a self development youtube channel, for my own growth perhaps more-so than with any expectations, at least to begin with. I feel deep regret having spent 7 years now in a job I know isn't my passion. I see people I know now starting to earn more than me, rise higher than me, doing jobs they like more than I like mine. It's hard not to feel jealousy or envy sometimes. Not because I wish bad on others - I wish them all the success they deserve. More so because it points to my own inadequacies and failures.

I see you quite clearly. Let me share my belief with you: There is no designed purpose of something. I am quite convinced that the purpose of life is just to live! A tree does not decide to grow a certain amount of inches per year, because it dreams of being the biggest tree ever or to create the most awesome shadow out there. It just grows because it grows. We as humans are self conscious, which makes it a little more difficult. But that is also a chance: You can decide on your own, what your purpose in life is. You have the chance to decide every single day to make a decision that might change your future. Don't regret the past. You would not be the person right now, willing and ready to change the world and yourself without those things that shaped you. 

And don't compare yourself to other people. Other people are not always honest. They might tell you, how happy they are, but they are also struggling with their own shit. Social media profiles are the best example of that. There is only one person to compare yourself with: You! You can be proud that you started this journey. You made the decision to be the captain of your own ship. Sure, you may be uncertain, in which direction your ship has to swim, but the more you focus on yourself and do things, which are good for you, the more clarity you will get. Half a year ago, I had no idea, which master track to take and which profession I would like to do. Now, with all the things, I accomplished, it is quite clear to me that I want to be a clinical psychologist. I am convinced that you will discover your purpose as well. Just stick to this journey. No need to see everything. Just one step after another. I am proud of you and your process!! 🙂 

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1 minute ago, Alexanderle said:

I see you quite clearly. Let me share my belief with you: There is no designed purpose of something. I am quite convinced that the purpose of life is just to live! A tree does not decide to grow a certain amount of inches per year, because it dreams of being the biggest tree ever or to create the most awesome shadow out there. It just grows because it grows. We as humans are self conscious, which makes it a little more difficult. But that is also a chance: You can decide on your own, what your purpose in life is. You have the chance to decide every single day to make a decision that might change your future. Don't regret the past. You would not be the person right now, willing and ready to change the world and yourself without those things that shaped you. 

And don't compare yourself to other people. Other people are not always honest. They might tell you, how happy they are, but they are also struggling with their own shit. Social media profiles are the best example of that. There is only one person to compare yourself with: You! You can be proud that you started this journey. You made the decision to be the captain of your own ship. Sure, you may be uncertain, in which direction your ship has to swim, but the more you focus on yourself and do things, which are good for you, the more clarity you will get. Half a year ago, I had no idea, which master track to take and which profession I would like to do. Now, with all the things, I accomplished, it is quite clear to me that I want to be a clinical psychologist. I am convinced that you will discover your purpose as well. Just stick to this journey. No need to see everything. Just one step after another. I am proud of you and your process!! 🙂 

Thanks for the kind words my friend, I appreciate it. May I ask how you decided you wanted to become a clinical psychologist. Was it a lightbulb moment or something more gradual?

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I really think that it was more of a gradual process. Those things sometimes take time. And why rush it? Sometimes, this process might even require to move into the wrong direction. I mean I studied latin and biology a couple of years before that, but it was the wrong decision to begin with. So why rush it? Why regret the past? Of course I did regret those wasted years for quite some time, but better to waste a couple of years then doing something for the rest of my life, which I feel uncomfortable with. The same applies to things like a youtube channel. There is not this one magic moment, where you find out that this is your thing. I am not sure, if other people have a difference experience with that, but more me it is always more gradual.

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42 minutes ago, Alexanderle said:

And don't compare yourself to other people. Other people are not always honest. They might tell you, how happy they are, but they are also struggling with their own shit. Social media profiles are the best example of that. There is only one person to compare yourself with: You! You can be proud that you started this journey. You made the decision to be the captain of your own ship.

Can't agree with this more. Every single person is different. There are a lot of similarities, but there is no one you can truly compare yourself to besides yourself. One of my favorite quotes is, "Make today a tiny increment better than yesterday!" It is up to you to decide how much you improve on the day, but even by small steps day by day, you can see vast improvements. I am a huge believer in the idea that it is best to focus on things you enjoy, but you need to be aware that things will get hard at some point. What is wonderful about quitting video games is that after while you realize that there are so many exciting things out there that you might have ignored before when you prioritized time spend on gaming. @Havey

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Day 9

Awesome day today. Getting back in the swing of things with my habits, running progressing nicely and no gaming etc.

I can see a general trend of myself becoming more productive and focused, although of course this isn't a straight line up and variations are to be expected. I find it quite hard to stay in contact with friends without gaming. I am a naturally independent person and I would have to push myself to message rather than actually enjoy it. I also worry that my friends are a bad influence on me. Not because they are bad people - but we are just on different paths sometimes (being comfortable vs bettering oneself).

One thing that had been on my mind is a quote from Michael Jordan (I've been watching the Last Dance recently on Netflix). That is "Quit once and it becomes a habit. Never quit" and also a quote from vince lombardi "Winners never quit and quitters never win". I have noticed a trend where some of my habits are negotiable (e.g. i'll run 5 miles instead of 7, I'll do that tomorrow  instead etc.). From this point forward I am going to embrace an identity that doesn't quit and is a man of his word. Of course I don't expect to be perfect however I think its important to have a relationship with yourself where if you say you are going to do something you do it, and you do it to the best of your ability - whatever the task may be.

 

20 hours ago, Marek said:

Can't agree with this more. Every single person is different. There are a lot of similarities, but there is no one you can truly compare yourself to besides yourself. One of my favorite quotes is, "Make today a tiny increment better than yesterday!" It is up to you to decide how much you improve on the day, but even by small steps day by day, you can see vast improvements. I am a huge believer in the idea that it is best to focus on things you enjoy, but you need to be aware that things will get hard at some point. What is wonderful about quitting video games is that after while you realize that there are so many exciting things out there that you might have ignored before when you prioritized time spend on gaming. @Havey

Yes completely agree that is how I view it. Just being honest - I think we all experience irrational envious thoughts now and then, particularly if your life isn't matching your blueprint, even if we realise the concept itself is stupid.

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On 4/29/2020 at 5:39 PM, Havey said:

From this point forward I am going to embrace an identity that doesn't quit and is a man of his word.

Power to you brother! And good luck in reaching your goals! 

 

On 4/29/2020 at 5:39 PM, Havey said:

I also worry that my friends are a bad influence on me. Not because they are bad people - but we are just on different paths sometimes (being comfortable vs bettering oneself).

I sort of found the middleground with some of my friends, and that is boardgames! It isn't as addictive as video games, and you can't really play most games singleplayer at home, therefore it isn't as accessible. And all my gamer friends enjoys the boardgames I've bought 🙂! But you gotto find out what works for you!

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Day 10

Man, today has been tough. One of those days where you don't sleep great, wake up in a funky mood and have some life stresses going on. Normally I would capitulate and just mong out for the day, rationalising my behaviour away with excuses. Thankfully, after some slip ups I have managed to catch myself and pull through. I have successfully completed all of my good habits, however I did also play some call of duty with my friends (approx 1hr). 

Something that has been on my mind is whether to focus your willpower on starting new productive habits or stopping yourself doing bad habits. I have chosen the former, and have been focusing my willpower on the new with a background awareness of the bad habits I shouldn't do. As such I am not going to beat myself up about today and actually see it as a win - all habits done and a potential collapse saved. It is clear to me that this path will be full of pitfalls and detours. It would be silly to expect perfection. I am looking for progress - not perfection.

I will start counting the days of my good habits for extra accountability as follows:

Good habits - 9pm DD (1), Morning ritual (1), Learning (1), Exercise (1), Meditation (1), Italian lesson (1), Message a friend (1), To-Do list (1), Journal (1).

I have done some of these for longer but will start at 1 day to make it easy. I also do some other things like do 30sec cold shower after a warm one and stretch after my run, although I don't count these just do them as and when.

 

46 minutes ago, 9k0 said:

Power to you brother! And good luck in reaching your goals! 

 

I sort of found the middleground with some of my friends, and that is boardgames! It isn't as addictive as video games, and you can't really play most games singleplayer at home, therefore it isn't as accessible. And all my gamer friends enjoys the boardgames I've bought 🙂! But you gotto find out what works for you!

Thanks buddy! I agree - love some boardgames. Unfortunately with the lockdown situation that isn't going to be happy anytime soon. Really, the main reason I play is to socialise given the circumstances which makes it easier to accept for me. In the long run it will be something I look at but primarily my focus is on doing the good stuff. It's an interesting time for everyone!

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3 hours ago, Havey said:

Unfortunately with the lockdown situation that isn't going to be happy anytime soon. Really, the main reason I play is to socialise given the circumstances which makes it easier to accept for me.

Yes of course! I will in a country that hasn't been as affected as many others, so it sometimes slips my mind as our goverment allows a gathering of 5 peoples until now, and they opened for 50 peoples now. But yeah! Maybe some discord/zoom/skype with your friends until this is all over is a better solution for now 🙂 Anyways, I'll keep an eye on your journal! 

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#11

Today was also a tricky one... finding the lockdown particularly tough being locked in a small flat, my SO is also, we are realising how important it is to each have space and time to themselves. On the plus side I managed to complete all of my good habits and my to do list. Currently having the feeling that all days kinda merge into one as they are all very similar. Will be very glad to have the lockdown finished but also see it as a good way to grow and test your discipline. Will also be glad when the sun comes back out as it definitely makes a difference to my mood.

Haven't really had anything on my mind today, just one of those days where you have to keep going. Games night & beers tonight with friends so the real test will be tomorrow as usually having a few beers impacts my sleep/hangover. Wishing you guys the best.

Good habits - 9pm DD (2), Morning ritual (2), Learning (2), Exercise (2), Meditation (2), Italian lesson (2), Message a friend (2), To-Do list (2), Journal (2).

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#12

Going to be a short one today chaps as I'm knackered. Last night was games & beers. Unfortunately whenever I drink I always get an awful night sleep which makes the next day really difficult. Thankfully I still managed to pull through with all of my good habits but will be getting an early night tonight to make up for it. I have however realised that drinking alcohol does not fit my current life plan and I will be stopping. When the lockdown is over and I go out with friends I may drink but certainly no more at home, it just costs me too much. Currently I am sticking with one games night a week for social reasons (friday - no DD) but will be looking at that too.

Last thing on my mind is my friends. I feel like I am losing a deep connection with most of my friends. I used to have many friends with best friends too. Now I feel like I just have friends. I'm not sure why, perhaps I need to put more effort in. One reason could be with the work I do on myself I notice bad influences around me a lot easier making me judgemental, perhaps I have too high standards and expectations on how people should behave. But certainly my social network has got worse, specifically when I met my SO and went from going out with mates a lot to a more mature lifestyle.

Anyway, hope everyone is well!

Good habits - 9pm DD (3), Morning ritual (3), Learning (3), Exercise (3), Meditation (3), Italian lesson (3), Message a friend (3), To-Do list (3), Journal (3).

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