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A new chapter in my life.


Julon
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So now it‘s time to really commit to quitting gaming.  I hope this journal will help me find more motivation by keeping track of my progress.  I will try to keep the daily summaries quite short because I can really waste a lot of time when I‘m writing.

Day 1

Today was pretty good. I woke up late at 10 am but still had a great day. I started off by finally Deleting all my gaming accounts, (Steam, Uplay Origin....) it was tuff because it was almost like deleting a chapter of my life, but also necessary and I‘m confident that this will help alot. I also did a bit of cooking today, what I never did when I was gaming. It‘s a pretty good time killer and the food you make yourself is much healthier mostly. In the evening I had a good  2 1/2h session at the gym  and now I‘m trying to go to bed before 11pm (would go to bed at 1am normally).

Edited by Julon
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Day 2/3

well... yesterday I sort of relapsed... Even though I didn‘t play any games, I watched a good amount of youtube videos.  I just wanted to search for a song and then  I saw some interesting thumbnails which led me into a long youtube session. But today  was better, I had  a very long school day and was exhausted, but i still managed to motivate me to go to the gym. I guess i will have to avoid youtube at all cost.

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Day 4

Another day without gaming. Today I finally motivated myself to learn some stuff for school. Was quite boring but it was a good distraction. In the evening i went to the gym once again, sports really motivate me and I don‘t have to think about gaming for a second. Therefore I will try to do some kind of sport every day from now on.

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Oh snap man, haven`t heard from you for a while! Whatever the case may be do not go harsh on urself. And yeah, that joint about "it was like deleting a chapter from my life". Take a different look at this. You are beginning a new chapter in ur life! Sounds pompous but it actually helps dealing with game nostalgia. And yeah, one last bit, reading a lot of people`s journals I`ve realised that at first they were trying to get rid of gaming but then they realised that the goal was to start a new life. Chin up m8

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2 hours ago, Xgamer said:

Oh snap man, haven`t heard from you for a while! Whatever the case may be do not go harsh on urself. And yeah, that joint about "it was like deleting a chapter from my life". Take a different look at this. You are beginning a new chapter in ur life! Sounds pompous but it actually helps dealing with game nostalgia. And yeah, one last bit, reading a lot of people`s journals I`ve realised that at first they were trying to get rid of gaming but then they realised that the goal was to start a new life. Chin up m8

 Thanks for checking up on me @XgamerYeah I didn‘t write because I relapsed.
I was pretty much ashamed of my self, that I‘m making all these promises but still could not last for 3 days. In my head everything seems so easy, but if I think/ or see something gaming related I instantly get realy bad cravings for games. And if I don‘t play then, I become extremly unsatisfied or depressed and start to argue with myself wether I should or should not play games now. Tomorrow I will start to think of a new way i can maybe get out of this loop of relapsing every three days. 

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@Julon lad, its  ok watch coupleof these videos

Our lord and savior lmao

And look if I had an access to my old pc with all the games I would have relapsed looong ago

so the idea is to make relapsing a tiresome process. To play my beloved game I would have to 1. install steam 2. go through "forgot password" process 3. install my game and then play it. Maybe it can give u a hint what to do.

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3 hours ago, Julon said:

 Thanks for checking up on me @XgamerYeah I didn‘t write because I relapsed.
I was pretty much ashamed of my self, that I‘m making all these promises but still could not last for 3 days. In my head everything seems so easy, but if I think/ or see something gaming related I instantly get realy bad cravings for games. And if I don‘t play then, I become extremly unsatisfied or depressed and start to argue with myself wether I should or should not play games now. Tomorrow I will start to think of a new way i can maybe get out of this loop of relapsing every three days. 

No reason to feel ashamed. You should be happy you didn't game on those three days that you would've gamed. That's a victory! You became a better version of yourself, which many people don't ever try to do and settle for mediocrity. 

In the past, a lot of my gaming relapses were often triggered by watching gaming content on YouTube, or going down an internet rabbit hole. Once my brain got a taste it kept wanting more and more, and it still does at times. One thing I suggest you try, is setting up a hurdle to gaming that will give you pause before you relapse. For example, say for something like LoL, uninstalling the game, which would then force you to reinstall and wait a few hours before it starts back up. As another example, you can setup internet blockers for certain websites that may trigger the desire to game. If you make the old habit harder to perform while you're still rational and not in the grips of wanting to game, you might be able to decrease the amount of relapses, which will then give you more time to develop the habits to truly keep you away from gaming. 

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15 hours ago, Xgamer said:

so the idea is to make relapsing a tiresome process. To play my beloved game I would have to 1. install steam 2. go through "forgot password" process 3. install my game and then play it. Maybe it can give u a hint what to do.

Well I even went a step further and completely deleted all my gaming related accounts...I wouldn‘t have gamed if I didn‘t find my ps4 that I haven‘t used for 1 year. I‘m gonna delete those games too. And probably sell it. 

I think I need better daily routines so I don‘t even get to the point where I can even think about gaming. Therefore i will start with a new journaling style today, in which I write down my routines but also goals and streaks.

 

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Day 1 ( Here we go again)

Had a very successful day, but I know that the first days are the easiest and the weekend is going to be hard

One amazing thing that happened/I did today:

got my first testimony that contributes to my graduation and the grades were good.

Workout/run

1 1/2h at the gym

My wake up time

7:10am

Weekly goals

Less procrastinating 

Workout/run

1 1/2h at the gym

My wakeup time 

7:10am

Monthly Goal

Read at least 2 books

Socialise

Study more

Exercise more

What went well today

studied for 2h

went to the gym, even though i found many excuses

What I could have done to make my day better

Less overdramatizing little mistake I make, because this is one of the main reasons why I have bad moods and start to feel depressed.

What I will do differently tomorrow

Instead of overthinking every process, I will try to meditate or go outside to free my head.

Current streaks

No gaming: 1 Day

No (useless) browsing: 1 Day

Nofap: 10 Days
 

Edited by Julon
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 Day 2

Didn‘t have that much time to do that much today because we had guests but still did my best.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today
I startet running again after 6 months of being too lazy for it.

Workout/run

Running 1h

My wake up time

7:10am

Weekly goals

Less procrastinating 

Workout/run

Monthly Goal

Read at least 2 books

Socialise

Study more

Exercise more

What went well today

Did not think about gaming.

What I could have done to make my day better

Less lying around in my bed to kill time

What I will do differently tomorrow

start reading

Current streaks

No gaming: 2 Days

No (useless) browsing: 2 Days

Nofap: 11 Days

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 Day 3

Well pretty much the only positive thing today was that i didn‘t play video games or watch videos.  Was very tired and not really motivated  to do anything.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today
Nothing really

Workout/run

Not today

My wake up time

8:30 am

What went well today

Didn‘t play games

What I could have done to make my day better

Do some exercise in the morning to get startet / don‘t hang out in bed so long.

What I will do differently tomorrow

start reading

Current streaks

No gaming: 3 Days

No (useless) browsing: 3 Days

Nofap: 13 Days

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Day 4

Well yesterday I watched about 3 hours of useless stuff - weekends are the hardest! But gladly i still went to the gym and learned for a bit.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today
Nothing reallY

Workout/run

2h at the gym

My wake up time

9am

What went well today

Didn‘t play games

What I could have done to make my day better

Put that f*cking mobilephone away.

What I will do differently tomorrow

start reading

Current streaks

No gaming: 4 Days

No (useless) browsing: 0 Days

Nofap: 14 Days

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Day 5/6

well the last 2 days I had very much to do for school and didn‘t have that much time do productive stuff... even when i tried to, I was to tired.  And the only thing i did was watching youtube then. I don‘t really  have something relaxing other than gaming or watching youtube. I tried reading... but It‘s not relaxing at all.
I‘m confident that I will quit gaming for 90 days... but quitting useless browsing is hard. Especially because I don‘t  really fulfill my social aspect yet. I have high hopes for next week, because a friend invited me to celebrate carnival (which is quite a big deal im my city) with him and his friends. So will do my best to not miss any opportunities on these days.
 
Current Streaks

No gaming: 6 Days

No(useless) browsing: 0 Days

Nofap: 16 Days

Edited by Julon
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On 2/12/2020 at 6:58 AM, Julon said:

Day 5/6

well the last 2 days I had very much to do for school and didn‘t have that much time do productive stuff... even when i tried to, I was to tired.  And the only thing i did was watching youtube then. I don‘t really  have something relaxing other than gaming or watching youtube. I tried reading... but It‘s not relaxing at all.
I‘m confident that I will quit gaming for 90 days... but quitting useless browsing is hard. Especially because I don‘t  really fulfill my social aspect yet. I have high hopes for next week, because a friend invited me to celebrate carnival (which is quite a big deal im my city) with him and his friends. So will do my best to not miss any opportunities on these days.
 

Good to hear you are confident you are not gaming for the 90 day period. It may sound weird, but it might even be a good thing to be bored out of your mind from time to time. I mean, it is a good thing to have new "to go" activities to change your habits that fits your lifestyle. And you should definitely keep looking for fun and meaningful things to do. But if you are also able to overcome boredom, without relapsing, keeping your confidence, I think that is a victory in itself. Boredom can eventually even be helpful to get really inspired to do something new. 

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On 2/14/2020 at 3:29 AM, Tomas said:

Good to hear you are confident you are not gaming for the 90 day period. It may sound weird, but it might even be a good thing to be bored out of your mind from time to time. I mean, it is a good thing to have new "to go" activities to change your habits that fits your lifestyle. And you should definitely keep looking for fun and meaningful things to do. But if you are also able to overcome boredom, without relapsing, keeping your confidence, I think that is a victory in itself. Boredom can eventually even be helpful to get really inspired to do something new. 

The problem is, that this boredom usually leads to gaming related thoughts. And when I have thoughts about gaming once it is hard to think of anything else. 

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Day 7/8/9

Just a quick update. I don‘t really have that much time to post because I have to do a lot  for school.
Good thing is, that I have some motivation again and didn‘t game or watch youtube for the last days. My workouts in the gym have also improved since I really have time now and it‘s actually a lot of fun. Next week on thursday, I have an exam so I don‘t know how much I‘m going to journal.

Current Streaks

No gaming: 9 Days

No(useless) browsing: 1 Day

Nofap: 19 Days

 

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On 2/15/2020 at 6:46 PM, Julon said:

The problem is, that this boredom usually leads to gaming related thoughts. And when I have thoughts about gaming once it is hard to think of anything else. 

Of course you will be thinking about gaming. But the next time you are bored, and have not gamed for x days, you will thinking about gaming a bit less. And after that when you are bored, you will be thinking even less about gaming, until it left your system and you start having creative thoughts (inspiration) on your own.

Keep up the good work and good luck on your exams.

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Day 10/11/12
Well I‘m coming back to the forum because I have a really strong urge to play games right now. I currently have to learn for school but I do everything to distract myself. Yesterday I even watched about 8 hours of youtube just because I didn‘t want to learn. When I have stress I usually fall back in to the old habit and that really sucks.  Yesterday I started making excuses and I was about to buy a singleplayergame  because I told myself that singleplayer games wont get me hooked  and I will just play 1 hour a day (I know this isn‘t true).  Well I even made a new steam account for that purpose, I guess i‘ll go and delete it again.
Now I will go to the gym hopefully that will free my head a little.

Current Streaks

No gaming: 12Days

No(useless) browsing: 0 Days

Nofap: 22Days

 

Edited by Julon
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Day 13-20

I‘m back. Didn‘t continue my journal the last week because of carnival. Even though it didn‘t go as planned, because the first 3 days i missed some opportunities to go out,  I forced myself to go out the last 2 days, and it was great. I‘m a master at  making excuses  and overdramatizing stupid thoughts. The last days I just said to my self „fuck it, what can go wrong?“. Had some good times and socialized a lot(with alcohol though, but everyone gets drunk on carnival). I also didn‘t touch a game  and  stayed true to my plan  of eating healthy 4000 calories a day to build up muscle. It sucks that I  was to lazy to learn for school and watched useless content to distract myself from boredom - going outside would have been a better option.  Going to change these two things today.

Current Streaks

No gaming: 20 Days

No(useless) browsing: 1 day

Nofap: 30Days

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  • 1 month later...

Well... I really suck at this. Never thought that writing a simple journal would be this hard. I once again found myself relapsing again, pretty much watched  10h of youtube and played a lot of dumb mobile games all day for the last 3 days. It is almost always the same pattern when I relapse. At first I‘m game-free and really motivated for about 2 days. Then it feels like I have used all my energy and I have no motivation at all. I end up staring at a wall for half a day and then watch a youtube video. Well and then i can‘t stop watching and the next three days consist of excessive watching youtube / gaming until I feel like complete shit and I decide to change again. So everything repeats itself at this point. The covid-19 pandemic doesn‘t really make this easier too. In the future I want to continue this journal and be honest even when I feel completly wasted. So today is going to be Day 1 and I hope this time it’s really the last time I’ll have to write Day 1.

My plans for the day are: 

-Working out ( The only thing that gives me motivation right now - I can really recommend trying out the workout plan from athlean-X during this pandemic to stay fit)

-Study economics / math 

-Go outside for atleast 1h. 

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hey my friend. Let me just tell you something: Don't be so hard on yourself.

I am also not good in writing a journal every day. So actually, I don't do it. I just write in my journal, whenever I feel like it. For some people, it is very beneficial to collect their thoughts and what there observations of their behavior on a daily basis, for other people like you and me and can easily become hard work. Doesn't mean that you and I are weak. Also regarding relapses, many people also thing that they are a sign of weakness in the sense that we were to weak to resist our urges. This is also not true. I say that relapses are part of the process, they are INEVITABLE. I think therefore I have this unpopular belief that counting your days is a waste of energy. Especially resetting the counter everyday. Why does a relapse mean that you have to stop counting and start over? I think you might as well just continue, where you left. Those relapses are a thing, where you can learn something: Why did you relapse? What need is not fulfilled? Maybe something, you initially thought is working turned out to be a bad idea. Whatever it is, relapses are very important in that sense. Turn them into your friends. 🙂

15 minutes ago, Julon said:

I can really recommend trying out the workout plan from athlean-X during this pandemic to stay fit

So true. I have been following athlean X for months. Jeff really knows his shit. I am lucky enough to have dumbbells etc. at home, but I sometimes use his insights as well.

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Day 2

Today was pretty boring. One day in and I already notice a huge decline in motivation again.  In the morning my motivation was pretty high - one hour of learning mathematics quickly changed that though. The urge to fall back into my own habit was strong, especially when learning by watching math youtube videos. But I decided to now start learning either html or python to fill more of my time, because it can be really frustrating at the end of the day, realizing that you have done literally nothing for 12 hours. Altlast I avoided gaming and useless browsing today - so today was better than usual.

@Alexanderle thanks for your comment,  for me though it has come to the point where relapses are not a part of the process anymore. They are just huge setbacks for me. It has been the same pattern for about 1 year and not much has changed for me. The maximum for me was quitting games for 30 days - but  i couldn‘t fill my time with productive stuff due to lack of motivation and i was still browsing in the internet. Having a number though, for days where i really avoided gaming and especially useless web browsing sort of gives me a tiny bit of motivation.

 

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But I think that they still are. They are the sign that there is still something in games, which is attracting to you. They mean something for you. It is impossible to get away, when they mean something. Don't try to run away from your love. You will always go back. No need to count the days of emptiness, because they are a counter until you return to it. Recovery requires changes in lifestyle and behavior. I am not telling you to stop gaming. I am telling you to explore, what else is out there. I fell in love with my studies and working out. Of course there is something out there for you as well. Just keep trying. But with intention. Why do you want to learn html or python? I think a good reason is important. I could name you 5 to 10, why I am working out so much. It is not just to do something else. So really focus on doing something else and explore your new identity. I started this process, while I was still playing games. For almost eight months. So there is always a possibility that you are still in this situation, where not playing games is to hard, because you have not developed those alternatives, which are so strong that there really is no point in playing games. Do you understand, how I mean this? ^^

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Day 3

Today I realized how important it is, to avoid using my phone in the morning. It was easier to concentrate when learning, even though I only learned math for about 1 hour. But atleast I started with learning how to code - which is actually not as boring as I thought it would be. The rest of the day I pretty much only spend outside, to avoid beeing around my phone/ pc too much. 
 

@Alexanderle I‘m learning html for no specific reason.but just as you said exploring is key...   I mean pretty much anything is more useful than gaming. Working out is also a huge hobby for me - problem is, that i can‘t just do it all the time. So in the time where i have nothing to do i usually come back  to games. So now finding a lot of alternatives is my goal right now.

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