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About Gundham

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  1. Day 10 of detox: "Tireeeeed..." - Amber - This is a phone report. Rip template. Today was a hard day in work (12h shift that included 2,5h meeting), i had almost no time for even having thoughts about games. Then i left to visit grandma place (about an hour train journey from my home). Currently she is getting me drunk. God bless grandmas. Why today was great: - I am feeling physically exhausted but psychically fullfiled - Mandala is going great - Collective song listening with my girlfriend on train (there is a lot of Phantom of the opera versions. Like. Really lot.) - There was a cuddly doggo attending meeting and cat owned by one of the clients jumped in my lap today. Notable points: - yesterday i decided helping my girlfriend with a quest that she was stuck on in one game and kept rambling about it, soo... Technically i gamed for like 3 minutes. Feeling conflicted about it, but for sanity reasons i am sure i did right thing. Hope it will not need to happen too often. - i didnt sleep well Last night. This one should be better tho. Should.
  2. Day 9 of detox: "Meaning in every snowflake" - Anivia To my genuine surprise the fall on my face I was expecting didnt come. In the middle of the day the major thought was "it only needed over a week game-free and i am feeling this good? That has to be too good to be true, doesn't it?" Anyways, I am grateful for these kind of happy thoughts. Work went well today. Staying vigilant and on lookout for judging, I feel like saying "heck yeah, this is so much better than before" will just drag me down in the bad days, which will probably come still. Currently they are nowhere to be seen though. Why today was great: - I was dancing like an idiot to a random song for no apparent reason in the morning - I made a little surprise for my girlfriend and she was very happy - I started to rally friends that i did not really talk to in past months and started talking with them about going out dancing or hiking - I walked past group of four 40+ people who randomly started meowing at each other and it was hillarious (I am serious, that really happened 😄 ) Notable points: - Dreams are being weird. - I am catching myself thinking about how i will enjoy gaming after the end of the detox... Sucks to be these thoughts, if they preserve, the detox will not end after 90 days for sure - I really enjoy coloring mandalas. Will probably share them here after i actually finish one. Good luck mate, you can do this
  3. Hey there, wish you all the best and sorry for the wall of text in advance. I can feel the determination being there, just unsure about what to do... Sadly i am not in a position to really give some reasonable feedback, since i am on the start of this journey myself. Can try to share the experience from my last week tho. I am 26 and I know very little about job I do - it happens to a lot of us. I would try to not make myself motivated through comparing myself to somebody who is doing better then me, and try to focus on what I want to do with my free time instead. Maybe your mind is just jailed in doing something it does not want to and that will be hard to change - i know this feeling all too well. Currently working on doing little steps towards enjoying my free time - coloring a bit of mandala, playing guitar for a bit, going for a walk, cooking,... . Then getting back to work on something - study towards school, work, philosophy, music theory, psychological background of addiction, or working out. I do not say these will work for you - everybody needs something different to ease his mind. Hope you will find your little happy places outside games somewhere too. (Also all of this is my experience and not a plan i am giving you to work on. If you can take something from it, I will be happy, if not, poop happens. All i wanted to say is you can do this, when there is determination, there is an answer.)
  4. Day 8 of detox: "Smiles, everyone, smiles!" - Jhin Wojciech - that is an interesting comment, got me thinking. I dont think being competitive is generally bad - it often helps me recognize my weaknesses and work on them. I would think that playing for the sake of being as good as/better then someone else is not healthy in bigger picture. Recognizing what you can do better however is a good way to progress forward and not be hooked to some kind of barrier (for example beating that f....riendly opponent that wrecked you last time). It also helps me to recognize the person who defeated me is probably more experienced and it can be shown in a kind way. If he is a douche, that is his minus and you can feel good for yourself for being better in this department (and if you want to get extra hate, you can even try to show it, but i recommend sportslike behavior unless it is a well known person to you). Take care. This day went surprisingly pretty well. I was scared of a lot of work i have to do after couple free days, but somehow i managed to wake up in a really good mood and it showed in the work department as well. I work as a personal assistant with seniors and today i didnt even care if it will be boring or i will mess something up. I just didnt. I know that i cant let happy thoughts overwhelm me tho. Got to stay vigilant. The voices are still there, telling me that everything is okay already, i broke the 1 week barrier so I can give myself some treat... good try addicted me, good try. I am happy i could smile today, but I know it is part of my plan to get me back to gaming... and am also expecting a major fall down, as it usually comes after days this good. Well, all I can say is bring it. Why today was great: - I laughed a lot, even at work - I found a mandala book and found out its a great resting activity to color it - Returned home from parents house - Saw two squirrels playing on a tree - Shared some good music with a friend Notable points: - I am trying to implement an awarness of always having lunch prepared to work/having time to prepare lunch during workhours. I find it way more rewarding than buying it, it is cheaper and usually even tastier - I have trouble implementing activity schedule, since my work hours are irregular and i get to know them only a week before. I can say which hours i want to have work at but it does not have to be fully filled. Will probably try to get myself regular time to work on my schedule for upcoming week. Good luck mate, you can do this
  5. Wow, quitting alcohol AND gaming during 3 month period, that is not an easy feat. Welcome to the community fellow newcomer and lets get this done. All the best.
  6. Day 7 of detox: "Void rule number one - dont die" - Kai'Sa Thank you for your support Wojciech and BooksandTrees. I read the post you recommended and I agree with most of what was written there. Just today I was thinking about activities and enviroments I could be part of. Also I will remember the part about not trying to give advices in new groups. That is often my poison. This day was the benchmark of first week. First week free of gaming! And what a day it was... I woke up at a friends place after movie night - I couldnt really sleep well. Then I went to our family house that I am guarding today, parents are on vacation. It was exhausting to get here and craving started on the way already. My worst years regarding gaming addiction happened in this house. I remember often coming home exhausted from school and just slipping behind computer before anybody got home and playing for as long as i was able to. I could feel those feelings returning and banging on my head - started with simple "one cheat day wont kill you", ended on "might as well just kill yourself if you want to live like this." I didnt give in, luckily there was our family cat as well as my girlfriend and both were very supportive. I had a rest and a lunch, then read for a bit and booted up respawn and GQ. It was not nice, I wanted to start a game and my head hurt, but i did not give in and just stayed occupied for the rest of the day. In the evening i could go out for a walk and sing with myself happily again - cravings left and I survived another day gamefree. It was a tough challenge, first one in this detoxicating journey. Bring them on, I am ready. Why today was great: - Got to spend lot of time with my cat - Made nice progress with respawn materials - Played chess with a friend for a bit in the evening - Cooked nice dinner - Spent a lot of time outdoors, saw some beautiful horses and got to enjoy pretty sunset Notable points: - I am feeling very stressed about work, that starts tomorrow and there will be a lot of it during next week. I am staying hopeful that as my life is free of games longer, work will become less stressful. - I played chess over the internet, but am pretty sure they have nothing to do with cravings - I used to play chess professionally and they activate same part of the brain as e.g. school does. I will watch it though and if i start getting competitive, I will stop playing it. - A gaming friend messaged me today today and got me pretty nervous that we will talk about games, but he was actually supportive towards my decision and we just chatted about jobs and hobbies. Very grateful for it. Good luck mate, you can do this
  7. Day 6 of detox: "Don't push your luck" - Kaeya BooksandTrees - Thank you for your kind reply and reminder to not rush things. I might be a bit hasty, because i am really scared of moments of void and numbness - that is when my craving for games is the strongest. I made a list of activities i would like to do when they come. Caring about my free time is a long road race and I will try to remain patient and virtuous. Today was a calm day, cravings almost didnt occur. I spent lot of time just thinking and wondering about something and nothing. Lot of thoughts spinned about how to not optimize my time - I used to do it a lot to maximize the time I have to game to the point where i only cared about optimizing and not about the stuff i actually do. Might look for some book/videos about it. Why today was great: - Went to an aquahealing therapy and enjoyed it thoroughly - Got to pet a random cat - Spent a lot of time outdoors - Started reading good philosophy book (C.S.Lewis - Four loves) - Movie night with friend in the evening Notable points: - I still catch myself thinking/dreaming about games a lot. Not really surprised about it, trying to let it fade. - In a bus I caught myself pulling out a phone and almost reaching my favourite meme page. Managed to stop myself, browsed sports for a bit instead and then pulled out a book. Good job me. Good luck mate, you can do this.
  8. Day five of detox: - So far so good. Feelings are mixed, but I am determined to continue. Some big steps were done today. Following respawn helps me to keep myself occupied. Why was today great: - I managed to delete all my games, accounts and left most communities connected to gaming - I cooked great meal - Played guitar for a bit - I made good progress towards working on my time schedule - Reached out to a non-gaming friend i didnt speak to for months and had a great skype call with him - Had a nice walk in the rain Notable points: - Deleting everything was spontaneous, until it happened i was sure i will not do it. It was painful, sad and hard, but I feel some weight lifted from my shoulders. I remembered previous relapses (and there were many) and how easy it was to reach games back when I had a place to start from. Not this time. - I want to start working on getting in shape, but so far I am not sure how to do it properly. I want to start running, do some core excersises and pull-ups, since I have an outdoor place next to my flat to do those at. Not sure about scheduling tho, it just feels like it will take too much time. Good luck mate, you can do this
  9. Hey there man! I read through a part of your journal and it was a great read, I am motivated to read the rest of it in the future. Your determination is inspiring and giving me hope i will be able to control my gaming life in the future, even though my detox just only started couple days ago. It is also great to see you decided to take another detox even though your relationship with games got healthier. Not settling and always go for better is a way to go in my humble opinion, keep at it! There might occur limits one day, but you shall not find them if you do not try, am i right? (Also this is my first time posting replying to someone and I am kind of nervous 😄 )
  10. Start of the journal and day four of detox: - I am starting my journal a bit later after starting this whole game-ending thing. I read through some materials from this community in the last few days and now i believe I am ready. - My main focus is on being able to satisfy my urges without computer games and recover from moments of emptiness and exhaustion. I made a list of things i believe games give me the most: 1. Fun 2. Escape from reality 3. New challenges 4. Acceptance and forgiveness from mistakes 5. Limit-testing 6. New ideas, thoughts and introspection 7. Being part of something, something to relate 8. Aesthetics - Music, graphics 9. Drive of a good story - So far most of my uncertainty comes from the feeling, that to satisfy everything in decent way is a huge task i am not up to. Hope the determination, detox itself and experience i will be able to accumulate during it will be able to help with this. Why was today great: - Cooked a good meal - Went cycling - Played quitar for a bit - Had a board game evening - Spent a lot of time outdoors Notable points: - Urges were strong today, first time from start of detox. Food and company helped. - I can concentrate over nature sounds in the background - Worries occured about repetition of the relapse cycle. Trying to let them be there/go away, but they stayed so far. Good luck mate. You can do this.
  11. Hey there, I am Štěpán, am 26 and I live in Czech Republic. I have been fighting gaming for over 10 years now, with major breakthrough 3 years ago when i dropped from my 3rd college and i finally decided to seek therapy help. My life became better since then, I managed to leave parents house, find myself relationship i want to invest into and i study school with part-time work that i am interested in. Trouble is, that i still find myself unable to concentrate on these. I quit playing League of legends couple years back, but games never really left me, i was watching lot of speedruns, streams and videos not only from league, became part of the community around Hollow Knight and begun playing short-ish adventure and roguelike games. Couple months ago i realized my life is still controlled by these. I would fill every blank space in my time with games and often i would not turn up to school or turn down work because i felt exhaused and empty inside. Needless to say i played games instead. It started to take effect on my relationship as well and thats when i realized i need more direct approach and found Game Quitters. Started my 90-day detox on Sunday with intentions of fill in the blanks with other stuff than games and if its necessary, stop playing games as a whole, even though i hope it will not be needed. Cheers for you fellows working on yourself and lets get this done!