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Journal enteries where i contemplate video games and my life in general


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90 Day Detox jurnal

So i am on day 8 on my 90 day detox journey and started my jurnal in private on my computer because i am quite shy and do not like to seek attention, having social anxiety does not help eter, and english i not my main language and i am embaresed iritated when i do not writh correctly...

But i decided to share, so here is the 3 days i have loged so far. (i think its best fore me to write somting when i feel the urge to write.)

Day 1 (04.06.19)
I am committed to a 90 day detox with no playing of video games alone, it is okey to play multiplayer games with friends when i visit them or they visit me. (1-3 times a week)
I want to compleatly phase out seartching for video game news online and watching video game related videos on youtube, this has been a problem for me for a number of years now.
I have hiden away my console and deleted all accounts on pc, i also rearanged my living room so that the tv is to the left of the sofa making it (in my mind) less important.
My goal in the 90 day detox is to become more active an go outside more.
Things i am planing to do more of/ learn: play board games with friends, reading books, go on walks in the woods/park/mountain, bicycle riding, learn Kendama, get more into music specifically with getting a record player and collect LP records, and also to get more into politics again.
My goal after the 90 days detox is that i can play 2-3 games a year but i reduce the significance of video games in my life so that other things become more important.


Day 6 (09.06.19)

Thing i have been doing since last time:
- I started a gym membership again and worked out 2 times (arms + chest and back), read about existentialism philosophy, minimalism, anti-consumerism, Materialism and also started on the updated working program for the political party i am a member in.
- I went more outside more and i rode my bicycle/walked almost every day.
- I went to second hand stores and bought a few clothing items that i needed.
- Meditated 1 times for 8 minutes. (want to establish a daily rutine)
- Made an effort to resycle my waste and feel like i its almost perfect.
- Cleaned much more at home, organiced my clothing chabinet and my food cabinet.
- Enjoying music and exploring jazz, japanese Citypop, vaporvawe ect, and actually also dancing/ moving a little.
- Delivered two plastic bags with clothes and books i did not want/need anymore to a second hand store, with 10 more bags with different stuff to be delivered.
- Developed a minimalist/anti-consumerism/environmentally friendly mindset that i had around 4 years ago, that i want to develop further and keep this time.
It is better to focus on using money on food and EXPERIENCES than things, you do not need to own books, the information you may be looking for can be found at the library or the internet.
Music can be found on youtube or spotify, your want for a record player and LP records are silly, it will only take up space, mental energy and money you could be saving or using a better way.
Same with video games (after the 90 day detox) there is no need for buying a physical copy of a game and i feel like i have experienced every video game anyway, so if i can eliminate the urge to have somthing to play all the time then i can do what i want and that is:
Only buy a game if its really interesting and new (to you),.. but then the problem is to know if a game is for me then i have to know about it, and that means i have to read about games, but that can leed to a "searching compulsion for new games" and that is somthing i definitly dont want.
So do i have a solution for me?
one thing could be to cut out all information about games exept if my friends mention anything and E3 every year, i have a nintendo switch so i could watch the Nintendo E3 direct and not anything else.
But i have to be very cerfull with this, i know that in the past i have obsessd over a upcoming game and i have also been thinking of what i sould play next before i had compleated the game i was playing.
This i very trubbeling behavior to me... i do not have this problem with movies, i never read about upcoming movies or watch trailers on youtube.
But as i mentioned it feels like i have played every game that is out and that is coming out, every genre have hundrets of copies of the same game with a different setting and characters, i also feel like games are not engaging enugh to last as long as they do.
My favorite movies are a tightly constructed experience that tap into different human emotions, games on the other hand have a single focus,...you are overcoming obsticles that are in the way.
All Video games are about overcoming obstacles that are in the way.
thats enough about games.
it feelt good to write down my thoughts on this subject.

But now i feel its best to distance myself from this topic and engage in other subject mentaly and physicaly.
I feel like i  have been sleeping for a lot of years and finally started to wake up.


Day 8 (11.06.19)

So i watched nintendos E3 direcct presentation today (i planed to watch it before and when i decided to do the 90 day detox) and everything was power fantasy or gameplay styles i have played before, i feel like i have dictanced myself a little bit from games and i like it.
I have no decire to buy and play any of the games they showed exept animal crossing.
The rest i am happy that i am not that interesting in, sure there was some interesting games but then i remembered similar games i have played before and they are battle focused games, i have played so many games where i was the "hero" saving the world... i think i am done with games like that, that fits nicely with my 1-3 game a year goal.
If i can only get rid of my previus desire to play a game just because i want to play somthing then i think it will be perfect, also if i can play a few games a year with months between games where i dont tink about games or seartch about video game news or watch videos.
I am also contemplating Volunteering for politics or another cause or both, i think it will be nice to help a good cause and also comunicating and geting to know new people, it can help taming my social anxiety.
At least i will go to political meetings. (one is on  17. june)

i licensed to The Souljazz Orchestra and Au Pairs and danced around for a while, it fealt great, will defenitaly do more of that.


I am also trying to limit my youtube use and are thinking about why i "need" to watch videos every day, why cant i watch 1 film a week and dont watch any videos on youtube expet if i want to learn somthing (Kendama tricks that i want to learn when i get it), somthing to think about.






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  • Epux changed the title to Journal enteries where i contemplate video games and my life in general

Thank you fawn_XOXO i really apreciate it.


Day 9

Feelt a little bored today and caught myself thinking that i wanted to play a video game, it was not a big desire but still.

  I am thinking that my desire to play will go up and down from time to time, until now it has gone great because it was exiting to engage in new activeies that was not video games related.

Some friends was over and one of them wanted to watch a video of new games from E3, i let them watch it while i also watched/ played with a rubix cube, i was very pessimistic about almost all the games that was shown and the one that looked interested in i was thinking that i would rather watch a movie like it.


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Day 10 and 11

So day 10 started very good, i was outside a lot and rode my bicycle for 1 hour and walked a around a lake and in the woods for 3 hours.
But then when i came home i started to "work" on my computer, researching for a new browser and finding Tor Browser, changing passwords on a lot of different sites i use, making sure every password was different and long, changing my email address to a new one and registered my new email to a lot of sites i use/have used.
And i deleted my psn account or i changed my name,address,psn name etc. to something like: sfdsepoakef, since i apparently could not delete it. (I could maybe call them but i do not want to do that.. i it so hard to let us delete our account ouerself if we want, or have a email to contact/online chat....)
All this may sound okey, i secured myself more online and got rid of a another game related account.

But i think i came home around 22:00 and "worked" on my computer all night from 23:00 to 09:00, that's 10 hours.... what?...was it really that long... it was at least 8 hours..
Anyway i remember thinking around 5 in the night that i should just stay ut the whole next day and getting to bed the next night, well i did not do that and went to bed after i was finished with my computer and woke up around 15:30 on day 11.
( If you are curious to know, i am currently sick from work and that's why "it did not matter when i went to bed" )
I was feeling shitty all day and my memory is kind of hazy from that day, i watched a movie and the usual stuff, eating, taking a shower ect. and went to bed early.


Day 12
So i think the last two days have something to do with my 90 day detox, first it was the way i wanted exercising and being outside more and then the complete opposite with hours on the computer and inside all day the next day.
So what do i take away from this? what am i telling myself?
i am more vulnerable than i think i was, video games took up more of my thinking than i thought, and since i "could not" play, read about or watch videos about games i found another outlet.
I had more urges today to search for video game news and i was very close but i wrote this diary entry instead.
If i watch video game news/ videos and dont control myself, i get carried away and consume more than i want and that leeds to even more desire to buy new games.
but other than that i am back where i was before day 10, i went outside on a small bicycle trip and read a little bit in the Existentialist philosophy book i borrowed from the library.
Having a little difficulty finding a replacement to video games at the moment and am a little more tiered than when i started the 90 day detox ( i got more tiered around day 7 i think ) i have been thinking about some activities to do like: exercising in the gym, walking/riding my bicycle, learning kendama, learning an instrument, reading more.
But what about when i don't want to do that and when i am at home bored, i have cut down my youtube use and am contemplating to stop using it completely with one exception, only watch video on youtube to learn a specific topic that i can use practically like learning kendama tricks or learning to play new notes on guitar ect.
I did leave Netflix and HBO and go over to Mubi, because the former have to much content ( same with Youtube ) and i find myself going into those services to watch just because i am bored and want to do something, anything.

 I think that restrictions can be an extremely healthy and good thing for everybody and i think if i manage to restrict my movie/ tv-series consumption to Mubi, the movies i own on blu-ray, the cinema and the library then i am hoping that it will pressure me to be more active and not sit in front of a screen to much.
Same goes for Video games, if i can stick to my goal (after the 90 days detox) that i can only play 3 video games in a year, i am still a little lenient on the number, maybe its more realistic to set a hard stop at maybe 8 games? NO...okey i will set my hard stop number at 5 games a year.

Anyway if i stick to my restriction then i know that that is all i can play and there is nothing more, and i am hoping that i will change my mindset before i start to play again from thinking/feeling that i "have to play something all the time" to playing a game on and off for a month and taking a break for 4 months not thinking about video games and doing other stuff, and then maybe looking for a game to play on one day and if i do not find something that i want to play then forget about games and continuing to do other stuff for several more months.

The key here is that i want to still play video games but make it an occasional activity that i do a few times a year and while i don't play i want to not be caught up in thinking about games every day.






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Day 13

So i succumbed to my desire to consume video game related media and went to two websites and watched a few videos on youtube, but i did maybe use one hour on everything.

I deleted my xbox account and sent an email to Nintendo for the same purpose. 

My desire to play video games still lingers but when i think about playing a new game i find myself thinking that whats the point? I have basically played almost all games that have come out and games that are coming out in the future.

And by that i mean that i have played a lot of different games in different genres and they are all fundamentally the same, sure there are a different setting different characters, story etc. but the core gameplay are almost exactly the same in hundreds of games, and stories in games are a joke in comparison to films.

Video games in general explore a very narrow gameplay and story structures, there is horror, exploring, strategy and power fantasy, usually a character that have to save the world.

I was watching a video on youtube today and they mentioned that the games we play usually represent something we want in real life, and it got me thinking, what kind of games have i enjoyed and what do they sey what i want?

I have really enjoyed a games where i play as a character that interacts with other characters and we are in a peaceful place playing and exploring nature together, so it clearly means i want more meaningful connections with other humans, maybe travel, be more playful and child like.



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Day 15

So today i slipped up and played a mobile game while i waited for food at a café (play time estimation: 3 minutes) and i searched for video game related stuff on duckduckgo.

I also watched a lot of game related videos on youtube but most of my searches was like: "Destroying my ps4" "the nintendo switch sucks" and negative thigs like that.

While i waited at the café i was bored and after reading a bit in my book i did not feel like reading anymore, so i took up my phone ( i had switched back to my simple Nokia phone the previus day) and tought "sure why not i can play a little bit" and i started but pretty quickly i got bored of that to and stoped, looking around the room insted while waiting.

And with the videos on youtube i think its because i have feelt extra bored the last few days and feeling a little depressed, so that why i was weaker today. 

But there is a new day tomorrow, one step at a time. You can do this.



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Day 16

So lets see what steps i have been taking in regards to video games since Day one of my 90 day detox

I deleted all my gaming accounts: playstation, xbox, nintendo, itch.io, Steam, humble bundle.

I factory reset my Nintendo switch and put it in the closets, leaving the dock under the tv for multiplayer gaming when my friends come and visit me.

Put my Playstation 1, cables and games in a bag to be sold or given away and did the same with my Gamecube.

Hid away my nintendo 3ds and gameboy color that i am planing on keeping for childhood memory and nostalgia reasons.

Have also been contemplating not buying any new major consoles or playing on pc (after the 90 day detox as i planed) and getting an open source handheld console where i only am paying for the console, and where i can learn to code a little.

Things i have done insted of playing games are:

 Going to the gym ( but i have missed 3 days i had planed to go, its okey, you can go there tomorrow, you will feel better afterwards)

walking and cycled outside, enjoying nature.

Kind of unrelated but the purpose is to make me more awake and aware of things and people around me, i changed from a Samsung smartphone to a Nokia "dumb" phone.

I am a little disgusted when i se almost everybody glued to their smartphone screens all the time when i walk around.

I have found some direct replacements to video games and they are Rubics cube, Arkham Horror the card game (have not played yet, there is a lot of rules to get into first) and Kendama which i got today.

The rubix cube or reading a book i great for when i want to do somting slower paced and i imagine Arkham Horror is the same.

Kendama on the other hand is a fast paced activity that is so much better than action video games, it is good for fast reflexes, hand eye cordination and i got a little workout to when i used it for a while, trying to land tricks.

Not playing, reading or watching videos about video games open up more time for other things and quiets the mind down a little over time.

I watched a lot of video game related videos yesterday and a little today but the kendama was more interesting so i stoped watching videos after i got it.

I hope i can keep it up, there is NO games that you want to play, there is no use to watch videos about it, you are just wasting time and feeling worse than before you started watching.

By removing myself form mainstream games that get reported on constantly feeding into a compulsion loop where we are trained and expected to play buy paly buy games i am hoping that the hold they have on me will fade away with time.




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Day 17

I changed my mind on keeping my 3DS and gameboy Color, i thought about it a little and and its stupid to keep them just for "childhood memories and nostalgia" i still have the memories i dont need the consoles for that.


The things you own end up owning you.

Tyler Durden


The 3DS and gameboy color have no purpose in my life anymore and its time to really move on.

Not sure about my Nintendo Switch yet, on one hand i use the dock when friends come over and maybe i will use the console in the next year.

But you know that the console have been dissapointing for you and there are no games that are out or announced that you want,  i dont want to wait for new games, i am tiered of my obsession with checking what games are comming out all the time ( i am pleased to say that i stoped with this a few months ago ) and i generaly taking up my mental space.

The only game i wanted for switch was animal crossing but i have played two games in the series and besause the game uses real time with events happening on spesiffic dates in real life, i know it will be addicting and ultimatly if i buy the game i will be sucked inn and the the real time system will compell me to play more than i want to play.

So fuck that, what do you like about the game and how does that translate to real life.

1. A tropical island/ sunny warm place: a place where i could go on vacation and relax/ see new things and cultures.

2. Interact with a group of people that are nice and interisting: maybe join a club, volunteer for a cause, develop sosial skils.

3. Living a peacfull life: meditate every day, read more about zen buddhism, embrace wabi-sabi and minimalism more.

But remember change one habbit at a time, if you try to take on more at once then everything will likely crumble and you have to start over.

So i will focus on my 90 day detox first, then when that is done/ when i am happy with the results i can move on to the next one.


Do more, consume less.


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Day 20

I made a huge mistake yesterday.. i ordered a handheld console that i could play all sorts of retro games on.

After i ordered the handheld console i searches around the internet for the best games for retro consoles, making a list of the games i was going to install on the console when it arived... But then i caught myself and immediately canceled my order and deleted the list i made, what the fuck... i was like a zombie falling back into old habbits....

Today i was back to my usual consumtion of video game related media, It started a few days ago with me watching videos about topics like: Destroying my Ps4, Video games are shit/garbage, Why i hate the nontendo switch, And it gradualy intendifyed from there.

I was thinking in the beginning that it would help me distance myself from games, but it only made me feel down and also made me watch more videos.

I have been seartching for video game related news almost every day for 15 years... no wonder it is hard to break this habbit..shit..

I also neglected tidying up and doing the dishes (luckely its only 15 minuts to clean up) I have to find somthing to do or watch when i dont want to watch a film or tv-series, my default is youtube, and youtube and the internet in general have been mainly used for game related entertainment.


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Accept the mistake and keep on going. Its sure is better than giving in completely ?

I do watch gamerelated stuff on youtube myself, but it doesnt effect me too much though.

Have you tried to delete your search history, unsub all game stuff channels and deactivating your search history mechanism. It works really good actually. 

I am not subbed to any game channel at all so I HAVE to search speciffic game videos for them to pop up. Then when I return, it wont suggest me game videos because I deactivated it. ?



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Thank you for the suggestions ☺️

Yes i have deleted all video game channels, search history and deactivated the search history mechanic.

But i am still finding myself searching for video games when i am on the internet or on youtube when i want to read or watch somthing but dont know what.

Hmm.. maybe its best to try and distance myself from youtube and the internet unless i have somthing spesific to search for/watch, like documentaries or to learn something.


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Day 21 (of not playing games alone)

Day 0 (of not watching videos/reading about video games)

Tomorrow is my first day of not watching any videos or reading about video games.

Today my friends were visiting and we played a fighting game together and i noticed that i am becoming less and less interested in the game and enjoy my friends company more every time i am together with them and we play a video game.

It feels good to see that i am changing.

Right now i feel that not playing video games on my own is going pretty good, but watching videos and reading about video games is much worse for me.


When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

― Lao Tzu


Each morning, we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.

― Buddha

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I still haven't quit watching games online (really hard to stop watching esports for me), but it's totally something I need to do. Really inspiring to see you taking the leap! And by the way, congrats on three weeks clean! Make sure you celebrate that. Keep it up. ? 

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Thank you i appreciate it.

Its really hard for me to break the habbit of not watching videos/ reading about video games, its my default mode that i have "developed" over 15 years...but i want to cange. 

I was thinking of celebrating when i hit 30 days but maybe its better to celebrate small every one week compleated and celebrate a little more on biger milestones.

Making a positive association to quitting.

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Day 22 (of not playing games alone)

Day 1 (of not watching videos/reading about videog ames)

Day 1 ( of daily maditation )


Together we are walking to a new beginning 

2019-06-25 12.44.37.jpg

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Day 23 (of not playing games alone)

Day 2 (of not watching videos/reading about video games)

Day 2 ( of daily maditation )


 It was very long overdue but i finally started my meditation practice again, hoping i can keep it going this time.

Unlimited possibilities is not good, constraints with tecnology is always preferable.

What to use youtube for:

- Learning new Kendama tricks

- listening to music

- Zen buddhism

- Game Quitters


What to use the internet for:

- Zen buddhism

- important and nessesatry stuff ( check bank account ect. )

- Reading about a specific topic that i am/will be interested in (excluding video games)

- Game quitters forum

You got to cange your way of thinking, the internet is a tool for learning and self improvment not a place for entertainment.

Be in the moment, everyting that takes you out of the moment should be used Sparingly.


And go outside more, feel the wind, explore nature.

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Day 24 (of not playing games alone)

Day 3 (of not watching videos/reading about video games)

Day 3 ( of daily meditation )



After changing from my Samsung smartphone to a Nokia "simple phone" i used my old phone as a small tablet to browse the internet with, that solved the problem with to much use of the internet when i am outside the house (Zero internet outside the house now) but the ease of use of the smartphone made me more lazy than i wanted to be, so i literally took  hammer and smashed my old smartphone, it felt so good and the right thing to do, i feel more free.

And now i only use the internet on my laptop which i bought a year ago specificity to play games on ( it had windows installed ) but about one week ago i installed Linux mint on it and i am very happy with that.

  I have been very close to reading/ watching videos about video games yesterday and today, ( I think it was close 7-8 times) but i managed to avoid the behaviour.

The daily timer here in my journal along with knowing that it is public and other people can see it has helped me stay focused on what i set out to accomplish. 

Also watched the the livestream about problematic video game practices, and it is laughable what some of them said about loot boxes not being gambling.... it IS gambling and it sould be removed form games.     Gaming Industry Testifies on Video Game Addiction (Candy Crush)




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11 hours ago, Epux said:

so i literally took  hammer and smashed my old smartphone, it felt so good and the right thing to do, i feel more free

Damn, man! I'm not sure I could ever do something like that. Haha, good for you. Rooting for you.

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Day 25 (of not playing video games alone)

Day 4 (of not watching videos/reading about video games)


Day 4 ( of daily meditation )

Day 0 (of not watching videos/reading about video games)



So i watched videos and read about video games, it was not about new games coming out but still.

And i played a video game alone for around 15 minutes.


I am going to try something now that i planed after the 90 day detox and that is playing video games alone only in the weekend, if it does not produce the result i want then i will restart the 90 day detox again.

So new goals:


- No watching / reading about  video games 

- Its okey to play video games with friends if they want to play multiplayer games.

- Its okey to play video games alone on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

- No playing video games alone on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. 

- Give an estimate of how much playtime i have played in the weekend with a goal of playtime per day less than one hour.


I have a handheld device that can only store one 8-bit game at a time and this device will be used for solo play in the weekends.

With a goal of having the same game on the device for at least one month even if it takes one day to complete the game (meaning i can only play that one game more or do something else until the month is up and then i can install a new game )

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This might not be what you want to hear, but why are you introducing video games 3 out of 7 days of the week in your life?

Maybe you can't stay away?

If that is the case, then it means you're an addict, right?

And if that's true, then you shouldn't be playing at all.

Just my 2 cents, from my personal experiences ( = relapses) when I thought it was fine to reintroduce games in my life, even 200 days after.

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I’m afraid I have to agree with Fawn. Ask yourself: what can spending your time on video games rather than something else do for you? I had a lot of fun with video games, but by far my biggest regret in life (at my age) is how much time I burned on them. Imagine if you decided to go to the gym for 1hr three days a week instead of playing a video game, what that would do for you? How about learning a new language? Or picking up a sport where you can get exercise, competition and achievement while meeting new people? Aren’t those all better ways to spend your time, rather than sinking into a fake reality, where all the challenges have been designed for you to beat them, and where your time is ultimately wasted? We have a limited amount of hours to spend on this earth. You came to this site and made the decision to quit for a reason. Don’t lose sight of that.

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I'm with Fawn and Nugget on this. Allowing yourself even a little time to play video games is starting down a slippery slope that we, addicts by our own admission, shouldn't begin. I'd warn very heavily against giving yourself just "a few minutes" to play or going with the voice in your head that tells you it's "not that bad" to play video games. Trust me, I've been there before. It's very easy to rationalize playing video games. You just tell yourself that they're not that bad and that you're not gonna play for that long. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking has always led me into relapse and into more wasted, unfulfilling time. 

I'd also recommend that you don't trying breaking or making too many habits at once. I haven't read up on habit making too much (perhaps Fawn could clarify this seeing as how she's read Atomic Habits), but I know if you try too many things at once you're a lot less likely to stick with them. Right now your focus should be breaking the habit of playing video games. 


Good luck in your journey brother, stay strong. ?



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I appreciate all the concerns.

I just want to clarify that i came to this site mainly to reduce the time i spent thinking, reading and watching videos about video games and getting out of the loop of "I am playing this game but that new game is coming out soon or - i am  playing this game but i also want to play that game" if that makes sense.


I 100% agree and know that it is best to change one habit at a time and i think i was to hard on myself, i am at the moment between jobs and am struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) i have been to doctors and got help, and are better now than a couple of years ago, and i am also suing the previous company i was working for over a lot of money that was not paid to me over the years.

I have a problem with reading/ watching videos about video games and want to stop doing that.

I want to treat video games like how i treat movies.

The way i treat movies is that i watch a movie when i feel like it and that can be anywhere from two times a week to once a month or every two months, and i almost never read about upcoming movies or anything related to movies, i just dont care actually. and i want to transfer that mentality to video games.

I have watched a couple of videos about the Video gaming companies  testimonials on video game addiction, loot boxes, micro transactions ect. i am very disgusted by it all, and because of that and a combination of the way games are made now, privacy issues, always online, and that games are to easy to buy download and play, there are just too much games that are grabbing for attention.

I have decided that i no longer are going to be in the loop about video games, and are not going to play or buy any current or next gen major consoles (PlayStation, Xbox, Nintendo) nor am i going to buy a pc built to play video games on. I AM DONE WITH video game news, I AM DONE WITH Playstation 4, Xbox One and Nintendo switch, and YOU DO NOT CARE about the next consoles that comes out in the future.

I am however going to play on a very small handheld console that are black and white and the gamecube.


In the last 5 days i have played on my handheld console for about 5-6 hours, i played only one one game and i completed it today, i had a good time playing and listening to music on Spotify.

But now that i have completed the game i was playing on i am going to take a break again, remember how you treat films or tv series, i am going to at least wait two weeks, that's the minimum, but preferably more.


I know its hard but go to the gym, you only have to go there you dont have to do anything (but you know once you are there you could train a little ? ) you just have to make it a habit.

I am looking forward to when i get the  Y screwdrivers that i ordered from amazon to open up my Nintendo Switch, i do not care if i break it i just want to open it and look at the components inside, making it a ceremonial end to mainstream video games that are out now and that are coming out in the future.

I will continue to write in my jurnal when i fell like it.


Everything in Moderation Except Life.

Because the real world, is where you live.


Edited by Epux
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