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cammyhammy

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Everything posted by cammyhammy

  1. Where you @, Mattso? It's been a couple weeks, you doing alright?
  2. I love how to the point your posts are Mohammad, but know that you're free to explain your feelings about gaming or your journey in greater detail if you'd like. Good luck!
  3. Come to a bit of a realization regarding addiction lately, thought I'd share. I've been struggling to improve my relationship with my phone and to decrease my phone use. I haven't been very successful in the long-term. I made my phone gray-scale so I'd be less interested by colors, I removed games from my phone, I set limits for my usage. None of this helped for more than a few days, if even that. Then I figured it out: physical obstacles are not cures to our addictions. Making a physical barrier between me and my phone, even if it was as extreme as locking it in a safe for a month, would not solve my phone addiction. In the aforementioned hypothetical example, when the month was up and I took my phone out, I would've just become addicted again. Instead of trying to physically remove my access from my games, my phone, or any other vices I have, I should instead seek to understand why it is I am addicted. I understand that phone addiction and video game addiction and porn addiction are wrong for me. I can give you reasons. It's by a lack of awareness and thought that I pick up my phone, play video games, and watch porn. For this reason, I'm now trying to establish a habit of mindfulness in connection to these areas (phone and porn usage especially). I've gone so far as to take my phone lock-screen wallpaper and write "why?" on it to remind me to question why I'm picking up my phone every time I do. Unfortunately, I feel I may struggle with breaking my porn addiction so far as this strategy is concerned. Hormones literally change the way my brain operates. Every time I break my streak, I think about if I should beforehand and convince myself with logic that appeals to my desire in the moment that porn isn't that bad for me, that plenty of successful people watch it and do fine. Of course now, when I'm thinking clearly, I understand that porn is bad for me, that it warps my perspective on the value of women and that it rewires my dopamine receptors. It's difficult to remind myself of this when I want to watch it, though. Rode my bike this morning before work, felt good man. Starting coding a bit, learning Python. I'm struggling with it right now and it's hurting my ego. I can't help but feel stupid when there are tons of people on forums explaining issues I don't understand (like the use of the self argument in classes, for example) with what is, to them, the simplest of language and I don't understand it at all. Think I might be diving in too deep right now. I'm gonna tone it down and learn more slowly so I don't get discouraged. I'm sorry this post is so long. I know a lot of my posts are kind of long. The wall-of-text discourages people from reading my writing. In fact, if you've read through this entire post, I commend you on being one of the few that did. I want to have thorough, constructive discussions on recovering from addiction and on general self-improvement, but I never really have. Half my motivation for writing these posts is to make my thoughts more clear to myself. It's easy, being addicted, to get stuck in a grey area where you're not sure if you think your addiction is wrong, but don't know why. I write these posts as reminders for myself, my reasoning for quitting video games and for doing the things I do. I wish I had a friend that is committed to self-improvement like I am. All my friends couldn't care less about self-improvement. If any of you are in EST and wanna keep each other accountable for our habits (i.e. not playing video games, meditation, exercise, whatever), let me know and we can set something up. Hope you all have had a good week! Anyone got plans for the weekend?
  4. First and foremost, I'm sorry if what I wrote a few days ago or am writing to you today seem like attacks. I really don't mean for them to come off that way, it's just hard for me to consider the way someone might interpret my writing. That said: I'll agree with @JustTom in that if you believe your usage of what I called "weeaboo" language is okay, you should continue doing so. Your opinions and perspectives, so long they are founded on reason and have been carefully considered, should always trump that of other people, especially concerning your own well-being. That said, I stand by what I said and still think you shouldn't use it. I really have no statistics or names of psychological conditions to back up my claim that it might be negatively affecting your growth, but I can't help but feel as if it is. For one thing, anecdotal as this is, every person I know that uses language like you do is legitimately socially stunted. I am not joking. The people I've met at school that use language like yours are the people who never raise their hand in class, never communicate with anyone outside their 2-3 person friend-group, never really grow as a person. Perhaps using such language is a symptom of a larger issue and not the cause, but I'm not sure what the cause would be. Another thing I have against language like that: the gamequitters philosophy is really based on becoming less "escape" prone in your life. We are here because we use video games to escape from problems we have in real life. Your language is a reference, I can only assume, to anime communities and anime itself. I know this is a controversial opinion, but I think by using words like yours you're subconsciously indulging the fantasy of anime worlds. You're "escaping" in a sense to a universe that's brighter and simpler than the one we know. By using the language as if it is a standard, you're getting away from your real-world mindset, if only while writing your post. I could be completely off. I don't know you in real life. I don't know how you feel or if you have fantasies of living in an anime world. However, if you can relate to at least one piece of my thinking, take some time to consider why you use words like "uwu" and "hehe". Think about how you feel when you write those words as opposed to how you feel writing more accepted words. It's awesome that you've decided to take up a walk in the morning. For the first time in a while, I went on a bike ride this morning before work. It was really refreshing and nice to appreciate nature and to feel so connected to the world around me. Fingers crossed that both you and me can keep it up.
  5. @fawn_xoxo checked out those Socratic worksheets, I'll try one out the next time I find myself polarizing an issue (like gaming, nofap) that isn't quite as one-sided as I'd like to believe. I appreciate the advice. There's this belief central to Stoicism that it's our reaction and our interpretation of things that is the cause of our problems instead of the things themselves. I think this is especially true for those of us trying to break our addictions. Whatever we were addicted to was likely bad for us, given that we were trying to rid ourselves of it. However, by criticizing ourselves when we relapse and by being harsh toward our past selves for being addicted we make the problem much worse than it likely is and make it much harder to quit. Too bad it's not as easy to implement beliefs like that into our daily lives as it is to type them out, eh?
  6. Congrats on starting your journey to recovery. One piece of advice I might want to give you: I think it might be wise that you stop using what I'll call "weeaboo language" for lack of a better term. Randomly interjecting phrases like "hehe", "ehe", or "uwu" makes it hard for me (and maybe for others, I haven't heard anyone else nag on this so I don't know) to take your post and you as a person as seriously as I would like to.
  7. 7/1/2019 -------------------- I think I was right about me having an attitude problem with hobbies. I've started trying to approach my hobbies with a "do it if I want" instead of a "I need to do this" attitude and it seems to help me stay more relaxed. I'm starting to learn Javascript and I like the concept of being able to make my own app, so that's keeping me entertained. My job, although part-time, is also taking up a lot of my time, which is nice. My days don't feel unfulfilling when I have work because I'm almost constantly doing something. I also enjoy improving at socializing with people, and am trying to improve my small-talk skills right now. I know the point of this forum is resisting the urge to play video games, but I don't really get urges to play video games. I think I've successfully conditioned myself into believing that video games aren't good for me and make me unhappy, so my brain doesn't want them anymore. Who knows. I also said earlier I was starting nofap. I've been consistent with this, although it might just be because I've not gotten the urge to break my streak once. Kind of worries me lol. I'm a young man with presumably high amounts of hormones and I get NO urges to fap? Might've screwed up my libido somehow, yikes. I'm trying to set myself up with a couple new habits right now, taking it slowly because I know if I rush into it I won't stick with it. I'm trying to go to bed/eliminate technology usage by 8:30, read until 9:30, then fall asleep before 10:00 so I can wake up at 6:00am. I used to go to sleep even earlier than that for school, so I think the odds of me being successful in this are high. I'm also (for the 100th time) trying to establish a habit of meditation. I think I overdid it before with high requirements for the amount of time to meditate so this time I have no time requirement, I just ask myself that I meditate. Could be for 1 minute, but often times once I sit down I like it and want to do more. I think this will allow me to stick with it. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well and have a good week. Anyone got plans for the 4th of July?
  8. I'm with Fawn and Nugget on this. Allowing yourself even a little time to play video games is starting down a slippery slope that we, addicts by our own admission, shouldn't begin. I'd warn very heavily against giving yourself just "a few minutes" to play or going with the voice in your head that tells you it's "not that bad" to play video games. Trust me, I've been there before. It's very easy to rationalize playing video games. You just tell yourself that they're not that bad and that you're not gonna play for that long. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking has always led me into relapse and into more wasted, unfulfilling time. I'd also recommend that you don't trying breaking or making too many habits at once. I haven't read up on habit making too much (perhaps Fawn could clarify this seeing as how she's read Atomic Habits), but I know if you try too many things at once you're a lot less likely to stick with them. Right now your focus should be breaking the habit of playing video games. Good luck in your journey brother, stay strong. 😄
  9. 6/28/2019 -------------------------- Aren't hobbies supposed to help you relax and unwind? They don't help me do that. I've tried doing art, I've tried speedsolving (rubik's cubes), I've tried reading (helps somewhat, but I can't fill all my time with it), I've recently bought a guitar and started playing, I've tried writing, and probably a dozen other things that are slipping my mind at the moment. I think there's something wrong with me if I can try so many hobbies that a vast majority of people enjoy and still get stressed out by them. I just want to relax. I cannot relax. I've started my job and it gives me frequent opportunities to socialize, which is nice. I'm actively trying to become more social. I feel so unfulfilled in my life right now. I make to do lists, but feel nothing when I accomplish the things on my to do lists. I make goals, but don't feel accomplished when I accomplish those goals. It's like I'm never good enough. I am constantly struggling to find any semblance of meaning in my life. Please help. In case you couldn't tell, I'm going through a bit of a rough patch. Some other posters recommended permanently deleting my accounts. I was scared to delete my accounts because I thought it would hurt my relationship with my brother. I decided to do it anyway. Turns out, deleting accounts is a bit time-consuming and complicated. I needed to have the credit card # used for purchases to delete my steam account, so I asked my mom for it as I don't have a card and have been using hers. She, the person who has told me for years that I spend too much time on the computer and who has witnessed me slowly descend into addiction and social alienation, told me that I shouldn't delete my account and that I should just "have some willpower". My brother told me I'd end up playing them again anyway. Jesus Christ they frustrate me. I admit that I'm jealous of people on these forums who have support from their families and friends because everyone I've talked to IRL about video game addiction doesn't believe its real or doesn't understand that I'm trying to better myself. I'm almost positive I've done the right thing (I deleted my Blizzard Account and changed the email on my Steam to a random one I don't have access to so I can't use it anymore), but it's hard to stay convinced of that when everyone around you tells you you're wrong. I'm so glad this community exists because otherwise I really wouldn't have any positive feedback at all about quitting video games. Anyway, hope you guys are having a good week. What plans do you guys have for the weekend? Have any of you struggled with finding meaning in life?
  10. Don't worry, after you stop playing video games for a while (can't give you a specific time frame because all brains are so different), real life starts to get more fulfilling. You get more perspective on video games and realize just how meaningless they are. Something I like to remind myself of time to time when I get urges (which is pretty rare at this point, maybe one real one every couple weeks) is that I spent thousands of hours playing video games and I legitimately have nothing to show for it. No real gaming friends, no skills (except perhaps being able to type fast), nothing that translates to real life Keep going man, it's worth it.
  11. I've thought about this some, too, and I've come to the conclusion that gaming is both a cause and a symptom. Gaming all day makes you feel worthless, and feeling worthless makes you want to game because you think you're undeserving of anything else. You want to escape from real life, so you play video games. As for vilifying gaming, you probably have. I know I did at first. I thought it was the cause of every problem in my life and I felt so bad for everyone who played video games. I thought gamers were stupid for spending their time on something as worthless as gaming, despite having done what they do for years. I was wrong. I have plenty of friends who maintain a good social life, have a job, and are generally fulfilled with life while still recreationally playing video games. I just can't be like that. I'm more susceptible to addiction and I would guess that most people on this forum (yourself included) are too, which is why we've decided to quit. Video games are not inherently bad, they hold just as much worth as any other hobby that allows you to relax and unwind. That said, if they make you as frustrated and empty inside as they made me, then perhaps they're bad for you, just as I know they're bad for me. I also guarantee that gaming is not the cause of all the problems in your life. I've quit gaming for a while now (ignore whatever my entries say, the numbers are a bit screwy because I'm inconsistent with posting) and I've been able to recognize that a lot of my issues don't come from gaming. Gaming served as an escape from my problems and it definitely gave me some anger issues and social ineptitude, but it isn't my only issue. I don't play any more and I still feel socially anxious/inept sometimes (working on this, I think I just need to socialize more). I still occasionally experience drops in self-esteem. I still feel impatient and angry at things that don't deserve my anger. That said, my life has improved greatly since I quit. I've actually hung out with friends multiple times (which I hadn't in literal years). I've gotten a job. I've just started playing the guitar and I'm working on my writing (I want to be a writer). Please keep going and if you feel empty, pick up some hobbies. I would VERY much recommend buying a Kindle. You can search up a guide on Reddit for downloading books for free, it's very easy. I've not paid a dime and I have some of the greatest books of all time, which I've enjoyed greatly. Do some things outside. Another tip: I always find that the days when I'm most productive/achieve the most are the most fulfilling days. Make a checklist of things you want to do for the day (can really be anything, start small) and make it your MISSION to complete those goals. I promise it'll feel good. Good luck brother, stay strong.
  12. I'd like to do something like this, but I'm not sure I can. My brother is away at college and video games are the only hobby him and I share. It's really one of our only ways to bond. In fact, as I write this, we are getting ready to play. I do not play frequently enough or for long enough periods of time with him to become addicted again, but it feels wrong to be still connected to my vice (even when the connection is weak). I've tried explaining that I do not like video games any more and that they make me angry, but it doesn't change the fact that they're the primary means we have of bonding. If not for my brother and my irl friends, with whom I play very very rarely, but who would be confused if I deleted my accounts, I would DELETE all my accounts and forever rid myself of this final connection. I'm not sure what to do. The following things are mostly reminders to myself, but if any of you stumble on this and think my advice is helpful, feel free to take it. I've gotten accepted for my first job. It's a summer job. If not for quitting video games, I would not have it. If not for quitting video games I would have been spending the last few weeks obsessively playing games that do not make me happy. I would be miserable and addicted and unable to progress in life. Keep this in mind. If not for quitting video games, I would not have hung out with friends multiple times over the course of the last few weeks. I would likely not be invited to social events because I lack social ability and confidence and if I was, by some miracle, invited, I would likely decline for some ingenuine reason, citing other plans or a lack of a ride. Hanging out with friends is enriching and fun. I want to do it more. I cannot do it more if I spend all my time playing video games and being unproductive. I want to become a freelance writer. I have for years, despite only consciously recognizing this relatively recently. This will not come without work. I cannot sit at my computer and fantasize about what is to be in a few years once I've put in the work. I HAVE TO PUT IN THE WORK. I WILL NOT WAKE UP ONE DAY AS A SUCCESSFUL WRITER. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU. I must become organized. Starting tomorrow I will write. I will enter a writing competition, perhaps. I will begin a short story. I will decide an area of interest for me to advertise my skills in. I will practice. I will read one of the two books I've downloaded to my kindle on writing. I will be productive. There is no other possible way that I become what I want to become. I refuse to turn into that kind of person which I've always despised. I refuse to be a wishful thinker, always hoping that one day all my dreams will come true without me ever having to put in work. I refuse to take a 9-5 job that I hate because it's the societal standard. I refuse to believe all that is said on the impossibility of becoming successful as a freelancer. If I put work toward producing an attractive writing portfolio, if I actively try to improve my writing, and if I am aggressive in seeking out customers, I can be successful. I've purchased a guitar. I recognize that I have a problem with hobbies; I become very invested in them for the first few weeks then get absolutely burnt out and never want to do them again. I am now conscious and mindful enough of my own behavior to realize this and to want to avoid it. I will not force myself to play the guitar as I have forced myself into other activities. I will not spend all my free time watching youtube videos about guitar playing. I will not put all my eggs into one basket by only playing guitar and neglecting my other hobbies. I will still be productive. I will stop playing guitar if I become disinterested or frustrated, returning only when I want to. I will not chastise myself for not progressing in guitar as fast I wish or for having fun playing guitar when there is productive work to be done. This brings me to my final point. I also have a problem having fun. Perhaps it's a self-esteem issue, and I don't believe myself deserving of fun when there is work to be done. I compare myself to successful people and I tell myself that they don't "squander" their free time as I do. What I have trouble realizing is that so many successful people, especially with modern-day media and social platforms, are able to curate the way others see them. Of course they boast online about their accomplishments and their success. Of course they want themselves to be seen in the eye of the public as unfaltering in dedication to their craft. This is not the reality of their situations. They have free time. Although they are likely more productive than the average person, they are not without hobbies or moments of absolute recreation. They "waste" nights watching TV or relaxing. They are not constantly working, and I don't have to be either. I could likely expand on the last paragraph, but I think what I've written is a sufficient reminder for myself as of now. If any of you are reading this, I hope you have a wonderful and game-free week. Wish I had friends who wanted to improve themselves as you guys do.
  13. It's been a while. Since last I posted, my brother, who is now at college, came back home for a few weeks and during his time here, he persuaded me to play games with him. Although I knew I am susceptible to addiction I agreed to play because I thought I had grown from my experience and wouldn't fall into the trap anymore. I was wrong. Soon after he went back, I began playing on my own. Although I've been strong and mindful enough not to play for 12 hours at a time, I can feel myself slipping back into the rabbit hole. For this reason, I have uninstalled my games (for what feels like the 90th time) and I am restarting my journal on here. I am also going to be trying nofap, because I am tired of allowing my urges to control me, when I should be controlling them. Right now I'm struggling with boredom. I am on summer break and although I have applied for a few jobs, I've not yet heard back from any of them. My days have nearly no schedule at all and I am very unproductive. I need hobbies badly. The problem is that when I look at Cam's list, although I am sure I may enjoy many of them, I cannot make myself interested enough to try them out. I want to learn to play the guitar, but I'm not sure that the hobby would last (I have a tendency to get REALLY into hobbies and then burn out and quit them within a few weeks) and guitars are expensive so this isn't the sort of thing I'm willing to take a chance on. I've realized that the days I feel most fulfilled are my most productive days. For this reason, I am (from this day forward) going to start the day by writing myself a todo list. I will apply for more jobs, work on my senior project, perhaps practice some art (which I like but haven't been doing), study for my ACT, and anything else I can think of. Right now I feel a sort of constant mental fog preventing me from being happy, and I am sick of it. I want to be happy. I want to feel that I deserve happiness. I know I will not feel fulfilled, however, if I continue with my bad habits (playing video games, being unproductive, procrastinating, fapping). Anyway, I wish the best of luck to all of you and hope that you're having an awesome Thursday!
  14. Hey, John. I've just gotten through reading all of your entries, and I really hope you find the strength to continue in your self-improvement journey. I also want to tell you that your art is really, genuinely wonderful. I'm not saying this to make you feel better or to pad your confidence. You possess a degree of skill in art that I know many people would kill to have. How long have you been drawing? What do you use to create your work? Best of luck!
  15. Day 14 (I think): It's been a while since last I posted. Truthfully, I've just been busy doing more easily enjoyable things with my limited freetime (meaning I get home from school and I play soccer outside for a bit, fiddle with my rubik's cube, or read). I have not gamed at all, but I have watched a couple of game-play videos and am pleased to say that within half an hour I was thoroughly bored and ended my watching session before the video was over. From an outsider's perspective, it seems crazy that people could enjoy playing video games as much as they do when the games are so repetitive and frustrating. It is all too easy to fall into that trap. I've decided to pick up nofap for ATLEAST 90 days, which is a daunting challenge for me. I am also trying to drastically reduce my phone use. When reading @mattso's journal, I came across a method to increase productivity called the Pomodoro method and am currently trying it out to see if I can increase the amount of homework and general productive activities I get done. I feel more comfortable in social contexts lately, although I have not made many real concrete steps to improving my social skills. I have begun reading Six Pillars of Self-Esteem as @fawn_xoxo has been recommending and after a few days of reading I have come to the first exercise (which I have begun, although I don't think I notice an effect yet). I am grateful for the recommendation and although I haven't had the chance to do all the activities the author recommends, it has been an enlightening experience to learn about self-esteem and all the things in life it affects. I still believe that I should pick up some more hobbies, but given that I cannot drive anywhere and can't get a job (because I have school 5 days a week and when I get home I have about 2-3 hours before I have to sleep and on weekends I am usually busy and that is my only real time to do things I enjoy), my choices are limited. If anyone has any easy and cheap (or free!) recommendations, please let me know. I think after writing this I'll check out Cam's list again. Anyway, I have been praying for you guys nightly and hope that you are successful in all your endeavors! Here's to a wonderful week ahead! 😊
  16. Day 6: Today was an interesting day. I read a bit, got my rubix cube PR for 3x3 down to 2:15 and have ordered a couple of "speed-cubes" so I can solve faster. I also went to an eye appointment and picked out some new glasses, so I'm very excited about that. After the appointment, I went to a mall because my sister was shopping for prom dresses. While she tried them out, I waited in the very crowded store area. I saw multiple girls that were really cute and just my type (blonde with a cute face, basically), but I didn't have the confidence to say anything. I think my lack of confidence stems not from any personal issues (I think I'm at least an average looking guy and recognize that personality is ultimately more important to looks for getting girls), but from my inability to properly socialize with others. I have also (likely from my years of not interacting with them) put girls on a bit of a pedestal and feel that I'm not 'worthy' of an attractive girlfriend (or any girlfriend, really). Not only that, but I felt insecure just standing there without a purpose for such a long period of time. It's frustrating to come out of video game addiction only to realize just how stunted your social skills and confidence are. If anyone has any books you would recommend on building confidence, please don't hesitate to comment below. Anyway, I hope everyone's having an awesome weekend and fulfilling all the plans they had! 😊
  17. @Brian 88 days is awesome! What are your plans post-day 90? Gonna play in moderation or are you done with video games for good? As for Eudaimonic well being, I've never heard of the formal name for it, but I've definitely heard of the concept. Jordan Peterson gives out advice basically along the lines of the theory, saying that (and I'm paraphrasing) you should stop looking to live a "happy" life and starting trying to live a meaningful life. So many of our addictions are fueled by us trying to seek the short-term pleasure you get from checking social media or playing video games or some other activity that makes you feel good for a little, only to make you feel so worthless in the end. I definitely think we should spread the word more about this concept, I'm sure many of our members can benefit from it. Hope you have an awesome Friday!
  18. Day 4-5: Not having any real urges to play video games, but I am starting to get bored. I do not have a license and do not have any "real" friends yet so I can't drive somewhere and/or hang out with people. I have been reading and actually solved a rubix cube for the first time without any instructions (best time so far is 3:30, if any of you like cubing let's talk :)), but these activities get a bit boring after a while. I think I may begin writing a short story today, but I've yet to decide on the topic or any real details. I think I may draw something today, I enjoy doing that. I've also decided that I'm going to start writing out 4 things I'm grateful for everyday since I've seen people doing this on here and it seems like a good idea. I'm grateful for: 1. Having enough money to buy a kindle 2. This forum, because it's the only place where I've found such a supportive and like-minded group of individuals who try to help each other quit video games and get their lives together 3. All of you for inspiring me to improve myself and to make something good of my life 4. Nature trails and nature in general, it's/they're (don't know which one's correct so I'm gonna put both) so beautiful Also thanks for the book suggestion @fawn_xoxo, I've downloaded it on my kindle and will start reading soon! Hope everyone has an epic Friday! 😆
  19. Got a few things planned: Go to the park (hopefully, kind of out of my control) Get my rubix cube solving time to sub 5 minutes Go to an optometrist appointment (I am so excited to get new glasses!) Memorize a speech I've written for debate club Read through a new book I've gotten on being charismatic Study for a calc test Unfortunately although I have friends I talk to in school, our bonds aren't close enough for us to hang out frequently so I have no social events planned. Fingers crossed that as I try to improve my social skills I will expand my friend group to find people I truly resonate with. Hope everyone's weekends are awesome! 😀
  20. I get how you feel. People (for whatever reason, I'm no psychologist) like trivializing the problems of others. It sucks, but you must learn to ignore it; these peoples' opinions don't matter. And as for having no one on this forum to care about you, you have to adjust your expectations. How could we really, genuinely care for you when all we know about you is a few short snippets of information that you have posted on here? We don't know you in person and without you revealing deeply personal information and/or having one-on-one conversations with us, it is hard to develop a sense of care for you as a person. I promise you, though, that I recognize you as someone who is trying to improve himself and I care for you as much as one person can care for another without knowing them. Stick with what you're doing, try to find good and caring people in real life, and your situation will improve.
  21. I don't know how to reply to your message so I'm just quoting. I do struggle with self-esteem. Some days (or some hours, it can change fast) I feel super confident and enthusiastic about whatever I'm doing and then for no reason at all I struggle making eye contact with the waiter or something like that. I think I am going to get this book.
  22. Haha I see how that might seem a bit controversial, but I stand by my advice. I should clarify that when I say "do not compare your experience to mine", I really mean that people reading these posts shouldn't compare how they feel to how I feel. Thanks for the welcome! P.S. I've seen multiple people recommending Six Pillars of Self-esteem lately, starting to think I should get it. Does it really help with your self-esteem?
  23. Day 0-3: I should mention before all I say that I have (for roughly 2 months prior to my initial post) quit video games in the past and have some experience with it, so please if you are reading my entries do not compare your experience to mine (and in general I would not recommend comparing yourself to others, it rarely leads to anything positive). I've heard that the urges to play video games are usually worst in the first week, but seeing as how this is my second (official) time quitting, they are not so bad for me. I have uninstalled Steam, Discord, and all other gaming-linked things with exception to Apex Legends so I can play with my brother (who is at college and who I rarely get to see) if he asks me. I have recently filled my time with other mind-engaging activities, like reading (I've been really enjoying Harry Potter and just got a Kindle Paperwhite), solving my rubix cube, and a little writing. I would definitely recommend that all of you who are trying to quit video games limit or completely cut off your connection to all gaming-related things in your life. Do not 'hang around' in the discords where your friends talk about gaming and play together, do not spend your newly expanded freetime watching other people play video games on streams or in real life, and do not keep your games installed 'just-because'. All of these things are potential lures, slowly and subtly pulling you back in the direction of your addiction. I like to use the metaphor of an alcoholic and a bar when reminding myself of why I shouldn't do any of the aforementioned things. Does it seem reasonable that an alcoholic should go to a bar just to 'hang out'? Does it seem reasonable that an alcoholic can socially-drink without becoming victim to alcoholism again? I don't think so. In this same sense, you should disconnect yourself from all things that previously tied you to gaming. I promise it will reduce the urges. On a semi-related note, I would also recommend that all of you cut down your time spent on the internet in general. It is so very easy in this day and age with the internet set up as it is to get lost in the endless pages of entertaining content on the internet. It is so easy to go on your phone, promising yourself that you are only going to check notifications, only to spend half the day scrolling through social media. This type of behavior (and I speak from experience) will provide you with nothing but a sense of emptiness and worthlessness when you reflect on your day only to realize that you wasted it on activities that you couldn't care less about. As a general rule (not just for the internet, but for life), do not act without purpose. When you feel yourself about to buy in to the destructive and far too common behavior that is boundless perusing of the internet, ask yourself, "What is my purpose in doing this?" If it is nothing but to escape from real-life (whether it be because you're bored, uncomfortable, or for no reason at all) refrain from doing it. I have found that by quitting video games, heavily limiting my time spent on my phone, and deleting all social media platforms I had, I have increased my focus significantly. I hadn't realized it before, but by using these things as an escape to real life, I was crippling myself both socially and mentally. My ability to communicate with others was extremely poor, and my focus was terrible. Now, I feel more interested in socialization (although I still struggle with making myself interested sometimes, I hope this comes with time) and I can easily sit down for hours and read. I have cut out the poisons that are habitual phone and video game use from my life and am now reaping the benefits! Anyway, thanks for the welcomes to the forum, I hope to stick around for a while :).
  24. I've played video games addictively for years. I'm tired of being socially inept. I'm tired of not having real friends. I'm tired of spending so much of my time doing a task that I neither enjoy nor benefit from. Starting tomorrow, I will be on Day 1 and I am excited. I enjoy reading, so I know I can do that when I am bored, but I have need more goals. Right now I have decided that in the next 90 days (the time period I will not be playing any video games), I want to learn how to solve a rubix cube, write 5 short stories, and work on improving my social skills (if anyone knows of some sort of course that takes you through some baby steps of improving socially or gives you challenges to improve, I would be forever grateful for a link). Seeing as how I have 90 days of increased free time and only three goals, I would very much appreciate any suggestions for new things to do. Cheers!
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