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info-gatherer

Enjoying life. 90 Days without gaming.

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Starting this journal goes against some personal, deep privacy concerns. Lately I had been more open with people and friends about my gaming addiction problem and I fear my writings could be located and diffused. Even then, my situation obliges me to take this path again. Around the beginning of april I started playing in moderation. Every now and then I would spend a couple hours playing. I would play mobile or offline games, to distance myself from the more dangerous online gaming world. Then, one day, around the end of april, I played 10 hours straight of League of Legends. At night, I uninstalled and never played it again. But at that point I was already deemed to fail. I started to obsessively lurk the /r/classicwow subreddit. French semester had already finished by that time, so I didn't really have anything to do during my days. No school, no family, for the most part no friends, "just" a girlfriend. I registered on a vanilla wow private server and spent the last 20 days gaming from early morning to late night every day, mostly without eating, sleeping 4-7 hours, with few exceptions, without a second thought. I will get more in deep about what I felt and what I had in my mind during this last long disappeared may. But for now I just want to tell you I'm here again, abstaining for 90 more days. There'll be time for everything else.

Day 1

I woke up at around 10. I realized my girlfriend was gone without saying. We basically lived all the time together this month, since I was gaming non-stop and she was doing some hard studying at my side, same table. Yesterday night I told her I decided to quit again. She was drunk, so she didn't care nor understand too much. It's ok, it's manageable. This morning I woke up, apartment was empty, and I was ready to start fresh. I checked my phone and found some messages, for the first time in 5 days I answered one. It was a friend that said hello. I immediately proposed meeting in person, and I'm waiting for an answer. Then I decided to watch the last episode of House of Cards, finished the serie, then I came here to write this post. Before this relapse I was quite ahead on my duties and general life organisation, so even after a month of nothingness my life is not a complete mess. I trust myself to be able to recover very fast, in less than a week. As @Cam Adair mentioned in my last journal, it's not about quitting games, but about what you do instead. I believe that during my previous attempts I was too focused on improving my academics or stay quit from smoking to really try to be happier and actively improve my social life. This time I hope... my intent is... to strive for a more balanced approach. From a practical standpoint, there's things that need to be done during the day. Ill do checklists. I'm buying post-its today, but maybe I can do it here too. Oh, I forgot to mention. I'm quitting France in 2-3 weeks. Back to Italy. I'll take this time to reconcile with the city and the life I built here, this long-short year...

Checklist of things that I keep pushing forward but I should shall take care of:

- Send a mail to my university supervisor, asking for a meeting. OR Go to the bureau in person.
- Book a seat on a plane to go back home.
- Answer a certain mail.
- Send an application for New York University, or Beijing, China. I haven't decided yet. Deadline is June the 6th.
- Call my family. See how they're doing.
- Write to L. Try to meet her if she's still in town.
- Contact my previous flatmate. There's a lot of mail for her in my mailbox, been there for weeks, I never told her. Maybe meet for a drink, even if we had some arguements.
- Well... study for my next exam, in less than 4 weeks.

I plan to do all of this in the coming days, a little bit at a time.

Today, I mean to:

- Go to the supermarket. Fridge is completely empty.
- Cut my beard. Get a shower. Get back in shape.
- In the same spirit, go running.
- And do some basic cleaning of the apartment.
- Do at least 1 thing from checklist 1.
- Meet M. or at least set a meeting for tomorrow.

 

I'll update this evening. As usual, thanks for the space. I see there's new members, some old members, faces I know... I'm glad to be back. I have trust in my future, in what awaits me, and I hope I understood the necessity of living in the moment, as well. Enjoying life... Something I've always been bad at. Might as well give it a try : )

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Welcome back to the forums!

You may have started playing games again, but at least you managed to stop yourself fairly soon after. I'm starting to realise that life is more about managing the downs, instead of maintaining the ups.

Wishing you all the best, and I look forward to seeing where your journey takes you!

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8 hours ago, James Good said:

Welcome back to the forums!

You may have started playing games again, but at least you managed to stop yourself fairly soon after. I'm starting to realise that life is more about managing the downs, instead of maintaining the ups.

Wishing you all the best, and I look forward to seeing where your journey takes you!

Hi James. You're the new community manager, right? Thanks for the kind reply.

Day 1 (evening)

Did every chore listed. When I went out running it immediately started raining lol so I did some exercise indoors instead. Set up a meeting for tomorrow with M., a friend of mine.

Main checklist update:

8 hours ago, info-gatherer said:

Checklist of things that I keep pushing forward but I should shall take care of:

- Send a mail to my university supervisor, asking for a meeting. OR Go to the bureau in person. (scheduled for tomorrow)
- Book a seat on a plane to go back home.
- Answer a certain mail.
- Send an application for New York University, or Beijing, China. I haven't decided yet. Deadline is June the 6th.
- Call my family. See how they're doing. (mostly done. didn't call everyone but had 3 calls)
- Write to L. Try to meet her if she's still in town.
- Contact my previous flatmate. There's a lot of mail for her in my mailbox, been there for weeks, I never told her. Maybe meet for a drink, even if we had some arguements.
- Well... study for my next exam, in less than 4 weeks.

I look forward living, tomorrow. I'm happy not to be a bit zombied anymore ahah. Recovering is going great as of now! :=)

Ill finish by quoting a small section of the email I wrote: "mainly I'm just trying to live my life more lightly. With less anxiety, less pain, more smiles and lighthearted happiness. I think I'm well enough".

Cya

 

 

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Day 2

I met with M. We had breakfast together. She invited me to a dinner that’s probably going to happen tonight. Then I spent the morning filing my application for New York. Now it’s 3 PM. I wanted to go to the bureau but it’s closed. I’m going to cook a Croque Monsieur and start studying.

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