info-gatherer 404 Posted May 29, 2019 Share Posted May 29, 2019 Starting this journal goes against some personal, deep privacy concerns. Lately I had been more open with people and friends about my gaming addiction problem and I fear my writings could be located and diffused. Even then, my situation obliges me to take this path again. Around the beginning of april I started playing in moderation. Every now and then I would spend a couple hours playing. I would play mobile or offline games, to distance myself from the more dangerous online gaming world. Then, one day, around the end of april, I played 10 hours straight of League of Legends. At night, I uninstalled and never played it again. But at that point I was already deemed to fail. I started to obsessively lurk the /r/classicwow subreddit. French semester had already finished by that time, so I didn't really have anything to do during my days. No school, no family, for the most part no friends, "just" a girlfriend. I registered on a vanilla wow private server and spent the last 20 days gaming from early morning to late night every day, mostly without eating, sleeping 4-7 hours, with few exceptions, without a second thought. I will get more in deep about what I felt and what I had in my mind during this last long disappeared may. But for now I just want to tell you I'm here again, abstaining for 90 more days. There'll be time for everything else. Day 1 I woke up at around 10. I realized my girlfriend was gone without saying. We basically lived all the time together this month, since I was gaming non-stop and she was doing some hard studying at my side, same table. Yesterday night I told her I decided to quit again. She was drunk, so she didn't care nor understand too much. It's ok, it's manageable. This morning I woke up, apartment was empty, and I was ready to start fresh. I checked my phone and found some messages, for the first time in 5 days I answered one. It was a friend that said hello. I immediately proposed meeting in person, and I'm waiting for an answer. Then I decided to watch the last episode of House of Cards, finished the serie, then I came here to write this post. Before this relapse I was quite ahead on my duties and general life organisation, so even after a month of nothingness my life is not a complete mess. I trust myself to be able to recover very fast, in less than a week. As @Cam Adair mentioned in my last journal, it's not about quitting games, but about what you do instead. I believe that during my previous attempts I was too focused on improving my academics or stay quit from smoking to really try to be happier and actively improve my social life. This time I hope... my intent is... to strive for a more balanced approach. From a practical standpoint, there's things that need to be done during the day. Ill do checklists. I'm buying post-its today, but maybe I can do it here too. Oh, I forgot to mention. I'm quitting France in 2-3 weeks. Back to Italy. I'll take this time to reconcile with the city and the life I built here, this long-short year... Checklist of things that I keep pushing forward but I should shall take care of: - Send a mail to my university supervisor, asking for a meeting. OR Go to the bureau in person. - Book a seat on a plane to go back home. - Answer a certain mail. - Send an application for New York University, or Beijing, China. I haven't decided yet. Deadline is June the 6th. - Call my family. See how they're doing. - Write to L. Try to meet her if she's still in town. - Contact my previous flatmate. There's a lot of mail for her in my mailbox, been there for weeks, I never told her. Maybe meet for a drink, even if we had some arguements. - Well... study for my next exam, in less than 4 weeks. I plan to do all of this in the coming days, a little bit at a time. Today, I mean to: - Go to the supermarket. Fridge is completely empty. - Cut my beard. Get a shower. Get back in shape. - In the same spirit, go running. - And do some basic cleaning of the apartment. - Do at least 1 thing from checklist 1. - Meet M. or at least set a meeting for tomorrow. I'll update this evening. As usual, thanks for the space. I see there's new members, some old members, faces I know... I'm glad to be back. I have trust in my future, in what awaits me, and I hope I understood the necessity of living in the moment, as well. Enjoying life... Something I've always been bad at. Might as well give it a try : ) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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