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30_yrs_of_gaming

This is Where I Fight - This is Where Gaming Dies

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Checking in. 

So my family situation has gotten exponentially worse unfortunately. 

There are layers of crazy that I won't even describe.

Threats, lies, exaggerations, etc etc

As a leader, I take responsibility, but I can't accept accusations that are untrue or grossly disproportioned.

Anyways, I fell off the wagon and began gaming again to cope with the isolation, depression, and lonliness. 

It's better than being tempted with porn or alcohol or worse...

While I'm being told I'm a total loser and a deadbeat, I'm still paying ALL the bills and talking to my children at least once a week.

I got promoted at my job. My laptop was mailed out last week because it was shorting out and powering down for no apparent reason. 

I've been sent to a place for work with disgustingly slow internet. 

So, I'm back on board. Still reading lots. Working out at least 3 nights a week. 

GAME FREE FOR 8 DAYS!

When I get back home, I have a week before heading to the city to see my children. Then I'm off to see my parents. I will have no real temptation to game until towards the end of August which will be a real test.

In the meantime, here I am. I feel like things got harder, but better in some ways. It may get worse before my trial is over. 

Edited by 30_yrs_of_gaming
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Hey bud, I'm glad to see you back, but sorry to hear all of the craziness going on in your life--that sucks. 

Just keep being the best version of yourself and keep moving forward. The fact that you're taking responsibility is incredibly important. No matter what happens, if you keep on that path, you're giving yourself the best chance of fixing your world, or at least mitigating the damage.

Keep it up.

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Welcome back. I'm sorry to hear about the family issues, this must be a difficult and challenging time for you. You sound like you have the right attitude and are dealing with this as best as you can. I'm rooting for you!

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Day 9 - Game Free

Called a friend that I hadn't spoken with in almost 20 yrs. Wow. Great conversation on life stuff. He recommended some reading to add to mine. 

Listening to Atomic Habits.

Job going well. Stay strong out there. 

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Day 13 - What's up my game quitting trench warrior soldiers against the darkness!? 

Some days, I kill it at the gym.

Reading like a scholar, and sometimes nibbling.

Eating okay. Sleep is freaking trashed to hell. 

The Mrs. is not communicating. She wants none. 

Have a call in a bit to situate an appropriate legal posture. Not going to law against her. Wanting to put up a good defense as a man with his shit together. 

Been watching Netflix late into the night. Cutting that out after watching one last final episode of the show tonight.

I have so much to live for. Sure my relationship is practically dissolved, but it's a big world out there. Lots to see and do. I choose life over laying down to wallow in misery and die. 

I sort of hate my life, but it is my job to go forward. No one will do this for me.

Take care. Be strong. Staying on the move. Can't hang out here too long.

Edited by 30_yrs_of_gaming
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You have the right mindset man, keep going. Just remember if at any point you need a break from being brave, you can always just spill your thoughts out in the journal too. We've all gotten disheartened before.

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Keep fighting dude! 

14 minutes ago, 30_yrs_of_gaming said:

I have so much to live for. Sure my relationship is practically dissolved, but it's a big world out there. Lots to see and do. I choose life over laying down to wallow in misery and die. 

I sort of hate my life, but it is my job to go forward. No one will do this for me.

Take care. Be strong. Staying on the move. Can't hang out here too long.

I’m trying to adopt this mindset as well, nice to see it elsewhere. Good luck with your battle man.

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Day 16 - Game Free.

Listening to audio books. Working out. Reading hard copy books. Tried to mildly socialize Wed & Thurs. Still in stalemate with Mrs. Talked to a special friend from 20 years ago for 7 hours straight the other night. Holy Cow! We have a lunch outing scheduled when I travel abroad in a few weeks. Eating moderately healthy. Sleep erratic.

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Day 23 - No gaming. 

Wife said I can sign divorce papers with her or she will file solo and send them to my parents house. 

I don't believe there are good reasons for it. We vowed to love each other the rest of our lives. Life comes with hardships. We vowed to face it together.

But it doesn't matter. She doesn't love me anymore. 

That's enough for today.

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Day 26 - No gaming.

I've been distraught over the divorce. My closest friend and advisor questioned my sanity today. I'm emotional. He's tired. The past few days have been my darkest.

I'm getting a psych eval and talking to my lawyer before I move forward. My parents are the only people I can trust right now.

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Maybe it would be of help to you to explore your emotions in your journal, it is your place to think out loud in a way and we're all struggling with getting our lives back together in this website. I hope the best for you.

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Day 32 - No gaming.

Spent some time with my children. Lots of small wins. The big negatives seem looming though. Ugh. The day is just starting and it feel I’m in such a battle. Turning up the heat on my prayer life today. Whether this divorce goes through or not, I want to be a better person in the end. I’ve also decided to wait for my wife and learn how to be patient enough to win her back even if that happens AFTER the divorce goes through. A whole month without gaming. I’ve been here before. Need to keep up the good work. 

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12 hours ago, 30_yrs_of_gaming said:

I want to be a better person in the end.

I believe in you man, you can do this. Stay strong! Best wishes.

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Day 39 - No gaming.

Unimaginable. She has been my home for the majority of my adult life. Now, I have no home. I can’t explain what I feel.

I had some quality time with the kids last night. Every day is a trial. Every day is a new experience for me. 

This week is going to be a great challenge.

I’m preparing for the best.

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Day 45 - No gaming. Halfway mark.

Got woke about a crazy makavelian plot my wife has been weaving to give her rebellion credence among my closest associates. I have courage again. I’m free. 

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