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dahankus

Relapsed after completing my goal, back at it now

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Day 71.

Habits completed counter: 46

Yesterday I saw a trailer for cyberpunk, one of my top expected games before the detox. And honestly I don't feel the excitement I would normally. I guess the non gamer persona is taking over, which is great. Maybe one day I will give it a try, maybe not. I don't really care that much.

No cravings for games at all. The more stuff I have to do and to worry about, the less time I have to wonder about stupid things. So lets get to work!

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

 

 

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Day 72.

Habits completed counter: 47

Another down wave came upon me. Will surely clear soon. I was working on a problem yesterday at work and couldn't find a solution, will try again today. Keeping with the learning habit every day at least 30 min, its great, I can feel my possibilities growing, now I need experience applying it.

For a couple of months I had been contemplating the idea of the "shadow" in depth psychology, I wanted to remember moment where this shadow took over, so that I may identify it, then  recognize it when it appears, and maybe integrate it as a part of me. I have no idea where to start with that, but I found some memories of early childhood where I did some very stupid things that clearly point toward this shadow. So Its some progress in that area, 🙂

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

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Day 73.

Habits completed counter: 49

I had a deep realization that even if I wanted, like really wanted to play one of my favorite games, I would not be able... they are gone....I have no games at all! Its amazing how strong that fact is. I have been contemplating Cyberpunk and the possibility of playing it in a few years, and with that, cravings for other games crept in, but They don't exist anymore. They are gone. This makes me feel somehow sad for some reason, even if that was my decision and it was a good one. I have to put attention to this feelings and thoughts, acknowledge them, and move on.

Other things are going great, everything is moving forward, slowly, but constantly.

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

 

 

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Day 74.

Habits completed counter: 51

I am trying hard to keep up with everything, and the effects are starting to accumulate. I feel the strength of cravings to play something get stronger the more responsibility I take on my shoulders. Everything is going in a beautiful direction, right where I am aiming at. I feel I am right in the middle of the road, the right place, not too comfortable and not to chaotic. Now the challenge is not to stray from it. I will do my best.

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

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Day 75.

Habits completed counter: 52

Leaving a very productive week behind. Can't wait for the next one, it feels so great to move forward. And for anyone out there, spending 30 min a day, studying something is unbelievable!!! It changes the mind in incredible ways, always improving ideas and behavior. Constant improvement, that is key.

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

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Day 76.

Habits completed counter: 54

I am feeling that the momentum, of positive action, is starting to push me forward on its own, and not so much willpower is needed as before. And the feeling of accomplishment is even greater. It feels great to embody, at least partially, your own ideal. 

Spoiler

I have been considering the possibility of playing a game in the future, and I have come to the realization that removing them entirely is an overkill that will deprive me of some really amazing experiences. I am not ready to play anything, and I will never play the way I used to. I know it is a problem for me, and I will treat gaming as a dangerous practice. 

That was interesting. Right now, after writing that I realized how sneaky this addicted personality is, lol. This diary is very useful to catch rouge thoughts before they poison the rest of the mind 🙂

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

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Day 77.

Habits completed counter: 55

So pumped up!! this week is going to be amazing. So much cool stuff to learn and hard things to do!! 

I have been thinking about maybe playing some day in the future, and as long as I still want it then, then maybe I will. Until then, no games.

Keeping busy is key.

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light.

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Day 78.

Habits completed counter: 56

Oh how I miss the isolation and calm of watching the map of the world, and seeing my decisions influence the future of a simulation. So simple, so irrelevant... Oh how I miss the lack of responsibility that allowed me to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and not wanting anything at all... having nothing to do, no one to meet, no problem to solve, except my own irrelevance in existence. No meaning or place to be, just right there, hanging... looking straight into the void, allowing the void to stare back.

It seems so unreal now. How could I allow that, to go on for as long as it did... Never again.

I am not a gamer. I am a warrior of light. 

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Best of luck on your continuing journey. Trust in God, and He will guide you to your path as a warrior in light. I'm praying for you.

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