hi! I'm new here

[browland]

hi everyone, my name is Brent and I'm addicted to video games.

I've been playing games for a long time now and lately I've come to realize that my gaming habit is holding me back from pursuing other worthwhile things I want to do with my life.  I'm coming to accept that I have a problem with the way I use games to distract myself from the real world and shirk my responsibilities.  I know enough about myself to realize that the only way I'm going to break this habit is if I take it seriously and cut myself off for real.

My mom was an alcoholic, she's been sober now for 20 years or more.  I actually went to numerous AA meetings as a kid and listened to the wisdom of older folks that had to battle their demons in a very similar fashion.  I was fully aware of the beast of Alcoholism so I have been very careful to make sure that it would never happen to me, but I think it has in its own way.

I started gaming in like the 3rd grade but it really took a turn in my high school years when I got access to good internet.  I spent way too many hours on GTA4 and Halo 3, building friendships with anonymous strangers that were much stronger than any of the relationships I had in "real" life.  I'm honestly amazed that I made it through high school and college afterwards.

At the moment I'm not involved in any clubs or sports so my gaming habit has returned in full force.  I aspire to be a world-class software developer and I want to learn to fly aircraft.  I know that if I want to achieve any of this then gaming has got to go.  It's been about a week since I quit and it's been much harder than I thought it would be.  It almost physically pains me to think about never gaming any more.  Because of this strong reaction I know that there's something bubbling under the surface that I really need to follow through on and take a look at.

 

I have a couple questions for you guys and a polite request:

- Would you consider a flight simulator off limits?  I initially thought no but I'm afraid that it's a "dancing with the devil" scenario.

- Would you allow yourself to watch e-sports?  I love League of Legends but same issue about dancing with the devil.

 

In Alcoholics Anonymous they do a "sponsor" system where a knowledgeable veteran mentors a newbie.  Is there anyone out there that's made it to the other side of this mess be willing to mentor me?

Edited September 17, 2018 by browland

[PFMA]

Hi Brent,

I appreciate you reading and responding to my post. I would personally recommend not watching e sports as that might trigger you. What are some other activities you've listed down that you could do aside from these? I'm rooting for you to pursue you aspirations to be a world class software developer and fly a plane. Are you currently spending a lot of time focusing on that?

[giblets]

16 hours ago, browland said:

- Would you allow yourself to watch e-sports?  I love League of Legends but same issue about dancing with the devil.

No. Initially it might help, as instead of smashing a 3-4 hour gaming session you might spend 30-60 minutes watching a video. Seems legit right? You've saved 2-3 hours! Next thing you know, you'll be watching 3-4 hours of gaming, so you have substituted one vice for another, which defeats the whole purpose of why you are here!

It is better to address the underlying issue of why it is a problem for you. What is causing you to want to escape? It might be painful or difficult at first, but dig deep and work out what it is. By addressing the underlying issue you will get much better results than just dealing with the symptoms, ie the escapism. For me it was anxiety - there isn't any anxiety in gaming (well, apart from the 'what if I don't do everything?' synthetic anxiety), so that is what I would do when I would feel anxious or faced with a situation where I traditionally got anxious (I felt like that last time, so if I just avoid the issue, I will be ok, right?). While this made me feel great in the short term, it meant in the long term it got worse because I was not addressing it, and suddenly it was invading many aspects of my life.

 

16 hours ago, browland said:

In Alcoholics Anonymous they do a "sponsor" system where a knowledgeable veteran mentors a newbie.  Is there anyone out there that's made it to the other side of this mess be willing to mentor me?

For sure mate! We have the accountability partner, which is the same thing (I think). My boy @Moe Smith got me through my detox and I like to think I helped him in some form. If you want to talk to someone on "the other side", them I'm (and many others) here for you. It will also be valuable to join forces (Voltron-style) with @PFMA. It will be beneficial to vent about what you're feeling with someone going through the same process, it will help you realise you're not alone and not unique in the stressors you are facing!

You got this mate. All you need is intent and determination. By being here, you're 50% of the way.

[Cam Adair]

Hey Brent! Welcome. Flight simulator should be ok but I would just be very cautious with it and if it's increasing cravings you want to be aware of that. For streams etc I recommend against it during the initial 90 days: 

 

[browland]

Thanks for the feedback!  Right now I'm in the process of getting settled into a new house so there's plenty of things to do with that.  I still shirk that shit and opt to go for a walk or go disc golfing or really anything else besides "work".

It seems like I have a habit of doing this, putting off things that I don't prefer doing.  I know that they will give me positive returns on my time (clean house, learn about my craft, acquire the fitness) but I'll go so far out of my way to avoid doing that stuff.  Gaming was the obvious way to do that, but now it's a little bit clearer to me just how fucking lazy I am.

I wanna get outdoors more like hiking/biking/jogging/boating that type of stuff but it's generally not easy to make myself get out there.  When I do go I'm always really glad I went, but for some reason I shy away from it.  I've picked up disc golfing a little bit.  It's cheap, skill-oriented, outdoors, and can be social if I meet up with other golfers.  I also love table tennis but there's not much activity for that in my area.

[karabas]

On 9/17/2018 at 5:27 PM, browland said:

I've been playing games for a long time now and lately I've come to realize that my gaming habit is holding me back from pursuing other worthwhile things I want to do with my life.  I'm coming to accept that I have a problem with the way I use games to distract myself from the real world and shirk my responsibilities. 

Hear, hear. I think most of us are here because gaming is taking away from the stuff we really want to be doing with life. I'm glad that you've had this realization: in my time battling my addiction, I've realized that these mental realizations about myself and my relationship with technology have been my main turning points for the better. You have to win the mental battle first.

On 9/17/2018 at 5:27 PM, browland said:

- Would you consider a flight simulator off limits?  I initially thought no but I'm afraid that it's a "dancing with the devil" scenario.

It really all depends. First of all, what kind of flight sim - the kind that'll help you learn how to fly aircraft, or one of those game-y ones (even if super realistic)? Anything close to gaming - including smartphone stuff - needs to go, otherwise it's just a means to get back into gaming.

If it's for your training to fly - then you need to look at how you're using it. Are you using it to accomplish what you want? Or are you using it to create an alternate reality and fantasize about it without working towards making it real? The former is fine, the latter is a sign you need to stop.

On 9/17/2018 at 5:27 PM, browland said:

- Would you allow yourself to watch e-sports?  I love League of Legends but same issue about dancing with the devil.

There are some guys on the forums who've been able to stay away from games while watching e-sports, so I guess you could try. Personally, watching games is almost always a gateway for me to start gaming again. Last several times I relapsed, it started with watching videos, then escalated into wanting to do it myself, etc. So I'd say don't do it. Once again, others here might disagree, but I think that getting to a point where you no longer love games is crucial. Watching games is a clear indication that you love the activity.

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Do start a daily journal on the forums here. It helps a TON because it helps you to document your feelings and get to the core of your problem. It also helps to get advice, input, and encouragement from others.