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Everything posted by PFMA

  1. Restarting my 90 days again I'm realizing sometimes I let others' opinions/actions dictate my life. Not going to let that happen. One step at a time. I will read and be productive, take action, emulate boldness, and make healthy progress in my own life
  2. I'm not too sure, I was getting a good rhythm in and able to be productive with my time, and one day I started visualizing playing this one game I used to play, like a strong craving and I finally caved.
  3. Entry #34-36 Guys I've been relapsing pretty badly this week. And am feeling quite discouraged. Can someone please share tips and/or encouragement please? It will be very helpful Thank you ..
  4. Entry #31-33 Had a great weekend this past few days. Redeleted 2 old games i redownloaded and feeling back to a fresh life w more time and focusing on things that matter more than gaming. Felt growth with friends/social circle and progressing gathering leads/networked for job apps as well.
  5. Entry # 30 Made a plan to catch up on the things I didn't ended up doing yesterday. But its good. Being able to turn back around
  6. Entry #29 Oct 11th Dang .. Struggled with some difficulties and I caved.. 90 days til Jan 9th.. Not going to let this fall last longer than today.
  7. Entry #23 - #28 Haven't been on here for about a week. Would just like to check in saying that this past week I've had friends invite me to play a new game together during launch date. For me it was easy to know that it would've been a poor decision doing so but it was slightly tempting. Being off games for a longer time made it easier to say no; I even helped a friend say no as well. However, this past week I've also been spending quite a bit of time, watching videos and going out hence not making the best use of my time and breaking some healthy habits I've strived to start/create. Starting today I will get back on track w the items I've listed on Habitica and am going to act on the information I gathered in the past week. Derek Sivers said - if information were the key to success, we'd all be billionaires with six pack abs. I'm going to reach out to a few seasoned people in the industry I'm interested in pursuing. We shall be aware of which parts of our life we might be susceptible to compromise. Be aware and take action against what we've taken lightly. Stay disciplined.
  8. Entry #22 Did a difficult test today. It was challenging. I'm glad that overall I was able to make a big step for this career change. I might not have done well but I've mustered confidence to apply to other openings or even reach out to places w no openings. And I'll know how to better prepare to break into this industry.
  9. Entry #21 Had a great time meeting someone from the firm I'm applying to. It was nice to chat and I felt even more excited/interested in my transition. Grateful for: 1) Being able to have insight on an industry I'm interested in working in 2) Being able to prepare for tomorrow's test 3) Being able to communicate and share this journey with supportive friends
  10. Entry #20 Going to get some rest tonight, I've a semi big meet to prepare for tomorrow at noon. Procrastinated a bit today, I remind myself that this isn't how I envision myself acting. It's either pain of discipline or pain of regret. I have the strength to deny urges of procrastination and will put my time to good productive use. Grateful for: 1) Taking a blood test and finding the results to be positive 2) Meeting an interesting Spanish guy, learning from him, and discussing potential development of a project. 3) Being able to have this nice buffet and eat to contentment ?
  11. Care to share them? In any case, best of luck brother, I wish you well..
  12. Entry #19 Great day today. Was mainly preparing for my upcoming test this week. Looking back, being productive has helped me a lot with not gaming, it's been rewarding. I'm grateful for: 1) A friend who's willing to help. A genuine friend who doesn't interact with me transactionally. 2) The opportunity to learn financial modeling ? 3) Being able to give advice to someone younger, in a place I once was
  13. Hey Blazing Man.. I hope you're doing well today.. I'm curious, how have you spent all the time you've freed up from not gaming?
  14. Entry #18 I love Sundays. I get to drive alone, think without background chatter. I also like listening to podcasts while I'm on there. Today I felt inspired and moved by Tony Robbins' sharing and stories. He gave some good life advice: at every stage in your life, focus on how you can add more value. It is the only thing that is fulfilling - keep growing and giving. You can only have so much pleasure in the body by yourself. I'm grateful for: 1) Having access to brilliant minds, even if it's through podcasts. To be able to be continuously learning from some of the brightest minds in their fields. 2) To be able to give to a cause I care about. It's easy to think that you have to do well before you can do good for others, but I'm trying to exercise doing good for others despite how good or bad I'm doing. 3) Taking on a challenge - which is some sort of little speech on stage. I feel like that has forced me to grow in boldness. I tend to overthink things. I feel like things have to be done perfectly, especially if they are being done "live". Because of this I feel pressured and I'm, at times, tempted to back out. Over the years I have realized that this kind of attitude and thinking has really prevented me from becoming my best, I've learned to acknowledge that I'll always be imperfect and I just have to give my best in that moment and grow. Previously I might've not attempted things because I was so afraid of failing or looking stupid - instead I turn to games where progression is made easier and you can respawn, restart, save and reload if you make mistakes. That is just not reality, I've gotten so comfortable with that, that I am too hesitant/afraid to try new things. 4) I am grateful for not playing games. If I were still playing today. Oh MAN! My mind would be occupied by thinking of which equipment set would be worth grinding for and best suited to tackle this/that boss, or how to plan on allocating stat & skill points so I can get an edge in PVP, or how to outmaneuver the enemy team if they decided to play a certain strategy or a diff strategy. Point is these things take up a lot of brain space and the opportunity cost is FAR TOO HIGH. I'm just extremely grateful for being not on games today and the past 17 days because it has enabled me to grow as a human being. I believe continuing to do so will show more benefits and the longer I spend my time more productively, the more that the benefits will compound. I'm excited for this growth, and I know it'll be painful, I'll have to deny my urges, I'll have to work hard, not procrastinate, do things that are tedious/unenjoyable in the moment, I'll have to deny my being tired and still do/act be productive, but it will life worth living. I wish for you all to continue growing as well. :) Edit: Went through some old files - found some notes and responses from my interaction w a therapist/counselor from Jan 2016 - I did find myself seeking advice on quitting gaming. Wow.. that was nearly 2 years ago .. My gosh .. At least I'm moving on from it now. Also the counselor did advise me to reduce my time playing but not to quit completely. Yikes !
  15. Entry #17 So I've 2 friends' weddings tonight I'm looking forward to that. There will be a lot of people I know - friends and acquaintances from college life, from different social circles, etc. Sometimes I get a little social anxiety and I tend to drink a little beforehand to combat that. Will try and take notice of how I feel tonight, hopefully the non gaming and the being productive has lead to better self esteem/confidence and it will be genuinely a more enjoyable time out. Will challenge myself to be bold tonight and also to make new friends ? Grateful for: 1) Friends and opportunities to meet new people 2) A wonderful roof over my head, waking up and being able to have breakfast at home is a privilege 3) Having a good night's rest and starting Saturday positively. Edit: So I did have a good time at both weddings. Got compliments on my outfit hahaha - that was nice. I did feel cold turkey quitting gaming has improved my awareness and just being able to be more present even in social settings. Not proud that I had a little too much to drink though.
  16. Entry #16 Resisting the urges have created a little bit of a build up, I do feel sometimes that the struggle renews daily but its good to be able to combat it a day at a time. Being bombarded by target gaming ads is not helpful, wish there was a way to remove all that targeting. I spent a good chunk of the day doing the CFA today whilst part time working. Really preparing re entry into the finance. Went and had good food and sake with friends at night and did an escape room game to add some socializing to the day. It was nice. Grateful for: 1) Ability to concentrate and go through needed material for work - no procrastination at all today 2) Hanging with new and old friends again - enjoying relationships 3) Not caving into urges - daily wins count Looking forward to tomorrow :)
  17. Entry #15 Productive day today. The more the days progress without gaming (it was worst in the most recent years) the more I realize how much time I wasted and how much time could've been better spent. Not helpful to linger in guilt and non productive thoughts now. Using this realization to make even more use of my time whether it'd be work/career related, social or familial. Grateful for: 1) Growth in my personal life to understand the addiction, acknowledge, and take steps towards combatting it 2) Being able to be kind to myself, forgive myself for having made poor decisions in the past and not beat myself up about it 3) Being alive, being given the opportunity to right my wrongs, to live and explore life as a 23-24 year old. Still a lot ahead of me.
  18. What kind of music do you like playing on the piano ?
  19. Great to listen to your story. Hope you're able to truly experience growth throughout your journey. I'm rooting for you!
  20. Entry #14 I'd like to write journals at the end of the day, been brushing them off to the next morning. Did some financial modeling exercises today. Hope it really gets me prepared for next week. I tried to mediate a fight between my brother and parents. It was unpleasant to witness, there's definitely a communication barrier and lack of respect. Had some urges for porn/gaming because of this but I've tried as much as possible to be aware of times when I start to get anxious then -> I take a deep breath, acknowledge and understand why I'm feeling that way, let go of the anxiety, and move on. All in all I am grateful for being able to: 1) Put in effort to help solve familial conflict 2) Take a step forward in boldness by singing on stage and taking a moment to share a few words 3) Resisting the temptation/urge to cave into unhealthy habits despite feeling anxious I want to challenge whoever is reading to GO AND DO THAT THING you've thought of doing but haven't. Take the first step now !
  21. Entry #13 Not the best day today. I had some things I planned to do but I procrastinated and ended up doing secondary - non top priority things. I did read some self help things and watched a couple videos on them but I spent so much time on them I didn't get through my to do list. This lead me to feel anxious and displeased with myself and I was tempted to escape through gaming/porn. I have had some urges built up over the past few days and I did cave to porn (1 week..), not gaming though (13 days). I remember how it felt very dissatisfying after and, of course, in reality did not get me to where I want to be, do what I needed to do. So I'm penning down these thoughts to look through when tempted in the future. Overall I'm going to be cautious about these urges and not caving, I have to be. Today I'll start the day by doing the most important thing. I do want to be productive with my time, not just replace gaming/porn with watching videos or browsing even though the topics might be helpful. Grateful for: 1) Spending some time with grandparents just chatting and catching up 2) Learning a few ideas from the self help topics I browsed through - a key takeaway I'd like to share was that procrastinators seek perfection and fear failure/mistakes, as a result, the more they procrastinate, the more they'd expect the work to be great. This can be combatted through a mindset shift -> to seek growth instead of perfection. 3) The avenue to write my thoughts and feelings out so I can part with my emotions and thoughts and move forward. Cheers to a brighter day today!
  22. Entry #12 Great day overall, had a bit of a roller coaster ride. Had to be bold and confront my business partner on how we should move going forward - preparing the company to operate quite passively and parting ways. Had a meeting with a graphic designer - it was cool to see someone passionate about their work - she was knowledgeable, direct, confident, yet not overbearing nor loud. I find calm and confident attractive ?.. Aside from that I needed help preparing for this job test which I successfully postponed to next week because it does require a lot of work; I have 2 good friends who are in the industry and could really help. What was interesting was that one simply wished me good luck when I asked for advice, whereas the other really took time to help answer questions and even set a time to sit me through a case. I'm so grateful for this friend. They are both brilliant at what they do, one just seems self centered and either is too lazy to help or fears that helping someone else will cost him something, while the other is so willing to lend a helping hand. As for gaming / porn - got tempted a bit after feeling anxious about preparing for this case. It eased off with the help of this friend. Glad I didn't cave in :) Grateful for: 1) Successfully acting boldly and being quite radically transparent in a tough situation 2) Being reminded that there are attractive people out there ? 3) Having a friend who's really willing to help, and to contrast that with one that isn't Hope your days are bright!
  23. PFMA

    Xiryts Journal

    Give it a try? in that way at least you "level up" in real life in terms of boldness? ?
  24. PFMA

    Xiryts Journal

    Goodluck on that goal ! Are you able to find a community/group of people who share the same interest/passion you do in programming?
  25. Hey! I'd like to encourage you not to relapse. What kinds of things have you been doing to fill your free time? I believe gaming numbs you to feelings though. Where are you thinking of traveling next? Have you made specific plans yet? Looking forward to hear more from you