LogSin's GameQuitting Journal

[LogSin]

Discovered this site and was interested so I'll start a Daily Journal after a bit of consideration.

The situation: 29 years old, addicted for 20 years. I have a wife, no job, and attend the local community college for a computer science degree. I play video games every day for almost every single moment I'm at home. My wife works two jobs and this addiction has worn my soul down so hard I can't take this guilt anymore. I have got to end this. All I do is sit at home playing video games while my wife works two jobs and I barely skate by in community college.

I am currently locked out of registering for my future classes because I need to pass this 'Calculus I' class. This semester started on January 2nd and will end on February 20th. I feel overwhelmed with the work in the class, and gaming has occupied almost ALL of my studying time. I've tried to put pencil to paper but it's so hard when each problem takes over an hour (and these should not take me that long). It's self-demotivating. Anyways, this calculus class is the only class I'm registered for in this semester. It ends in less than a month and I feel like I know absolutely nothing. A test is coming this Thursday. The first test was last week and I'm pretty sure I got a zero or somewhere near there.

I want to be able to prove to my wife that I was worth marrying. I hope GameQuitters helps me do that. I have a long process ahead of me as I end my gaming addiction problems.

 

The time currently is 3:34 AM. I must wake around 6:45am. I must leave the house around 7:10am to attend the 8:30am-10:35am class session. When I return home, I will not do my normal routine of turning on the computer. I will however sit at my computer desk and study with my books. I plan to study until 2pm. At which point I will take a break. During this time I will shower. I will return to studying at 4pm until 5:30 or 6, when my cat will predictably announce his hunger. I will call this a good start. I don't want to overwhelm myself with too much studying. I will then read a book I've put off recently. If that bores me, I will turn on the TV. Around 8:30 I should be turning on my PC to attend a lambda mini bootcamp from 9pm-10pm. This may include some homework. I'll probably be in bed by midnight.

 

My goal will be to complete two problems from the textbook from any chapter. If I can do that tomorrow after school, I will post an update on the above. If not, then I probably lost all hope and will not return here.

Edited January 22, 2018 by LogSin

[J(e)RK]

Hey LogSin! Welcome to the community!

I just wanted to say that just because you don't immediately reach your studying goals, don't get discouraged because of it. If you feel like video games are getting in the way of something as simple as your own humanity and usefulness, then the first step is to quit them. Even so, I know that some people are able to quit and jump right into studying, and I believe that you can! You've got this. Just remember that.

[Piotr]

You've made a wise choice!

But you need to remember, that quitting video games isn't going to magically solve all problems. There will be struggle, there will be hard times, but don't get discouraged because of that. Remember one thing: it's worth fighting for! Just don't play for 90 days and then you will see by yourself how your life will change for better. You can expect these results:
- improvement at studies
- better grades
- more time for productive work
- finding a job
- most importantly: your wife smiling at your, feeling proud of who you become

Don't overthink it, don't give up. Just quit gaming!

[Cam Adair]

Grateful you have decided to join us here. Follow the program and you will get results for sure. There have been many others in a similar position to you, including @wookieshark88 who's journal would be great to read for inspiration. Wish you the best! Will be following along.

[MPieterse]

Welcome to the forum,

Feel free to vent, rage, and whatever you need to do to cope.

Some things that might help, 

One thing that may help is doing your best to remove yourself from temptations. You don't have to do anything drastic like getting rid of your computer, but make sure all your games are uninstalled is a good first step. I'm personally in community and most of my work on campus, I don't know what the situation is with the library, but I found that staying in a study environment helps me focus more. It sounds like you really love and care about your wife, talk to her about, and that you have a problem. Having emotional support can really mean a lot in your life.

Change might seem scary and hard, but you can do this! 

[LogSin]

 

So today didn't go so well. After class, I was tired since I only got a couple hours of sleep. I took a nap until around 6 to feed the cat. Afterwards I sat on the couch with my notebook and began looking at some of the problems we did in class last week. So I copied over one of the problems and spent a couple hours figuring it out while playing with my phone in between. Eventually I solved it and my answers matched up with what we got in class. It was 8:30pm at this time so I decided to get ready for the lambda school's online mini bootcamp which ran from 9pm-10pm. Finished that and did the homework (just learning git). Wife came home and she did it too (she's also signed up, so it's something we can do together).

 

It's 12:30am and i'm about to hit the shower/bed and see what tomorrow brings.. Also, the professor graded our exams from the other week, I got a 25/100. There's 3 exams this semester, lowest grade gets dropped. So this one is out the window. I have to do well on the next two exams. Professor pushed back Thursday's exam until next week. He says we're behind schedule.

So today I didn't play any games. Which I guess counts as a plus.

Day 1 complete

Edited January 23, 2018 by LogSin

[Cam Adair]

Stay focused and stay vigilant. One day at a time. 

[J(e)RK]

You may not have made all the progress in the world, but you have made some progress, and that's what important. Focus on what you did do, not what you could have done, because you didn't do what you could have done, and thus it does not matter.

[LogSin]

1/24/2018 1:47am

Thanks for the comments, I'm reading them.

Day 2 complete. No games played. I stayed home from community college today as I wasn't feeling well. However I studied for a few hours. I also attended the Lambda school session in the evening and completed the homework. I had to stop midway as the wife came home from work and I hadn't prepared dinner, so I threw some stuff together. I'm done with the lambda homework, heading to bed. Wife didn't even get to do the class today.

Having a freshly unused graph paper notebook and pencil at the ready while scouring youtube videos on calculus has helped me practice a bit. I fear I won't know enough by the exam next week, however. I will continue studying. I hope what I'm doing is enough.

Edited January 24, 2018 by LogSin

[LogSin]

1/25/18 6:53am

Day 3 complete. When I went to bed last night I didn't get to sleep until around 3:45 am cuz I was browsing Reddit on my phone.

This made me sleep from 1pm - 6pm after coming home from school as I was tired since I leave home for school at 7:10am.

I fed my cat and began doing some math problems. I only did this for a couple hours.

I attended the lambda mini boot camp at 9pm and wife came home and she caught up on the class she missed on Tuesday. She got tired and skipped the homework. I just finished the homework for last night's class at 6:30am... yeah, the homework took 6 hours. I'm just about to leave for school. To start the next day... Or something.

Edited January 25, 2018 by LogSin

[LogSin]

1/26/18 6:05am

Day 4 complete.

Just a quick update today. Came home from school and passed out until 6. Fed the cat, went on youtube until 9, attended the online programming bootcamp until 10, watched TV until 11, worked on bootcamp homework & reviewed class video until 6am and here I am about to head to bed. When I wake up day 5 will begin.

No video games still.

Edited January 26, 2018 by LogSin

[LogSin]

1/27/18 3:30AM

Day 5 complete.

I'll be honest. I slept way longer than I originally anticipated. I got up at 6pm, so I had almost 12 hours of sleep. However, I got in about 4 hours of studying for calculus. Wife attended a work party after work, and I stayed home to study (I was invited). When she came home we hung out for about an hour and she went to bed. I also made some index cards with equations on them so my wife can hold one up for me to write down on paper, solve, and see if my answer matches the one on the back of the index card. (I'm doing this so we can spend some more time together while I study). Honestly I feel like I've learned a whole lot. The test is on Monday (it's now Saturday early morning), and I intend to go to bed now and wake up around 11am maybe noon.

So far, replacing my gaming addiction with a healthy activity has proven beneficial. I mean, I knew it would, and I had a good feeling I could go without gaming for a while, but I wasn't sure if I could replace it successfully with productive activities. Here I am 5 days with no games at all (maybe a couple youtube videos, I'll be honest), and I feel way better than I did 5 days ago. I've gotten several hours of calculus studying and several hours of programming in. I actually feel like, if I do some more studying tomorrow (after i wake today) and sunday, I'll have a decent shot at a passing grade on this exam.

One caveat.. I haven't finished the bootcamp homework. I worked on it on Day 4 up until a point where I felt comfortable enough so that the rest of it would be somewhat easy. It's never actually 'due' though, since there's no grading, so whatever. I've got a good grasp of what's going on in that class. I'd say I know way more about that than I do calculus, lol. And I do intend to finish that bootcamp homework.

Things I need to work on: doing dishes, sweeping, wiping down surfaces, organizing.. my house is a disaster, but it's something I want to fix. I don't want to dive into it headfirst because I do better with gradual additions to daily routines.. things haven't ended well in the past with that... getting fed up makes me reset to zero. Does that happen to anyone else?

Edited January 27, 2018 by LogSin

[LogSin]

1/28/18 6:15AM

Day 6 complete.

Going to bed. Did a couple hours of studying and a few more than that programming.

[LogSin]

I've been too depressed to make any entries. I've failed my second exam. I tried so hard. My last entry was on Sunday at 6:15AM in which I ended Day 6 and went to bed.

I woke up for Day 7 on that Sunday 1/28 at around 2PM. I showered, ate some food and spent a little time with the wife until about 5PM, where I studied until 10:30PM. My test was at 8:30am the next day and I had planned on getting a full night's sleep before the exam so I can go in with a strong mind. However, when 10:30PM came upon me, I felt like I still needed more studying to do. To test myself I decided to solve the series of problems I had on the index cards. I did this until 2AM, in which I realized I did not have it down. Feeling unready for the exam, I decided to continue studying. Next thing I know it's 6:30AM and I need to get ready to leave for the exam.

By the time I walked into my exam I had been up for 18+ hours. This does not bode well for the mind.

 

I sat and was given my exam. I felt confident I would at least pass it. We were even given extended time. As I began reading through the first problem, other students around me began sniffling (it was cold outside). This made me lose concentration. Paired with my tiredness, I had not realized how irritated I became. Every 2 or 3 seconds some student was sniffling some big glob of snot stuck in their nose. Several students had this issue, apparently. It was so annoying. I could NOT focus whatsoever on the exam. Half way through reading a problem someone would sniffle and I would get frustrated by the distraction and would need to restart from the beginning of the problem. This happened for an hour and a half. Frustrated and at the end of the time limit, I was so distracted and irritated by everything I was unable to think straight, and I barely answered half of the questions (the professor said that prepared students should have been done with the exam in 15-20 minutes).

Upset with myself and realizing where I went wrong (staying up all night studying), I became angry. I went home and just tried to ignore all outside influences. I didn't want to speak with anybody. My wife came home early because she wanted to help me feel better, which actually annoyed me as well because I wanted to get some sleep and just start the next day already. We watched TV and I was noticeably irritated in my attitude. She understood and I tried to be as nice and thankful to her as possible and she understood my side too. Evening comes upon us, we've been watching TV, and I feel tired. I don't want to study, I don't want to do the programming bootcamp class tonight. I decided it's within my best interest to at least watch the class and get an overview and just not do the homework. So I stayed up and watched until around 10PM. I then somehow managed to surf youtube/reddit until around 5:30AM when I went to bed.

Day 7 completed on Tuesday 1/30 5:30AM.

Day 8 began at 6:45am (yep). I dragged myself to class. The professor began class by making me feel like a failure. "I thought yesterday's exam was simple. You should see the exams at MIT [the best engineering school in the world, according to him]. Just because this is a community college doesn't mean you get to pass the class without learning the math. You know, students at MIT, before their first day of class, they have already read their text books from cover to cover. There's only so much I can teach you in a class." yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. I spent the rest of the class looking on my phone and ignoring him. I knew I failed it. I knew I studied hard. Class ended, I came home.

I kept kicking myself all day as I started remembering parts of the exam that I could have answered correctly but was so distracted I couldn't think straight. I knew how to answer those questions. I was so pissed off, and I still am.

It's around 2PM now and I just want to get some sleep.

Day 8 completed on Tuesday 1/30 2PM. I needed sleep, and not just a nap. Wife came home at usual time and she let me sleep. I did not do bootcamp or the homeworks for it.

Day 9 began on Wednesday 6:00AM.

Class was fine. We started a couple new topics (Intermediate Value Theorem and Newton's Method). I took some good notes, it appears the professor knew how to explain these parts really well, or maybe my brain was refreshed and able to process information correctly, or maybe studying so much helped it become easier to learn the new topics.

I came home and pretty much just goofed off all day. I watched the bootcamp I missed but did not do the homework for it, and at 9PM watched the new class and did not do the homework for that one either.

About 2 hours ago I grabbed my notebook, textbook, pencil and eraser and sat down at my desk and said okay let's study.

I haven't studied. It's 1:35AM and I'm debating if I should still study. I think I'll go to bed so I'm not tired tomorrow when I get home from class.

Day 9 complete 2/01/2018 1:35AM.

[dwalk77]

Not sure if this helps or not, but just wanted to say I can relate to struggling with Calculus.  I think I failed or dropped that class 3 times before I finally passed "Business Calculus", which was easier. 

[info-gatherer]

Hi. I just read your whole journal and first of all let me say congratulations for deciding to quit games.

I want to give you some advice you might find helpful. There’s two things I noticed in your entries. First of all, you don’t have regular sleeping hours. Yes, quitting games is your main focus, but you should try to set some small goals, one at a time, to improve your overall life. You are not quitting because you want to live a life you don’t enjoy. So I suggest you to TRY YOUR BEST to go to bed at the same hour every day and, most importantly, wake up at the same hour. SLEEPING WELL ALSO MEANS STUDYING WELL. I see you have this habit of binging tv / reddit / yt before going to bed, no wonder you’re still awake at 5 AM. Make it a rule, and respect it: no surfing the net or tv after 22, except for writing your journal. I made this  for almost 2 weeks now and I feel like I live every day with more energy than ever. Studying is easier, doing chores is easier, socializing is more spontaneous. I had impossible sleeping hours for three years (in the worst months I used to go to bed at 6 AM and waking up at 4 PM every day) and now I feel reborn. Just do it. Give sleep priority.

the other thing I noticed is that you still play mobile phone games. They are games as well, aren’t less addictive than pc games (as many people here could tell you) and you should stop playing them if you’re on a detox.

BONUS TIP: As an above-average student for my whole life, I think I can tell why you have a problem with college. 1 You skip lessons. That’s a common mistake. Going to school every time you should effectively reduces the amount of homework you have to do and makes things easier to understand. 2 You can’t focus. Games and sleep deprivation are a big factor, but the habit of checking your phone too often is bad as well. I guess also social anxiety plays a part in that (if you suffer from it).

best of luck man, I root for you

[LogSin]

On 2/1/2018 at 6:56 PM, info-gatherer said:

Hi. I just read your whole journal and first of all let me say congratulations for deciding to quit games.

I want to give you some advice you might find helpful. There’s two things I noticed in your entries. First of all, you don’t have regular sleeping hours. Yes, quitting games is your main focus, but you should try to set some small goals, one at a time, to improve your overall life. You are not quitting because you want to live a life you don’t enjoy. So I suggest you to TRY YOUR BEST to go to bed at the same hour every day and, most importantly, wake up at the same hour. SLEEPING WELL ALSO MEANS STUDYING WELL. I see you have this habit of binging tv / reddit / yt before going to bed, no wonder you’re still awake at 5 AM. Make it a rule, and respect it: no surfing the net or tv after 22, except for writing your journal. I made this  for almost 2 weeks now and I feel like I live every day with more energy than ever. Studying is easier, doing chores is easier, socializing is more spontaneous. I had impossible sleeping hours for three years (in the worst months I used to go to bed at 6 AM and waking up at 4 PM every day) and now I feel reborn. Just do it. Give sleep priority.

the other thing I noticed is that you still play mobile phone games. They are games as well, aren’t less addictive than pc games (as many people here could tell you) and you should stop playing them if you’re on a detox.

BONUS TIP: As an above-average student for my whole life, I think I can tell why you have a problem with college. 1 You skip lessons. That’s a common mistake. Going to school every time you should effectively reduces the amount of homework you have to do and makes things easier to understand. 2 You can’t focus. Games and sleep deprivation are a big factor, but the habit of checking your phone too often is bad as well. I guess also social anxiety plays a part in that (if you suffer from it).

best of luck man, I root for you

Thanks for your reply! Yeah, my sleep schedule is terrible. I let things distract me too much. For some reason though you said I play mobile games - lol I've never installed a game on my phone (save for Angry Birds when that was new several years back). Not sure where you got that idea from lmao. Maybe you're mixing me up with a different journal. I haven't played any games since I started this. I've certainly felt the urge to hop into one of my favorite Quake Live servers, but decided against it.

My sleep schedule's been whacked for about 6 or 7 years. Sometimes it winds up going back to normal but then it gets out of sync again. It's just something I've accepted as a normal part of my life. I'm definitely going to put in a better effort to fix my schedule though. And I've got a head start because last night I went to bed at a normal hour and woke up at a normal hour thismorning.

Also I think you're mixing up the 'LambdaSchool programming bootcamp' class I'm taking online, with my college classes. Let me clarify a little since I can understand it being confusing for a reader. College and LambdaSchool are two completely different things. The school I go to is a community college. We are currently in a short semester (Winter Session, it's called, and runs from January 2nd to February 14th. An entire 3 month "Fall" semester's (normal semester is 3 months) worth of work is jammed into this one-month "Winter" semester. The only class I'm taking during this Winter semester is calculus. Anything more than that would have been way too much work.

LambdaSchool on the other hand, is an online tool that was advertising a free bootcamp program for people to sign up for and attend online. The free bootcamp was free, ran for two weeks (8 lessons) there's no grading policy, you technically don't submit anything, they don't grade anything, you just watch the live instructional videos, ask questions if you need to (in their chatroom), and do the work at home and keep it all to yourself as a learning experience (zero stress). Hope that's clarified some stuff.

 

Day 10 started on Thurs. 2/01 at 6:45am when I woke up to go to class.

It was nought but a normal day. We started learning integrals. He hasn't given exam grades back. The professor did say though, which contradicts what he said earlier in the semester, that he believes students who can manage to pass the departmental final exam, deserve to pass the class. He also said the 3rd exam (last class exam) will be on Thursday 2/8 or the following Monday 2/12. I hope it's the latter so I can get more study time in.

The rest of the day was uneventful. I could have studied, I could have cleaned the house (it's a disaster), I could have done a lot of things. But I did not. I feel like I'm falling off the proverbial wagon again and not taking care of my responsibilities. I did not attend the final bootcamp session, but I'm okay with that. I'll go back and watch the videos to do the homework.

I wound up heading to bed at 3AM.

Day 10 complete.

Day 11 started 2/02 at 6AM. The cat woke me up and I couldn't get back to sleep. My body's been used to short bursts of sleep. Since it's a friday I have no class. I had the whole day to myself. I made a list of things I needed/wanted to do which was: 1. Clean the surfaces of my home (tables, book shelves etc), 2. pay the rent (landlord lives a couple blocks away), 3. Get a much needed haircut, 4. Buy new atomizer and ejuice for my vape, 5. Study, 6. Bootcamp work, 7. Go to the gym.

I stayed home doing nothing until about 5pm browsing reddit and youtube. I decided okay I'm not letting my day go away like that. I have no more ejuice, my atomizer is burned out, my hair's all over the place, let's go. I took a shower, grabbed the rent money and walked my frozen ass over to the landlord and paid the rent. I walked 7 blocks to the bus stop and took the bus to the barber, who wound up being closed. So, no haircut. I walked my frozen ass 8 blocks to the vape shop to pick up some ejuice and atomizers and hopped back on the bus to get home. By this time It was almost 8pm and the wife was home. So we chilled on the couch until like 9:30 which is when we both realized we were starting to fall asleep watching TV and headed to bed.

Day 11 complete.

Day 12 started Sat. 2/03 at 7AM at a normal hour.. I hopped on here to see if anyone replied. I think from here on out I'm going to try and focus on a normal sleep schedule. I seem to have read that post at just the right time to start doing this. Things I could do today include: Dishes, Cleaning, Studying, Lambda Bootcamp, Gym. The barber will be closed today too. The most important of these tasks is studying. If all I can do today is get a good amount of studying in, I'll be happy.

Edited February 3, 2018 by LogSin

[info-gatherer]

Heyy  Welcome back! I misunderstood. On 1/23 you wrote that you were “playing with your phone”, I thought you meant playing games

Have a nice day!

[snehal harshe]

Hello

I can understand your concern. You may not have made all the success, but you have made some progress.Appreciated your work. Focus on what you doing, not what you could have done. Thanks a lot for your dedication and, keep up the great work! First of all, let me congratulate all of you guys for a great job forums.

I am leaving a comment for Full stack training in Nagpur

[TheNewMe2.0]

Good work getting off the games. Maybe the ejuice is next. What's this bootcamp thing all about?