November 15, 20177 yr Author Day 45-48 Halfway done. Yes!!! It's been a rough week, but I've also been putting in a lot of work! Truly, truly grateful for family and friends. Their support is helping me a lot. Each day getting closer to getting the funds needed for mums funeral. My family did not talk about it.. dismissed it... be prepared for your funeral! Grateful to be home, meditation, family, friends, ice cream, patience, persistence, faith, strength, courage, power, and honesty.
November 15, 20177 yr On 10/15/2017 at 6:59 PM, ChewyChickenBones said: Day 17 Started off the day with yoga, busy day at work, ate dinner, was pretty tired. Fell asleep really early. Day 18 My stomach has been bothering for some time now. Gotten many missed diagnosis from doctors and only one accurate one. It's H. Pylori. A pesky bacteria. Been feeling a little sluggish, and tired for a while. My upset stomach is a big factor. Dedicating this week getting resources and start eliminating this MOTHERFUCKING BUG. I am grateful for: my existence, support, to see, breathe, listen, talk, walk, warm shower, my persistence, and dedication to keep pushing through all these challenges. Oh wow H pylori! I am learning somthing about that in school Do you take the triple therapy?
November 20, 20177 yr Author @dirkj3 Took the triple therapy when diagnosed. The pesky bugger is still there. Had ultrasounds taken and have more doctor visits set up for the rest of the year. Determined to heal! Day 49-53 2017 has been a heck of year. How will the year end? Who knows, one day at a time. Faced a lot of challenges this week, wanted to run away from it all. Wanted to hop on a quick game, smoke, drink, anything that was not dealing with this! Instead, pushed through it and well.. it's actually not as difficult as my thoughts made it seem. Being trapped in those negative thoughts were actually more hell than actually facing this! It has not been easy or quick, it's been a gradual growth. One day at a time, one step at a time! Video games... as my life and priorities are changing, can't help but wonder if I should even game at all. Time is finite, the time devoted on games will never return.
November 21, 20177 yr Author Day 54 Emotional rollercoaster of a day. Don't want to get into details, but it all worked out in the end. My anxiety is way less now that I am on this detox.. but it's more than just this detox. This year I have done immense changes in my life to eliminate the triggers, and to acknowledge that some were/are nothing more than cognitive distortions. Gradual growth, that is what this year has been for me, and looking forward everyday to grow and advance. The few times I have lost my cool tho... I'm still learning to deal with it. Not running away, or numbing it, but actually facing it. It's still not an easy thing to do. Was looking at some old messages... the broadband internet was complete BS in this neighborhood. Took several months, calls, time, patience, and persistence.... but they did it. This (ex)gamer was pissed off that his games were laggy, so he kept persisting until the engineers fixed the lines. Feels like this was my first experience with persistence, and patience it paid off... funny thing is I began the detox a little after the broadband lines were fixed. Didn't enjoy it much, however trading my addiction to get my life back is something I am very happy to have done. Grateful for this support group, strength, patience, persistence, faith, truth, power, courage, water, walk, live, breathe, listen, and reading. Edited November 21, 20177 yr by ChewyChickenBones
November 24, 20177 yr Author Day 55-58 Currently at the ER. Abdominal pain is not going away, and eating anything messes me up more. With all these life events going on... all that I'm asking myself is: WHAT'S NEXT?! 32 days left to finish the detox. 37 days to end the year. Determined to take care of my body! Time is finite. Will continue to invest in myself. My real life was a freaking mess! Cleaning it up one step at a time. One day at a time.
November 24, 20177 yr Take care! Don't worry about what happens, for it will happen anyway. Always have a plan and an optimistic approach. You're doing great man, almost two months!
December 8, 20177 yr Author Day 59-71 Been away for a while. Life has changed a lot. Mum is eternally resting. Witnessed her last breath. Pressed the button to start the cremation process. Tossed a handful of dirt on her pyramid vault. Life. Death. Love. Memory. Gastritis. Anxiety. There's a link between these two. They feed off each other! The anxiety makes the abdomen/stomach feel worse and gastritis is the root source of the anxiety. It's a vicious cycle, and it shall be defeated!
December 10, 20177 yr Author Day 72-74 Researching. Reading. Learning. It's gone from scoring great deals on mint condition used games to scouting thrifts store for books. Been looking for a location to relax and read books in peace. Have not felt comfortable at home ever since the shooting. Can't help but be vigilant to the activity outside. Prefer to leave the place in search of a relaxing place. Love the FLCL is getting season 2 and 3! Really like that series. Grateful for another day of life, read, write, walk, talk, see, listen, hear, taste, and sleep.
December 11, 20177 yr Author Day 75 Grateful to exist, live, read, write, walk, talk, listen, read, learn, taste, and see. Waking up a lot more grateful for the things in life and the progress each day brings. The battle with gastritis varies by individual. There is no clear cut solution as the symptoms and food tolerances are different for each person. My own journey is moving gradually, making better food choices and got some doctor and GI appointments this week. 15 days left!!
December 13, 20177 yr Author Day 76 Definitely need a laptop. Use a netbook but it has a lot of problems that no amount of resets seem to fix. :[ @Cam Adair made an unbelievably personal post this week. The fact that he is willing to expose so much of his vulnerability. Brother, it is inspiring. Keep going. Your e-mail with @Hitaru quote is really damn good. Been keeping a vlog series where I keep track of my 90 day detox... I kept it private to share it with family and friends, but you two have inspired me to share it with the world. Facebook/YouTube - HellDragonDante Facebook.com/HellDragonDante Grateful to exist, live, breathe, walk, talk, see, listen, hear, talk and water. >>>>>>>>>>>>> How do I edit the title of the journal? Not able to edit the first post. Edited December 13, 20177 yr by ChewyChickenBones
December 13, 20177 yr Thank you brother! Let me know what you want the new title to be and we can make that happen.
December 15, 20177 yr Author On 12/13/2017 at 0:00 AM, Cam Adair said: Thank you brother! Let me know what you want the new title to be and we can make that happen. @Cam Adair New title - ChewyChickenBones journal and vlog. If can, edit the first post so I with a link to the vlog playlist. 90 DAYS OF NO GAMES: Day 77-78 Grateful for another day of life. Grateful to have food, to listen, see, hear, walk, talk, eat, food and family. It's been harder to post and vlog after mom passed away but it's because I have a lot more things to do now. Getting used to managing my time with more tasks.
December 19, 20177 yr Author It's hard to admit I will go back to gaming on this site. Knowing that I have done well in this challenge, I start to think that if I stay off 90 days, I can control games. Damn it, it's itting me hard on the final days.
December 19, 20177 yr Hang in there bro. If it's causing that much tension and resistance, give yourself more space. No need to prove anything to yourself or others.
December 19, 20177 yr Agree with Cam. Your journey, your rules. We care and it will be amazing when you reach 90 and beyond, we look forward to any good news, but we're not a board of shareholders. Your challenges are your own. It's not about games yes or games no (that would be only abstinence), it's about working on what makes you the happiest and most productive (the usually come in hand since you get to say what productive means to you). Finding your own potential and living it to the fullest.
December 24, 20177 yr Author Thank you. Day 87 As the detox nears it's final days... i realize how hard I have been to myself. I create scenarios... and it always involved conflict. I felt overwhelmed. Expected to be scoured or questioned about my decision to game again. It makes my stomach twist to admit that. I'm preparing to go back to gaming. Returning back focused because being involved in this industry is my dream. My struggles were beyond playing too much. It was from allowing others to decide for me. It was that or conflict. To make my own choices has been damn hard. Whether or not I make a success from gaming, I want to at least know the satisfaction that I tried. That I choose to do something for myself. I am grateful for this fucking site. Thanks for having a lot of tools available. The articles, videos, this forum, damn it made me feel like this 90 day detox was easy. Grateful for water, human thought, emotion, life, sight, vision, speech, art, communication and existence. Grateful for breakfast! Edited December 24, 20177 yr by ChewyChickenBones
December 26, 20177 yr Author Day 89 MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Day 90 is close. Excited to return with the ambition and goal to make money in the industry. Watching two friends stream atm. Their life-work balance inspires me. Today was another good day at work. The customer service personality is fading away. I'm just being myself. I am taking action to learn at work. I know that as I gain more confidence, my true person comes out. @Cam Adair your book is very well structured. I would have gotten lazy if I did not have that guidance. Paying for the book really helped me pay attention, takes notes, and learn. The variety of resources available are great too. I am grateful for this site. Edited December 26, 20177 yr by ChewyChickenBones
December 26, 20177 yr Author Day 90 Almost there. One more day to win. I am grateful to live, breathe, eat, walk, think, listen, talk, my apartment, job, this site, and water.
December 27, 20177 yr 20 hours ago, Cam Adair said: Congrats brother! Would love for you to share your story here. Would love to read it for sure Amazing job good sir!
December 28, 20177 yr Author Taking responsibility for my actions. It's been hard to accept. I am grateful I completed the detox, I gamed today, food, girl, car, hear, talk, see, walk, think, change and apply.
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