Bujo's Journal

[Bujo]

Hello there. Short introduction.

Day 1

was yesterday. Kinda weird day to be honest. I am sick atm so im not going to work til next Monday. I woke up at 2 pm and the first thing i did was start up the PC. I wanted to play but instead i went to gamequitters, watched a few videos and decided to uninstall all my games. The reason for that was the thought that if i am playing over the next 4 days monday will pretty much be here already, i will be tired and worn out by gaming, and would have done nothing productive at all the last 4 days. And i dont want that to happen again. So I took a bath, made myself ready to go out and went to my percussion lesson i finally signed up for last week. It was really enjoyable but as soon as i was home again i wanted to play. The cravings were strong so i watched some Twitch to calm my mind. I was up late and went to bed at around 2 am. But i did not play so thats a start.

Day 2

The day pretty much just started as i woke up at 2 pm again. I feel pretty awake and not that sick anymore so the sleep was worth it. But as soon as i woke up i wanted to play. I ate breakfast, watched some youtube and right now i am doing this post. And i really feel like playing some Overwatch right now. Its so weird. I dont even enjoy it that much. Its all about the sick multikill plays that give me a short high. If i were to play right now i would most likely get mad at my teammates for perfoming bad, get mad at myself for getting mad at this game, would join pointless arguments via ingame chat, and it would be 2 am in an eyeblink. And I dont want that to happen. 

Ok rant over, i will probably read the book "The Present" today as it luckily came yesterday after i just ordered it without thinking about it like 2 weeks ago when i read some comments of a TEDx talk. Other then that i could buy some food and make myself a nice meal, clean my flat and listen to some music. Let's see how it goes 

[Hitaru]

Great start! Doing stuff outdoors helps a lot, see if you can for example listen to music outside (instead of on the computer at home).

[zeke365]

good to see you on your new journey 

[thehondasc00py]

Yo welcome on the path to greatness. I like how you put yourself in a "what if" scenario with the Overwatch craving, I do that too. What also helps is paying close attention to what the craving is and breaking it down into it's seperate components like so:

• mental image/video playing in your head
• a feeling somewhere in your body, like excitement or rush
• perhaps mental talk (not necessarily)

these components all come together and merge to create "the craving". but breaking them down and seperating them allows you to deal with them much better. and also realize that these phenomena are completely impermanent.

 

[giblets]

Welcome mate!

[SlackRamen]

 

Other then that i could buy some food and make myself a nice meal, clean my flat and listen to some music. Let's see how it goes 

I think it's great to see you looking after yourself @Bujo. Battling those cravings isn't easy. Onwards!

[Bujo]

Day 3

Yesterday was kind of like day 2, had a hard time getting up but eventually took a shower and felt like a new person. I definitely have to work on my morning routine on free days. Starting up the PC right after waking up should not be my go to anymore. Its interesting because on work day i immediately take a shower upon waking up and am ready to go. 
Anyways the Day started late but i went out, had a lucky perfect spot to watch Fireworks, went to a friend and watched some movies while enjoying a few drinks. Overall a pretty good day. Had some cravings in the morning but nothing serious.

 

Day 4

Same thing with the morning routine. My alarm went off at 11:30 am but i slept til 1 pm. I started up the PC and was about to visit twitch but decided to watch some TED talks instead. At 3 PM i finally took a shower and my motivation skyrocketed. I went voting and then ate some at McDonalds for the first time in half a year or so. It tasted fine but i felt like i ate nothing afterwards even tho i had just eaten like 1.5k calories ; so thats enough McD for the next year.
I walked to my fathers place, took care of his cat and watched some Netflix. Just got home and i feel pretty good right now. Not thinking about gaming at all. And i really start to enjoy just walking places and being in nature, its so calming.
I also started reading my book and damn do i enjoy it. I almost finished it and am already looking forward to the next one. Something interesting happened while reading - I got very emotional and almost teared up even tho the story was nothing to tear up about  it felt good tho.
 

I am about to catch some sleep now and start fresh into the next week. Im actually looking forward to work as it will keep me busy for most of the day. I will probably start to work out again tomorrow if my health allows it. If not i will wait a couple more days, dont wanna fuck things up. 
 

Peace out 

 

[giblets]

Have you tried this surge of "poke" cafes instead of MccyDees? I had my first salad from one of those places on the weekend and it was pretty good. I was skeptical of the seaweed crackers but they turned out to be alright! Either way, I am glad to see more healthier fast food options appearing (assuming it is healthier), so you might want to try some of them out instead.

[Bujo]

Have you tried this surge of "poke" cafes instead of MccyDees? I had my first salad from one of those places on the weekend and it was pretty good. I was skeptical of the seaweed crackers but they turned out to be alright! Either way, I am glad to see more healthier fast food options appearing (assuming it is healthier), so you might want to try some of them out instead.

I dont quite know what you mean with "poke" cafes, have not seen them in germany. But fast food is not really a problem for me, i rarely eat junkfood. 

Day 5

Just a normal work day. Still feeling sick so didnt work out today which sucks. I could really use the good feeling and energy you get when you work out right now. Yesterday i went to bed at 10 pm and couldnt fall asleep. At 11:30 i decided to read my book instead of lying there restless. I finished it and it was pretty good. I really enjoy reading which is something i never thought i would say a week ago . Next up is Rich Dad Poor Dad which i just bought today. Can't wait to get into it. 

Something i miss about gaming right now is the socialisation. Simply chatting with guys ive known and gamed with for years now or hanging out in a twitch channel. Feeling kinda lonely.

Thats it for today, will read some now and then get some good sleep :-) 

Actually no, lets do some gratitudes, i really like the concept:

Im grateful for:
- having a job
- the capability to make good healthy food on my own
- being healthy (except for that damn cold )
 

Peace!

Edited September 25, 2017 by Bujo

[Bujo]

Day 7

Wow 1 week already, pretty awesome.
Today we had breakfast together at work. Eating and talking for like an hour was pretty enjoyable. 
I can already feel the good effect non gaming has on me. Socialising is a lot easier when you dont constantly feel like you cant look someone in the eye because you are tired as fuck and gamed all day. When i gamed i always had this weird feeling somewhere in the back. The feeling that you cant really talk to people and focus on them and respond properly because some thoughts about gaming are always present. I dont quite know how to describe it.

Yesterday i realized that i want to get into some kind of martial arts. I think it would be really valuable for me to get into "fights" in a safe environment. Back in school i got bullied by some kids. At first i defended myself but in 5th grade i got into a fight i initiated and lost badly. Ever since i kept shut when bullied (which got worse over time) and got really anxious about it. The fear that a situation might get physical also seems to stun in situations that definitely wont, like at work. I think that actually experiencing fights and learning how to defend myself properly will help me to be able to stand up for myself in all parts of life.

Another thing that happened today is that my mother asked for money. For some background, she is currently not working because of mental illness and she is really bad with money. No matter how much money she has, no matter how big her budged, it wont last a month. Back when we lived together (like 3 months ago) she even stole money from me. Back to today, she asked for money and i simply told her no. It sounds like a casual thing to do, pretty easy, but if you basically dont know other and your mother asks you for stuff it gets into quite deep psychological stuff. I mean i love her, and i offered her to buy some food and stuff (which she declined) and she sometimes helps me out, too, just because she wants to and can at the moment, but that just has to stop.

Oh well, it has only been a week and my mindset already shifted in a way i couldnt have imagined. I hope it stays this way. If my future self would ever get back to gaming, dont, life is much better without!

Gratitudes:
- my bed
- books
- a hot shower in the morning

Peace!

PS: Does someone know how i can get rid of all those red lines below words? I think autocorrection is set to german, but i cant find an option to change it anywhere.

[WorkInProgress]

Hi and congratulations on the game free week and saying no. I know that this can be really hard, especially if it involves family

PS: Does someone know how i can get rid of all those red lines below words? I think autocorrection is set to german, but i cant find an option to change it anywhere.

You can right click  on the window your writing in and select -> Rechtschreibprüfung -> English as option (at least in chrome). Definitely try out some martial arts. I heard of many people who started it after the detox and only had good experiences. Most of the "dojos" have free tryout-sessions and people are usually pretty friendly there.

If you have problems with your morning routine I would advice you to make a plan for the next day so you have a reason to get up and go showering the first thing n the morning. It doesn't have to be smth. productive just something which is important to you.

Best of luck! If you have any questions feel free to write pm's. Lately i am not as regular online as I was half a year ago but if I am online, I am happy to help.