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Laney

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Hey Laney,

Sorry to hear you're having a bad day! It will pass :)

One thing I will just pipe in about is that you mentioned ADHD. I dated someone with ADHD for 2 years, so I have some sense of how that affects someone. I was with her before and after her diagnosis, and before and after her she started taking medication and learning about ADHD. I was able to see what a difference proactively dealing with her condition (which is legally considered a disability) did for her, and how much it improved her life. If you already know all this, then disregard. I just wanted to say that doing everything you can to treat the ADHD will likely be a ton of help, if you haven't yet. For someone with ADHD it's not just a matter of trying harder or trying to be more disciplined. If you truly have ADHD, then at a neurobiological level you have more difficulty than most people with self-regulation, self-control, executive function - so don't beat yourself up over something chemical that you can't control. Be kind to yourself, focus on what you can control and do the best you can! There are advantages to ADHD as well, so learning to leverage though can be great too.

Hope this helps. Hang in there!

Thanks Kortheo! I was diagnosed about two years ago actually. It's been a wild ride and most of the progress came from not blaming myself for failures. I'm on medication but... I've stopped going to a psychologist for therapy. I'm not sure why I haven't made another appointment, out of sight, out of mind I guess :P

I'm not worried about the discipline, that can be taught to myself through good habits and medication, so I'm pretty on top of those now! I'm more so worried about my inability to find words and my inability to remember concepts clearly enough to describe them to others. Not sure if that can be fixed with medication.

And yes I love ADHD as well, I think I bring a lot to the table as a friend, coworker or lover. But I can't show people with words that I do, I have to show them with my work and my actions and I hate that. I'm very sociable, I thought I'd do well in business and with friends. Turns out I just offend people more often than not because of how blunt and honest I am(every time I think I've learned good tact, I say or do something else bad). Anyway, progress with discipline is actually possible. Progress with my brain's recall is not. And instead of thinking about solutions (I have google why do I need recall? :P) I'm moping and upset with myself.

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Made my first painting today with my cousin. It was her Christmas gift for us to paint together. I'm very surprised at what a two hour guided painting session can accomplish. 

I'll end this with a quote so we can all munch on what my friend told me, "You did this in two hours. Imagine what you can create if you spent four hours on a painting." 

Screenshot_2016-01-01-19-05-15-1.png

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Ah, an artist. Art is one of my passions. You did well on that piece - emphasis created on the flower in the sun is well done, with that extreme contrast. Also, the light and the dark are well balanced in the space on the painting.

Keep it up!

I also wonder if I have ADHD. I've never seen anyone about it, but I can relate to just about all of the inattentive-type issues but few of the hyperactive traits.

Meditation seems to be having a highly positive impact for me. It's even impacting my art and music - I start to think about the lines as I place them down, instead of getting this messy crap. And, with music it's like I'm more aware of my playing and can apply finer nuance and really be in the moment with the piece itself, instead of being sort of lost in thought while my hands make the motion on the keys.

Edited by Alkan

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Ah, an artist. Art is one of my passions. You did well on that piece - emphasis created on the flower in the sun is well done, with that extreme contrast. Also, the light and the dark are well balanced in the space on the painting.

Keep it up!

 Thank you! Unfortunately I cannot take credit for the extreme contrast idea other than I picked this painting session specifically because of the contrast and deep golden red hues. I'm not that creative without a guide, but perhaps later I can compose an original painting when I figure out what works with my style.

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"You did this in two hours. Imagine what you can create if you spent four hours on a painting." 

 

Hi Laney! Nice painting :D! You're friend is right about that, but there is something else you might want to think about too!

Imagine your skill in painting if in the future you spent the same amount of time you spent playing online never-ending rpg's. Well, let's say a healthy amount of time. I don't know how much time one needs to practice each day, but imagine you spent at least 1 hour every day painting. That's 15 days of painting at the end of the year if you only do the bare minimum. If you spent 2 hours on each painting that is 182.5 paintings. That's a lot of practice, and "practice makes perfect". 


I don't know if painting is the same as drawing in this way, but in the beginning I've read quantity over quality is a better methodology. By that I mean, not totally finishing the process. IMO I need to get down the basics of drawing buildings in 2 point perspective before I jump into drawing the landscaping and learning how to shade and colour a building properly. Therefore if I just spend my time only practicing drawing buildings in a 2 point perspective, and then moving on to the next drawing once I finish the building to my liking I can get a lot more drawings in then if I took each one to the very end of the process. 

I personally think it works better this way, because at my skill level everything is a challenge. The idea of doing the entire process: drawing the building, colour, shading, landscaping etc is a daunting and very long process because I'm not good at any of it. If I expected myself to do the entire process for every drawing, I don't think I would make it past the first one! 

Just my 2 cents, I don't know if that helps! 

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"You did this in two hours. Imagine what you can create if you spent four hours on a painting." 

 

Hi Laney! Nice painting :D! You're friend is right about that, but there is something else you might want to think about too!

Imagine your skill in painting if in the future you spent the same amount of time you spent playing online never-ending rpg's. Well, let's say a healthy amount of time. I don't know how much time one needs to practice each day, but imagine you spent at least 1 hour every day painting. That's 15 days of painting at the end of the year if you only do the bare minimum. If you spent 2 hours on each painting that is 182.5 paintings. That's a lot of practice, and "practice makes perfect". 


I don't know if painting is the same as drawing in this way, but in the beginning I've read quantity over quality is a better methodology. By that I mean, not totally finishing the process. IMO I need to get down the basics of drawing buildings in 2 point perspective before I jump into drawing the landscaping and learning how to shade and colour a building properly. Therefore if I just spend my time only practicing drawing buildings in a 2 point perspective, and then moving on to the next drawing once I finish the building to my liking I can get a lot more drawings in then if I took each one to the very end of the process. 

Thank you so much! I have even given this advice to others and hadn't connected it to painting lol. Today I'll try to go out and buy supplies to practice everyday with. 

Would you suggest joining an art class? My experience is zero, but it does seem enticing to learn to paint on my own and develop my own style. I've never composed anything.. Songs, lyrics, drawings. I fear I'll have no vision on my own. 

Edited by Laney

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I'm honestly unsure, I think the effectiveness of classes depends on the person and activity. Definitely go out and buy supplies, can't go wrong with that!

I think everyone has creativity and has their own unique vision. If you've played a lot of mmorpg's, and still play offline rpgs I think you do have some creativeness in you. Did you use to role play in mmorpgs? Did you ever write a backstory for a character, or imagine a story or quest line or something like that? 

I found this series online, I'm sure there is a lot more material online as well if this doesn't work for you but just from listening to this guy for a few minutes I really like the sound of his voice. He talks about a system called "painting by numbers", maybe it's something you could look into? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddd7qdMm5r4 . It looks like it's a series on the basics so it could be good to watch the series!

Remember to not get caught up in perfectionism. That's not just the painting itself, but the supplies too. Don't get caught up too much in the perfect paintbrush, perfect paints etc be focused on getting that brush covered in paint and on canvas/paper. Also on worrying about creativity and vision, most of the the things I've read about drawing (might not apply to painting? I don't know) is that when you're a beginner you should be drawing from reference and not from memory. Drawing from memory is hard, and you're right that being creative isn't always easy. Therefore in the beginning it's a lot easier to find something to draw/paint. If you can't find anything IRL you could always go for pictures of things. Pictures of things aren't perfect, but it's a lot better than doing nothing! 

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Day 22 1/6/16

School started this week! I've been very stressed worrying about classes (was dropped from everything because I forgot to pay and thought I wouldn't be able to walk in spring because of it) But everything turned out okay and I got all the classes I need. I can stop worrying about it now and am free to focus on my personal growth and give full attention to my classes.

On Monday, I bought the painting materials I said I would get! Spent a little over $50 and got a set of brushes, seven colors of acrylic paints(red blue yellow green brown white black), a bottle of gesso(primer that allows me to paint with acrylics on any surface), a set of mini square canvases and another set of medium small canvases as well. I've been SO BAD about exercising and painting, consistently telling myself I'll do it later or do it tomorrow.  From today onwards I'm scheduling late afternoons during the weekdays (3-5pm or 3-6pm) as exercise and painting time. I won't get anything done unless it's IN MY DARN PLANNER. :( So it's about time it's in there.

In addition, since I drive often I was thinking about getting audio books. It'd keep me entertained and I wouldn't be wasting as much time reading on the side, I could do my Self-Help 'reading' in the car instead. My only issue is, will I retain it? And is it a bad idea for them to be on CD's? My car only has a CD player and it seems rather cumbersome to eject, insert, eject, insert. Will try it out anyway, since the benefit probably outweighs in the inconvenience.

3 Things I am grateful for:

  1. My class and work schedule is great, I have every weekday afternoon available. Having personal goals beginning at 3pm like exercise or daily painting will be GREAT for building habits. Who knew I would love late afternoon so much?
  2. The blanket in my car
  3. For the classmate who told me it was OK. Wow. I've never had anyone tell me they didn't blame me for [blank]. I appreciate that, dude. Honestly. It creates a very open and understanding feel in the classroom, which will pave the way for deeper conversations + progress in the future. As [blank] I've always felt as though my side wasn't heard, wasn't acknowledged as real, or understood that it can be extremely hard to change/was extremely hard to change. [being vague for anonymous reasons, nothing bad/crazy at all I just know this forum is pretty public]

One amazing thing that happened today:

The storm caused a tree to fall on the road. Since the campus shuttle couldn't bring us to the far parking lot, I ended up walking there with a friendly stranger in the rain (poor guy only had a cotton hoodie). Halfway there we heard a biiig roar/whoosh and looked around. Moments later we were being pummeled by intense winds and rain! It was like we were in a hurricane or something. Nature is amazing! and very wet.

What could I have done to make my day better?

Hah..ha... I could have not gone to that kickback and drank the night before. Honestly my body was very kind to me for how unkind I've been to it this week. Obviously I'm taking steps to take care of myself, water, food etc, but my body never was on this 4½ to 7½ hours a night schedule before four months ago. In highschool I'd average 12 hours or more on weekends for sleep, and now I don't let myself sleep more than 9 when I can sleep in.

I could also keep a pair of boots in my car because wet feet are no fun.

What I am going to do differently today:

Today I will exercise and start painting.

 

Creative Section:

Completed and mailed the perler badge gift for a friend. It turned out really great!! They loved it. 

NxrxxQ7.jpg

Edited by Laney

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I use Audible for audiobooks and love it. You might not retain all of it, but you can also listen on 1.5/2x speed so you can listen to it twice for each time you read it... and I use audiobooks less for "I must retain everything (ie: study)" and more to continue my mind having positive information and mindsets throughout the day.

If you want to try Audible, use this link and that will help support GQ if you decide to continue with it. You also get 2 free audiobooks to start I believe.

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I use Audible for audiobooks and love it. You might not retain all of it, but you can also listen on 1.5/2x speed so you can listen to it twice for each time you read it... and I use audiobooks less for "I must retain everything (ie: study)" and more to continue my mind having positive information and mindsets throughout the day.

If you want to try Audible, use this link and that will help support GQ if you decide to continue with it. You also get 2 free audiobooks to start I believe.

Is Audible unlimited books per month if you pay for it? (not free trial)

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I use Audible for audiobooks and love it. You might not retain all of it, but you can also listen on 1.5/2x speed so you can listen to it twice for each time you read it... and I use audiobooks less for "I must retain everything (ie: study)" and more to continue my mind having positive information and mindsets throughout the day.

If you want to try Audible, use this link and that will help support GQ if you decide to continue with it. You also get 2 free audiobooks to start I believe.

Is Audible unlimited books per month if you pay for it? (not free trial)

1 book credit per month + discount on extra credits. (Every few months I end up purchasing 3 extra credits because I listen to 1-2 books/month.) I believe (I haven't done this personally) that if you don't like a book you can delete it and you get that credit back. 

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Hey Laney, I think you are a very talented artist. I love your pixel stuff, especially how you use color to bring out the illusion of 3D. And your painting is stunning. 

In addition, since I drive often I was thinking about getting audio books. It'd keep me entertained and I wouldn't be wasting as much time reading on the side, I could do my Self-Help 'reading' in the car instead. My only issue is, will I retain it? And is it a bad idea for them to be on CD's? My car only has a CD player and it seems rather cumbersome to eject, insert, eject, insert. Will try it out anyway, since the benefit probably outweighs in the inconvenience.

Retention: it will improve with time as you get used to audiobooks. What I usually do: non-fiction on my Kindle, fiction on my MP3 player.

Car CD player: maybe it has an AUX input hidden somewhere? That way you just need a 3.5mm male-to-male stereo audio cable to connect your phone.

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I've been thinking of purchasing a new radio or a wire splitter that would replace the cd player for my car. It's in that awkward stage where cassettes weren't cool anymore, and aux ports weren't in the cars yet. :( 

Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

Thank you Tom. First, I was pretty OCD about the color scheme on the pixels, except flame and leaf, and it makes me happy that you noticed! Secondly, I am excited to learn my brushes, paints and canvases better. Progress will probably look slow or I'll have crappy days, but you guys aren't paying me so it doesn't matter :P 

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Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

With non-fiction I prefer my Kindle because I can easily re-read passages, jump to footnotes, and see the illustrations. Fiction is something I usually read when my hands are busy (doing chores, buying groceries...) or before falling asleep.

 

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Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

With non-fiction I prefer my Kindle because I can easily re-read passages, jump to footnotes, and see the illustrations. Fiction is something I usually read when my hands are busy (doing chores, buying groceries...) or before falling asleep.

 

+1. I'm not big on audiobooks (I do a lot of podcasts though) but I love kindle for non-fiction. Also great for looking up technical terms you might not know on the fly.

I've also recently started reading fiction before bed, and I think that's a great way to go. As Tim Ferriss puts it, reading fiction is a good way to wind-down the analytical, problem-solving part of your brain that's been going all day.

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Day 23

Firstly, I want to shout out to @AlexTheGrape who's inspired me to use the visualization technique he mentions quite often. Week three is showing me that this journey is far from over, and that quitting games for good will take a lot of effort on my part. This is the first week where I felt like I had free time: family is gone, school has started, all my gift projects are completed. Leaving me with my old habits trying to kick in. That's where I've used this vivisualization. My trigger to use it is when I'm itching to go to the habit of logging onto my computer and playing a game.

So for three days I've done this, I would describe it as pausing myself and forcing myself to become aware of: first my surroundings, then remembering my wants and goals for this week, then feeling which is more important (goal or my surroundings), then imagining the finished act or me doing the act of what I've selected I should do.

This has helped put my brain back in it's right place each and every time. I don't think doing it once a day in the morning is the right style for me, and that's okay. I'm using it and it's working! So thank you Alex. 

I've made progress here but I still need to clean my car with a vacuum and cleaning supplies, throw out WAY more clothes, I've kept too many because I have a lot of cute clothes in general, but I never wear certain colors, the ones that've lost their elasticity or shape, or just don't seem appropriate for a white girl to wear-such as the red and black chinese dress I love but have never worn, cultural stuff basically, and waaaaay too many accessories to handle. 

For some reason I feel I'll get an amazing sense of peace and confidence if I get all my organizing/cleaning done. 

4 Things I Am Grateful For

1. The break in the rain today, the sky was gorgeous

2. The gal that let me feel included last night when I was getting anxious

3. Yoga classes that end early so I can go home and take a much needed nap

4. My body for being a champ while I abuse it with little sleep and lots of driving

An Amazing Thing That Happened Today

I now have a date on Sunday ;)

What could I have done to make my day better?

Not be late to leave for class. I need to plan to leave earlier because I forget parking is really hard and triggers my depression.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will be more attentive at work, my coworker who was here for the break instilled really bad habits in me. He was constantly reading news articles instead of working and I got into the habit of browsing the internet (gamequitters included) more than my lunch and breaks allow. I'll be installing leechblock on my browser to try and initiate this.

 

 

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Wow, I just went through and looked at your artwork... amazing. I used to paint as a kid, and I regret giving it up because it 'got boring'... aka gaming was more fun.

Keep on painting! 

Good luck on the date as well :D

Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

With non-fiction I prefer my Kindle because I can easily re-read passages, jump to footnotes, and see the illustrations. Fiction is something I usually read when my hands are busy (doing chores, buying groceries...) or before falling asleep.

 

+1. I'm not big on audiobooks (I do a lot of podcasts though) but I love kindle for non-fiction. Also great for looking up technical terms you might not know on the fly.

I've also recently started reading fiction before bed, and I think that's a great way to go. As Tim Ferriss puts it, reading fiction is a good way to wind-down the analytical, problem-solving part of your brain that's been going all day.

Ahhh, I need to read fiction. As a person/reader, I am overly analytical, and reading anything other than nonfiction is really difficult. I used to love to read fiction as a kid, and still remember random crap from harry potter books because of how many times I have read each book... Anyone have some recommendations?

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Wow, I just went through and looked at your artwork... amazing. I used to paint as a kid, and I regret giving it up because it 'got boring'... aka gaming was more fun.

Keep on painting! 

Good luck on the date as well :D

Why is fiction better on the stereo for you? I thought since I can easily sit down and read fiction, listening to non fiction might be a good idea. 

With non-fiction I prefer my Kindle because I can easily re-read passages, jump to footnotes, and see the illustrations. Fiction is something I usually read when my hands are busy (doing chores, buying groceries...) or before falling asleep.

 

+1. I'm not big on audiobooks (I do a lot of podcasts though) but I love kindle for non-fiction. Also great for looking up technical terms you might not know on the fly.

I've also recently started reading fiction before bed, and I think that's a great way to go. As Tim Ferriss puts it, reading fiction is a good way to wind-down the analytical, problem-solving part of your brain that's been going all day.

Ahhh, I need to read fiction. As a person/reader, I am overly analytical, and reading anything other than nonfiction is really difficult. I used to love to read fiction as a kid, and still remember random crap from harry potter books because of how many times I have read each book... Anyone have some recommendations?

I'm actually kind of the same way. Very analytical, nine times out of ten I read non-fiction over fiction. Funny you should mention Harry Potter. I'm currently reading The Name of the Wind as my evening fiction, which I highly recommend. It's been called an adult Harry Potter book by some. It's a mature themed story about a magic user coming of age, essentially, but it's much more than that, too. It's very intelligent and there's a logic to the world - I find as an analytical thinker the story works for me. I'm a couple hundred pages in and it's great so far. Anyway, you may like it!

Edited by kortheo

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That was my problem for a long time. Fiction books became ultra boring. And all the adult ones were too odd (like the style was weird, Kurt Vonnegut is a good example, I would like to try reading him again some day), or too racey with a bunch of forced sex scenes. But then young adult is too...easy to read or poorly written.

 

Anyway, some I would suggest to you, @games_be_gone 

Fantasy

The Rhapsody Trilogy by Elizabeth Haydon. I'm serious. This storytelling is fantastic. I could never imagine up what this author has! My problem with fantasy novels is that I can predict everything, and the main character is "too perfect to be real" (cough drizzt do urden cough) this book doesn't follow those rules and neither does the next:

The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb. The first book, Assassins Apprentice, accurately and with great emotion depicted depression in a main character. The rest followd with a kick ass fantasy story and character progression. 

Sci-fi 

Not as experienced here, I haven't read too many I think I'd suggest to a non programmer so I'll list a bunch and you can see if any interest you.

Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. 

Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. 

The Ender's Game series. 

Prey by Michael Crichton

The Far Side of Evil by Sylvia Engdahl

Edited by Laney

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Good luck on the date as well :D

Thaannks.. My track record is I end up being interested in taken, polyamorous or open relationship people. It takes time for me to recover and get back on the dating scene after each one. I wish people could walk around with signs saying "IN RELATIONSHIP" or "NON-MONOGAMOUS" so I don't have to waste my time or my heart. 

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