My Journal, by Zane

[Cam Adair]

I was also going to suggest Tinder.

[wookieshark88]

I met my wife on OKC. It was a great too for screening people that I would have regretted meeting.

[Zane]

lol you guys are funny. I do in fact have a friend who met his current girlfriend on tinder, and they are a very cute and happy couple. I'm happy for him.

But... when my aunt first suggested I try out dating sites, I was horrified.. The idea of dating online doesn't feel romantic, or natural, it feels desperate. But, twice now I've tried tinder/ OKCupid. I gave them both a running shot twice. After a few weeks of tinder, I had like 2 matches and one girl was a webcam girl who kept texting me to view her site and I was like haha no thanks (It probably was a 40 year old man texting me). On OkCupid I didn't get a single like or message the first time. The second time I had only one meaningful experience. I was set to go on a date with a girl, who was very cute as well, however she flaked on our date, saying she was really sorry, but unexpected events/ return of someone she knew, changed her mind. Other than that I got a guy who liked my profile because he wanted homosexual company I suppose (after reading his profile). Since then I've checked once or twice, and had no interaction, even though I messaged a lot of women. Dating sites seem to me to be as harmful to the mind as porn is, and while my friend (and Joe) may have found success, I'm a bit disgusted with it. It doesn't seem natural to me. I mean, I wouldn't want someone to ask how we met and say "oh we met online" even if I did find someone. I've never faced this problem of not finding people in my community. Not in high school, not anywhere else I've been. Unfortunately this situation has led me to cultivate a scarcity mindset, despite my desire not to endorse such a mindset. It's like growing up believing you will always be poor, because you haven't met people who have money. But when you do meet rich people, they teach you a better mindset and stuff. Well, I haven't met any women in so long, it's just so sad. I might as well be on a nuclear submarine.

Anyway, what did I do today. I went to the gym, walked for hours, then cooked a stew for 4 hours. It should last me a long time. Before I go to bed I'm gonna have to write a response to a story called "On the Rainy River" by Tim O'Brien, about a guy who runs away to avoid being drafted for the Vietnam War. I'm probably gonna write about how I would do the same to avoid being drafted myself. Imagine that, being forced from those you love to go put your life on the line and kill people, all in the name of U.S foreign interests. I've read about the war, it began when the U.S decided to send forces to defend French Imperial interests in Indochina, and ended up turning into an "anti- communist War." Eww.

I just. gotta. stay. the. course.

thank you all for being here for me

Edited September 21, 2015 by Zane

[Zane]

20 days without video games. I normally wouldn't count, but I decided why not. The larger that number grows, the higher my confidence grows

[Cam Adair]

I mean, I wouldn't want someone to ask how we met and say "oh we met online" even if I did find someone.

If you had to say this to someone, how would it make you feel?

[wookieshark88]

I tell people that we met online and I describe how she's the absolute best! I also point out how many crazy women I was able to avoid before I made the mistake of meeting them in person. I once had a woman try to tell me what to do before we met. It's just effective is how I tell people. I've dated a few that I didn't meet online, but it wasn't as good as what I have now!

[Zane]

If you had to say this to someone, how would it make you feel?

Not that bad, I guess. If I loved her then of course it wouldn't matter.

Haha so after that conversation we had on sunday I decided to try out tinder again. In one day I got 8 matches. Over the course of the day five of them messaged me and immediately gave me their phone numbers/ email and were like you wanna get to the dirty stuff? And all five ended up messaging me to go to some site for webcam or some bullshit. I haven't had any other interaction on tinder since.

This is why I think tinder is really dumb. It's alluring to people like me who can't find anyone, but its full of bs and free advertising for girls cams or whatever.

Also, it distracted me big time. Like, for the past two weeks I've been putting together great habits. I've been on track with my eating and weight training goals. I've benn doing my homework and getting good sleep. But thinking about tinder the last two days was so distracting that those habits dissapeared immediately, and I had nothing to show for it.

I'm back on track again but this situation only reaffirms what I thought about tinder/ online dating in general.

I mean, I wish I was wrong, but this is the hand I've been dealt.

I feel really good today for some reason. I've got energy and I got effortless dopamine. Most days aren't quite like this. I did have a good workout this morning. I'm out of practice with public speaking but I gave two orientations to the tutoring center I work at in front of two classes, without much effort, and I was surprised because the last orientation I gave did not go near as smoothly.

Also, to Cam, that teacher I was talking about says she is still working on scheduling before she responds to you. Make sure to mention which days you will be in San Jose if you haven't already.

The coolest surprise of the day was when that teacher told the class she wants to give away her ex's three wakeboards. There was a drawing and I get first pick And I love wakeboarding! Even though I've only had three opportunities to wakeboard in my life, I am quite good at it and I enjoy it immensely. Wakeboards are expensive, and she's giving one to me. I don't know if and when I'll be able to use it though.

Edited September 23, 2015 by Zane

[Zane]

23 days, no games, and no temptations to play them. Although... I had to see what changes Bungie made to Destiny with their latest release. It looks like the game finally has a story.

Also, out of curiosity, I checked out the online destiny info tracker. I haven't played in 5 months, but I'm still ranked in the top 1 percent Lol and half the time I was letting my 11 year old buddy Logan wreck my K/D

Edited September 23, 2015 by Zane

[Cam Adair]

I did send her dates, fyi.

I personally don't use Tinder, mostly because when I was using it I was coming from a place of lack. The type of attitude of: "I don't have a girlfriend and my life is incomplete without her." So I focused on my own mission as a man and I met women sporadically, eventually a few years later meeting my current girlfriend.

The key for me to meet more people is to be in more social places. Studying in coffee shops, etc. Right now I'm in the lobby of Ace Hotel in NYC at a table with 12 other people who are all working away. Half are girls. I can easily start a conversation and see where it goes, and over time this strategy had me meet a ton of cool people, friends, lovers, etc.

If you haven't read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, that would be a good one right now.

[PureDiscipline]

Thats news to me! i didn't know tinder had bots. But its understandable as well. A lot of the girls on online dating sites tend to be looking for kids and can't find guys their age willing to take that step (from the profiles i saw).
Tinder everybody uses so the stigma was taken away, like a different realm of online dating.

But i agree with everything cam said as well as your views on everything. Its much nicer to meet people in social context!

[Rodrigo]

If you haven't read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, that would be a good one right now.

?^This! Just a fascinating book! Totally changed the way I saw myself and what to aim for. Deida sure knows his stuff.

Edited September 25, 2015 by Rodrigo

[Zane]

I did send her dates, fyi.

I personally don't use Tinder, mostly because when I was using it I was coming from a place of lack. The type of attitude of: "I don't have a girlfriend and my life is incomplete without her." So I focused on my own mission as a man and I met women sporadically, eventually a few years later meeting my current girlfriend.

The key for me to meet more people is to be in more social places. Studying in coffee shops, etc. Right now I'm in the lobby of Ace Hotel in NYC at a table with 12 other people who are all working away. Half are girls. I can easily start a conversation and see where it goes, and over time this strategy had me meet a ton of cool people, friends, lovers, etc.

If you haven't read The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, that would be a good one right now.

Yes I am coming from a place of lack. There is a hole in my life that I cannot fill with "pursuing my purpose" as Deida would suggest. Yes, I started reading the book a couple months ago. It is FightMediocrity's favorite book. I thought it was decent although the language is a bit iffy. Anyway, this hole I'm talking about, I never really thought that tinder could help me patch it up. Devoting myself to working or studying or weight training only takes the edge off. I can function and I'm putting good habits together but every day I'm reminded of this huge gaping hole.

I need to meet people in person, but I can't, because of the phenomenon that I described. I feel like it sounds like I'm making excuses. I'm super serious when I say I've never encountered this lack of social energy before. Perhaps I should start going to random coffee shops to meet people. But in that case I admit I would have no idea how to get things going. I would be intimidated to approach someone in those circumstances, boy or girl. I wouldn't know what to say.

Anyway, next weekend I'm visiting my siblings and I'm excited for that. They live in Modesto where I used to live. I miss them and I'll be happy to see them again. Also gonna have lunch with one of my old high school teachers And, my birthday is in a couple days. This week should be pretty good; at least I hope it will be.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Zane

[Cam Adair]

I need to meet people in person, but I can't, because of the phenomenon that I described. I feel like it sounds like I'm making excuses. I'm super serious when I say I've never encountered this lack of social energy before. Perhaps I should start going to random coffee shops to meet people. But in that case I admit I would have no idea how to get things going. I would be intimidated to approach someone in those circumstances, boy or girl. I wouldn't know what to say.

?IMO this is more what all of this has to do with then you don't know where to meet people. It's that even if you did meet them you wouldn't know what to say or talk about.

This is important to know because if you're trying to improve at one thing but it's not even the thing holding you back it's a flawed approach, and you end up just running around in a circle the whole time. So now that you know it's more on the conversation side of things that you need to focus, you can work on that.

I'm a big fan of being in coffee shops (I'm at one right now) and just starting conversations in small ways with the people around me. Just simple things like how are you, what are you working on. Do it in smaller bursts and let the conversation flow as it does. Focus less on one of these being a homerun and instead just do them each day a few times and you'll notice the practice will compound over time and you'll get better. That's really all I did, I just did it every day for the last few years and things got better over time. It's like going to the gym but for your social skills. If you go to the gym once a year, you won't improve. It's only through consistent effort over time that you find gains.

[Zane]

Hello Game Quitters Community

?I spent my last weekend in my hometown to visit my family/ siblings. Also, I went to lunch with my favorite teacher from high school and his son. Later that day I visited my friend Jehremy who is paralyzed from the neck down. I learned some really good news when I visited him. Apparently, he does have very weak movements in his body, and his family/ he hopes that he can work on reworking his body to move again. I hope so too.

I've gone 36 days without video games. This is my longest I've gone without video games since perhaps before high school. That's pretty important. It's my first achievement, even if it's so far only a time measurement.

Today I was reminded just how important it is to be outside your comfort zone, despite how damn hard that fucking sounds lol.

Best of luck to you Cam, I hope your mentorship project shows good results. It was good talking to you. Y U no answer your texts though lol.

[Zane]

Yay, I weigh 121.4 lbs wearing no clothes! A month ago I weighed 115 wearing clothes lol. I gotta keep up the good work

Edited October 7, 2015 by Zane

[Cam Adair]

Great to talk to you my man!

[wookieshark88]

I have six pounds that I don't need. I wish I could give them to you!

Congrats on 36 days. I never once doubted that you would break your record!

Edited October 10, 2015 by wookieshark88

[Zane]

I weigh 122 lbs now. My goal is to weigh 170 lbs within a year. Of course, I'm shooting for healthy weight, with a large proportion of muscle mass. Thanks Joe lol video games are bye bye. Congrats on being a moderator haha

I asked out two girls to lunch this week; both had boyfriends. YAY. Also, I think I've officially ran out of potential choices in my social sphere. Now... well damn, I gotta think of something.

Yesterday my Argumentation class had a debate over whether college should be free. I thought that was really fun. I don't think college should be free; or rather, I know that its impossible for college to be free, since someone has to pay for it (ahem, taxpayers). So whoever thought "college should be free" was a jackass lol

[Zala]

Ahm I don't get it. In my country college is free up to a certain level. It creates some sort of a clean slate for everyone that finishes high school. You can go to college and you don't have an enormous debt when you finish it. And you don't need rich parents, just good grates in order to go to any college you like. Most students still get at least part time jobs to pay for their food, transport, housing ... That is if they don't want to stay at home and live off their parents. And we do have all sorts of scholarships for athletes etc. Of course someone pays for college in a way. But if college (in theory) means you are able to get a better paying job, why not give a bit of it back, when you succeed. It's not like when you get your first paycheck, it says 20% to all that go to college.

So to sum up: I don't know what is so funny or "jackassy" about the idea of a free college. I personally find the idea of being twenty years old and in debt far more ridiculous.

[Zane]

Ahm I don't get it. In my country college is free up to a certain level. It creates some sort of a clean slate for everyone that finishes high school. You can go to college and you don't have an enormous debt when you finish it. And you don't need rich parents, just good grates in order to go to any college you like. Most students still get at least part time jobs to pay for their food, transport, housing ... That is if they don't want to stay at home and live off their parents. And we do have all sorts of scholarships for athletes etc. Of course someone pays for college in a way. But if college (in theory) means you are able to get a better paying job, why not give a bit of it back, when you succeed. It's not like when you get your first paycheck, it says 20% to all that go to college.

So to sum up: I don't know what is so funny or "jackassy" about the idea of a free college. I personally find the idea of being twenty years old and in debt far more ridiculous.

??Well, in the U.S, we have a huge national debt, and taxes are already out of control. Sure, we aren't taxed like many more socialist countries such as European countries, and I'm grateful for that. High taxes dampens economic growth, not to mention being unfair to citizens. Taxes aren't a choice, they are mandatory; refusing to pay taxes means you can end up in prison, so other taxpaying citizens can pay for your living, and we have three times more prison population than the second largest prison population on Earth (China). Taxes are always the government's answer, and it's WRONG.

Scholarships are fine; we have scholarships too in the US. However, scholarships are rewarded for academic success, not granted to anyone who registers for college. Besides, those who can't afford college are provided substantial financial aid. Not only are their tuitions covered, they are gifted money to do with what they desire. You say that in your country, you don't need a lot of money or good grades to go to any college you like. NOW THAT is a problem. If anyone can go to any college they like, then there is no competition for a higher education. There's no incentive to do well, since each college offers free education and you don't have to have money or grades to attend. You see, a college education is an investment. Who better to invest in your education than yourself? Psychology proves that we are most invested when our own money is at stake. Having to pay for your own tuition inspires commitment and efficiency which won't exist if you have no skin in the game.

Besides, if college is free, then what is the value of a college degree? If everyone can go to college, then everyone gets the same low tier quality education, and gets their college degree, and if every has a college degree then it is worth no more than a high school diploma. High school is free, but having a high school degree doesn't guarantee your ability to do much of anything, or be a serious competitor in any field, because almost everyone has a high school degree. In the US, our K-12 grade education is funded by the government. So, the government decides which programs to fund. In California, my state, we have a standard of education called "Common Core" which is the state's standard of education/ what it wants California students to focus on. The state gets to decide what's important and what isn't, rather than the school, or the students. As a result, I have seen funding of many programs such as field trips, art departments, and music programs fall to the wayside. The state wants its students to meet standards of reading/ writing, math, and science, and the state gets to decide that other programs aren't as important. So, many students go through school and are forced to be good at those core subjects or else they are led to believe that they aren't as smart as those other students who excel in math/ science. If we allow the government to take over funding for public universities, you bet your ass the government is gonna fund whatever the hell it wants to fund and everything that isn't considered important will lose funding.

This is NOT how education should work. Education should be an investment by the student, to learn/ participate in whatever programs he or she chooses. Nobody else should be forced to give up their money so someone else can go to college. That's ridiculous. If someone who has achieved "success" wants to give back to those who haven't made it yet, then they can and should, absolutely. But to force others to pay their money so that the government can control someone else's education, someone who has a lessened psychological to succeed anyway, then we would have a major problem. That's why I think that anyone who thinks college should be free is a jackass.

Lol the jackass (donkey) is the mascot of the democratic party, by the way ?I was making a joke about democrats since they are people who think college should be free. HAHA

[wookieshark88]

I weigh 122 lbs now. My goal is to weigh 170 lbs within a year. Of course, I'm shooting for healthy weight, with a large proportion of muscle mass. Thanks Joe lol video games are bye bye. Congrats on being a moderator haha

I asked out two girls to lunch this week; both had boyfriends. YAY. Also, I think I've officially ran out of potential choices in my social sphere. Now... well damn, I gotta think of something.

?Thanks! I think that moderating will be a breeze because this a fantastic group of people!

How did you feel when the girls already had boyfriends? I'm not trying to be mean or anything. I just personally had a huge fear of rejections, but when I finally faced it, it wasn't really that bad at all.

[Zala]

Thank you for this lovely explanation .

You say that in your country, you don't need a lot of money or good grades to go to any college you like. NOW THAT is a problem.

No no, I didn't say that. You need good, higher grates for some colleges. For example: if you want to become a doctor, a lawyer, a vet ... I think in the U.S. you can become a doctor or a lawyer in the same college? Something to do with main subjects, right? Anyway in our country the college you choose, defines subjects you can take. Basically you choose your profession, when you choose your college (or at least you limit it to a certain field). And of course some colleges are struggling to get enough students, others have too many applicants.

And our education is free only if you do enough exams in the certain time period. And of course not everyone graduates.

But I have to agree with you about one point. We have a lot of college graduates. And we also have (what I think is) high unemployment rate. What's crazy is that at the company, where I worked, you can't get a job, if your education is too high. If someone retires and he/she had a high school degree, I can't even compete for his/her spot. Even If I want to agree with taking a lower pay. Why? Supposedly because I would get bored or feel unappreciated. Of course you can also feel bored and unappreciated if you don't have a job, but no one cares about that! So in a way I wish I could return my college degree. I would certainly have a steady job at the moment if that were possible .

But I still find your system kind of scary. At age 18 I had no money. How would I invest money that I don't have? I would probably have to take a loan even before the education starts. So basically at 18 I would already be thousands of dollars in debt. I'm sorry but I still don't think that is fair. There is a reason we help children and elderly. I think at the beginning of education you should also get some sort of help. If we value the education, doesn't it make sense to encourage everyone to go to college?

[Zane]

Thank you for this lovely explanation .

No no, I didn't say that. You need good, higher grates for some colleges. For example: if you want to become a doctor, a lawyer, a vet ... I think in the U.S. you can become a doctor or a lawyer in the same college? Something to do with main subjects, right? Anyway in our country the college you choose, defines subjects you can take. Basically you choose your profession, when you choose your college (or at least you limit it to a certain field). And of course some colleges are struggling to get enough students, others have too many applicants.

And our education is free only if you do enough exams in the certain time period. And of course not everyone graduates.

But I have to agree with you about one point. We have a lot of college graduates. And we also have (what I think is) high unemployment rate. What's crazy is that at the company, where I worked, you can't get a job, if your education is too high. If someone retires and he/she had a high school degree, I can't even compete for his/her spot. Even If I want to agree with taking a lower pay. Why? Supposedly because I would get bored or feel unappreciated. Of course you can also feel bored and unappreciated if you don't have a job, but no one cares about that! So in a way I wish I could return my college degree. I would certainly have a steady job at the moment if that were possible .

But I still find your system kind of scary. At age 18 I had no money. How would I invest money that I don't have? I would probably have to take a loan even before the education starts. So basically at 18 I would already be thousands of dollars in debt. I'm sorry but I still don't think that is fair. There is a reason we help children and elderly. I think at the beginning of education you should also get some sort of help. If we value the education, doesn't it make sense to encourage everyone to go to college?

Are you living in a European country? I heard that in many European countries, students are supposed to make their career choice at a very young age, and stick with that choice. I'm sure the system is a little different where you are than in the US. I don't agree with that system either. Regardless, I still think college shouldn't be funded by taxpayer money. As to what you said about competition in your country, that's another issue! By paying students to go to whatever college/ field they desire, SO MUCH money is being wasted because not everyone gets the job they want, and some fields are desperate for new students.

My solution to that issue is to not let students be paid by the government to go down whatever career path they choose. Instead, listen to this. In California we are short on doctors, from what I've heard. I've also heard that schools are offering to pay for schooling for those students aspiring to be a doctor. Now THAT makes sense. If a career/ profession is high in demand, then to get more students, one could offer a free education, and it would be paid for by the school/ medical centers, rather than by taxpayer money. That way the careers that are actually needed in the economy are much more attractive, and student debt is not a problem.

See, the thing is, people who think college should be free are making quite clear statements. They are essentially saying that first, everyone deserves to have a college education. Now, I think it's ridiculous to have such a sense of entitlement, to believe that you have a right to someone else's money to pay for you to take classes at a university. However, to take it a step farther, people think that everyone has the right to free college in ANY CAREER PATH THEY CHOOSE. In other words, taxpayers should pay money so that a college student can take whatever classes he/she chooses. What ends up happening is all that taxpayer money goes toward whatever education path they choose and certain popular fields become so flooded that not everyone can find a job in their field, JUST LIKE YOU.

Finally, I think the main issue with an argument for education entitlement is that it follows a philosophy of "one size fits all." You ask me if it makes sense to encourage everyone to go to college, and my answer is no, it does not. That's the thing, college is NOT FOR EVERYONE. Some people may not want to pursue college degrees and end up in debt. That's their prerogative, and there are plenty of jobs available for those people. Besides, many people operate under the false belief that a college level education is necessary for a good quality of life. This is not true. Hell, the creator of this site not only DIDN'T go to college, he didn't even graduate high school, and he's doing pretty good for himself. College is not the only path to success, in fact I would say that college is a bandwagon which demotes creativity and creates artificial boundaries between people. And I think we really need to stop assuming that college is necessary or something to which all are entitled.

[ChrisSatcher]

Great conversation going on here guys! I think it would be a cool idea to create a Debate Forum and post a bunch of topics to discuss. I always enjoy hearing other people's thoughts on other issues, and I love to learn new ways of approaching issues that I feel like I have made my mind up about. I think this would be a safe site to do so too because I feel like there is a large amount or respect that we have for each other on this site, and hopefully people could approach different issues with the desire to learn rather than the desire to prove how smart they are or that they have the one and only answer to a very complex issue. I'm not great at debating, but I would gladly provide my input to something like that. If it is something you're interested in, then either I can try to start something or whoever else feels like it can jump in. Doesn't matter to me! Keep up the great work though Zane, and it's good to hear from you!

[Zane]

*College can be a bandwagon... etc (for specificity)

Hey guys, I think argumentation is in my nature. I can't stop myself, I always engage in arguments lol, even if I'm in a disadvantageous position, which can sometimes lead to embarassment. I wonder why this is the case for me. I don't like arguing online but I always seem to do it lol.

I've gone 43 days without video games. That's crazy. Almost halfway to 90. But, its also very weird. The time went by so fast, and while I've gone this long withour playing, I don't feel like I've done a whole lot else since then. All I've done is go to school, work out, eat, sleep, make a few posts, and read a few books. Nothing special has changed in my life, and I still feel like I'm wasting it

thanks chris but, umm, I know everything bro. Lol I'm jk