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Adem's Journal


SegaCity
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January 2, 2016 Saturday 10:18

So this morning I planned out a total day for tomorrow. Because I'm sick and tired of making the excuse of not having a planned day, and it ends in randomness/procrastination. 

I had an epiphany for a hobby I should take on; I should do photography! I would really love it, it also will give me reason to go out, socialize at the same time.

Lately I've been reading a lot on how you shouldn't tell anyone about your goals, it's an awful habit that I have. I'm going to remind myself continuously about keeping quiet and being humble :) Integrity pls...

Nothing much else, just want to get shit done these days, I WILL DO ET :D 

 

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Yo Adem! Glad to hear you're taking up photography. I've started recently (though I kinda haven't kept up with it because I've been pretty lazy overall these past 3 months) and I hope to get back into it in the near future. I've been goofing off with a point-and-shoot and like you said, it can be a really nice way of getting out of the house for a couple of hours. 

Also, I'm curious as to what the reasoning is for not telling anyone their goals. I never really considered that before. Is it for the sake of maintaining the goal, or something else? 

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Yo Adem! Glad to hear you're taking up photography. I've started recently (though I kinda haven't kept up with it because I've been pretty lazy overall these past 3 months) and I hope to get back into it in the near future. I've been goofing off with a point-and-shoot and like you said, it can be a really nice way of getting out of the house for a couple of hours. 

Also, I'm curious as to what the reasoning is for not telling anyone their goals. I never really considered that before. Is it for the sake of maintaining the goal, or something else? 

Here   https://m.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/3z39sd/lpt_dont_tell_people_youre_thinking_of_doing/

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I think there are multiple schools of thought on that. While I get the idea of not telling people what you're "thinking of doing", being accountable to your goals is also good. If you tell people "I AM going to do this" and then you don't, then you'll have to admit to them that you failed or didn't follow through, which can be its own kind of motivator.

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I think there are multiple schools of thought on that. While I get the idea of not telling people what you're "thinking of doing", being accountable to your goals is also good. If you tell people "I AM going to do this" and then you don't, then you'll have to admit to them that you failed or didn't follow through, which can be its own kind of motivator.

I got used to saying shit a lot because all the kids in my class were doing a bunch of things and had exciting lives. I didn't have parents who did much with the family. So I would always tell my friends "I'm going to do this" when in reality I couldn't, but the kids would accept me, and I thought I wasn't boring anymore.

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Thanks for the link, Adem. Yeah, I still have mixed feelings on this, at least with regards to myself. Personally, I've found the accountability and pressure from mentioning my goals publicly has been very helpful. I don't want to come back here the next day and be like, "I screwed up." I've done that already--I lied about it already--and I feel absolutely awful about it. I've toned it down since then a bit though and lowered my expectations of myself, which at first may have been too high. The experience has been more positive than negative. 

On the other hand, and I saw this mentioned in the Reddit thread, it's probably something that's good for some and not useful for the rest. Like the OP on Reddit said, they were just musing about stuff all the time, not necessarily seriously committed to any of these goals, and it created an image problem. That makes total sense then in that situation. 

But still, it's an interesting viewpoint I hadn't considered before. All power to you, though--whatever helps! :) 

 

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What I've learned is that you shouldn't tell 90% of people your goals:

1) 90% of people will project their own limiting beliefs on you.
2) You're only telling them for your own validation as if you've already accomplished it.

So who are the 10% that you should tell? The ones who will support and encourage you to do it. The ones who will hold you accountable to following through. This forum is one place for that as an example. 

You also have to differentiate between telling someone your goal to feel all good about yourself vs. telling someone your goal as a way to create the opportunity for them to help you. For instance, later today I'm seeing my friends Alexi and Preston. I will tell them my goal of publishing my book this year. It also turns out they both have book deals and have published books coming out, so they can actually support me in that. Next time I see them they will ask how it's going, etc. Whereas telling the barista at Starbucks I'm writing a book is about as effective as masturbation when it comes to actually having sex with a girl. 

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January 3, 2016 Sunday 11:05 PM

Today was fucking awesome.

So 2 days ago I had planned out a total full day for today, and I was going to stick to it no matter what.

I woke up at 2:00 in the morning because of my fucked up sleep schedule, but that didn't hold me back. I read some, practiced on my writing and sort of browsed until my day officially started.

7:00 Wake up, Meditate, Write in Journal, Make Breakfast

8:30 Read

9:30 Run

10:00 Relax

11:00 Clean Room/Do Chores/Be Productive With The Hands

12:30 Make Lunch

1:30 Walk to Certain Area

3:00 Relax

4:00 Study Finance

5:00 Study Random Subject

6:00 Dinner

7:30 Workout

9:00 Shower/Mapping or Graphing or Organizing Things I'm Doing, Going to Do

11:00 Sleep

Dude, I got up to 12:00 and then I went to see a sick relative at the hospital. It kind of hindered my other plans, but boy oh boy did I ever feel SO GOOD.

I DID IT! I COULD NOT BELIEVE I WENT BY MY AGENDA FOR ABOUT 5 HOURS. It feels so good :)

I'm going to try and do it again, this is awesome.

I also got two new books m80. $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau and Art of War by Sun Tzu

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January 4, 2016 Monday 7:25 PM

Today was a relaxing, napping day. I'm not sure if it was because of my sleeping schedule, lack of organization or just because today was beautiful :) Sometimes I get scared but I'm totally okay with it, fuck it :) I should be able to be comfortable for atleast 6-10 hours once and a while. NO RERGETS.

After some beautiful naps I got up and cleaned/did shit in my room. Fixed my table and shades bla bla bla. It's all good.

I then watched this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhV9f1l3H1A 40 Signs That You Are Neurotic - Understanding Neurosis

Basically the title. At the end the dude asked me to pick 5 bad signs that I have, and try to trace them to their core. I got 3 so far, I can share.

1 - Anxiety / Being vulnerable in the professional world = I have a great fear of not being able to accomplish plans that I set out or instructions. (See yesterday journal post. How happy I got because I did 5 hours according to my plan :))

Solution - So maybe to help this I can start working on planning and accomplishing.

2- Arguing so much = The fact that I wasted so much of my life by making an immense amount of mistakes scares me and makes me feel so shameful to the point of getting a tantrum or bursting with rage. Being at any point of disadvantage in conversation that involves information of some sort, puts me on such tilt. I hate being wrong, which in the end reminds me of the 23 years I've lived and not being as smart as some amazing people are. 

Solution - "I made many mistakes in the past that have put me behind in terms of the perfect person I've always wanted to be. But I must forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made, nothing is shameful, even though some of them are really big mistakes. I'm proud of all the mistakes I've made and wish to make even more :). I'm also ready to correct all of my mistakes." I shall tell read myself this here text at times of when I feel disappointed or shameful. I shall also, instead of arguing for no reason, just try to stay calm and watch things wind out :)

3- Talking so much, useless communication = I always want to participate in socializing, group or 1 on 1. I want to be noticed and leave a great impression, I'm sick of not being noticed. I actually think this is sort of a principle of mine, nothing too bad here, but I can improve maybe.

Solution - Work on socializing skills: body language, charisma etc.

 

Sorry for my shite structuring, grammar and random writings. I have all my shit here in my journal that I bought from Walmart <3 

FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: sega_city

 

 

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January 05, 2016 9:10 PM

Pros: I'm at a better state than I was before, I'm more hands on, I'm starting to take risks and make mistakes at a small scale (compared to no risk at all before). I'm becoming more mature, and am conscious of improving every aspect that I can. I can go for jogs for longer distances and can take different routes. I'm not afraid to take someone out of my life who is just a huge negative. I've been trying to be a better son/brother. I write more and more. I'm following more and more on a structured, planned out day.

Areas to Improve : I stumble and fall here and there with NoFap and cigarettes, but they are huge improvements nonetheless. I can procrastinate in front of the TV a lot ( I think my biggest problem is the TV). I've been procrastinating less and less on the internet but I still can improve. I've been eating more healthier than before but I still need to improve on my diet. There's an improvement in my integrity but I still have to work on it more. 

 

Every day I feel better because I'm a better person, but at the same time I feel bad for the choices I make for instant gratification. I want to be able to do a full day of doing activities. Unfortunately about 40% of the day is non productive activities. Oh well.

By the way if anyone is reading this, I have a question :D Everyday I get these business ideas, any form or shape. I have had an immense amount of them throughout my life. What should I do about them? Because it kind of makes me feel ashamed, I have all these "good ideas" but they never come to life. It sucks that these thoughts take up so much space in my mind and never go to use :\ 

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By the way if anyone is reading this, I have a question :D Everyday I get these business ideas, any form or shape. I have had an immense amount of them throughout my life. What should I do about them? Because it kind of makes me feel ashamed, I have all these "good ideas" but they never come to life. It sucks that these thoughts take up so much space in my mind and never go to use.

Take one you're excited about and start creating it to the next level. For instance, I had an idea to help people with gaming so I wrote an article. Then I took the feedback from that article and improved it. Then I saw I was getting all of the same answers all the time, so I launched a YouTube channel and started answering questions. Then I launched a website and added a forum. And then a product (Respawn) and then another product (Challenge). Now it's continuing to grow and expand.

But it all started with one simple idea that turned into one article. I have many more plans for GQ in the future (app, etc) but it's one step at a time. :)

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January 06, 2016 Wednesday 3:08 PM

I'm writing this from a library, after walking about 6 kilometres I went to a starbucks and then here. This was so exciting, it's as if I was reborn or something :D It feels gr8 man.

I'll write more when I get home.

By the way if anyone is reading this, I have a question :D Everyday I get these business ideas, any form or shape. I have had an immense amount of them throughout my life. What should I do about them? Because it kind of makes me feel ashamed, I have all these "good ideas" but they never come to life. It sucks that these thoughts take up so much space in my mind and never go to use.

Take one you're excited about and start creating it to the next level. For instance, I had an idea to help people with gaming so I wrote an article. Then I took the feedback from that article and improved it. Then I saw I was getting all of the same answers all the time, so I launched a YouTube channel and started answering questions. Then I launched a website and added a forum. And then a product (Respawn) and then another product (Challenge). Now it's continuing to grow and expand.

But it all started with one simple idea that turned into one article. I have many more plans for GQ in the future (app, etc) but it's one step at a time. :)

I totally get what you're saying. But I think that I have a fear of putting a general idea to life in such a huge market, for example if I were to get an idea about getting people to stop watching TV for absolutely no benefits and instead using that time to do something else (shitty idea but just for the sake of the example); I would think that there is already something out there, I feel like there is too much competition and there is no way anyone would chose my product over something else. It's something to really think about.

I kind of helped myself today on that topic actually. So when I'm walking to places more and more than before (staying inside all day), I've been noticing businesses and people. I've been feeling more and more close to the daily struggle and the whole market/business/economy side of things. Beforehand I would only see the face of the business and the guy behind the counter (mom would take me somewhere, I get in car, get out of car, buy shit). So now that I see more, I notice more and more potential. The world isn't as negative as I thought it to be. The more and more I break down the box I live in, the more and more I see potential; not only in myself but in life. 

I will take a risk and go ahead with being my own boss. I would tell you my idea but I don't feel like revealing it just yet xD I'll just say it has to do with video games actually lol, it's going to be tricky but I'm sure I can handle it (I won't be playing). If it doesn't go so well as I think it will, I'll pull back or I'll just go on with more and more things.

 

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Competition just validates that there is a market for it. Now it's up to you to execute. Use the competition to drive you to provide MORE value to the market it's serving.

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January 7, 2016 7:33 PM

Amazing sleep, was super tired yesterday. Went for sushi with the family, chose to eat some good healthy food because I'm more conscious about what I eat these days :). Didn't feel like going out for a jog so I stayed inside and did some workouts. I've been experimenting with a lot of different workouts just to get my whole body a little bit of a wake up from my previous body situation. Once I feel I've sort of trained myself to a normal state, then I'll stick to one thing (join a gym or learn a martial art). After that I kind of relaxed, made myself a big salad. Now I'm going to do some reading/studying.

Things are okay, getting better.

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January 10, 2016 Sunday 12:22 PM

Missed a couple of days of writing my journal here. 

Things have slowed down a bit in terms of my good habits and routines, but it's kind of okay because I feel like I need to focus on my business project. I still have to take that first step to creating something or starting with a penny if you know what I mean :D 

Got a new haircut, feeling good. Been eating very well, that really makes me happy :P 

All is well, still have a lot to do, I haven't settled.

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Hey

Today was one of the worst days of my life

Started out great, didn't I now. After about 2 days of screwing up all my routines, fucking up my cigarette and fap quit, today was the worst. I woke up at around 11:00 and had a good breakfast. After leaving the house to go to a career/training/employment agency I felt anxiety right in my gut. Boy did it feel bad. I went to the agency, signed up for shit and came home. When I got home I had the worst nausea and vomiting, awful chilling, and a killer headache. I tried to rest it all out...

Not knowing what else I could do, I started going through my facebook list, I deleted some friends that I didn't like or talk with, about 4-5 of them later I had 20. Then I went into my messages, I wanted to clean all of my past messages (can't delete all at once). Looking through all of them, took me on a journey into the past, all the way to my last year of high school. It was sickening, terrifying and just gruesome. I noticed what kind of a person I was, and the people I hanged with. 

That's not all. For some reason, I felt like I was back in my teen years. Lonely, sitting in my room with no friends to talk with, nobody to give me a hug, just me and my perverted fucked up depressed mind. I had suicidal thoughts for a bit, but they faded away. I then de-activated my facebook, instagram and twitter accounts. I was sick and tired of all the fake friends that aren't there to help you out. Text is so useless. 

So here I fucking am eh? Here I fucking stand. Sometimes I feel like bashing in everyone's head that I see, but I'm too weak for that. I feel like I've always been the victim of something. I'm always at a disadvantage. Fuck my life basically :D:DD:D:D:D:D::D:D

Tomorrow I'm going to see a therapist. I just have to get through the night.

 

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Things have slowed down a bit in terms of my good habits and routines, but it's kind of okay because I feel like I need to focus on my business project.

Hey dude. I just finished a two-day intensive training with my coach in Santa Barbara and a big theme of it was about who you need to BE to create what you want to create. So if you want to have a business, who do you need to BE in order to do it?

I can share a few secrets with you because I've done it myself:

To have a business you must be disciplined, you must be emotionally aware, you must be able to focus, you must be courageous, you must be able to connect with others, and so forth.

So one way you can see it is by maintaining your good habits and routines, that is all contributing to you being who you need to be in order to have a successful business. Your commitment to habits and routines must be stronger than ever right now, not the other way around.

Anyways, some food for thought. Hope you feel better today.

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Things have slowed down a bit in terms of my good habits and routines, but it's kind of okay because I feel like I need to focus on my business project.

Hey dude. I just finished a two-day intensive training with my coach in Santa Barbara and a big theme of it was about who you need to BE to create what you want to create. So if you want to have a business, who do you need to BE in order to do it?

I can share a few secrets with you because I've done it myself:

To have a business you must be disciplined, you must be emotionally aware, you must be able to focus, you must be courageous, you must be able to connect with others, and so forth.

So one way you can see it is by maintaining your good habits and routines, that is all contributing to you being who you need to be in order to have a successful business. Your commitment to habits and routines must be stronger than ever right now, not the other way around.

Anyways, some food for thought. Hope you feel better today.

Thanks for the advice brother.

The thing about advice with me is a bit different. When I played games, I would research and read a lot of guides or advice, they would be almost perfectly specific. I was actually thinking of making a guide for life that is super specific. Wake up, get out of bed, change into clothes, do your bed... For some reason this actually sounds really good to me lol.

If I want to create a business I want to create, I must become that type of a person.

Imagine if instead of watching Terran 2 base guides or Counter Strike strats, I can watch a week of someone who is successful to full detail lol. Fake it until you make it sort of deal.

Edited by SegaCity
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Hey Adem,

Sorry that you had rough day yesterday. That's good that you're trying to go to therapy. That will help. Unfortunately, the downs are part of the process... it's a sign you're doing things right, as weird as it sounds. You have been forced to confront the things you're unhappy with about yourself. It sucks, but it's how you improve. You're doing great.

Hang in there.

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I went to the therapist yesterday. I thought it was a real bad deal, extremely over priced. Heck I could have done the same for half the price.

Anyways, he did somehow help me. He was someone I could talk to about a lot of things, and he gave me a way to deal with a lot of internal problems. He told me to write down any negative past experience that comes to mind to let go of it. I wrote about 5 pages of past negative experiences so far, it feels really good :).

Other than that; I bought new light bulbs for my room and a new curtain. Shit looks amazing. I now feel better in my room for some reason :D.

peace

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GUESS WHAT BOYS, I JUST MESSAGED MY FIRST LOVE, OOOOOH BOY

Well, since I've been writing out all my old bad experiences and trying to release myself from these burdens, I mine as well go ahead and just say what I want to say to her. It's my last message to her. Atleast once every 2 weeks I'll search for her FB, Insta accounts and just look at her. I really loved her and she did also, but we broke up in a pretty bad way. I was a TOTAL fucking dick, I was an awful person. Shit was really sad bois. REAL SAD.

But now is the time to move on :D If she doesn't want to talk to me, then that's okay, she doesn't know how I've changed I guess. I said I was mostly sorry and that I was a kid back then (18-19 y.o). It would be a bit sad but whatever, at least I took this step which will maybe make me feel okay.

 

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Edited by SegaCity
forgot a picture yo
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Sitting here with my beer. 

I can safely say I took a giant step in forgetting my ex *wipes sweat off of forehead*.

Today I took the first step in starting my business project, and I'm going to go ahead and tell you about it and my thoughts. 

I want to train people with aspirations to have a career in esports. Yep, it's my passion boys. I figured out there's a difference between mindless gaming and competitive gaming. It was a childhood dream, when my teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I said I wanted to play games. With esports coming up, and my countless try's at it; I think this is my destiny. It sounds funny when I talk about it here, but I never played esports for fun (never had fun), I was driven to beat competition. I did wrist excersizes, I studied and read, talked with coaches. But now I understand the other side of it all. I was able to rip open the box I was in. I will help the future athletes and organizations in esports. I will be the reason for a new generation of egamers, and they will lose all of the stereotypes that people see.

I'm going to do it, I'm going to achieve it. 

My first step was to make a google form so I can ask some questions to the people. It was in Turkish because I mostly know the Turkish Esport community, my next step is to make it in english and get it on reddit or some big platform. Hope it all goes well

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Edited by SegaCity
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Cool! :)

One of the things I shared in this interview was about how there's a big difference between wanting to pursue being a professional gamer (esports) and how you actually do it. Many people say they want to be a pro and just game all day long, with their life imploding around them. Imagine if an Olympic athlete did this. It wouldn't work. Instead, Olympic athletes eat very well, are incredibly disciplined, have powerful success habits, etc, etc. They are committed to their greatness not only by working hard on their craft but in everything else that contributes to it. 

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