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Adem's Journal


SegaCity
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After talking with Cam, he suggested I post a journal up here. I'm not such a great writer; YOLO. I've been through a week without games after finding out that it was totally screwing up my life. It was the best choice I've ever made, I've felt more alive since then. Since then I've been excersizing, studying math, learning code, meditating, learning french and actually found a job. I've started reading "The Power Of Habit" to understand how habits work, and have been applying it to my life. Going to read "The Slight Edge". 

Things are looking better, I have so many goals and I want to achieve them all. 

Peace

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Another day, new habits. I started my day off with Mr. Adair's morning routine suggestion :D I had a hard time meditating because of this annoying ticklish feeling on top of my eyebrows lol. It felt great after writing what my goals were for the day and such. I felt pretty good about myself and had confidence in me. The problem was that when I stay at home I have a real hard time getting things done. I have to start going to the library and doing my work and such there. Read the first chapter of "The Slight Edge". 

I've also been tracking my calories and diet with the app MyFitnessPal. I've set a goal to lose 30 pounds. I've actually not been eating enough apparently. I went a perfect day diet wise a couple days ago. So today me and my mom went to the mall. I bought "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. After that we decided to eat something, we decided on New York Fries. I got something simple (Fries, Hot dog and a drink). When I went to enter it in my diet app I was shocked by the amount of calories it had :D. I'm getting the hang of it, I can definitely achieve my goal.  

I'm confident in myself, I can definitely achieve the power to do what I want. Other than games, I've decided to go on a NoFap challenge, followed by stopping smoking on new years and will stop binge internet usage every 30 seconds (checking facebook, reddit, youtube).

Things are not bad, they could be better but Rome wasn't built in a day.

Peace

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Great goals, SegaCity. Enjoy this transition, you'll have more clearly noticable experiences like those you had after stopping gaming for one week.

Just to make sure - NoFap, stop smoking, stop social media clicking are a lot of goals at once. So definitely do them one after the other (not at the same time), as you also mentioned. The 'Slight Edge" was exactly what helped me in my own NoFap challenge two years back.

Oh, and if you can, start a little before NYE. For me, it made getting off bad habits something natural, not a "big event" that happened once a year. If you think about it, NYE is just a date like 364 others.

Good luck!

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Today I woke up ready for my new job interview. I was nervous and excited. Today I did a different meditation, one that Tony Robbins does every morning, to see how it is. The heavy breathing hurts in the morning due to my smoking apparently :D. Then when I went to take my shower, I found out we had no hot water (water heater pilot light went out). So I took a super cold shower ( OUCH ). 

Everything went smoothly today, even the interview. Except my big problem with reading. My eyes wander off or I find myself reading the same paragraph over and over. Or I'm just simply lost, oblivious to what the author is saying. Maybe someone can help me with that :(.

 

Great goals, SegaCity. Enjoy this transition, you'll have more clearly noticable experiences like those you had after stopping gaming for one week.

Just to make sure - NoFap, stop smoking, stop social media clicking are a lot of goals at once. So definitely do them one after the other (not at the same time), as you also mentioned. The 'Slight Edge" was exactly what helped me in my own NoFap challenge two years back.

Oh, and if you can, start a little before NYE. For me, it made getting off bad habits something natural, not a "big event" that happened once a year. If you think about it, NYE is just a date like 364 others.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice Florian :) I know it's a lot of goals but I feel that I'm on a good roll and like the challenges. I wanted to stop smoking with my mom also, she's been smoking for a long time so I said we will stop at NYE forever, it's a big thing for both of us.

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I also did my collage/wallpaper today. 

1 - I want to be my own boss

2 - I want to move into my own apartment

3 - I want to have a car (honda civic :D)

4 - I want to buy an awesome suit

5 - I want to read many books

6 - I want to change/help an older mans' life

7 - I want to learn to play the guitar

8 - I want to lose weight and get in shape

9 - I want to travel to Tokyo

“I was born for the storm, and a calm does not suit me.”.png

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I also did my collage/wallpaper today. 

1 - I want to be my own boss

2 - I want to move into my own apartment

3 - I want to have a car (honda civic :D)

4 - I want to buy an awesome suit

5 - I want to read many books

6 - I want to change/help an older mans' life

7 - I want to learn to play the guitar

8 - I want to lose weight and get in shape

9 - I want to travel to Tokyo

“I was born for the storm, and a calm does not suit me.”.png

That collage is great! Love #6.

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December 15 2015 - Tuesday 11:28 PM

Today was a better day, I felt more alive. Through my meditation I finally realized the importance of my breathing. For 23 years I've been breathing unconsciously not knowing exactly why. Every breath I take now has meaning to me. When I was coaching League of Legends players I would always criticize them for doing actions, and not knowing exactly why they were doing them. I finally learned to apply this to my everyday philosophy.

Today I had one of the most challenging exersize routines, boy was it hard for me. I chose a harder one because yesterday I went over my calorie limit with my mom bringing home KFC :S For a moment I was disappointed that I couldn't see much progress, but after thinking about it I realized that this past 8 days my training has brought my body to a "healthy" position. After not doing anything for about a year and a half I can't expect such stellar results after all. Right now I'm flexible and my body feels comfortable. In the future I can sign up to a fitness center instead of working out at home, that would help a lot too :).

My cold showers are getting less painful and excruciating :D. Getting used to it is an awesome feeling, I take less long showers also. I used to take showers that went for 20 - 40 mins. Just laying down in there, thinking under that warm water :S.

Reading has gotten easier for me when I started reading slower, sometimes reading out loud. I've also built up hype for reading The Slightest Edge. So now when I'm reading it, I'm taking immense notes.

I'm currently waiting on the people to call me up for my job/put me on a shift. I'm both excited and nervous. Since it's a general labor job they asked how much weight I can lift. I don't consider myself to be a tough / strong guy, I'm working on it, so it kind of scares me. I hope I don't make a fool of myself, or I don't look like some wussy kid. I have confidence in myself but I'm just afraid of failing. Maybe if they tell me to do something and I ask how to do it (even though it's so easy), or I can't concentrate on what my supervisor is saying and just leaves, leaving me curious as to what to do because I didn't have the courage to be engaged and in power... I hope that I can get over these fears, I probably will just do great, but it's been a while since I've done face to face socializing in a while. I guess it will be kind of like riding a bike :).

 

Other than that all is well. Every day I am improving more and more, and don't want to stop. Sometimes I still get distracted by Facebook or Youtube. I listen to a lot of music. It's sort of an addiction actually, one that I have to replace with podcasts or music without lyrics; but it's the last thing that I will get rid of. I'm currently not ready to give up time consuming music, but I have toned it down a bit.

I believe in myself, and am grateful for: 

  • This laptop
  • My pen and paper
  • My breathing
  • My hair (I would always wear a hat lol, stopped wearing it so much to cover my hair which I hate)
  • My ability to achieve something as long as if I put my mind to it
  • This wallpaper that I made
  • My glasses
  • Making connections with other people
  • My DC socks
  • Being at peace with myself
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Hi SegaCity, I've had a look at your journal posts and it looks like you're progressing fast!

I really like your collage/vision board, you have a good taste. I also want to be my own boss at some stage and play guitar (which I'm already learning to do).

If you can pile on the habits that fast and keep them, then you'll do great. I have found I can only do a couple of new habits at a time to not forget or overdo things.

All the best for your recovery!

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December, 16, 2015 Wednesday 8:44 PM

It's been 12 days since I stopped gaming, I'm proud I came this far. I was always thinking I couldn't do it because I would feel so detached and would miss out on a lot. But I never thought on how much I was missing out on in real life :)

 

Today was an awesome day, I was able to read about 60 pages of books and was able to actually focus. I knew if I put my mind to it I could do it :D.

 

I bought a new calendar to put up on my wall and have a new daily agenda for year 2016. This will help me keep track of things. Speaking of keeping track: back when I was living like a zombie I never had grasped the concept of time. Time flew by so fast and I didn't care about it. Nowadays I'm really noticing all this time that I have, I've learned to love it. Keeping a journal here and just writing random things in my journal has helped a lot, but I still have a long way to go to put full control onto my time.

 

Today I woke up kind of sad actually. The reason being is because my SleepBot App told me I had only 7 hours of sleep (because I slept late) and I chose to snooze a bit more to make up for 8 hours. From now on I'll be more strict with my sleeping schedule, but it still made me feel shameful.

"7 hours instead of 8 and you have to snooze like that?"

"Are you starting to become the old Adem again?"

"Where is that will power you were talking about there tough guy?"

I don't know how to go about this situation, but when I was writing down my three things that I was grateful for, I wrote: "I'm grateful for having a great sleep."

So in the end I turned it into a positive :D thank god I had nothing important to wake up for though. This is a worrying trend for me, I want to wake up early every day, I don't want to miss a shed of sunlight for the rest of my life.

Oh and I haven't got a call from the job I interviewed for yet (got the job, they just need to put me on a shift I guess). Hope I get the call soon.

 

All is well other than that.

Peace.

 

 

Hi SegaCity, I've had a look at your journal posts and it looks like you're progressing fast!

I really like your collage/vision board, you have a good taste. I also want to be my own boss at some stage and play guitar (which I'm already learning to do).

If you can pile on the habits that fast and keep them, then you'll do great. I have found I can only do a couple of new habits at a time to not forget or overdo things.

All the best for your recovery!

Hey thanks man :)

 

 

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December 17 2015, Thursday 10:42 PM

I woke up today even later than before. Granted I could not get a good nights sleep. This frustrated me. I think I'll put on several alarms and put my phone away from my bed from now on :D.

I went shopping with my mom, I got a yoga pad thingy for when I exercise and got some toothpaste that guarantees 3 shades whiter teeth in 4 weeks. I don't know if it is that true but I liked the challenge :D. After coming home I had the best exercise I've had in a long time, I really felt the progression I was making. This was about the 6th time I exercised in 2 weeks or so. After finishing I took an amazing cold shower. Then had some food that my mom made. Which tasted awesome and gratifying. My body feels great and I'm more flexible. I feel more lighter than I used to. My goal is to lose at least 30 pounds, and get toned on the way.

I then rewarded myself also by watching a documentary on the Brooklyn Bridge which was interesting. Did some reading, took notes.

I'm coming to the realization that: yes, I've improved in social, health, knowledge aspects. But the only problem I have right now is financial. The warehouse "job" I got hasn't called me in yet, and hasn't answered the call I made today. It looks like I'm going to have to keep on searching. I'm also going to have to put my Slight Edge philosophy to work with the "be my own boss" idea I have. Right now I'm at zero, and have to start with a penny. "If only I can get that penny" I say to myself, that's just the bitch inside of me talking :P

Welp I guess I'm going to go to bed later tonight, my mind loves to work late at night. So I should expect to wake up late tomorrow so I don't disappoint myself :D.

A quick list of 10 things I'm currently greatful for, because being positive is awesome:

1- My ability to write (I would hate writing before, I felt ashamed for the poor quality. Now I know I can improve though)

2- My clothes

3-GAME QUITTERS 

4-Cam Adair and his life changing works that have helped me :D

5-These smileys that I can incorporate in my writing because I suck currently, my goal is to write something amazing one day without the need of smileys :D 

(I guess without the smileys, what I write is just too confident, which in the end leaves me vulnerable. I hide behind my smileys just like a mask... woah...)

6- This new lighter I bought

7- Coffee

8- My money, I'm proud that I own it and am very grateful for it

9- My toothbrush and toothpaste

10- My washer and dryer

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Hey Adem,

Just got caught up on your journal. You are off to an awesome start, keep going! I related to many of your experiences here because I went through some of the same things when I quit.

 I was always thinking I couldn't do it because I would feel so detached and would miss out on a lot. But I never thought on how much I was missing out on in real life :)

Yes! Exactly. I feel the same way.

Today was an awesome day, I was able to read about 60 pages of books and was able to actually focus. I knew if I put my mind to it I could do it :D.

Yeah!! If you keep focusing on reading you'll get better, but more importantly, as you reduce the number of internet/video game distractions, your ability to focus increases :D

Hope you keep doing awesome. I'm sure you'll find another job soon.

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December 18 2015, Friday 9:30 PM

Today was an okay day, I slept in a bit expecting it since I slept late. I didn't feel guilty but I felt I had way less energy for almost half of the day. So I've come to the decision just to give in and crash at around 11:00 every day. It's a totally new habit I have to get used to.

Searched and found some other jobs today. Did a whole lot of math and got into other subjects on KhanAcademy. I think I just want to take every course possible, since when I was a kid my mind was always into games I can now re-learn everything from start. It feels awesome, I love learning and I'm very very sure what I learn will trickle in every way shape and form to other aspects in my life. I actually have 240,836 points on the site, and have a bunch of cool badges also.

Read some, ate some. But I noticed a something unfortunate while reading The Slight Edge... I've sort of lost my attitude that I had. This is a very contagious thing for me and happens a lot. The people I live with (my mom and my sister) are not what one can call "motivators". I don't remember the last time they did something that made me say "wow that's awesome!", or any of the such. I already had an immensely hard time relating to them with games / technology / internet, now I can't relate to them about self improvement, or just interesting engaging things in general. Their bad attitudes have really gotten to me, even neighbors. I'm going have to stand strong again and get my monster of an attitude back. #Faith 

It actually really saddens me, I've been able to change and I know it's very hard. But I've done nothing but trying to be a role model and help my family. All they do is watch TV, browse Facebook and eat. I was the same to a certain extent. But I will not stop, I'll never give up. I believe everyone has the potential to be successful at anything they want to do. I shall never second guess myself and just "be".

Oh and I've been practicing penmanship off of this site here: http://palmermethod.com/

HOLY FUCK I've been writing the wrong way all my life.

Once I've practiced writing I want to practice on my speech. I mumble and talk weird sometimes, I even stutter in certain situations. 

 

1372672232120.png

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Hey Adem, awesome that you're working on sleep and Khanacademy (great site). I think it's not unusual that you don't find yourself surrounded by motivators. I think that's a great part about gamequitters - it's a place for people to motivate and support each other when they might not be able to get that from themselves, or from the people around them in their life at the time. But you can also find communities or groups in real life where people care more about self-improvement.

If you're into improving your handwriting, you'll probably like this: (skip maybe to 2:30) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAWA5qw065k. It's something I've been wanting to work on as well!

A lot of people do seem to be caught in the work/TV/internet/repeat cycle. It's worth it to break out but I think everyone has to do it for themselves.

Keep going strong dude! I think you're going to do great if you keep at it as you are. Some days will be good, some bad, but you will improve and it will get easier.

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December 19 2015, Saturday 8:58 PM

Today I woke up perfectly surprisingly. The night before I was tossing and turning like crazy until around 3:30 AM. I got a better app that plays different sounds and such which kinda helped and my alarm tone was something softer than usual. It made me answer a math question before turning it off. I also went to bed wanting to wake early, repeating it in my head. I think I finally found my formula for sleep :D.

Things went as usual. I exercized today for about the 7th time in around 2 weeks. I'm noticing that I can get more and more aggressive with my routine. In return I'm sweating more, building more muscle and getting even more flexible.

I used to play goalie on my university hockey team in Turkey, it wasn't an amazing team but we had fun. The thing I was really ashamed about was my inability to go down butterfly, even though I was only able to play goalie for a week at a tournament because the school didn't really fund us at all. All in all it was an amazing experience but I loved to play goalie; I hope I can one day be able to play in that position again.

After all of this I was to eat meditate and read, but the god damned TV caught me again. About 4 hours of my day went to my inability to resist watching TV. I'll be just passing through to have a smoke outside and my mom will be watching "The Good Wife" (which is a pretty cool drama/law/politics show imo), pulling me in like a black hole, and time just passes by. I feel really ashamed for my inability to resist :( 

Well now I'm here writing this journal entry. I love all these comments I've been getting above this. It makes me feel like I'm actually a part of something. I want to write more in the forums and keep on contributing in the future. I'm glad I can come to a place where there are other people with similar stories.

P.S. Check out my cool ass profile cover, it's a freakin gif m8, I love that shit

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Hey Adem, awesome that you're working on sleep and Khanacademy (great site). I think it's not unusual that you don't find yourself surrounded by motivators. I think that's a great part about gamequitters - it's a place for people to motivate and support each other when they might not be able to get that from themselves, or from the people around them in their life at the time. But you can also find communities or groups in real life where people care more about self-improvement.

If you're into improving your handwriting, you'll probably like this: (skip maybe to 2:30) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAWA5qw065k. It's something I've been wanting to work on as well!

A lot of people do seem to be caught in the work/TV/internet/repeat cycle. It's worth it to break out but I think everyone has to do it for themselves.

Keep going strong dude! I think you're going to do great if you keep at it as you are. Some days will be good, some bad, but you will improve and it will get easier.

Thanks for the comment broski. I'll check that out.

:) 

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The goalie position has always fascinated me.  I played it a couple of times when I was a kid and I loved it.  One thing that was hard for me was to remember how flexible I really was and to not overextend myself.

Like you, I found it tough to see people I love not work to better themselves.  Perhaps you can read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie and see if that can give you some ideas.  I'm just a little ways into it, and I think that you may find some ways to help your family in it.  For me, I found that my wife has responded very positively to my game free self.  She sees that I am always trying to improve things for myself and the family, and she has definitely been motivated by it.

Also, keep writing in your journal here and you'll keep improving at writing too.  I have no problem understanding what you write on here, but I completely get wanting to improve because I do too.  When you read other people's words, look for things you like and don't like in the way they write. 

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December 20 2015, Sunday 7:38 

Today was hell, the hardest day since my start.

It started last night, instead of doing a usual 10 minutes of meditation I went a little bit further. The reason being is; I've been having this tingling and annoying sensation in my forehead, above my eyebrows. I found out it's apparently my "third eye", a place where 3 plates of bone join and theres also a certain muscle there that's connected to some part of the brain bla bla bla... Basically shit has been happening there, it's some good shit, the internet told me to be okay with it and focus on it which helps. K DEN. So I went on diving into all sorts of ways I can meditate. I did about 1 hour of just random meditating. It felt good. 

Then when browsing some more, I saw lucid dreaming helping youtube videos. Which led to wet dream helping youtube videos, and then saw some hypnosis videos that apparently give you an orgasm without you touching yourself. YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS ALL GOING. 

NOFAP RELAPSE AT 11 DAYS R.I.P. (it's okay though, I'm proud I went that far, now I must go farther :D)

I also decided to stop smoking altogether, just like that (I was out of cigarettes). I said to myself "Now that I've got used to all this change and such, I'll be able to take smoking away easily.". It has been an easier transition, but the nicotine urges are IMMENSE. I feel like a total drug addict during the day. Ever since I started writing this journal I've felt better though, maybe I should write more to help my urges. All in all it's going to be extremely hard, but if I can get through the first 2 weeks I will feel so amazing. I've done it with games I can do it with cigarettes ( I hope ).

 

I want to write more but there isn't any more, I'm just having a hard hard time. 

I like picshurs

u0WUbyX.gif

 

Edited by SegaCity
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I like your attitude! Going all in!

I also get 3rd eye tingly sensations. I actually got them just reading your post. Woot.

Good luck with quitting smoking! I know you'll have hard days, but they will pass. You can do it!

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