necessary change, a daily journal

[Zeliow]

Hey Everyone,

3 days ago, I slipped. Its been roughly 11 weeks since I said goodbye to dota 2 and my teammates. I quit dota becouse it was taking up more time than I could afford to spend on it, I didnt quit games cold turkey, I continued playing heathstone for roughly 30 minutes a day. Everything was going better and I felt better, less stressed out. in 2 weeks I have some major tests I absolutely don't want to fail, but 3 days ago, when I planned on starting to study, I played hearthstone for 12 hours, and 12 hours the next day, and today again 12 hours. And what I want to do is getting some great results on those tests, playing hearthstone keeps me from achieving that. So today I want to pick myself up again, and this daily journal will help me to go for my goals and give me some structure to my unstructured life.

Every evening from now on, I will write something about:

• today: anything notable about that day (at least 1 positive thing)
• goals: long/short term goals (progress, aditions)
• accomplishments: what I did that day to get closer to those goals
• tomorrow: what I'm going to do tomorrow to get closer to those goals

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

so starting with: [ day 1 ]

Today :Today was an unproductive day, I played hearthstone all day and I feel bad about it. Thats why I started this journal (yay) and Im pretty exited about it.

goals (short term): I have to pass the upcomming tests in 2 weeks 

goals (long term): I want to learn to play some songs on the guitar, I want to build some shoulders (Im pretty long and narrow), I want to become an expert in Autodesk Inventor, I have to earn my bachelors degree.

accomplishments: I started my daily journal.

tomorrow: Ill wake up at 8:00. Im going to make a plan for the next 2 weeks (what to study and when), study for at least 8 hours, hold my guitar for 15 minutes and do pushups/pullups to failure. And of course write day 2 of this journal.

 

This journal forces me to be concious about the time I spend daily, so if a day goes by without me doing anything I cant just forget about it and think it was only just 1 day I wasted.

Maybe tomorrow Ill write something about me, about who I am and how I got to where I am now and Ill start to follow 3 other journals.

The best of luck, Zeliow.

 

 

 

Edited December 30, 2016 by Zeliow
structure

[AlexTheGrape]

Hi @Zeliow, welcome to the community!

Good choice to create some structure in your life and starting your own journal!

All the best for your exams to work towards your bachelors degree.

Those are some awesome goals, especially since you only just started!

Looking forward to see how you do

[Piotr]

Hello! Good to have you here!

You've made a wise decision, taking your life into your hands. Education is a thing which will surely pay off, so don't give up on this. I've had autodesk inventor on my classes, unfortunately we had too little hours to get a certified diploma, but it was great experience though! I want to point out a thing which @AlexTheGrape wrote: you've just started and already you have specified goals. You are a very rare case, where you don't have too look for goals, you don't have to find yourself. That's why I think you can be very successful in the future. Just don't give up!

[gankylosaurus]

Funny how those quick fix games can so quickly turn into gaming marathons, huh? I used to play Hearthstone, too. In fact, it used to be part of my pre-writing ritual. But I realized eventually that it was a waste of time. It's fun, sure, and a challenge, but in the end, what do I really get out of it? Either frustration at a losing streak (except when I was defeated in a clever way - I always appreciated that more) or a false sense of accomplishment.

Good to see you have very specific goals. I got pretty good at some Autodesk programs back in high school, they're pretty intuitive. What do you plan to do after you've mastered Inventor?

[dandielionous]

@Zeliow Welcome

 

[Mhyrion]

Welcome!

 

[Cam Adair]

Hi Zeliow! Welcome to the community and good job starting your journal. 

[Zeliow]

Following through with: [ day 2 ]

First of all, thanks @AlexTheGrape @Piotr @gankylosaurus @dandielionous @Mhyrion and @Cam Adair for the posts, I really do appreciate it. 

Today: I felt generally positive about this day. I got up at 8:20, 20 minutes later than I wanted to (damn snooze). I got myself a fresh haircut and took the bike instead of the motorcycle. It was beautifull outside. It was freezing and the damp air had formed ice crystals on almost everything, the grass, the trees, everything was white. Later that day the sun broke through and made everything even better, untill it all melted 5 minutes later....

accomplishments:

• Took action and now my alarm clock doesn't have a snooze button anymore.
• Set up a study schedule for the next 2 weeks and it turns out I have to study 6 hours a day to cover every subject.
• Studied for 2 hours, this falls a bit short of my plan for today.
• Did 30 pushups and 10 pullups.
• Practiced guitar for 30 minutes.

goals (short term): I have to pass the upcomming tests in 2 weeks 

goals (long term): If I want to add/ scrap some goals I will state it somewhere else and add them to a section on my day 1 post.

tomorrow I will: Wake up at 8:00. Create a wake up routine and put it into practice. Study for at least 6 hours. Hold my guitar for 15 minutes. celebrate the old year with my mates (wooo!).  And of course write day 3 of this journal if I'm physically able to .

The best of luck, Zeliow.

Edited December 30, 2016 by Zeliow
I almost forgot old years eve

[Zeliow]

@gankylosaurus a former neigbour is taking over a buisness that builds stainless steel pressure vessels and cheese tanks (+- 15 employees). but the engineers designing the tanks still use some old expensive 3d autocad ripoff software, my former neigbour wants to slowly implement autodesk inventor becouse its (way) faster and cheaper. I used to have a summer job there and help them out with some drawings but decided to quit becouse of the crappy software. I think he would want my help to set up the procedures as well as teaching the rest about inventor. If this doesnt work out I can still get a summer time job elsewhere.

[Zeliow]

Happy new year everyone! 

[ day 3 ]

Today: Forgot to set my allarm, woke up at around 10:30 instead of 8:00. I couldnt put myself to study at all that day, also didnt practice with the guitar. I dont want this to happen anymore. I thought about what my wake up routine should look like and came to the conclusion that I basicly should do what I always do: get up, put on clothes, eat and brush my teeth. that evening I went over to a friends house to celebrate new years eve and everyone was having a great time, that was really fun and reminded me of how gratefull I should be to have them in my life. 

accomplishments:

• nothing here

goals (short term): I have to pass the upcomming tests in 2 weeks 

tomorrow I will: Practice guitar for 15 minutes. Work out.

 

[ day 4 ]

Today: I survived the hangover and was able to push myself to do 30 pushups. I did not feel well after that but I wont give up on this. the rest of the day was filled with some movies and guitar practice. today I was thinking a lot about the situation with my mother, and it creates some mixed feelings. I love my mother and I know she loves me as well, but my mother can also be really negative about the things I do and thoughts I share. Espectially whenever I try something new. An example of this is when I decided to apply to volunteer for an organisation that organises backpacking trips around europe. The first reaction from my mom was that I never cook so I wouldnt be able to do such a thing. She also brings up negative things that happened in the past every 2 or so weeks and tries to be funny about it while she knows I dont like it. So I dont share negative things that happen with her, and sharing positive things will only result in negativity. What is left is very little, boring, neutral subjects like the weather outside. The result is that I refrain from doing new things, I cant go for a run outside without reciving some form of negative comment about it. All things I do that dont comply with her mental image of me creates this comment in the form of "haha hats not you, you're probably bad at it". And she cant leave it alone either, once she finds out about something it has to be talked about every single day for at least a month. Talking didn't help, the most obvious thing to do is moving out, but I dont want to pay €300+ for a room in the city I study in. I love my mom, but I hate it that I have to think about what I can and can't share with her.

accomplishments:

• worked out.
• Practiced guitar for 30 minutes.

goals (short term): I have to pass the upcomming tests in 2 weeks 

tomorrow I will: Wake up at 9:00. Study for at least 6 hours. Hold my guitar for 15 minutes. 

The best of luck, Zeliow.

[Schwing]

If you can't share things with your mother you can always share them with someone else. If she puts you down again you can try being more assertive and saying "No this is what I want to do".

What do you play on guitar?

[Zeliow]

@Schwing assertiveness has always been a weak point of me and I'm trying to be more assertive in situations where I should. on what I play? I just started learning chords so for now mainly D E and A chords  .

[ day 4 ]

I didnt kept a journal.... I didnt do annything productive either exept going to bed early, the internet is an evil place for procastinators.

 

[ day 5 ]

accomplishments:

• crafted two 4,5 kg dumbells out of some old steel rods and lead strips.
• full 20 minute upper body workout.
• cold shower.
• covered 2/12 subjects for the test next monday.

Today: I set my alarm for 8:00 and put it on the other side of the room but I turned it of and slept till 9:30. I still have trouble starting with studying but I gained some momentum today. after the workout my arms and shoulders did not want to lift the guitar off the stand so next time Ill do guitar practice before I do my workout routine.

goals (short term): I have to pass the upcomming tests in 2 weeks 

tomorrow I will: Get up at 9:00. study for at least 7 hours. Practice guitar for 15 minutes. insulate the dumbells with tape (to prevent skin contact with lead).

Edited January 4, 2017 by Zeliow

[Cam Adair]

after the workout my arms and shoulders did not want to lift the guitar off the stand so next time Ill do guitar practice before I do my workout routine.

haha good plan! 

[Zeliow]

well, im back, almost 5 months passed and I've been playing hearthstone for 30-60 mins a day every day. 

but thats not why I'm here. I need structure and I need it badly. every day from now on I will wake up at 7:00, go to bed at 23:00, Im doing #NoWank and I will be doing a minimum of 30 pushups every 2 days. I dont want to slip so Im keeping a journal here, again. Im here after I saw a girl passing by on the street I used to vaguely know and I said hi, and she said hi back. awesome right? no, it came out wrong and I felt weak and pathetic. listening to 8 hours of Jordan Peterson's lectures named "maps of meaning" and some video's from Gavin McInnes made me realise I needed to do the #NoWank.

I will post here every day stating the days I have not wanked, with a max of 1 month (becouse you get a free ticket at the beginning of each month (unless a miracle happens)). 

I will post everything that happened that day that I do not want to happen in the future.

I will post everything positive that happened that day that is noteworthy. but really noteworthy, like asking a girl on a date and she said yes noteworthy.

 

so here we go, [DAY 1].

#NoWank days: 0

 everything that happened that day that I do not want to happen in the future:

• that pathetic "hey"
• destructive procastination
• the impulsive wank

 everything positive that happened that day that is noteworthy:

•  

FUCK!

(and I will stop doing the hearthstone thing)

[EndOfAnEra]

Jordan Peterson's stuff is great and very inspiring (almost makes me wish I did liberal arts instead of engineering at university, though I am glad I did engineering because of the job opportunities I have had). Understanding archetypes and what goals to set for yourself is great. Be the "hero". As he said on Rogan's podcast and the Rubin Report... make your bed and clean your room! Setting up little structures like that helps with everything in life, and if you do not have the foundation to build off of, you will fail.

Jocko Willink was on Rogan's podcast last week or so, and listening to him is inspiring as well. He was a former navy seal who now goes around and does business leadership workshops. However, he has a book called Extreme Ownership. Taking Ownership of our lives and everything we do is important and helps build discipline. He even wrote a kids book that goes over how to achieve goals and better ourselves. Basically put his principles into a children's fiction book... I was tempted to buy it, haha, read it myself and keep it for my soon to be born son for when he is 10 years old or whatever, ha.

Also, I just listened to the Guy Richie episode of Rogan's podcast. I didn't think I would take anything away from it (he is a filmmaker who was married to Madonna... what could I have expected?), however, he discussed the central narrative in all stories, even our own, is the struggle between our inner self and the outside self (the self that is shaped by expectations of the world around us). And that tied into the self ownership stuff as well, he even discussed the Extreme Ownership book as being helpful to him. So, that was good reinforcement as well. I was eating some cake and ice cream, and immediately put it down without finishing because I needed to take ownership of losing the weight I want to, a reason I am cutting down/out video games.

Getting to the destination isn't easy, however, we have to start on step 1 and then take step 2, etc. If you go off trail a bit, don't get too hard on yourself, figure out what made you go off path and fix it, and then keep taking the next step. Most people never reach their goals simply because they stop taking the steps towards them (from The Slight Edge, a book I started reading that has been recommended on here).

If you feel bad for that 30-60 min of Hearthstone, then uninstall it. If it isn't in your way, then that is ok, but still need to consider if that is helping you towards your goals (and having some relaxing downtime is beneficial, and puzzle solving/strategy is beneficial to keeping the brain sharp, so maybe limited amounts could be helpful as long as you have the discipline to put it down after a reasonable amount of time).

Anyways, good luck!