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Attempt #2


PhilLabranche
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Day 1

I'm starting all over again. I know why I want to stop. It destroys my life. It destroys my social interractions, my intellect and my time. I will not download games. I will focus on not playing or watching videos. I have people to help. This place is a great community. i can play guitar, read stories and study more. By stopping playing, I know what it will do to me. I've done it before. I will feel wayyy better. I need to remember that feeling I had a couple months ago. I felt powerful, intelligent and proud of myself. I need to always remember that games will only make me feel bad about myself. I CAN DO IT.

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Welcome aboard! I can only second what WorkInProgress wrote, definitely come in here and write everyday, about whatever you need to get out of your mind. We are here to listen.

Good luck.

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Day 2

Thank you a lot for your support, I really appreciate it!

 

Well, today was officially the first entire day without video games. Yesterday, I joined in afternoon and I played in the morning.

Today, I attended all my classes, which is good for me.

In the past month or so, I was not attending most of my classes to play LoL, causing my grades to be atrocious. I want to attend all my classes the rest of the semester.

Today, I smiled and almost laughed in class. This was something I was not doing since I started playing again. I just found jokes to be boring and when I was in class. I could only think of gaming and what I would play when I'd get home. Now that I know I won't play when I get home, I was not thinking about playing as much. When the semester started, I was not playing any games and I was doing great. I talked a lot to people in my group and I was seen as "the must talk to guy". I am currently in a theatre program, where I mostly learn to act. Obviously, most people in that program are extraverted. I had made friends with a couple of them and they loved the way I act. When I started playing video games again, I became silent, distant and I was not as often at school. When I was at school, however, I was asked frequently if I was okay or what was wrong (because I barely smiled and I was tired), only to respond with: "Yeah, I'm fine." or "It's complicated." Today, I explained the situation to someone I appreciate and he understood me. It was nice to talk to him.

I went to the library and got 2 sci-fi books.

Today was a good day, but 2 jours ago, when I came home from school. I had a fight with my girlfriend and I totally undestood why she was mad. She said that I was not talking to her enough, that I was always distant and that I wasn't the same. She thought I was at school, when I was a lot at home playing video games. I am ashamed to tell her that I relapsed some time ago and that I want to stop again. I need to tell her, so I will call her when she gets back at her house.

When we fought, I wanted to just forget the situation and go play, but I stopped for a minute and decided against it, which I am proud of.

I am proud to have been to school for an entire day. It is a very small step, but it's a step.

Tomorrow, I will go for the first time in 5 weeks to a class. I want to catch up.

Weekly goals: Talk to my girlfriend about the situation and find a way to deal with it again, clean my room, put my resume up to date.

Finally, for the rest of the evening, I will watch hockey. I enjoy watching hockey, as it makes me think of something else than video games.

Have a great day/good night/good evening!

P.S. I apologize for any mistakes in the post, English is my second language.

-Phil

Edited by PhilLabranche
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Hey Phil. You live basically my life a year ago. I too played LoL,skipped my calsses and lyed to my gf. All this stress and Feeling bad about your own choices leads to beeing mean to everyone around you, even to the ones they don't deserve it at all. But I give you a counter-intuitive recommandation. Don't feel bad. Instead work on doing better and be proud of every step you take in the right direction. If you manage to be consistent with this things will Change. I personally was way more relaxed and nicer with my gf after I quit for some time. A good part of this was my improved self-esteem. 

I am sure you can do this too.

Another thing I personally learned is that there is no future imaginable where I could play LoL and be ok. This was a hard thing to realise because I had really fun doing it and played a lot with friends. Some sort of hard truth. MAybe other games... but LoL? Never ever.

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Day 3:

Today was a rough day. Yesterday I had a fight with my gf and we talked earlier. I know my mistakes and I will improve myself as much as I can. She will need some time to trust me again and I completely understand. 

Today, I attended my classes. I talked to my teacher a little bit about my situation and he said that it was okay, he wished me luck. I am 6 classes behind on others. 

Tonight, I am going to a party. I will enjoy it as much as possible. I did not think about gaming today. I talked to my gf and my father about the fact that I wanted to sell my computer. My dad said he would help me. 

Weekly goals: I printed some resumes and I will apply for a job monday at a pet store. I still need to clean my room.

Have a great day/Goodnight/Good evening!

-Phil

Edited by PhilLabranche
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Hey sry for the late answer, but yes I am still with her. We actually celebrate our first marriage anniversary in a few weeks. It takes time to build up trust again and it needs a lot of effort from both sides but it is possible.

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Thank you guys for your support. Also, congrats on your first marriage anniversary!

Day 4:

Today was a fine day. I woke up late because I was very tired and hungover. I got ready to go out again, with my girlfriend, at another party. Tonight, I did not drink alcohol. This was not an ordinary party, because it was more like a "fake" one, to shoot a little movie that my gf co-produces for school. I had some fun, although there were mostly people that knew each other and I was not really feeling included. I still talked to some guys there and it was not too bad. I just got home, that is why today's journal is so late. I did not think about gaming today. Tomorrow I have a free day, so I will clean my room and go drop few more resumes. 

Weekly goals: I will clean my room tomorrow. Monday I will go drop my resume at a pet store and tomorrow I will go drop one in a store named HMV. (A store that sells music discs, movies and merchandise. View it as some kind of geek shop) 

Have a great day/Goodnight/Good evening!

-Phil

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Tomorrow I have a free day, so I will clean my room and go drop few more resumes. 

Weekly goals: I will clean my room tomorrow.

Your own room and the level of entropy in it is the mirror of your mind and entropy inside it.

Remember, and if you don't know what entropy, then ask Google :D

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Day 5:

My productivity was total crap today. I feel like crap. I could not get anything done. I woke up at around 10 am and my dad invited me to go eat breakfast at a restaurant. This was fine. I came back home alone and prepared myself for a normal day. I took a shower and got ready to go out to drop some resumes. 

Suddenly, I felt not too good. I don't actually know what happenned. I just sat on my bed and started playing guitar and sing. Then, I watched videos for about 3 hours. There I was, doing stupid things again. My room was still messy, I had to do my chores and go drop resumes. I didn't do much.

At about 7pm, I watched hockey. I had planned to watch it since I woke up, but I felt really bad watching it. During the commercial breaks and period breaks, I did my chores. After the game, I went to bed because I  just was not in the mood to clean my room. I obviously will not be in the mood to do it any time soon, but I have to do it. It's just better. 

Mu girlfriend talks less to me, because she needs time to forgive me and I learned that I needed time to forgive myself too. So today, I woke up, ate with my dad, took a shower, did not do anything productive and went to bed. I am not sleeping well at all.

I'm only five days in and I can't get my shit together. I feel like I relapsed, but I did not. Watching videos for so long and procrastinating makes me feel that way. I have trouble finding myself again now that video games are out of my life. Tomorrow I have a big day. I feel like I won't go through it easily. I have been thinking about playing today. I keep procrastinating and this is most certainly my biggest flaw. If you guys have any suggestions on how to slowly get rid of it, I will gladly recieve them. I know that it will all get better soon, just after two weeks or so, I remember the growing positivity of my 90 day detox that I did 3 months ago. I feel like this detox will be harder than the first one, but I don't know why I feel that way. I think I don't know myself very well after all.

Weekly goals: clean my room, go drop resumes. 

Have a great day/Goodnight/Good evening!

-Phil

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Hey Phil,

such days just happen sometimes. Most of the time if there are some emotions laying around in the back of your head and it feels like you just can't start. Remember that tomorow is a new day and that you don't have to be perfect at this detox as long as you try again and again to reach your goals. 

Things that help with procrastination:

  - make plans the day before with exact starting times.

 - do atleast 10min of work before you procrastinate ( is often times enougg to get the ball rolling. If not: 10min is still bettert then 0min)

 - create a regular working habit at specific times. (i.e. every time I come frome from schhool do 30min of cleaning). If it is becoming a Habit, it'll take  you less and less willpower

- make it as easy as possible to do the thing you want to do. For cleaning the room download a Podcast/awesome music and listen to it while cleaning. Prepare the stuff you need to do it the evening before

Here is a great article about this:https://markmanson.net/procrastination

best of luck to you!

 

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Day 6 (6,7% completed before level 90)

I kinda like the % counting. Thank you for your kind words guys. I read the article on procrastination and it was basically describing my habits. I will do as said, which is planning what I need to do, such as chores and homework. I am currently using the basic calender on my iPhone and I think it's okay, but if you guys have other apps or tips, please let me know! Also, the reason why my girlfriend needs time to forgive me is because I lied to her for about a month. I did not tell her I had relapsed and that I was missing classes to play. Also, I was talking way less to her because I was always playing. I told her everything I did and now she needs time to process and forgive.

Today was an okay day. Last night, I had trouble sleeping. It was very hard to fall asleep and I woke up multiple times before I decided to take a pill that was supposed to make me relax and sleep. So, I fell asleep at about 2:30 am and my alarm clock never went off. I woke up two hours late, so I missed my first period. I felt bad and I was mad too, because I was sure I activated my alarm clock before falling asleep. I now have to plan a 2h session at the school gym to get back the hours I lost during my class. I think this is not too bad, because I want to start working out. I am tall, skinny and only seventeen, so I think working out would be good for my health and my appearance. 

I went to my two other classes tho and I went to my gf's house tonight.

Weekly goals: Nothing changes. Clean my room and go drop resumes.

Have a great day/Goodnight/Good evening!

-Phil

 

Edited by PhilLabranche
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Hey Phil,

I use google calendar. It's nice because if you download it to your phone, it will automatically sync up with google calendar. Also, a lot of apps take advantage of google calendar's ability to sync up (i.e. meetups.com, events near me, etc). At the event's page you can click "add to calendar" it will add it automatically, and you won't even have to do it manually. 

Nice job on getting to day 6 dude. I've relapsed before too. Keep hitting it hard man.

 

T

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Day 7 (7.78 % comptlete berore lvl 90)

Hi tuys; thank you for the tips!
Today was okay. I had trouble sleeping again, so I woke up at 7 am, which mean I slept 7 hours. I stayed in bed until 8:30 am. During that time, I tried using Headspace. I think it's a nice app, but I'm not sure yet if I want to pay for it. I also went on Instagram, Facebook and other apps that made me lose my time. I deleted the Facebook app, however I kept my Messenger app, because I need to to contact friends to hangout, as I don't have their numbers. My best friend doesn't have a phone, so we can only on messenger.

After deleting Facebook, I decided to delete Instagram too. When I'm bored, I normally just go on Instagram and look at random memes that are recommended. I could be reading a book instead, but I keep watching random pictures. I remember, when I was a kid, I used to read so much and I loved it. I could read already by the time I was 5. I would read 300+ pages books in 2-3 days while the others in my class were reading very small books with lots of images when I was 6. I was pretty advanced for my age. My notes were great obviously, so my dad initiated me to video games. That's when I gradually stopped reading for fun. 

I really wish the love of reading is still deep somewhere in my brain. I think video games replaced reading when I was younger, but I now wonder if reading will replace gaming. 

So, back to my day. After deleting those apps, I also deleted Youtube. I will watch Cam's videos mostly for now, but I want to find channels to cultivate me, help me finding myself, make me discover new books, places, food, etc. 

I went to my class today and I surprisingly was feeling good. I had always liked this class, which is acting, but today was something more. Recently, I was alone and distant, trying to avoid talking to people outside the necessities of the class. Today, I talked more. It felt good.

 After that, I went straight to see a play. It was a heavy and kind of sad, but I really enjoyed it. 
Also, I started cleaning my room. I made my bed, took out every trash that was in my room and decided what to keep and what not.

Now I am going to sleep. Big day tomorrow.

Have a treat day/Goodnight/good evening

-Phil

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It's good that you're starting with simple little habits like cleaning. This is a good way to improve your discipline in other areas of your life. You asked whether reading can replace gaming, where once you loved it. I say, it can and I'm a living proof. After quitting games, I've enjoyed reading once again!

Greetings.

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Day 8 (8,9% completed until lvl 1)

I changed the "level reach" to 1 from 90, because I'm only making my way to a new start.

Today was fine. Went to both my class, but was late to my first one. Missed my bus by 30 seconds or so. When I was in my first class, I remembered how I liked the teacher's ability to make the class actually interresting. I was sure it would be boring for the entire session. During a break, I was told that something pretty sad happened at my school. A girl was raped last night at the residences, a place where foreign students/people too far away to go back home after school stay during the session. I felt pretty bad and was shocked when I heard what happened. I don't know who she is but holy shit that must be such an awful experience. I don't have the vocabulary to say how traumatising that must be. The guy that did this honestly needs to be sent in jail with a big pile of extra slippy soaps. 

After my classes, I went to see another play.

I watched 1h30 of tv today. I actually enjoy a movie sometimes, but I mostly watch hockey on my tv. 

Now I'm going to bed.

Weekly goals: Clean my room (almost done), catch up on schoolwork (scheduled for saturday) and go drop more resumes. 

Have a great day/goodnight/good evening!

-Phil

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