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thomas
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guysssssssss. im gettin urges again. this is pathetic... xD

writing this a while after this times "rock bottom" so i see the humor in it.

i am currently rationalizing to myself that it is ok to game because its fun, and you know, what's fun is good because it makes you happy right? anyhow, Cam's/your video on how relapsing wont change anything really really really REALLY is a huge motivation. it cuts through all the crap and tells the truth, that you got bigger problems on your hands now.

furthermore (got that word from my essaywriting), i am telling myself that there is no problem in moderate gaming, as long as it doesnt affect my training and so on. BUT! i read about a guy, and i think he was from norway aswell, who started gaming a little bit, and then fell into a full on relapse, playing 8-10 hours per day. so i guess its true that gaming is fine if it doesnt affect other areas of my life, but that is rarely the case, i tend to become absorbed. 

one more thing! i am playing chess atm. online... i am using this as an escape i know, it fulfills my need for mesurable growth as well as challenge and so on. i kinda dont want to quit playing chess, probably because i am afraid of what i would fill this time with. i am playing a fair bit, not like before of course, but 4-5 hours a week? not sure really. but it is probably too much already. board-chess is fine, i know <3

fml and have a good day <3 

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Cam's/your video on how relapsing wont change anything really really really REALLY is a huge motivation. it cuts through all the crap and tells the truth, that you got bigger problems on your hands now.

Glad it helped. Remember that how online chess fulfills your needs, so can many other things - just positive ones. :)

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i am playing videogames at the moment. feels like i have let you down. 

today i had one my best training sessions ever and when i got home i started playing. 

lately it has just been too much for me.

 

anyways, after meditating every day for over 6 months, i have become much more aware of my life and the present mment and so on. what i am trying to say is that i can already FEEL that i dont want to do this, but kind of need to right now i guess. 

i have gotten another job as a parkour trainer, and maybe this is the fear of success kicking in, i dont know. 

i need a break from this self-actualization for a bit. i am keeping my meditation habit though.

 

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Hi @thomas

I think temporary escape is good in small doses because it helps us relax and maintain balance in our lives. If you are playing videogames to achieve this I don't think this is a good idea as they can suck you in and return you to your old habits. I read a lot of fantasy novels and I also do a bit of art. Although I wont get to play the Witcher 3 anymore I can read the books. I encourage you to do something similar to help you relax but not lose control again. But if you can play in moderation please tell me how because I really want to play the blood and wine expansion.

Edited by Schwing
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i am playing videogames at the moment. feels like i have let you down. 

today i had one my best training sessions ever and when i got home i started playing. 

lately it has just been too much for me.

Honestly, I can understand what you do. If everything suddenly starts to go well and you have a lot of positive feelings, that can be pretty overwhelming. And sometimes positive emotions need a valve as well. But if you do play, try to watch how you feel and what happens inside of you. If it drains the positivity out of your mind and leaves you with a numbness, that could be pretty destructive for you again. Numbness is probably what your mind desires at the peak of emotions, but that is not what you desire. If you use the games to relax and to calm down, watch the process. See what it does or does not to you. And if it turns out to be contra-productive again, find some other activities that have a relaxing effect.

You have it under control.

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thanks alot for the amazing comments.

But if you can play in moderation please tell me how because I really want to play the blood and wine expansion.

don't worry, i can't :D

 

 

 And sometimes positive emotions need a valve as well. But if you do play, try to watch how you feel and what happens inside of you.

 

its not so much the positive emotions, but i think that might contribute in the form of fear of success or something. that i want my goal and dream to stay a dream. 

what is most difficult for me is loneliness. i am lonely. 

i do hang out with friends from time to time, but i dont feel like it's enough. i have days, especially days where i dont have school, where i want to be with someone and have fun, but no one is available. when that happens i feel abandoned. i know its normal for friends to be busy and i do not want them to prioratize me over others, but i need people to be with aswell, you know? 

sigh... 

gaming is an escape, and i am really good at it too. 

hard to explain what i feeling right now. i definetly feel sorry for myself, embarassing.

all i have for you now, i think updating here daily will help. thank you SO much for the comments, they were lovely <3 

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  • 5 months later...

Hi,

six months since last post here. during this time i have been gaming a little bit, not too much, maybe some days. anyways, same problem as always and i'm about to relapse or something. just bought a mouse and mousepad and my hands are shaking at the moment.

i started drinking halfway through january and now my friends jokingly call me the alchoholic of our friendsgroup, not without reason. i don't drink in weekdays though, but i tend to drink too much whenever there is a party, that's scandinavian drinking culture i guess.

i also tried cannabis and cigarettes, it was like drinking alcohol, wont do it again.

hate my life at the moment, just felt i had to let all you who reads this know what is going on, atleast on the gaming front. 

two days ago i was out of my mind happy, there was a party and everything was litterally perfect, and now things are shitty. i am going to see a psykologist in the not so distant future, so that will be nice i hope.

i'll check in on this topic and let you know when i get back on track.

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