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notKosmic's 90 Days


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Good to hear your update. Consistent journaling can help you keep your mind clear and focused.

What is the "Challenge?"  Yes, I need to journal daily!  It might help me stay on the track of goals.

I think I've been listening to this podcast too much.  It is really good but I had a great journey the other day.  I left my phone in the car and walked through a rose garden.  I eventually got close enough to the roses to just stand there and really see them.  It was amazing to unplug and just spend time to really see and hear without digital noise.  Maybe when I run and walk I should not listen to things on my phone as much.  I do like learning while I go, but maybe I can save that for my drive time and look forward to it...


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The world championship was insane! Really enjoyed the series. Post-detox the key is to double down on new goals.

Are you referring to the Game Quitters Challenge? Just a fun way to work on developing new habits and get out of your comfort zone after the detox. We're also now running a group called BEYOND that is the program I'll be running to help before beyond the detox.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Day... it's been a blur.

My three-month-old son has been in the hospital for two weeks now.  I pray he can come home soon.  There is no trauma like a sick baby.  I'm thankful for God and modern medicine.  Hoping continued improvement for here on out.

Need to adapt and be strong for my family. Discipline, not escape.

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Best wishes for your son!

Sometimes we can't change something to help others, I found out that in most cases people simply appreciate staying with them, than giving a solution. So be strong, don't give up and support and cheer up your family.

Once again, best wishes from Piotr!

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I've been pretty triggered lately with my wife in the hospital, baby boy sick, and taking care of everything at home with the two girls and trying to work, clean, laundry, etc. etc. Tough stuff!  I need strength and to adapt, but it has been a true test.  I haven't done amazing 24/7.  I've been playing chess.com again... I was on Youtube last night for a few hours... I get so tired of myself.  

I need discipline and not escape, but I find myself doing exactly what doesn't help me or my family!  I hate this sometimes.  How do you stay intentional during trying times?  

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How do you stay intentional during trying times?  

MORE awareness and MORE intention. It's important in moments that are stressful to take a step back and reconnect with yourself, and to remain grounded. A 5 minute walk on your own to recenter your energy is worse so much more when you're stressed. Finding these little things is huge to maintain your strength. Also remembering that these trying times are the exact thing you need to go through in order for you to grow and expand your capacity. Your capacity is within you, it's just a matter of you tapping into it.

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Day # 118


Gratitude journal

Today, we have out little boy home for 24 hours.  He has some sort of infection on his pinky.  Green in the center, white, then the tip is all red.  He is heading to the pediatrician now... 

Thankful that he is doing much better.  Thankful we have an appointment today.  Thankful my wife can take him.  Grateful for enough strength to get through this next trial with hope.  Praying he will be alright and the docs have a good treatment.  His immune system isn't that great from too many fluids and everything and taking so much blood for all of the tests these last few weeks.  Anyway, I'm trying to be grateful and warding off the panic that rises up again.

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

I got up this morning after an exhausting night and read for a bit.


I walked for 45 minutes and did 60 squats.


Proverbs 15:1, Ephesians 1-3.


Reading + taking notes

Psalm 6. Genesis 19-21. 

Dante's Inferno, Canto  . Life can be hell.  Dante is helping me get through it.

Getting to bed before 9pm

Yesterday, I got to bed before 10pm which is better than a few previous nights.
Today, I got to bed at 9pm.  I slept long!  Feeling better.

Weekly Goal(s)

Make a reading list for the year.  
Decide what language(s) I will study. (Ancient Greek and/or Spanish)
Limit the groups I'll be a part of.  There are more opportunities than ever right now... I need to be wise.  I shouldn't do everything. (Wheaton, 4Tucson, Navy, Idyll Challenge, ...)
Reading: Charlotte Mason, Chapter 10

Monthly Goal

At work: get vision team working together again.  We've been off for the holidays.  Finish strong!

3 Month Goal

Memorize Ephesians chapters 1-3.
Start jogging. (Been walking for last few months)

What went well today:

Didn't completely flip out when I saw my son had an infection.  I did better not allowing the stress to get to me.  Instead of going on chess.com right when my wife left I got on here and journaled instead.  

What I could have done to make my day better:

... less chess.com later in the day.  No chess.com!

What I will do differently tomorrow:

... no chess.com
And, going to try reading at work for a few hours by setting an "appointment" so I can't be disturbed.


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Day 119

Wow, that is way too long!  My previous post is too much stuff.  I don't even want to look at it.  I think I'll just stick to a short paragraph.

Today, I want to wean down my options for the year... see what is really worth focusing on and sticking to it.  I might as well put all my thoughts on here and start weaning it down.  It's okay if I don't do everything.  it may take a few years to do this... but that is okay!  

Areas of focus:

Exercise: calisthenics and jogging (Prep for Navy) something daily and eat small meals every three hours.

Relationships (wife, kids, community, my brothers):

  1. turning off distractions when I'm around my kids and wife (turn off bluetooth--don't listen to a book and tune out your family!, turn the phone off while at home as much as possible,
  2. being fully present in conversation and listening to people, love=attentiveness.
  3. Help with chores around the house with joy.
  4. Take girls on "dates" monthly.
  5. Take my wife on real dates once a month (dinner, hike, movie, play, symphony, museum, etc.),
  6. get away with my wife at least once this year for a long weekend without kids at a nice resort or something (make sure it isn't a "pastor and wife retreat" because we end up having to spend lots of time with other people instead of each other.  
  7. Family: Take advantage of "free" Tucson Symphony Orchestra tickets due to Lily taking lessons with a violist from the symphony,
  8. Brothers: Hikes with my brothers while we talk about being men and literature.
  9. Volunteer: continue in community leadership councils and volunteering at the elementary school to develop friendships in the community.

Reading: Listening to great works of fiction (Audible) (listen to at least 12 books), work through reading list for 2017:

  1. Ancient Greek Lit, Great works of Western Civilization (from Wes Callihan).



    : The Iliad

    , The Odyssey. 

    Drama and Lyric:

     Book Reader: Aeschyls, Sophocles, Aristophanes, Eurpipides, Sappho, Pindar, Theocritus, Hesiod, Quintus of Smyrna, Apollonius of Rhodes. 


     The Landmark Herodotus: The Histories, 

    The Landmark Thucydides,

     Xenophon: The Persian Expedition. 

    The Philosophers:

     Plato: Six Greek Dialogues,

     The Basic Works of Aristotle. 

    Recommended Additional Reading:

     The Homeric Hymns, 

     Expanded to full texts by the drama and lyric poets.

     Euclid Elements. (Might want to purchase Wes Callihan's Greeks teaching series to be a guide through these texts).
  2. Works on Pastoral Identity (continue working through Eugene Peterson works). Five Smooth Stones for Pastoral Work. Wendell Berry, ... (3 works for the year)
  3. Year of Biblical Literacy Prep (2018 for church) http://bible.realitysf.com/resources Eat This Book, ... (5 works for the year)
  4. Modern works: Better Living Through Criticism: How to Think About Art, Pleasure, Beauty, and Truth by A. O. Scott; The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt; How to Survive the Apocalypse: Zombies, Cylons, Faith, and Politics at the End of the World by Robert Joustra and Alissa Wilkinson; Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari; The Underground Railroad: A Novel by Colson Whitehead; Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J. D. Vance; A Jesuit Off Broadway: Behind the Scenes with Faith, Doubt, Forgiveness, and more by James Martin SJ and Stephen Adly Guirgis. (7 works)
  5. Devotional Work: read through Bible this year, St. Gregory of Tours Lives of the Fathers, prayer through Psalms, scripture memory
  6. Poetry: memorize a few classic poems, start with "If" by Kipling. (4 poems memorized for the year. try listening to them at least once a day.

Memory: Memorize the New Testament in five years (big hairy goal: four verses a day with review, one hour of time a day, make use of "off" times).  a few poems too.

Language Study: Ancient Greek (Pharr book on Homeric Greek, a few lessons a week, ,much is helpful review at this point.), Spanish (not sure how to do this), Latin (to prepare to teach my children in a few years)Hebrew

Groups of other men (learning communities): Charlotte Mason Idyll Challenge, Journaling on gamequitters and reading other people's journeys, The Edge, Wheaton College Group, Drexel Heights Pastor Group, 

How to do this: One thing that isn't working out of late is waking up and reading for long enough in the mornings.  I need to get up early enough to exercise and do my devotions.  But, I need to set aside a few hour segment most days of the week to get away from everyone else and just read.  There is a separate building at the church that no one goes to that has a nice leather couch in it.  I will try to get away over there for a few hours a day to read.
Say "no" to most all other things that might try to get my attention.  Unless of course they are more important than the current task.
Not watching TV, not playing video games, not playing chess.com, and being intentional should go a long way!

I'll keep track of "how many" hours I've taken to read and therefore how many books I've read through in the weeks, months, and years just to start keeping myself accountable and compete with myself a bit on this.  Should be fun!  Let's see what this new year holds.  

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Day 122: no Video Games Detox
Day 1: no Internet/TV/Youtube & added-Sugar

Last night I felt awful.  I was eating a bunch of kettle korn and watching some shows with my wife.  We finally had some time with each other.  I enjoyed it.  Until... I couldn't sleep until 2am because I was feeling warm, headache, foggy... I think from sugar!  Yikes!  My body isn't used to it.  I want to keep it that way.  

So, 2017 is going to be a new year of discipline.  No surfing the internet, no TV shows, no Youtube.  And, no added-sugar.  An apple or something is fine.  

Starting a new challenge because I need it.  I haven't played video games or looked them up on Youtube or looked at streams in some time.  But, the second head of the internet hydra has merely replaced that one.  Time to slay that nasty being in me and live a life of discipline this year like I truly want to.

Wish me luck!  I'll post on how that is going daily.  This is the next challenge for me.

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Day 124: no Video Games
Day 1 (again): no internet
Day 2: no added-sugar/eating late at night

Well, the internet is destroying me.  It is much harder than I thought to not view a Youtube video of comedy, or watch a chess lecture, etc.  I think I may need a detox from it... Not sure how to do that well.  Sometimes I need to go online and do some work... then, I get sucked into mindless wanderings.  This is a common issue I'm sure.  How have you guys dealt with this?  It is different than no video game detox.  Kind of, right?  How do you attack this one Cam?  

PS. I really liked the video on Youtube about chess yesterday.  I think that is a big part of the answer to my question... being okay with myself when nothing is urgent.  Making a plan.  Doing what I need to do.  Take productive breaks. etc.


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Wish I had better answers for the internet side of things but I don't really. One thing I try to do is to be aware of what gets me sucked in, like politics for example, and my rule is no politics until the very end of the day. I know it's not a great plan but that's what I've found works for me. I also just try to focus on what my priorities are. Deep Work by Cal Newport has a lot of good reviews, it may help.

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Day 126.

Starting to trim down some things.  I need to focus on fewer things.  Master a few things.  

Studying Greek is really important to me personally.
Reading great literature is as well.
Setting aside time for deep thought on a regular basis for my work is also key.
Chess -in-person, OTB, is a great side thing to take my mind off of the above, but I still need a plan to stick to.  I played at the Jewish Community Center which has an active club every Wednesday night.  I met a few good guys and played some great slow games.  I look forward to playing more regularly there and improving at the game.

Family relationships
Spending quality time with my family at meals and in front of the fireplace are key.  We spend considerable time outside together once a week.  This is going pretty well.

Settling in after 18 days in the hospital!  Thankful that we are home!

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Focus and prioritization ar so important . You can never achieve anything you want. Thats actually a good thing because it shows that you are passionate about a lot of things. But it also means you need to choose and let the rest go (atleast for some time) . I try right now to look back at my week every friday and write down what I could do better or if I want to switch my focus to new things. To do this wiht your slow analytical planning mind instead of the fast impulsive mind is key in my opinion.

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