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Can you have both a superiority and inferiority complex?


Karma
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Having both a superiority and inferiority complex is actually pretty normal and just a sign that you're not putting your self-worth into yourself, and instead place it on things out of your control, like money, intelligence, appearance, etc.

I have this problem myself and still struggle with it, but seeing the big picture helps me not get so caught up in it. It's interesting how easy it is to see in other people these days, though. I've seen my share of successful people who suffer from it, where you can see that they feel this need to be something more and that's perhaps what drives their success.

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Hi Karma, just thought I'd check out your journal.

Looks like you're making good progress by trying new things to get into a good routine and build more self control.

Awesome job making a project for yourself, I think I'll try that too. Assessing why I don't go for things I know I want to do would be really helpful.

Keep it up man, you're doing well :)

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You could start with thai chi or wing chun. They are both focussed on flowing movement and letting the enemies power work against them. But basically you could start every martial art as long as you start slow and improve yourself gradually your body will adapt to the challenge.

Also additional strength training helps a lot to stabilize your body and gets you into shape. Depending on your form you could even start with bodyweight training for yourself. Here are some good beginner excercises.

knee-push-ups

inclined rows can be done at pipes stairwells or maybe even a stable table

plank exercise

squats for beginners

Basically strength training is if do exercises which are so difficult that you are able to do 5-10 repetitions in correct form for 3 sets of the exercise(you make 1.4 min pause after every exercise. I would advice you to to these after a little warm-up of your choice. If you manage these do increase the difficulty every week by going to 3x10repetitions. If you manage that take a more difficult exercise(knee-push-ups -> real push-ups. I would do that 3 times a week and look how it goes. If these exercises are too hard for you Iw ould advice the gym for strength training.

OK nugh unasked advice :D Main thing I learnt from working out regularly. was that consistent is the most important thing. No pain no gain is only somewhat true. If you are consistent and make your workout progressively more difficult. All you need is time and you will get into form. You won't have rock hard abs in a year but you will be fitter then ever.

Edited by WorkInProgress
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Had to work till 3 today.  Then went for an impromptu hike in a touristy area of the city.  Hiked many miles!

Great job man! 

Thank you!  And I made sure to begin Instagramming what I saw... Although it was a bummer because my phone died and then right after the sun burnt away the fog and there were all these terrific views of the skyline at sunset and I couldn't take any pictures!!!  I just sighed and said "Well, I'll take this as a reminder to just be present in the moment."

You could start with thai chi or wing chun. They are both focussed on flowing movement and letting the enemies power work against them. But basically you could start every martial art as long as you start slow and improve yourself gradually your body will adapt to the challenge.

Also additional strength training helps a lot to stabilize your body and gets you into shape. Depending on your form you could even start with bodyweight training for yourself. Here are some good beginner excercises.

knee-push-ups

inclined rows can be done at pipes stairwells or maybe even a stable table

plank exercise

squats for beginners

Basically strength training is if do exercises which are so difficult that you are able to do 5-10 repetitions in correct form for 3 sets of the exercise(you make 1.4 min pause after every exercise. I would advice you to to these after a little warm-up of your choice. If you manage these do increase the difficulty every week by going to 3x10repetitions. If you manage that take a more difficult exercise(knee-push-ups -> real push-ups. I would do that 3 times a week and look how it goes. If these exercises are too hard for you Iw ould advice the gym for strength training.

OK nugh unasked advice :D Main thing I learnt from working out regularly. was that consistent is the most important thing. No pain no gain is only somewhat true. If you are consistent and make your workout progressively more difficult. All you need is time and you will get into form. You won't have rock hard abs in a year but you will be fitter then ever.

@WorkInProgress I can't thank you enough for continuing to post on my journal and giving me such great advice (solicited or not :-P ), it is ALWAYS welcome.  It also motivates me to keep journaling since I know now that others are reading...  You're the best!

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Today I had an interesting crossroads.

I'll add more later because I have to leave in a few minutes.

Woke up today without my alarm, did my "Wow! It's going to be a great day!" thing.  I didn't do water or stretches and I looked at porn.  I haven't stayed 100% consistent on the weekends, but I have improved from a month ago, so I'm not too worried.  I did shower right away and then I made sure to LEAVE THE HOUSE.

I also planned before I left.  I grabbed a couple books and a little notebook.  Then I drove to a coffee shop downtown that I had only been to once before to meet someone for a date.  I really like the vibe, and I had a matcha latte with oat milk.  Then I sat for about 2 hours and read "Winning Through Intimidation" which is a great book I purchased on a whim from Powell's books in Portland, OR (It was highlighted by a Troy McClure comic from the Simpsons and was used out-of-print... I had to have it.) (I had been meaning to read this for quite some time.).  It sounds like the book will be TERRIBLE and EVIL.  But it's actually really enlightening, and it is NOT espousing being evil to others.  I like it so far.

The shop also sells teas and honey that is actually grown in the town.  I had heard eating honey that is from the area helps to build up your immune system, and is a great sweetener, so I bought it, and some tea samples (trying to get out of coffee slowly...). 

In the meantime... my friend Jeff who I talked about last weekend... who I lied to about the gaming night?  So he messaged me again yesterday and today saying there was a different gaming event he really wanted me to go to because he needed me there to have enough players.  Mindful that I now want to live with integrity, and not lie, I just texted him saying I wasn't yet sure if I was interested.  He was cool with it, and didn't just say "I'm not your friend now!".  So that was good.  This morning he asked me again about it (he's very persistent).

I was honest with him.  I felt myself PANICKING at the thought of going out.  And I didn't know why.  So I told him that.  I told him that I was panicking and that it wasn't personal but that I have flaked on a lot of people in the past because of this reaction and they have stopped asking me to hang out, and that I really don't want to lose Jeff as a friend for the same reason.  He responded by just asking why he thinks I panic.  I said I didn't yet know but was trying to figure it out.  And he said "What if I told you I NEED you there?"  And I said "I'm still a bit on the fence".  Then I just said "Fine, I'll go" on a whim when I got back into my car from shopping at Trader Joe's.  I then told him "It annoys me when you are persistent, but I also love it because I need it."  He just said "If I have to light a fire under your ass to have you do things, I will" to which I said "A true friend."

Of interesting note is that when I had my two-day relapse at the end of July, Jeff was the one who got me to break it because he wouldn't accept me cancelling our plans to hang out and he drove up right outside and was like "I'm here...."  So again, he is helping me make good choices.

When I was at Trader Joe's earlier... I made sure to buy eggs, coconut oil, and peanut butter.  I am going to have better breakfasts!  More in-line with paleo.  I am looking forward to it.

 

 

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Oy.  This morning was rough.  I got back really late from hanging out with people, so it was for a good reason.  Getting me out of my shell a bit.  But I looked at porn this morning and didn't do the water or stretching and I was rushed.  I was so tired!

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What does porn provide for you in the morning? 

It fulfills the need for CONNECTION from Robbins' six needs.  I realize that I feel lonely every morning (and quite often) and .... this is TMI but it's my journal, so what ever... I more fantasize about the romantic interactions among porn actors, the kissing.  Yes, sometimes I'm looking for something more hardcore, like "the money shot" on loop over and over.  But usually I focus and fantasize about the foreplay more than the intercourse.

I honestly don't know how to fulfill the need in the morning.  Or I guess I just need to fulfill it more throughout the day.  When I'm in a relationship I don't look at porn so often.  I just want to wake up with someone right next to me, I can roll over, give a kiss, cuddle, then get up to start the day.  That is really what I want!  But that's not something that I can just do... that requires someone else!

But, hey, I'm not playing video games!

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I ate eggs for breakfast with coconut oil and peanut butter.  Felt like I had some energy, but not as energizing as I expected.  It's curious.

I don'T know taht Sound Kind of disgusting :D Maybe try a scrambled egg with some tomatoes :). I feel like eating less corbohydrates doesn't give you exactly more energy. But it keeps your energy level at a more stable Level. There was a great Little YouTube Video I liked to share about this topic. I search for it and post it if I found it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dItUGF8GdTw

Edited by WorkInProgress
found it :)
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It seems like you're applying healthy eating. It's surely worth it, although it's not always so tasty. Speaking from my own experience, I know that you will feel a lot better. 

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Remember part of your morning routine is to reconnect with yourself. So when you stretch that is a good time to get grounded in who you are and what you value. To feel more connected. When you go to porn it's trying to feel connected without connecting with yourself - other than the physical connection - which doesn't actually give you what you want. To get what you want you have to be willing to take a stand for it, and in doing so you create space for it to come into your life. An example of this is someone who wants a long-term relationship who keeps hooking up with people they meet at the bar and having week-long flings. It feels good in the moment but it's hard to meet that long-term partner when your behavior is aligned with short-term fulfillment because there isn't space in your life for that long-term partner to come in. So the key is that if there's something you want or desire, how can you align your behavior to create space for it to come in. I know it's not "easy" but that's the level of commitment you have to have if you want or desire something else in your life.

Will chat more about this!

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It's food for thought, for sure @Cam.  Yet more to think about.

I did have eggs again this morning and mixed them with some fresh tomatoes I got from a farmers market at the end of the day yesterday.  I wish I saw the posts above before I made my meal again, because I did feel good, but I was hungry after not too long.  So maybe I need to eat a lot of fat since I am not doing carbohydrates at all in that meal.

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two questions:

1) How many eggs are you eating?

2) How much water are you drinking?

Farmers Market -> awesome.

I had three eggs each morning.  I'm not drinking that much water at all.  In the morning I drink at least 12 ounces, but then it's maybe 16 ounces throughout the day.  That's not counting coffee, boba teas, or any other beverages I consume.  When I get home, I will usually have some water as well, but it depends.  I have always had not much as water as I should, so it's another habit to build on.

 

Yesterday I slept much of the day.  I woke up a lot during the night so I decided to sleep in a bit.  So I woke up at about 8AM, got up, then looked at porn, then went back to bed.  I slept off and on till like noon, got up, ate lunch, watched TV, then went back to bed again while looking at porn.  Finally woke up again at like 3:30-4:00, and my friend was going to come get me at 4:30.  I made the decision I was just going to bail on him.  He texted me at 4:20 saying "We (boyfriend and him) will be leaving in 10 minutes, let us know if you're coming."  4:30 came and went and I didn't respond.  I sat staring into space, in a daze, looking at my crossword.  The phone rang at 4:45 and it was him.  I thought of not answering, but I decided I would answer the phone.  He said they hadn't left yet, and was I coming?  I said "... yes, of course I am."  He said, OK, we'll be there in 10.

I was super anxious and very low energetically when they picked me up.  I made sure to take 2 of my anti-anxiety pills (i had forgotten to take them daily for the past 3 days...) right beforehand.  After being in the backseat for about 45 minutes (the game place was an hour away we were going to), I finally perked up and felt more like "ok I can do this."  This was also shortly after I had texted Cam saying "Dude, I'm really anxious right now about this party I'm going to."

The party was very awkward at first.  There were lots of established social circles doing their catching up, and I didn't really see an opening.  My friend also doesn't come too often, so he wasn't really helping out either!  He was also kinda standing to the side.  Finally one guy did come up and introduce himself to me, and I said "thank you for that!" to him.  And then I said Hi to another person.  And then introductions trickled through as we ate and played some games on the couches.  It was nice, and I'm not social too often anymore, so it was really great to be that way.  Stayed till about 3:30 AM. Got home about 4:30.

Woke up off and on and finally got up this morning around noon.  Got a late start, and wanted to check out this fair in the city.  Finally got my gear on and headed out, and ended up having to drive and park in the city, which I wasn't planning on doing.  Ended up at the fair at 3, and could only stay 45 minutes since I had tickets to go to this porn studio (lol) at 4:00 (It's actually a great thing for tourists to do, it's interesting.).

I feel satisfied after getting home about 7:15, like I've had a good weekend.  And I have tomorrow off as well, so I can get odds and ends done tomorrow.  Things are good.

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It felt good.  Nothing like earth-shattering like "all my needs are now fulfilled!" or anything.  But good.  Kind of tiring at times, though.  Because it does take work sometimes to socialize.

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These past couple days have been more difficult.

I was off of work on Monday and so these past three work mornings have not gone as smoothly as the prior week's.  Monday night I had my call and I'm not sure what it was about it, but afterwards I felt a bit overwhelmed and down.  I both want to change so much about myself at the same time as not wanting to change anything and that what I am trying to change now is already too difficult.  We decided that porn is something that will need to be cut from my life as well.  Which I agree with.  As Cam has said to me, when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of change, that's when the change will happen.  I didn't make breakfast at all these past three days.  Tuesday I had gone back to square one (no morning routine, looked at porn, rolled out of bed, got in the shower, and left).  Wednesday I did have some water and I got up a bit earlier, looked at porn a little bit. Today I did go back to bed for 15 minutes, then did have a glass of water and left a bit early to get to work, which was an improvement upon the past 2 days.  Tuesday afternoon I ate fast food after work.  Yesterday I wanted to but I went home and heated up some leftovers instead.  So I haven't gone off the rails.  I am building these things back.  I also listened to a Tim Ferriss podcast this morning about how he spends his morning and he said the five things he does:

1) Make his bed

2) Meditate

3) Stretch his back

4) Make tea

5) Journal

There are definitely overlaps with the changes I'm trying to make for my mornings as well.  Let's do this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yesterday was a symbolically important day.  I donated all of my video game systems, every single one, to a local children's hospital.  The only games they wouldn't take were my rated M games (for obvious reasons).  These are game systems I had for over 25 years (the oldest ones).  Crazy.  I donated a DJ Hero turntable, a guitar from Guitar Hero, a Wii Board.  Just lots of stuff.

I am grateful for having the strength to make a final cut to sever my tie to video games, about 310-ish days from when I originally quit (not counting my 2-day relapse in July).  I am grateful for travel and exploring new locations.  I am grateful for other ways of looking at situations and problems.

I am really struggling with all these changes.  I haven't even been doing 40%, I've been doing like 10%.  I am at the point, though, where I've lived my life making all the positive morning changes, and then I've also had mornings where I haven't made the changes.  Today, for example, I looked at porn in the morning and ate a muffin at work.  Today was a crappy day at work.  Now, it was the Tuesday after a holiday, and a lot of people were in weird moods, but my own mood was definitely poor and I think it would have been better if I stuck with my routine.

I also had this strange feeling of anxiety and dissatisfaction when I returned from my business trip to Salt Lake City.  Once I got home, I was thinking in my head... "Oh god.  We're back to this again?"  It wasn't a great reaction.  I've come back home from prior trips and felt refreshed and really appreciated where I moved to.  But I felt stressed.  I felt lonely.  I felt like.... is this it?  Very dissatisfied.  And I think I'm reaching a breaking point.  And I have the tools in my toolkit to get out of it.  Morning routine.  Gratitude.  Meditate.  Primal diet.  More social.  More variety (not just satisfied through different places to eat).  I just feel so unsettled, which the podcast I'm listening to just used... the podcast just said "When going through a change, it's normal to feel unsettled for awhile.  If we can just live through it, you'll adjust and get used to it."  Timely thing to listen to.  Who we are has nothing to do with what others think.  Love who I was, because I needed to be the way I was at the time.  I needed to be a gamer to survive a bullying situation and to get through an isolated period in my life.  I needed to be quiet and introverted in order to protect myself against those who would cause me harm, perceived threats or otherwise.  I have the strength to get through this now.  I am strong and powerful.  I have people who support me.  There will always be those on their own journey who will not agree with the choices and decisions I make.  Especially in my job, my job is to hold people accountable for results.... those who are not meeting the results are not going to like me when I point it out and try to course-correct them.  Or they may.  But it happens.  And it's not personal.  NOTHING IS PERSONAL.  Don Miguel Ruiz wrote that in his The Four Agreements book.  Do not take anything personal, positive or negative.  If we feel good when others view us highly, then our feelings about ourselves are being influenced by others instead of coming from within.  And this is dangerous.  Because then we will also take on board negative views others have of us and dissect them and try to change their views so that we can feel better about ourselves, instead of just not paying those opinions any mind.  Writing is something that always helps me when I actually commit to writing out a few paragraphs instead of my "I need to write something, so I'm gonna write a sentence" posts.  My brain feels more focused and I feel lighter just getting these thoughts on "paper."  The part of my brain when I am connecting to spirit when using my cards or consulting stones is going off right now, which tells me I am connected.  So these are truths.  This is what I need to be doing with myself.  It'll be good to get through this.

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Today was much better.  I got up, did some stretching and drank some water.  I made four eggs and mixed them with a little cream.  It appears four is the magic number for me, since this actually did satiate me till lunch and I was not famished or anything.  I also had a spoonful of peanut butter.  I listened to a podcast about spirituality while I cooked as well.  I meditated a tiny bit.  I wrote down things I was grateful for.  It was nice.  I felt much calmer and felt like I could take on the day.

I am grateful for my history with the tarot.  I am grateful for the psychic development training I've received.  I am grateful for podcasts, especially this current one I'm listening to that is really making me question some of my civic/political viewpoints:  Waking Up by Sam Harris.

I talked to my Mom and aunt today and let them know that I booked my flight to Florida last night to visit my Dad.  They were happy about it.  I miss them.  I really do.  I have missed them so mcuh and I am tearing up actually typing this, which is odd.  It's been hard being away from my parents for so long, especially my mom.  We were always very close when I was a child.  It wasn't until the last like 4 years that I've felt myself getting closer to my Dad while my Mom I felt was going through an identity crisis and a bout of depression.  I really miss her.  Oh.  I just realized it's my friend Julia's birthday tomorrow!  Aah!  I need to get something for her!

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