Tom's journal

[Tom]

How did you find Radical Acceptance? The Shallows really sounds like an interesting book as well!

I liked Radical Acceptance very much. It offered me a lot with its real life examples and solid meditation techniques. I took a bit to adjust to the writing style and after a while I didn't have any problems with it, on the contrary. It's a book that challenged me on many levels and left me with the feeling I've learned something important.

I find The Shallows fascinating. It's long, detailed, very well researched and touches the question from many points. A pleasure to read, but keep in mind that I'm a sucker for that kind of books and articles!

[Cam Adair]

How did you find Radical Acceptance? The Shallows really sounds like an interesting book as well!

I find The Shallows fascinating. It's long, detailed, very well researched and touches the question from many points. A pleasure to read, but keep in mind that I'm a sucker for that kind of books and articles!

One of the next ones on my list!

[Tom]

Day 97. First day back to normal. My wife and I woke up just in time to help the children get prepared for school and kindergarten. I walked with the youngest one and made funny faces with him in the elevator. Back home I went straight to work. Having made sure to leave for my vacation with as little on my plate as possible, I found it easy to get started in a positive and productive mood. I also took good breaks during the day.

I'm still readjusting my rhythms after my vacation. Energy levels could have been higher and I could have been more patient with my children. I'm sure I'll get back on track in no time now that I'm back in my environment.

Gratitude journal:

1. My mum singing the children to sleep via Skype.
2. The quiet of my office.
3. Raising my speakers to ear level.

[Tom]

Day 98. A productive day. Work went very well and I enjoyed a long conversation with my boss. I also kept more focused on my mood, with the result of being, if not very cheerful, at least not cranky.

I decided to read Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy once I'm done with The Shallows. I hold cognitive behavioral therapy in high regard so I'm sure I'll find a lot to like in that book. Seems like Travis has a lot of good suggestions as to what to read.

I'm also dropping This Will Make You Smarter because it isn't teaching me anything new. I'll read Herman Hesse's Siddhartha instead. I read and loved pretty much everything else he wrote and I want a fiction book, so it's a safe bet.

Gratitude journal:

1. Homemade hot chocolate tasting just like the bar's.
2. The nice short walk I took after dinner.
3. My new glasses finally arrived. I can stop going around with old, scratched, taped ones. 

[Cam Adair]

Consider Shantaram if you're looking for a fiction book in the future!

[Tom]

Consider Shantaram if you're looking for a fiction book in the future!

Thanks! I like the plot. I'll definitely read it after Siddhartha.

Edited January 7, 2016 by Tom

[Tom]

Day 99. I let my wife sleep in and took care of helping my son get ready for school. When my wife got up our youngest son was still asleep, so we ate breakfast together and enjoyed some silence while reading our books. Nice!

My goal for today was to be more cheerful. Today was a sad, cold, rainy day, but I didn't really mind. I took a reinvigorating shower after lunch, listened to uplifting classical music, and spent time with my family. Had a blast acting the big bad wolf in the Three Little Pigs.

Gratitude journal:

1. Our delicious lunch of steamed fish and vegetables,
2. We met the new babysitter. It's a man. The boys will have fun!
3. I have nice things planned for tomorrow and the weekend.

[AlexTheGrape]

My goal for today was to be more cheerful[...] and spent time with my family. Had a blast acting the big bad wolf in the Three Little Pigs.

 

Enjoying the little things in life that we can have every day make for the most fun. Good on you for taking the time to appreciate the little things like reading a story, I have yet to change my thinking patterns/ way of thinking to appreciate the little things more and 'celebrate the small wins'.

[Tom]

My goal for today was to be more cheerful[...] and spent time with my family. Had a blast acting the big bad wolf in the Three Little Pigs.

 

Enjoying the little things in life that we can have every day make for the most fun. Good on you for taking the time to appreciate the little things like reading a story, I have yet to change my thinking patterns/ way of thinking to appreciate the little things more and 'celebrate the small wins'.

Sometimes it takes quite some effort. I'd like to make it automatic. The more I do it, the easier it becomes.

[Tom]

Days 100, 101. Back on track I'd say. Mornings are finally pleasant again now that the children readjusted to their usual bed times.

Day 100 should feel like a giant milestone but it doesn't. The fact is that I left gaming in the past. Cravings are gone, interest too. I effectively erased gaming from my life. This in turn helped me free up time to focus on other things, things that matter more to me now. Thinking about it, this should be the best reason to celebrate. Well, I guess it is a giant milestone after all.

I was happy to resume my weight training program. A bit unfocused though. At the end of the working day my wife and I went to our local TEDx. We really like the environment and the people. It's awesome that we have the chance to participate.

Day 101 was very nice too. We went to the swimming pool in the morning, made pizza in the evening. The day flowed naturally and pleasantly.

Gratitude journal:

1. Spending one on one time with my eldest son, teaching him to swim, talking science.
2. My power rack does its job of saving my neck.
3. Quitting games encouraged me to get rid of even more dead weight. Letting go is liberating.

[kortheo]

Science!

I feel similarly these days. No more cravings. Even the cravings I had for Hearthstone are gone... my interests are focused on more important things now. Now, I'm working on optimizing my life and figuring out how I want to spend my time, and locking those habits and choices in.

[Tom]

Science!

I feel similarly these days. No more cravings. Even the cravings I had for Hearthstone are gone... my interests are focused on more important things now. Now, I'm working on optimizing my life and figuring out how I want to spend my time, and locking those habits and choices in.

Haha, I also used HS as my craving gauge  Glad we are in the same place. It's nice to be in good company.

[Tom]

Day 102. A nice day. Woke up when the children climbed into bed with the solid resolve to play right there and then. And so we did. I spent all day with them. When my wife went out to meet a friend we baked cookies. Being together is one thing. Doing things together is the stuff memories are made of.

The last visit to my hometown left me lighter. I'm getting rid of a lot of emotional baggage. Some of it clings on and scratches when it comes out but it has to go all the more. I believe happiness is a process of elimination. Interestingly enough, quitting gaming accelerated the process by quite a bit.

Gratitude journal:

1. My wife and I spent more time together than usual.
2. The divine gift of chocolate.
3. Public education.

[kortheo]

The last visit to my hometown left me lighter. I'm getting rid of a lot of emotional baggage. Some of it clings on and scratches when it comes out but it has to go all the more. I believe happiness is a process of elimination. Interestingly enough, quitting gaming accelerated the process by quite a bit.

I love that line - Happiness is a process of elimination. That definitely matches my experience. People spend a lot of time focused on what to do right, but learning what not to do is just as important, if not more so.

The things I've removed from my life have had a greater impact than the things I've added in terms of increasing my happiness, if only because they've opened the door for the good to come in. But I've had to continue letting go of the less important activities to make room for the ones that truly matter to me.

Science!

I feel similarly these days. No more cravings. Even the cravings I had for Hearthstone are gone... my interests are focused on more important things now. Now, I'm working on optimizing my life and figuring out how I want to spend my time, and locking those habits and choices in.

Haha, I also used HS as my craving gauge  Glad we are in the same place. It's nice to be in good company.

Definitely! HS is a hard thing to kick, we should be proud! No more spending money on imaginary cards.

[Tom]

Day 103. Today was interesting. I jumped straight into work after a quick breakfast since I had to go to an appointment for my eldest son. Since I was pressed on time I've been extremely productive. A big chunk of my morning was dedicated to that appointment so I just had a quick lunch break in which my wife and I chatted with my parents over Skype. They were concerned over a situation, I'm relieved they are feeling better after we discussed it.

Somehow last week I decided to stop believing in rationality and picked up my weight training program from where I left it before my holidays. If Friday, a lighter day, was a miracle that I managed, today the iron fairy reminded me that °nah, let's try anyway" is not a sound strategy. So I begrudgingly kicked my program back two weeks. That should be enough but there's only one way to be certain.

Yesterday I finished The Shallows. I found it brilliant. I also read a couple more pages of Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. I always loved reading but it became more difficult over the years. First the Kindle and then quitting gaming provided me with the two things I need: big fonts and more time.

Gratitude journal:

1. A new batch of hummus my wife made.
2. My son is doing OK.
3. Disabling push notifications and setting up my email client to check less frequently.

[Cam Adair]

Sometimes the best way to be more productive is to have less time to get things done!

[Tom]

Day 104. An intense and satisfying day. Breakfast with the family, walk with the little one, a few minutes playing piano, then work. I had a long break talking with my wife. It's great that I'm reading a book about cognitive behavioral therapy as I have the feeling that it will teach me strategies to become a better husband and father.

To fight decision fatigue we wrote down a two-week meal plan.

Gratitude journal:

1. The childminder always greets my son with a giant, sincere smile.
2. Pink Floyd. They just blow me away every time.
3. FTP mirrors.

Edited January 12, 2016 by Tom

[Tom]

Day 105. No school today so I could sleep in a bit. Yay! A scrumptious breakfast, then an action-packed workday followed by weight training. Good breaks spent with my family. The only blemish of today is that my wife doesn't feel good.

Gratitude journal:

1. My two months old nephew is finally home after weeks at the hospital.
2. Seaweed tastes so good.
3. I get to know so many different cultures thanks to my job.

[Tom]

Day 106. My wife's turn to catch up with some sleep. I helped my son get ready for school and plunged into another interesting workday. I am now fully sold on the beneficial effect of taking real breaks. I work happier and procrastinate less.

Gratitude journal:

1. My wife made our headboard all by herself using reclaimed wood. It looks great.
2. A meeting that was supposed to be nasty turned out not to be.
3. I've been cheerful today.

[Cam Adair]

I am now fully sold on the beneficial effect of taking real breaks. I work happier and procrastinate less.

Amazing right? Sometimes it's the things that are counterintuitive that work best.

[Tom]

Days 107, 108. All is well. Friday I found I lacked motivation to work. It's good that plan everything in advance and in detail. I pushed myself to get started and of course the day went well and I felt accomplished. Today the book on cognitive behavioral psychology I'm reading talked about procrastination and how action precedes motivation. A nice coincidence. Actually Feeling Good is coming in handy. It clicks with how I see the world and provides me with many little tricks I can use to keep my mind healthy and to help others.

I'm almost done with the other book I'm reading, Siddhartha, It's a true masterpiece and maybe the only book by him I hadn't read yet. Makes me want to reread all the others!

Gratitude journal:

1. The excellent book suggestions I received on this forum.
2. Making a cardboard plane with my children and watching them fly around the house.
3. The thought-provoking dreams I'm having lately.

[Cam Adair]

Friday I found I lacked motivation to work. It's good that plan everything in advance and in detail. I pushed myself to get started and of course the day went well and I felt accomplished. Today the book on cognitive behavioral psychology I'm reading talked about procrastination and how action precedes motivation. A nice coincidence. 

This is very underestimated. Many think motivation is just there or it's not. Untrue in my experience.

[Guest]

I've never thought about it that way, but looking back at past experience that seems to ring true for me! That's extremely useful to know! 
I agree with what you said a few journal entries up. Happiness does feel like the process of elimination. I've noticed that my thought process is not caught up in as many negative processes as it use to be. After meeting with an old friend at the end of the year, he commented that I looked happier than he had ever seen me before. 
Congratulations on over 100 days Tom!
 

[Tom]

Days 109, 110. Sunday spent as a family, all day together. Monday (today) I was sluggish. The only way I could get everything done has been to work longer hours. I've been trying to find a root cause and then realized I'm overthinking it: sometimes one is a bit under the weather and that's it. I have issues accepting my limits and I constantly try to push them, tweaking here and there. Every so often, rather than trying to be perfect I should just enjoy the ride.

Gratitude journal:

1. Andreas Wollenweider. Headphones recommended.
2. The possibility to dim screens.
3. I can eat when I'm hungry, I can sleep when I'm tired, 

[kortheo]

I'm also having a sluggish Monday. I think that caffeine is disrupting my sleep and preventing me from being fully rested. Going to go off cold turkey again, and I'm considering quitting it altogether.