Tom's journal

[Tom]

Day 111. How nice. I had a review with my manager today and it went fantastic. I just received a component I needed to revive an ancient netbook. Now I'm fixing it and turning it into something good enough for a first grader.

Gratitude journal:

1. My boss is a great mentor and an outstanding professional.
2. I can read throughout all my commute, so I don't really mind when the trains are delayed.
3. Open source software. It does make the world a better place.

[kortheo]

I can read throughout all my commute, so I don't really mind when the trains are delayed.

Similarly, I always listen to podcasts that enjoy on my commute, so I don't mind the traffic... it's nice, because it leads to lower-stress commuting. 

[Tom]

Day 112. Yesterday evening and night I spent a lot of time getting that old netbook operational and well-suited for children. Job done, and better earlier than later. But that meant that I went to sleep very late and today my energy was lower. Oh well, life is made of trade-offs.

I took a look at logs of how much power my space heater used to keep my home office above freezing temperature. It's just too much. So here's what I did. My PC and monitor won't freeze if they are on and with power saving disabled. And since they are on, they might as well make themselves useful. So I installed folding@home, "a distributed computing project for disease research that simulates protein folding, computational drug design, and other types of molecular dynamics". I keep it running at full load. So I save my electronics and human lives too. Isn't that awesome?

Gratitude journal:

1. System of a Down.
2. Folding@home. Come on people, join in and put your unused computing power to good use!
3. Completely nailing my workout today.

[Tom]

Day 113. An odd day. Yesterday night I found it hard to fall asleep and when I did my night was troubled with dreams. My wife isn't feeling well, my son did everything half-speed in the morning and we both got irritated because he was late, I'm dealing with an unpleasant situation at work... I've seen better days. I wish I could have kept a better attitude. Instead I procrastinated, and I'm a tad moody too.

I thought of a time when I was consistently happier. What now seems obvious to me is that I must wake up before everyone else and kick off the day with activities that make me feel accomplished. That's lifting weights, reading, playing the piano, maybe resuming my dream journal. So that's it, off to bed and let's see how it goes tomorrow.

Gratitude journal:

1. The walk in the woods I took this morning to calm down. Good call, pat on the back.
2. Feeling down. Makes me appreciate life from another angle.
3. I'm going on a date with my wife tomorrow. Star Wars!

[Cam Adair]

I thought of a time when I was consistently happier. What now seems obvious to me is that I must wake up before everyone else and kick off the day with activities that make me feel accomplished. That's lifting weights, reading, playing the piano, maybe resuming my dream journal. So that's it, off to bed and let's see how it goes tomorrow.

I can see how this would help you get grounded in the day. Great realization! 

[Tom]

Days 114, 115, 116. Down the slope, no sled. Friday was OK, closed in glory with going to the movies with my wife. However on our way back she started feeling terrible and it turned out she had a high temperature. Next two days: non-stop chores and child rearing. I was quite stressed and I couldn't carve out five minutes just for myself. To this let's add that my physical health was iffy as well. I did what I had to do and I behaved well with my family. That's what matters.

By the way, waking up early again works well.

Gratitude journal:

1. The Doors.
2. Another delicious homemade pizza.
3. Feeling better already.

[Tom]

Day 117. Up the slope. This morning the weather was uncannily warm for this time of year. Non that I minded! Early workout that went quite OK considering that I just moved my weightlifting to the time of day when I'm weakest. Still, waking up before everybody else gives me the time and space I need to start the day properly. I'll write it down as another key habit. A good working day which taught me many lessons. For the first time I noted them on my Trello board.

Gratitude journal:

1. Going for a walk with my youngest son. It's also a good excuse to hum or croon in the street.
2. My oldest son for having a strong character.
3. My wife is getting better.

Edited January 25, 2016 by Tom

[Cam Adair]

Amazing that it is Day 117, Tom. Very impressive that you have been posting each of these days. 

[Tom]

Days 118, 119, 120, 121, 122. Wow, that many? I didn't feel like writing lately. I was trying not to get sick and pouring all my energies towards work and family. Nothing significant happened. Oh wait, that's not true. Four months and no gaming is kind of a big deal. Skipping two workouts out of three is something I should be proud of too: I'm still learning to respect my limits, and failing to do so probably would have hammered me into bed. Also, the shortest guy at home just turned three

Gratitude journal:

1. I'm feeling much better.
2. These salt and pepper chips have the most satisfying crunch and flavor.
3. Dark Side of the Mule. Oh gods.

[Tom]

Day 123. All day at an expat fair. There are so many possibilities is this town. And since the children are growing, soon my wife and I will be able to improve our social life. Today I got contacts, among others, to a list of choirs, a rugby club, and Toastmasters. So far so good.

Gratitude journal:

1. My son tried climbing and put all his heart into getting to the top of the wall. And he did it!
2. Today my nephew turned three months. She had it tough. I guess we have another fighter in the family.
3. The tea and chocolate cake my wife just made.

[Cam Adair]

I bet it was amazing to watch your son succeed in that way!

[Tom]

Day 124. Today I was in a good mood. I've been very productive at work, cheerful, present with my family. I still didn't feel great physically but didn't get nervous about it.

One strange thing that happened this morning is that I had a strong craving for TF2. I didn't give in but I did have to fight. The urge to game was almost a physical sensation, together with a mix of anticipation and mental focus. It lasted for maybe two minutes. I mentally bumped over all my safety measures: I run Linux, I didn't install Steam, I sold my video card, I deleted my account.

Sticking to rational thinking was a great help. My desire to play was a thought I didn't invite, and one I could debate away. If I had followed my feelings I would have played, because they were strong and felt right.

Interestingly, I'm kind of expecting there will be a next time. Maybe even ten years from now. Like those incredibly rare times i pick up a cigarette, every three or four years. Tied to some cue I'm not even aware of.

Gratitude journal:

1. Recognizing and stopping emotional thinking.
2. Some nice developments at work.
3. Having a calm and loving atmosphere today at home.

[Tom]

Day 125. My children are ill so I took the chance to spend time with them in the morning. It was fun! Then some nice breakfast, and off to work. A busy day and a busy night between chores and calculations. A nice day too.

Gratitude journal:

1. A fantastic, fair negotiation.
2. The children were cheerful in spite of being ill.
3. Free and open source software.

[Phoenix]

I hope your children are all right Tom, best of luck!

[Tom]

Days 126, 127, 128. Everybody at home is feeling better. Finally today I am in great health again. A nice walk in the morning, an intense workday with excellent developments, an impeccable weightlifting session. I finally dedicated time to my family again, playing with the children, talking with my wife. I tested a new system for my children's PC and I think I found a keeper.

Now I'm waiting for the little one to stop climbing out of bed every five minutes so that my wife and I can watch this sci-fi series we want to check out.

Gratitude journal:

1. The hot chocolate my wife made. Intense and creamy, just like the one at the bar.
2. Ending the workweek with a feeling of accomplishment.
3. Tomorrow I'm finally taking some time for myself. !'m going to a concert with four great bands!

[Cam Adair]

Happy to hear the family is doing better.

[Tom]

Days 129, 130. Nice, nice! I had a blast at yesterday's concert. I went alone and didn't know anybody and that didn't bother me one bit. Five hours of great metal and intense moshing! At first I was a bit intimidated: I'm well below average height for this country. But what the hell. And I must say, the Dutch are exemplary at handling a pit.

Today we had great family fun at a huge indoors jungle gym. Back home we made dinner for a couple of friends. We ended up playing and singing. Love that couple!

Gratitude journal:

1. Dutch headbangers for knowing how to have fun at a concert while being respectful.
2. Losing my keys three years ago. Thanks to that I made some good friends.
3. Astrophysics.

[Tom]

Day 131. I didn't sleep much tonight, but today I was in a good mood. I had a craving to play in the morning which went away by itself after some minutes. I had nice breaks with my family and an impeccable weightlifting session. A good day.

Gratitude journal:

1. Avoiding a scam (near miss!) and taking action to distance my family from the scammer.
2. Grill pans. Oh yeah.
3. The children fell asleep earlier than usual and so will I.

[Cam Adair]

My family was scammed a couple of years ago, so happy to hear you managed to escape it.

[Tom]

My family was scammed a couple of years ago, so happy to hear you managed to escape it.

Sorry to hear that. I'm always surprised when I deal with scammers. Makes me kinda want to believe in karma.

[Tom]

Days 132, 133, 134. Peaceful days. Sure there was a lot going on as always, so I'm referring to my approach to things. My little big self-improvement projects are paying out. My cheerfulness baseline is consistently higher. I feel less stressed and more in control. I'm consistent with my key habits and ready to push the bar a bit further.

Lately I've been reflecting that family and work have the lion's share of my time. What's left is not much. I want to reassess what I do and make sure that I'm allocating my time where it matters most.

Gratitude journal:

1. Enjoying the silence.
2. Reassessing my weightlifting form. Can't wait to put it all to the test tomorrow.
3. Talking with my mum.

[Tom]

Day 135. A very good day. The highlight of today was going to the local TEDx with my wife. The curator picked some very interesting talks and it was fun to discuss them with the audience. After the event we hung around some more and had a great time.

One recurring thought over the past months is about a friend of twenty years. One of those friendships you could kill for. With time it became one-sided, meaning I was always the one to initiate contact. Last year I started to feel a bit like a beggar. During my last visit to my hometown we didn't meet. We agreed he'd pick a time and place, he left it hanging, and I didn't insist. I'm tempted to let the friendship go, and to myself I tell that I have. It's a lot to process.

I struggled to hit my stride today at work and I didn't get done nearly as much as I wanted to. No point in beating myself up though, I'm only human. What I can do is try to optimize my day and work environment. Maybe a walk every morning? Increased lighting? Both?

Gratitude journal:

1. The fantastic depth of a human life.
2. My wife and my family.
3. An invitation we got today: we're making new friends.

[Tom]

Day 136. Another good day. We went to the celebrations for the Chinese New Year. Chilled out at home in the evening. Then my wife went out to meet a friend and I spent time with my children. Well, one of them, because the little one got tired early and went to bed.

Gratitude journal:

1. Explaining the human skeleton to my son. He seems fascinated by anatomy.
2. The chores I got done.
3. The time I'm going to spend with my wife when she's back.

[Tom]

Day 137. Woke up with a stomachache and not a stellar mood. Instead of going all out making a great day for my wife I focused on keeping crankiness at bay. And I managed, In the afternoon I became more social and spent time with my family. Made up stories with the children, wished my mum happy birthday, made dinner, went to bed early after making sure the kids would stay in bed.

I woke up at 1AM though and I couldn't fall back to sleep. I tried falling back asleep, finished reading my audiobook, played piano in the dark, no good. After a couple of hours I stood up and went to lift some weights. The day is on and I'm feeling well.

Gratitude journal:

1. Earphones. I can listen and play without waking anybody.
2. The Cure.
3. My new weightlifting belt. I didn't imagine it'd make such a difference on the heaviest sets.

[Tom]

Day 138. A surprisingly good day. My sleepless night didn't affect me negatively at all. After writing the previous post I had a rich post-workout breakfast, read some more of The Elegant Universe (string theory FTW!), helped my son get ready for school, and started working. With some difficulty at first, then I entered a state of flow and got a lot done.

I found that the tricks I learn from reading David D. Burns's Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy are immensely helpful. I'd encourage anyone wishing to improve his mood's baseline to give it a try. I like to think of it as my mental maintenance toolbox.

Gratitude journal:

1. Being in a good, energetic mood.
2. Spotify's Discovery. Every Monday there's a hidden gem or two.
3. Arranging to go visit a new friend on Wednesday.