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kortheo

My Journal - Travis

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Day 41

Today is my day off work. I just woke up, meditated, and took a (cold) shower. I think I'm going to go grab coffee and run some errands... should be a chill day.

Last night I met up with a couple of guys for dinner. I had only met them briefly before at a meetup but we agreed to hangout again. It went really well and we all got along and had some great conversation. We were able to discuss intellectual topics which was really refreshing for me - I haven't had friends to really discuss such things in depth with since college. I'm hoping that we can hang out again and that I can get to know them better.

Ironically (or perhaps not) they both work in a video game related job, but a slightly unconventional one. They're both involved with a company that's designing certification standards for the video game industry. So, you could take a course that would certify that you knew XYZ about game development and design. I think it's a pretty cool idea. Nonetheless of course the topic of video games came up. I think when we first met I was asked if I played Hearthstone and I said "yeah I used to but I'm taking a break or something". This time I was more upfront about the fact that I was quitting games. They had a lot of questions about it, which was a good chance for me to be vulnerable and honest about why I was choosing to do it. I described how it had made my life better and how I was spending more time on activities that were meaningful to me. One of them said that they thought it was (I assume impressive/disciplined/something) because most people would not choose to do what I was doing. I suppose he's right? I hadn't thought about it that way. Anyway, it was good that I laid it out on the table early and we were able to have conversations about topics other than video games and connect over those instead. It did make me aware of how in the past I have frequently bonded with people over games though. It's easy to talk about them and find something in common there. I can't do that any more, so I need to learn how to bond over other interests.

Also, as a side nice, I have recently been binge-listening to the Tim Ferriss Show podcast and is pretty amazing. It took me a few episodes to get into it but now I'm hooked. So much great stuff there.

I think that's all for today. Have a good day everyone!

 

Game Quitter's Challenge - Day 11

Unintentionally took one day off the challenge, but I'm back on it!

Cold shower. Just got done with it. It was invigorating and not as bad as expected. I can see why people like these. I feel super warm afterwards. Kickstarts your body's thermogenesis or something. Awesome!

 

Gratitude

I am grateful...

  1. That I still have an estimated 18,797 days left to live :D 
  2. That the Tim Ferriss show provides such great and interesting information.
  3. That I made new friends last night.
  4. That I got some great responses from the friends I sent appreciation messages to from GQC Day 10 bonus mission.
  5. For birds outside my window.
  6. That I am healthy enough to train for a 5k.
  7. That I have software to help prevent RSI.
  8. That I have today to do with as I wish.
  9. That my work schedule is so flexible.
  10. For my education.

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Day 42

Had an awesome time last night. I ended up going to a Halloween party where I knew essentially no one. It was through meetup.com. There were 50-100 people there (hard to say) and I talked to a lot of people throughout the night! I was nervous before going but once I got there that nervousness faded away and it was fine. It ended up being a really successful time for me socially. There were a few cool moments that stick out. I made a point to approach and chat with women who I thought were attractive, and ended up having some good conversations. I consciously decided to compliment certain people (I'm going to make this a habit I think). I complimented one girl on her lip/nose piercings and then she proceeded to show me her collection of piercings and tattoo's that were all hidden by her costume hah. I introduced myself to a group who turned out to be study abroad students from Germany and had a great conversation with them, and got a chance to use some of my German (I can speak it conversationally and I've been there twice). And then it turned out that they live like 1 block away from me! I got to chatting with one guy who is a counselor for military personnel and he had really interesting things to say about his job. A number of people there had only recently moved to the area and it was fun to get their impressions of what they thought of San Diego. Finally though, there was a core group of about 4 of us who were all more introverted and hung out most of the night and had a great time. We already go to some of the same events so I'm sure I'll see them in the future, and we're going to do a trivia night this Wednesday. Also, my costume, which was just a t-shirt that says "Error 404 Costume Not Found" (stole idea from the internet and made it in like an hour), which I was afraid would be super lame and dorky, actually got a lot of laughs and compliments throughout the night and even started conversations about me and my job. Given that I was basically starting from scratch socially going into it, this was probably one of the most enjoyable parties of my life, actually.

 

As a last thought, I cam across this on Facebook today, and thought it was a great summary of the habits that Cam advocates. I love it! I will strive to do all of these things.

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Challenge - Day 12

Did the 7-minute workout this morning. It kicked my butt, actually. Hadn't heard of this before, but I like it a lot! Great little routine and app, I will definitely keep doing it.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. Cam helping me to decide to go to the party last night.
  2. Everyone I met last night.
  3. That I am free from injury.
  4. The leisure time I have to read.
  5. Coffee coffee coffee.
  6. Silence.
  7. http://www.twitch.tv/bobross (not gaming)
  8. That my CO/Smoke detector is functioning.
  9. The courage to take risks.
  10. That Americans are very friendly. (I had a conversation with the Germans last night about how they love how open and friendly the average stranger is on the street; not so in Europe).

 

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Day 43

Yesterday I ended up going to a board game event with the 3 people I had met at the party Friday. We hung out for a few hours and played games with some other people. It was pretty great, I'm glad that I'm making some new friends. After these couple days I find myself fairly attracted to one of the girls in the group. I got the sense she might feel the same way, but I can't quite tell. Anyway, this puts me in an interesting position. I've been single for about a month, and I'm about 30/90 days through nofap. Realistically I think I want to take more time single before I start pursuing new people. Plus, if I were to ask her out or something that might change the dynamics of this friend group, and right now I think I need friends more than I need a relationship. I'm also pretty committed to getting through nofap 90 days on hard mode. After I finish nofap, I think I will start dating again, in whatever form that takes.

I finished reading Daring Greatly and I've moved on to Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. Loving Models so far, and it seems to build on vulnerability concepts I've learned from Daring Greatly. Models talks about how invested you get in someone and how invested they are in you. In the past I would always over-invest in relationships early on. And I find myself wanting to do that almost automatically with this girl. It's like I get the slightest sense that they might be interested in me, and then suddenly they're all I can think about. I know that's not healthy, so I'm taking this moment to slow down, be mindful and objective, and just observe the attraction I feel for this person and what's driving it, rather than obsessing about her and trying to find a way to date her. I don't have to pursue everyone I'm attracted to, or cling to the first thing that comes along... I did that in the past, and I think it's due to a scarcity mindset driven by insecurity. All in all, I think this is a perfect opportunity to reprogram myself with respect to how I approach relationships. I'm sure I'll learn more with time. It's like I have to tell my brain: if she rejects you or isn't interested and nothing ever comes of this, the sun will come up tomorrow, you will meet someone else (someone better), and you will be happy. This person isn't that significant in your life at this moment. It's someone you just met and barely know. Etc.

I also had two realizations recently:

  1. I don't have time for video games. There are so many things I want to do in life, and habits to fill my day with, that I just don't have the time. Quite the 180, no?
  2. My tacit, unstated goal in life used to spend as much time comfortable and entertained as possible. My goals were to take care of my obligations so that I could relax and play games and consume entertaining media, eat food, sleep, etc. If I had a goal in front of me (a relationship, a class grade, a job interview) I could do what needed to be done to get there - but those goals were ultimately in the service of getting all my obligations out of the way so I didn't have to worry about anything and could do what I wanted (which never involved discomfort or challenging emotions). I now realize that the only way to grow in life is actively embrace discomfort and persevere through it. To seek out your weak spots and work on them. The path to personal fulfillment for me is through growth, and this is the only way to get there.

Game Quitters Challenge - Day 13

Completion List - great idea! I'm not going to write much on this challenge today because my hands are hurting a bit typing all this on an un-ergonomic keyboard (see above blog post), but I will definitely do this challenge today. It's a Sunday and I was planning it as a catch-up day anyway. I totally relate to the concept of regaining energy, and unfinished things draining your energy.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. The courage missions, which I see as directly causing me to take social risks that are leading to new friends in my life.
  2. The new friends in my life :)
  3. Pair A Dice games, for hosting a great Halloween board game event yesterday
  4. My friend Thomas, for hosting a Halloween movie night yesterday.
  5. Halloween itself, for being a cool holiday.
  6. This attraction I feel towards this woman, as an opportunity to examine unhealthy relationship impulses.
  7. Day light savings! and the extra hour it gives me today.
  8. My friend Nina who I'm skyping with later.
  9. My friend Megan, who is going through a hard time right now.
  10. My mom, even if she bugs me sometimes :). I'm working on being more vulnerable with her and hopefully improving our relationship.

Have a great day everyone!

Edited by kortheo
typo

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Great post! 

In the past I would always over-invest in relationships early on. And I find myself wanting to do that almost automatically with this girl. It's like I get the slightest sense that they might be interested in me, and then suddenly they're all I can think about. I know that's not healthy, so I'm taking this moment to slow down, be mindful and objective, and just observe the attraction I feel for this person and what's driving it, rather than obsessing about her and trying to find a way to date her.

Damn, I can really identify with this.

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Breakthroughs happening day after day. Having experienced many of these myself, trust that your process is unfolding exactly how it needs to right now. Models is the perfect compliment to help you through this stage of your life. Really stoked for you... and it's awesome to see that you had the courage to go to the Halloween party and that helped you have more social momentum to join your friends yesterday, which is now leading to more opportunities and making new friends + the realizations you're having by being in social situations. B|

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Breakthroughs happening day after day. Having experienced many of these myself, trust that your process is unfolding exactly how it needs to right now. Models is the perfect compliment to help you through this stage of your life. Really stoked for you... and it's awesome to see that you had the courage to go to the Halloween party and that helped you have more social momentum to join your friends yesterday, which is now leading to more opportunities and making new friends + the realizations you're having by being in social situations. B|

Thanks! Yeah, I feel that I am definitely on the path now. I feel like I've had so much growth in the last week alone. I think I'm doing all the right things and just need to keep on doing 'em. I'm realizing now that I have lots to gain from putting myself in social situations... and just getting as much social experience as I can. I think before quitting gaming if I was bored it was easy to turn to gaming for fun - now I'm getting that fun from socialization, which is much better.

Models is full of gold. I find myself wanting to highlight like every other paragraph haha. I think Mark Manson really gets it when it comes to dating and pick-up (i.e. its flaws) and attraction. I love his analysis of how it all works and what confidence really is. I'm only 25% in, can't wait to read the rest of it.

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Day 44

Nearly half way to 90! No stopping now :) I had a great long weekend and I'm kind of sad to be back at work today. I need to take a proper vacation in the near future.

Ended up hanging out with some friends and watched another movie last night. We're planning on making movie nights a regular thing. At this rate I'm going to have 3-4 social events reliably happening each week. On top of the party I went to on Friday, and the games event on Saturday, I'm starting to feel like I have a life again. It feels great to replace time I would have spent gaming with time spent socializing. It's what I need in my life.

Before my previous relationship began, I was more active socially; a lot of my social life faded away after I started dating her because we just spent all of our time together. Lesson learned... while it makes sense that I might not be quite as active at social events after starting a relationship, I really still need to prioritize my own life and make sure I'm doing what I want to socially so I don't have to keep starting over again.

 

This is a potential weekly schedule for me socially:

Sunday: Board Games Meetup

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday: Trivia Night Meetup

Thursday

Friday: Movie night (tentative)

Saturday: Buddhist Meditation Group

 

Outside of this, I have a friend I usually skype with once a week or so, and other new friends that I could end up doing other hangouts with. And there are still other meetups that I could join in the area. I think I'd like to find a hiking group, or maybe a book club (although I already read a lot). After feeling for so long that it's so difficult to make new friends, it's almost funny how quickly I am able to build a social life if I just put myself out there and try. Granted it's still early on but I'm making great progress :).

 

Daily realization: I'm making progress in terms of being vulnerable and accepting myself/being true to myself. For so long I was afraid to be seen who for I am because I was ashamed or afraid of judgement and rejection. The simple act of journaling here each day is another step along the metaphorical path, and it's me being vulnerable and sharing and being seen, and learning that it's OK to be who I am around other people. This is turning into tangible benefits - I can tell when I'm encountering a point in the day when I can choose to be vulnerable or not. It just jumps out at me! For example, if my mom or sister asks me what I did over the weekend, where I would have to used to say "Nothing much" I can now tell her what I actually did, and have a real conversation and be seen. These little decisions all add up. A vulnerability slight edge, where I slowly become more confident in my true identity around other people.


Game Quitter's Challenge - Day 14

45 minute meditation! Can't wait. That is longer than I have done before in my meditation practice but I think I'm ready for it. I certainly have days where 10, even 20 minutes isn't enough. I will schedule that on my calendar for tonight and report back tomorrow morning.

 

Gratitude

Maybe it's the coffee, but I feel super good right now. I am grateful for...

  1. Coffee Getting up on time
  2. Sticking to my morning routine of meditation (10 mins) + exercise (7 mins app) + visualization
  3. My relationship with my friend Thomas, which is improving
  4. My therapist, who has helped guide me for many months now
  5. My mom, for texting me even when I haven't always texted back
  6. My brother in law, for including me in family events
  7. My friend Nina, who is like a sister to me, with whom I have the absolute best conversations about life
  8. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1935156/ This fascinating documentary that I watched last night.
  9. Dune, for being a great book and inspiring above documentary.
  10. Having a quiet morning at work.
  11. Not feeling sick from caffeine
  12. Rain clouds that will bring rain tonight
  13. Feeling upbeat
  14. Podcasts on my commute
  15. Research around bringing the woolly mammoth back from extinction, because it's fascinating to me.

 

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Day 45

Half-way to 90! Woo! At this point I'm pretty confident that I won't go back to gaming, but 90 days still sticks out there just as a good milestone. I don't know what it is about 90 days, but it just seems like the right number. I wonder what I'll use to motivate myself after 90 days hits.

Feeling good this morning. I did the GQC Day 14 meditation last night and that was pretty fun. Definitely a relaxing experience.

I went out for a run last night and it started to rain and got really windy, but I didn't let it deter me and persevered through my 5k training run. Discipline! After I got home it struck me to take a selfie of my rain-drenched self and post it to facebook. This was a small moment of vulnerability for me, which I'm realizing are so important. Before gamequitters I would have been self-conscious and myself talk would have told me that I look ridiculous in selfies and no one would like the picture and it would just be awkward. But, I posted it with a little smirk on my face and it got several comments and 25+ likes, which virtually never happens for me. In Models, Mark Manson talks about how you shouldn't focus on changing your behaviors directly- if you change your beliefs and your self worth and all that, the behaviors will follow naturally, and your confidence will be present in everything you do. I think this is a small example of that. I didn't consciously know how to take a confident picture that people would like - I just followed my instinct, and my sense of self showed through in a way that people recognized and appreciated. Hell, one of my friends even texted me to say how happy and great I looked in the picture, and a coworker I'm friends with told me this morning when she came in that she thought it was a great photo. All for a 10 second selfie! It honestly feels pretty good to get that kind of attention, because I rarely do.

Game Quitter's Challenge - Day 15

Halfway mark! Let's do this. *reads* Hmm... this is a good challenge. Great idea.

Ten things I'm afraid of (man, this is tough!):

  1. Heights.
  2. Rejection.
  3. Off-leash dogs (I got bitten 6 months ago and that changed my tune...)
  4. Poor Health (I'm slightly hypochondriac / have health anxiety)
  5. Conflict
  6. Being vulnerable with my dad.
  7. Being lost.
  8. Getting caught in a riptide while swimming at the beach.
  9. Making mistakes at work.
  10. Food poisoning.

OK, so not all of these are viable to create challenges out of. Haha. Heights might be stereotypical, but it's also #1 on the list for a reason - it's my most strongly felt fear. It comes to mind most easily.

Cam, you went bungee-jumping to face your fear of heights. I think I'm going to try rock-climbing. Even just in a rock-climbing gym, the last time I tried it it freaked me out. But it's something that sounds really cool and I could see myself doing; it just sounds really scary to me. So I'm just going to do it anyway. I'll find a local rock climbing gym and make an appointment to get a lesson. This might sound tame compared to bungee-jumping, but personally the intensity of bungee-jumping just isn't something that I crave.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. Rain and wind.
  2. My ability to stay disciplined.
  3. My morning routine (I've been sticking with the exercise)
  4. The ergonomics of my workstation.
  5. Sunlight filtering into my office.
  6. The hum of my server room.
  7. The Chrome browser.
  8. Google.
  9. The opportunities to learn that my job provides me.
  10. Free pumpkin bread at work (delicious).

 

 

 

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Rock-climbing is perfect, and it can also be a great way to make new friends. B|

I also think, at some point, being vulnerable with your dad could be a great challenge.

Your experience in the rain is such a fantastic example of how some of the areas you've been growing are coming together. It's easy to head home when it starts raining instead of completing your commitment. When by continuing and finishing strong you are a bit wet, sure, but you also had fun, you have a cool story to tell:

You: Ya so last night I decide to go for a run... I'm training for my 5k... and then all of a sudden it starts raining! *pause* 

Them: So what did you do!?

You: At first I was tempted to go home, but then I said fuck it and decided to finish my run, rain and all. It was a lot of fun and I was surprised how little we need to have fun sometimes... just a silly run and a bunch of rain.

The conversation would easily flow from there, for instance, it could move in the direction of how when we were kids we needed very little to have fun, but somewhere along the way to become an adult we start to overcomplicate it all.

Anyways, awesome update. :)

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Yeah, hopefully I will make friends with rock climbing! And I agree that being vulnerable with my dad is a good challenge to work towards. Being vulnerable with my family in general is something that I'm working on, but my dad in particular is difficult.

Definitely had fun with the rain experience :).

 

Day 46

Short update today. Feeling a little down because my RSI symptoms are still aggravated. I had been overdoing computer time, for sure. I've stopped all non-work computer activity for the moment and have returned to my stretches, exercises, and self-massage. It helps, I just need to be consistent with it. I'm making it part of my daily routine from now on. Whenever I do it consistently, I'm find. When I stop, then I eventually will have symptoms return. I notice that dealing with these symptoms causes anxiety and makes me lose the confidence that I had previously. It's unfortunate, but it will pass.

GQC - Day 16

Social Intelligence

  • Making friends is a science, eh? You have my attention! :)
  • Cam, I'm curious, you mention not enjoying clubs because you're an introvert - so why do that for 3 years? I mean I guess you must have enjoyed it at the time. Did it just strike you as the best way to learn social skills? Or maybe you didn't understand your introversion until after going through that experience?
  • Cool challange, will report back on this one tomorrow.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. Having the knowledge to manage my RSI symptoms.
  2. Coffee in the breakroom.
  3. A manageable pace at work.
  4. Having clean air to breathe and water to drink.
  5. The office plants at my work that are dark green and calming.
  6. The rain we've had the past few days
  7. Sunlight this morning on my way to work.
  8. Rick and Morty, because it's hilarious.
  9. That I'm on a path to success in life.
  10. The endless array of quality podcasts I listen to.

 

Edited by kortheo

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I wouldn't say I particularly enjoyed it during the 3 years to be honest, it was more I just didn't have any other ideas of how to meet people and going to the clubs was just what I did. It was one way to learn social skills but the thing is, the club is the most extreme social environment (loud music, drunk people, etc) so I wouldn't even say it was the best way to learn social skills because the environment creates a specific kind of interaction and behavior, so a lot of what you learn has to be gimmicky to play in that arena, which basically only applies at a club and not in 99% of actual social interaction.

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Day 47

Started feeling a bit sick yesterday. Nothing terrible but enough to throw off my schedules. I left early from work and rested for half the day. I was feeling better in the evening, so I went out to a trivia event as I had planned.

It was a meetup event where I knew 2 other people, met 3 new people. It was really great! Our team came in second and ended up befriending the trivia master guy. We will be back next week. I missed trivia nights... they were a staple of my life in college so I'm glad to be doing it again. It's a place to find like-minded people, I think. Haha, when the question category was science, the trivia master would say "SCIENCE!" really enthusiastically and then everyone in the pub would do the same after him. It was great. My kind of crowd.

Woke up this morning feeling pretty blah, but came into to work because I was really needed and also didn't want to miss a full day. I'm feeling a bit better now. Unfortunately I didn't exercise this morning because of how I felt. I didn't start the day off with the same momentum that I usually do. It can be hard to keep to habits when you're not 100%. Nonetheless, I can't lose sight of how much better I am at sticking with my habits now than I was when I started, and of how many new habits I have created. I use coach.me daily and usually get most of my habits checked off the list.

Yesterday I came across this podcast: www.thematinggrounds.com. I have been trying to learn more about dating recently, and this seems like a really good resource. It's very interesting to me because the two main hosts are as opposite as can be (to speak in stereotypes, basically a frat-boy alpha type who's slept with hundreds of women and a research scientist who is more soft-spoken), yet they get along very well and both have unique perspectives to present on the dating world. So far, it's some of the best dating info I've come across. It is making me think more intentionally of what I want in life in terms of women and dating, and what the options are.

Game Quitter's Challenge

I also have lost a bit of momentum with the GQC. Because I wasn't feeling great I didn't get around to the challenge yesterday, so I'll try again today.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. Hot tea.
  2. Hot showers.
  3. Warm bed.
  4. Easy solutions to work problems.
  5. My increased focus as I have used the internet less and less.
  6. The people I met at trivia last night.
  7. The friends I will be seeing this weekend.
  8. That my RSI symptoms are improving.
  9. That I came into work today.
  10. The makeshift footrest I just made that improves the ergonomics of my workstation setup a lot! Ha.

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Take some time to rest man, that's all good. Staying healthy and not getting sick (having to take a week off to recover) is more important than doing the challenge every single day. The key is just to keep going and get back on track as your momentum slows due to random circumstances you have to prioritize sometimes.

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Short post to update on Game Quitter's Challenge Day 16.

Just recorded myself reading the letter I wrote in day 1 with various vocal tonalities. Definitely interesting. I feel like my normal tone is pretty OK, but what I picked up on more was my pacing and enunciation. I could speak slower and more clearly if I tried, which would probably be a good thing! Always an interesting exercise to hear your own voice. Where normally my own voice would weird me out, I actually think I sound pretty good and confident! 

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It's strange how we are often initially "weirded out" by our own voice, right? I eventually came to the conclusion that everyone else hears me talking in the voice I find strange, and they are not running away, so my voice is probably fine.

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Day 48

I'm having a good morning. I just had an 1.5 hour long convo with my co-worker. He's retiring and worked here for 30~ years, so he had a lot of advice. We talked about finances, retirement, savings, etc. Pretty good advice! It's funny, he sits across the hall from me but we have rarely talked up until this point.

Not too much to say I guess. I am sticking to my morning 7 minute workout and 5k training and I'm starting to see results. While I'm normally pretty frugal, I am also recognizing it's time to refresh or replace some things I own. It's getting cold so I bought a proper blanket to keep me warm, since my bedding was inadequate. I need a new shower curtain that isn't moldy. I need to clean my place. I need a mat for the entryway so I don't track dirt everywhere. Etc. Basic creature comfort things.

I'm going to get food/beers with friends tonight. This will be my second time hanging out with them. It'll be good for me to further develop these male friendships, which I haven't had in a while. Then tomorrow is a movie night with other friends, and I might go rock climbing. We shall see.

Game Quitter's Challenge - Day 17 - Autopilot

This is something that I kind of already do already. I don't say complete non-sequiturs, but I will try to diverge a conversation with a cashier away from the script. This morning I asked a Starbucks cashier how his morning was going after the normal customer interaction script was over and he reflected and told me a bit about his day. It's not a big deal at all, but it's a chance to connect however briefly with a person beyond the normal scripted impersonal interaction.

Gratitude

I'm grateful for...

  1. My coworker, for taking the time to talk to me and give me advice.
  2. The time I have to reflect today.
  3. All the socializing that I'll be able to do this weekend.
  4. My relaxing drive into work today.
  5. That no critical systems are down at work today :).
  6. Deep breathes.
  7. The calming desktop background that I have.
  8. That yesterday was pay day!
  9. This goofy conversation I'm having with a girl through the meetup app.
  10. Fish tacos.
Edited by kortheo

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Awesome to hear your update. Upping your household hygiene game is good. I like to say the state of your room is the state of your mind. So your external environment can tell you a lot about how you feel internally. AND it has an impact on how you feel internally. :)

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I read your whole last journal entry, and it was awesome.  I'm working on the natural conversation thing myself.  It's hit or miss, but I think that it'll get better as I continue practicing.  However, none of that is the reason why I "liked" your post.  It was because I saw you were thankful for fish tacos.  I love fish tacos!

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I read your whole last journal entry, and it was awesome.  I'm working on the natural conversation thing myself.  It's hit or miss, but I think that it'll get better as I continue practicing.  However, none of that is the reason why I "liked" your post.  It was because I saw you were thankful for fish tacos.  I love fish tacos!

Haha yes! I am on a fish taco kick right now. So good.

Day 49

I had a wonderful time last night going out with friends. We got dinner and drinks and ended up at one of their friend's places, and I met even more people! All in all a very successful social night.

I worked on cleaning my apartment today, and ran to Target to get some household items (towels, mats, cleaners, etc). Cleaned my bathroom which took some work. It looks much nicer now though!

I got into a conversation with a girl through the Meetup app because she posted on an event I went to, even though she was never able to go to the event. We got to talking and I felt like I wanted to meet her, so I asked her to coffee this morning. So now we're getting coffee in two hours in Encinitas (Cam, have you ever been to Lofty Coffee? :]) This will be interesting, because I know basically nothing about her except that we had some text-chemistry and I've seen her Meetup photo. I'm not looking for a relationship, but this is fun and maybe even a little bold for me. My goal is to have fun and meet new people :). Here goes!

Gratitude

I'm grateful for...

  1. Having a clean bathroom.
  2. Fresh air after working with cleaning chemicals... blegh.
  3. Clean sheets.
  4. Meetup, for facilitating me meeting interesting people.
  5. The friends-of-friends who hosted us last night for hangouts.
  6. Amazon customer service for being pretty awesome.
  7. The funny book I ordered on amazon for my co-worker.
  8. Peanut butter... because... peanut butter.
  9. Buffalo wings.
  10. Fish & Chips!

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I haven't been to Lofty Coffee, think I've only hung out in Solana Beach so far.

Can't wait to hear how the coffee goes. Also, what you did (spontaneous coffee) is exactly what you want to be doing.

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Fish tacos = amazing.  Have you been to the Encinitas Fish Shop?  All their fish is super fresh and delicious, and I love all the different combinations you can make!  It was definitely one of my favorite places that I ate at for a quick bite, especially since it was so close to Moonlight beach!

Glad to hear you're doing well though, Travis!  It's really awesome to see you getting out of your comfort zone and enjoying life.  I loved your dancing video by the way!  You're giving me hope, so keep up the awesome work, man!  :).

I haven't been to Encinitas Fish Shop, but I'll check it out! And glad you liked the dancing video :). Also... it's super weird you happen to mention Moonlight Beach, because I ended up there yesterday on my date! Haha. Just walking around. Lofty coffee is like 2 blocks away.

Day 50

Day 50! Insanity.

I'm in an excellent mood this morning. It's crazy how my life has changed in just 50 days. It's like I already knew on some level how to be happy, but gaming was something that kept me from taking action to achieve that. With that obstacle removed, it's only a matter of time.

So the big update is my date. It went surprisingly well! I say surprising just because of how little I knew about her going in, and how it was kind of spur of the moment and spontaneous. We got coffee and then walked to the beach and sat and watched the sun and waves (Moonlight Beach! Cool beach). It was actually one of the best first dates I've been on. I think we clicked well and conversation came naturally and was really interesting and enjoyable.

In the past I've probably dithered a bit when asking girls out. But this time I thought to myself "If she rejects me it really doesn't matter. I don't even know this person. I lose nothing from asking her out". So I was more forward than I might usually be - essentially saying "do you want to get coffee? Here's my number". She said yes and then I chose the place. She later thanked me saying that simply taking initiative like I did was surprisingly rare and that she really appreciated it. I think I have really changed my perspective on rejection in a good way, and it feels good to see someone else notice.

So it was a good first date. Then we were texting for a few hours later at night, which was great too. A first date is just a first date, so I have no idea where it will go, if anywhere, or what I even want at this point. But even if it doesn't work out, this was still a great experience that I learned from. Also, I'm taking this as a chance to improve my approach to relationships. In the past I would get invested way to quick. Immediately start seeing the other person several times a week and just go way too quickly in general. It's really not appropriate when you almost literally don't know anything about the person. We've just met! I barely know her. So I'm going to only see her once a week to start, and just keep things at a more realistic pace, where I can keep my head clear and look at things a bit more objectively. Hopefully I can make this a bit more healthy than in the past. 

 

Game Quitter's Challenge

Day 18 - To be honest, I just skipped this one because it didn't appeal to me. I don't like approaching total strangers (outside of events we're both going to), and I guess I don't see it as something necessary. Because I am meeting people naturally and my social life is improving, I think I have an approach that works for me already. I'm sure other people can get value out of it, but it wasn't for me.

Day 19 - I am pretty much doing exactly this already :) Hurrah. So I will 'skip' this one too.

Day 20 - Okay, I think this is a great next step for me. I rarely arrange events but the couple times that I have in my life it's gone quite well! The best birthday party I've ever had was in college where I was very intentional about planning and who to invite. And we all ended up staying up all night and wandering around town (including a graveyard at 4am) and then watched the sun come up together. I'll never forget that night. I should aim to create more cool experiences like that. And I think with where I'm at in my social life right now, arranging an event (I might do a hike) would be perfect.

 

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. The date I had yesterday.
  2. The support of my friend Kelsey.
  3. The humor of my friends, Thomas and Joel and Jon.
  4. In N Out Burger.
  5. New experiences.
  6. Self-awareness and having the drive to improve.
  7. The sunset yesterday.
  8. Starbucks Dark Roast.
  9. Lofty Coffee Turkish Latte.
  10. Board games.

 

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Day 51

Not too much to update today. Had a relaxing evening. Made a beef stew to feed me for the week. Chatted some more with the girl I went on a date with. I'm spending a lot of time thinking intentionally about my dating life and what I want out of it and how to ask for it. The Mating Grounds podcast has been super helpful for me in this regard. Totally changing my thinking about this stuff. Tucker (host) can be pretty crass, but he is damn smart and has great advice.

I feel like I'm getting to a good place in life now. I can only imagine what Day 90 will be like :D.

Gratitude

I am grateful for...

  1. A relaxing commute.
  2. Having this Wednesday off (Veteran's Day)
  3. Learning about myself and relationships.
  4. Feeling healthy from exercising daily
  5. Actively improving my life
  6. Getting to know someone new
  7. Spending time with family
  8. Being more vulnerable with my dad
  9. Having friends again.
  10. Meditation

 

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Awesome to hear your update. The date sounds perfect. Funny how she mentioned it was relieving for her that you were willing to be assertive. Women crave this, but most men walk on eggshells around women and never take that initiative. Women want adventure, and when you're the one willing to step up to create it, you'll see a major difference in how they respond to you vs. how they have in the past.

 

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Hi Travis I couldn't wait to get back to your journal after my week off. I'm so happy to read about your progress and thankful that you take the time to expose the thinking behind it.

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