Just Do it Journal!-Going from Mediocre to Mighty

[KO]

3/17/17-Break+Home=Relapse

[KO]

3/20/2017-Bouncing back from my relapse,going back to full journal entries tomorrow.

[KO]

 

 

4/12/2017

Stats:
Spirit: D
Body: C
Mind: C
Charisma: E
Discipline: E
Developmental Potential: A 
Meal Summary:

Eat like chit and look like chit

Exercise Summary:

N/A Rest Day

General Activity Log:

YO! It’s KO back from the ded! Bombed a test, I’d be surprised if otherwise. Invested my time into shit posts on Reddit and YouTube hoping for a solid return. Depression hit me like woooooah, “you feel that motherfucka? Welcome home bitch.” Decided to finally clean my room hoping to cure my depression. It didn’t but my room is looking extra fresh yo! Time to listen to depressing to music, I cry myself to sleep or get tired of singing along and knock myself out. Whichever comes first goddamn it!

Knowledge Gained:

Don’t force anything, don’t try.

Plan for Tomorrow:

Early wake up start an actual morning routine. My morning routine will start with meditation/stretch 5-10 minutes, reading for 15+ minutes, and journaling for 5 minutes. No more contrast showers, strictly cold for now. I’m too soft right now.

 

 

[Mhyrion]

Welcome back!

[KO]

Welcome back!

Sup bro!

[KO]

4/17/2017

Stats:
Spirit: D
Body: C
Mind: C
Charisma: E
Discipline: E
Developmental Potential: A 

Meal Summary:

Meal 1: Two eggs sandwiches on a multigrain bagel with American cheese. 2 Cups of water. 2 Slices of bacon. 3 oz. of potatoes

Meal 2: Spinach. Chicken sandwich on a roll.

Meal 3: Chicken. White rice. Broccoli.

Exercise Summary:

Light Week

OHP 65lb, 85lb, 95lb x5

Dips 5x6+

Chins 5x5+
General Activity Log:

YO! It's KO. Doing a soft reset on myself. Limiting my morning routine to meditation(timed/guided) and evening routine to reading. I tried to do too much so I broke and went back to my old ways. Read 10 pages today. JFC I want to die right now.

Knowledge Gained:
*To recreate yourself something must be lost.

Plan for Tomorrow:

Keep up with morning routine and evening routine. Complete 1 lesson on udacity. 

[KO]

YO, It's KO and this Day was objectively shit and I'll leave it at that. 

[30_yrs_of_gaming]

YO, It's KO and this Day was objectively shit and I'll leave it at that. 

We all have days like that. I'm sorry you had a terrible day. Each day is a fresh start. Hope the next one is better.

[KO]

YO, It's KO and this Day was objectively shit and I'll leave it at that. 

We all have days like that. I'm sorry you had a terrible day. Each day is a fresh start. Hope the next one is better.

Thank you!

[KO]

I relapsed around the 29th, I uninstalled right after because I remember how lackluster the game was. 

[AlexTheGrape]

I relapsed around the 29th, I uninstalled right after because I remember how lackluster the game was. 

Good to hear that you took action quickly. It's strange how nostalgia can hit us after we've been away from gaming from so long, I've been battling with it recently too. How's things going now?

[KO]

I relapsed around the 29th, I uninstalled right after because I remember how lackluster the game was. 

Good to hear that you took action quickly. It's strange how nostalgia can hit us after we've been away from gaming from so long, I've been battling with it recently too. How's things going now?

I just installed a game, so another relapse may occur if the game decides to work.  

[KO]

5/11/2017

Stats:
Spirit: D
Body: C
Mind: C
Charisma: E->D
Discipline: E
Developmental Potential: A 
Meal Summary:

Unpalatable junk

Exercise Summary:

Rest day not feeling it.
General:

YO It’s KO after another mini-hiatus. It’s just not working. I quit video games, I quit watching porn and masturbation, and I quit Reddit. Yet I still feel that I’m doing something wrong. My roommate started to drama with our ex-friends over text and I wanted no part in but he included me anyway. I have done it in the past but learned that if confrontation is unnecessary then it is not worth it. I really need to think about the people I associate with, get new friends? No, fuck having friends! Now he accuses me of avoiding him because I might be busy this summer. I’ll just be forever alone. Fuck it, I need to seriously reflect on my life I never felt this bad before. I give too many shits and fucks about things that don’t matter. Spirit levels are getting low, losing sight of the bigger picture. Charisma seems to be going up. I’ve been effortlessly greeting people and starting conversations with them.

3+/3 people greeted

Knowledge Gained:

N/A. I seriously cannot think of one take away from today.

Plan for Tomorrow:

Daily routine, apply for more jobs, start a project not sure if coding or creative project but something to do before I relapse. 

[KO]

5/12/2017

I want to forget about this day 

[AlexTheGrape]

If you know inside that you don't want to relapse, then uninstall the games and block out your access to them. Then work on the alternatives afterwards. You can do it!

[KO]

If you know inside that you don't want to relapse, then uninstall the games and block out your access to them. Then work on the alternatives afterwards. You can do it!

Relapsed on the 14th, regret it. Installed Cold Turkey and not going to look this time. 

[KO]

5/14/2017

Stats:
Spirit: D
Body: C
Mind: C
Charisma: D
Discipline: E
Developmental Potential: A 
Meal Summary:

Cheated myself

Exercise Summary:

Been skipping, going to continue Monday
General:

Relapsed yesterday, wasn’t it worth it. The game was boring and felt like I was doing chores. Feel unproductive as fuck spent a good amount of time watching TV. Going to full commit to this change, so far, I’ve been half-assing everything and getting slapped with mediocre results.

Knowledge Gained:

Obsession and desperation are damn powerful.

Plan for Tomorrow:

Do the damn the thing

 

 

[KO]

Relapsed today, uninstalling and blocking. 

[AlexTheGrape]

Good to see you're still reflecting on your position whilst going through relapse. It can be very hard to find the courage to block out the games permanently, but it is very freeing afterwards. Best of luck getting through this!

[KO]

Another hardcore relapse, I want to die.

[KO]

 

5/27/2017

Stats:
Spirit: D
Body: C
Mind: C
Charisma: D
Discipline: E
Developmental Potential: A 
Meal Summary:

-Didn’t track-

Exercise Summary:

-Skipped leg day, am I bro now? -
General:

Yo! It's KO with more pointless unnuanced rambling! Not living the way, I want to life and I choose to do nothing about. Instead I try to the numb the pain by escapism. You know the usual; video games, porn, and TV. Who do I want to be in life? How do I want to live? How do I become who I want to be in life? What are the steps I need to take to live like I want to live? Why am I doing all of this?  What is my reason? Yay for cringe self-development and shitty YouTube motivation. Looked at a NSFW reddit sub and I’ve never been so disgusted and disappointed in myself. Feelsbadman.png, wait no I don’t deserve png quality, Feelsbadman.jpeg.

Read through Slight Edge Chapter 1!  Couldn’t be bothered to get out of a chair yesterday. Progress motherfucker! Getting rid of my website blockers, whenever I block websites I get too focused on what’s blocked and I try to find loopholes to access the website. I believe it’s better to have the mindset of its available to me but I DON’T want it. Done with online games, I mean what’s the point? I was playing the CBT and the progress was getting wiped and I spent all night grinding dungeons and for what? Depriving myself of sleep Giving myself the Quasimodo special? Hell, I remember one game I invested a lot of time in was shut down this spring and another one is shutting down this summer.

Knowledge Gained:

How to doesn’t matter as much as why

Plan for Tomorrow:

Doing the damn, the thing

[KO]

5/28/2017

I have a great feeling about today. Why? No reason. Never mind, this day was shit. 

 

Edited May 29, 2017 by KO

[AlexTheGrape]

Keep going at it, even if it seems you're going through the same issues with relapse, you'll eventually know enough about yourself to take it all the way through the detox. Great to see you're still posting!

[KO]

Back after another hardcore relapse, found a group and everything. 

[Mettermrck]

Glad you came back, KO!