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NEW VIDEO: I Replaced Gaming With Real Life (Nicco Transformation)

Journal - Road to a New Life


JuMpZ

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Day #1:
Today marks the first day I write about my attempt to rid my life of video games. I spent today removing my steam, epic games, and battle net accounts, whether it was through deletion or handing it off to my sister, for good. I also cleaned up my YouTube of all gaming content and kept all the art content that I actively used during my semesters in my art program.

The difficult thing about me committing to removing video games from my life is that my chosen future career path is so closely intertwined with the usage of computers, and may even potentially dip into the realm of video games. What I hope I'm able to do is delineate playing video games versus making art for any game related content down the line. Preventing myself from homogenizing the act of playing games vs making game-related artwork seems like the true challenge I'll be going through in the long run, but I definitely don't think it's impossible.

Ultimately, the goal right now is to not play a video game for 90 days, so I'll stick to worrying about that. If I can pull that off then I think I'm capable of more than I give myself credit for.

As for the overall structure of this journal, I'll have to decide what I want to add to my daily entries without overwhelming myself with too much, so this first entry will be a lot more informal than future intended entries. Thank you.

 

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Hi! I'm so excited to read your future entries- I admire your commitment. What do you mean by "handing off to my sister"? For me, handing off instead of deleting has caused some trouble down the road, and I am feeling concern for you ❤️ 

I feel so lucky to be able to follow you on your journey- thank you for being here!

 

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7 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Hi! I'm so excited to read your future entries- I admire your commitment. What do you mean by "handing off to my sister"? For me, handing off instead of deleting has caused some trouble down the road, and I am feeling concern for you ❤️ 

I feel so lucky to be able to follow you on your journey- thank you for being here!

 

Good afternoon, thank you for the comment. I have the same concerns you do, actually. Before I actually committed to deleting everything, I told my family and friends about my plans, and some of them strongly urged me not to delete things. My sister being a gamer wanted the games I had sitting in my library, and some of my friends wanted to "preserve" the accounts. Quite frankly I was a bit taken aback from these responses, but I didn't think much of them at the time. In any case, I definitely do have concerns about my steam account still existing, even though I told my sister that it's not mine and to treat the account as if it were her own.

But yes, thank you for your concerns, they definitely echo my own.

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Posted (edited)
6 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Best of luck! Also, love that you're studying animation- I am too! What do you aspire for, and what appeals to you in this creative field?

Oh wow, it's nice to meet a fellow animator! Honestly, I grew up watching shonen anime and flash animations on the internet growing up, and it has drawn me into the world of animation, more than likely action and effects in the long run! I also have some surrounding interests that I've acquired as I studied in my art program, including painting in gouache and acrylics! I don't have a clear, concise idea of what I want to be once I get through my art studies, but I intend to explore my options as I get more exposed to different parts of the creative pipeline! I more than likely will work in character animation, whether it be 2d or 3d.

Edited by JuMpZ
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Posted (edited)

 

Day #2/90:

For only being day 2 of my detox, it only makes sense that I haven't felt any strong urges to game yet. I did however finally spend 3 hours on my still-life mango painting today! It's nearly finished, but gouache paints are quite difficult to work with. Other than that, I spent time with my mother running errands, which was perfect for when I was starting to get bored and holed up at home. I'm hoping to remedy this issue in the future by starting an exercise regime. I have been so inert at home and during my art studies, that it has definitely taken a toll on my well-being as a whole. I intend to do walks every morning at minimum, and potentially start running again. I used to be a semi-serious runner when I was much younger, running up to 16 miles at a consistent 12 minute mile pace with no breaks. I am nowhere near that level of fitness, and I would even say I'm the most out of shape I have been in my life. At the very least, I wanna challenge myself to start running again after doing some walking for a while.

As for the more relevant note regarding my decision to quit games, the end of today showed a lot of mixed response regarding my decision from my peers and family. The most important thing to note is that my mother fully supports and understands my decision, and is willing to do everything she can to help me get through this difficult time in my life. I've had a good number of supportive peers, and ones who poured their heart out to let me know how proud they are of me for taking such a huge step. I've also had some responses from friends who told me to not fully quit, and that I should simply just moderate my hours, even having one response with slight undertones of shaming and slighting me. In any case, one thing nobody can take from me is that this is my decision, and it wasn't one I made overnight. Years of contemplation and denial have led up to the circumstances that are currently at play. We'll see how far I go!

What I'm thankful for:

  • Having a roof over my head
  • My highly supportive mother
  • Having a tight-knit art community at my school that also support my struggle

Goals for Day #3:

  • Spend some quality time with a friend outside of gaming.
  • Finish my mango-still life and start a new painting!

Potentially continue my ref sheet for my Kirby fan character, Aperture.

Edited by JuMpZ
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10 hours ago, JuMpZ said:

I've also had some responses from friends who told me to not fully quit, and that I should simply just moderate my hours, even having one response with slight undertones of shaming and slighting me

Imo, responses like that can often be from people who are unwilling their own inability to moderate. So often what is called "moderation" is in fact lack of capacity/strength to quit fully; so many people game because they simply don't have better things to do- it's an easy way to escape boredom. Not a lot will admit that that's the case though, and even fever actually can admit it for themselves, even. 

Though, not the case with everyone- some people do play games in a very purposeful way. 

 

I'm so glad you're remaining committed, and thank you for sharing more about your animation passion!

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Posted (edited)

Day #3/90

Day 3! The majority of my day was spent outside, spending time with a friend of mine. Although I enjoyed my time, I also feel the need to make my boundaries clear the next time I visit him, and I'm talking about what I'm trying to accomplish in giving up video games. The plan was for us to go on a walk, get some food and watch an MCU film together, and that would be it. However, he ended up playing rocket league for a while in his living room, while I sat there and watched. I didn't have it in me to let him know that I would prefer we stray away from game-related activity when we're together, but it's on me I suppose for not making that clear when I told him I wanted to quit gaming for good. Luckily for me, this didn't really spark any urges, because rocket league was never a title I cared about anyway, I found the game rather boring, so I continued on with my day after we watched the film and I got back home.

My plans were a bit sidetracked since my sister's friend came over, and I ended up spending time with them. We went out to eat, came back home, sat down and talked at length about various things, but I was tuned out for the most part, at that point my social battery was pretty drained, and I was getting tired, but they both understood that and let me be.

On another note, I purchased a keyboard from that same friend! I decided one of the hobbies I want to pick up alongside art is learning an instrument, and I have always wanted to learn how to play piano. I've had keyboards in the past, but video games always distracted me from learning anything new, so I'm hoping that under these entirely new conditions, I can foster an environment that will encourage me to learn something new!

Tomorrow, I'm headed to Las Vegas with my family over the weekend, so that should be a good time. I intend to bring all my painting supplies and digital projects. I am mildly concerned to be in another environment where my sister and a friend will be playing video games in the hotel room, but I talked them into bringing things like board games so all the time spent inside our room wouldn't just be gaming. Hopefully by bringing all my painting supplies and some books, I'll be able to keep myself on track with my productivity.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish my still-life painting today, but I did get close. I'll upload a photo shortly of what I have, along with photo reference (note that the photo reference was taken at a slightly different perspective, so it might look a bit off). A few things that I feel I could've done was include more shadow values to push that contrast on the mango, along with some transitions and reflected light on the mango, but I've always struggled with transitional values from shadow to light, and end up overpowering the subject with large amounts of light or shadow value. I'm not too upset about this gouache painting however, since it's the first one in basically an entire year. I'll be doing more artwork and posting here!

What I'm thankful for:

The excess art supplies that ended up being a blessing instead of dead $$$

Goals for Day #4:

Honestly, it's going to be a long trip to Vegas. My simple goal is to find an area in the hotel room I can use as my art corner and set it up before our weekend starts!

 

De_La_Torre_Rick_MangoStillLife.jpg

De_La_Torre_Rick_MangoPhotoRef.jpg

Edited by JuMpZ
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Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Imo, responses like that can often be from people who are unwilling their own inability to moderate. So often what is called "moderation" is in fact lack of capacity/strength to quit fully; so many people game because they simply don't have better things to do- it's an easy way to escape boredom. Not a lot will admit that that's the case though, and even fever actually can admit it for themselves, even. 

Though, not the case with everyone- some people do play games in a very purposeful way. 

 

I'm so glad you're remaining committed, and thank you for sharing more about your animation passion!

I appreciate your responses throughout this thread a lot! I try not to think much of what they have to say, and although a lot of time hasn't passed yet, I feel blessed to not feel stumped in what I should be doing with all this empty time, since the arts were in the backburner for so long. I can't wait to grow and hone my craft!

But yeah, I try my best to take everything they have to say with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, they all come from a good place, but I know that some will simply not fully understand my decision, and that's okay!

Edited by JuMpZ
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Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Nice painting! Is that oil or acrylic?

Gouache! And thank you, I look forward to doing more!

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22 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Oh wow. I have no idea what gouache is lol.

Gouache paints are like more opaque watercolors, and with how much pigment you use you can get really solid colors.

Oftentimes I struggle to layer gouache since new layers reactivate older ones, mixing into each other. I'll get used to it again.

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Posted (edited)

Day #4/90

I spent most of my day traveling out to Las Vegas, so not a lot happened. Got some sleep, tried to read a book in the ride over, walked around the casino, and am now laying in bed. I got my painting station setup though, so I did fulfill my goal!

What I'm thankful for:

Not getting sick today!

Goals for Day #5:

Enjoy my weekend in Vegas! Potentially do some sketches/start a painting!

Edited by JuMpZ
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Day #5/90

Man. I'm exhausted. Entire day was spent walking around the strip. We went to an indoor amusement park in Circus Circus but the prices were too high so we opted out of partaking in that activity, unfortunately. I don't gamble or drink so I kinda just observed for the most part. It was pretty fun though.

Ate some ramen today, and it was great. I usually order tonkotsu ramen at the highest spice level they offer, with extra noodles and an extra egg.

I got a few really fast sketches done while we were out there. Super unfinished sketches but it's hard to study an area for a while when we're constantly on the move.

Today was quite eventful. If tomorrow ends up being the same way, I have a feeling I won't have any time for painting!

What I'm thankful for:

Being able to walk. Sounds weird, but I was thinking a lot about how much I take my locomotion for granted.

Goals for Day #6:

Same as yesterday!

 

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Posted (edited)

I'm currently alone in the hotel room.

I wanted to type this out before it escapes my mind, but I've slowly come to realize that the next thing that I need to do is reduce my screen time throughout the day. I've been partially successful with taking the idle time created from not playing video games and using it productively, but half the time I fall into the trap of overstimulating my mind with my phone. Although I've avoided gaming content, I realize the act of constantly scrolling through content is killing not only my time, but my feeling of being present at the moment. The feeling of being disconnected from my surroundings because I'm connected to my device is such a dull feeling, and makes my mood plummet. I'm typing this after binging social media content as we speak.

I'm going to take this moment of clarity and put my phone down to try and read or paint, but I'm also going to be sure I don't beat myself up if I don't manage to get those things done. I'm going to set the simple goal of simply doing anything that isn't doomscrolling, even if it's absolutely nothing.

Edited by JuMpZ
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Day #6/90

Honestly, today kind of sucked. There was a lot of arguing and negative energy being thrown around the family and I spent the majority of my time trying to shut everything out, unable to enjoy my experiences here in Vegas.

I got to try a burger from Gordon Ramsay burger and it was quite delicious. Other than that the rest of my experiences were a blur due to me trying to tune out.

Well, there was one thing I got to do, and it was go visit the local Blick store. I finally managed to get my hands on a couple tubes of yellow gouache paint, so at least I found some joy in buying some new supplies.

I spent some time today reflecting on some of my anxieties when it comes to the challenge of cutting off video games from my life. As of right now, I know for a fact there's no new content for any of the titles I was previously heavily invested in (Overwatch, Risk of Rain 2, Smash Ultimate), but I've never had to deal with the phenomenon known as "FoMO". I really want to stay away from video games but I'm worried I won't have the willpower to push away the need to experience all that new content. I won't be actively seeking it but I know that some people I'm connected with might be inclined to speak of it in my presence, and I'm not entirely sure what to do in that circumstance other than not further enable that discussion.

There's still time for me to do some painting before I go to bed, so it's probably in my best interest to distract myself with that to keep my mind off the aforementioned anxieties of mine.

What I'm thankful for:

Being able to break through another layer of the emotional trauma my father caused me by admitting I have an issue with video games in the first place.

Goals for Day #7:

Relax and feel as comfortable as possible on my way back home from Vegas.

Get well rested for the following day.

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Day #7/90

Probably the most uneventful day I've had since starting this journal. The entire day was spent going back home, and settling back into my home. Not much to say here, other than the fact I wish I didn't sleep as much as I did on the way back, because I'm gonna struggle with sleep tonight. But yeah, not much of anything at all! We'll see how tomorrow turns out.

What I'm thankful for:

My taste buds

Goals for Day #8:

Send out an email regarding my on campus job this upcoming semester.

Continue working on my cone/prism painting project for my portfolio review.

Do some form of exercise, just get started on something.

Continue reference sheet for my character.

If true boredom occurs, embrace the feeling and understand it.

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On 1/8/2024 at 1:50 AM, JuMpZ said:

I really want to stay away from video games but I'm worried I won't have the willpower to push away the need to experience all that new content.

I hear you! It was the same for me- I'd struggle most w/ relapsing when new content updates would come out for whatever games I used to play. 

Eventually, I built up enough life beyond gaming to tell myself, "this is very exciting, but it's still not worth my time". So glad that you're reflecting on this ahead of time ❤️

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5 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I hear you! It was the same for me- I'd struggle most w/ relapsing when new content updates would come out for whatever games I used to play. 

Eventually, I built up enough life beyond gaming to tell myself, "this is very exciting, but it's still not worth my time". So glad that you're reflecting on this ahead of time ❤️

Thank you for the kind words. I'm sure that once I reach a level of investment in other avenues of my life, things will be fine!

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Day #8/90

Probably the worst day I've had in terms of productivity. Most of my day was spent in bed, watching anime... definitely not the ideal way I wanted to spend time. I had little to no energy to leave my room, and I just felt a stuck sensation the entire time.

However, I don't feel terrible about how today went, mostly because I think about the fact I'm on Winter Break, and when I'm actually dealing with my semesters, it's absolute hell dealing with the workload. I beat myself up enough during those semesters so the best thing I can do now is try and wake up earlier, since I've experienced more productive days on average when I wake up at 7-8am.

In hindsight it's likely that if I put in a tiny bit more effort and fought this inert feeling to take a walk, the day could've looked much different.

Things I'm thankful for:

The fact I feel clear about my direction and actually have a goal

Goals for Day #9:

Take a walk, first thing in the morning. Kickstart the day properly.

Actually send that aforementioned email...

Work on the cone/prism painting, get feedback!

Instead of filling my idle hours with binging anime, work on my character ref sheet instead.

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On 1/3/2024 at 2:52 PM, Pochatok said:

Best of luck! Also, love that you're studying animation- I am too! What do you aspire for, and what appeals to you in this creative field?

I know it's been a while, but I've been thinking about how rude it was of me to not ask you the same. I'm actually very curious about your own aspirations in this creative field! And if you have any work, I'd love to see it. Thank you again for showing interest in my own creative endeavors.

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Day #9/90

The course of today was altered compared to the goals set by yesterday, but not in a negatively impactful way. I spent some time with a friend, watched a movie, and we actually ran/walked together, so that was good. We got to eat some food and then when I got back home I took a nap. I'm planning my return to the house really close to my college campus, despite not having to start until the 24th. I want to get accustomed to the day to day life again living all the way out there, especially while I'm trying to build these new habits. I'm hoping that the changes that I have attempted to make this Winter Break, despite not having been subjected to them for very long, will show some form of positive impact on the overall trajectory of this upcoming semester. Last semester was a trainwreck, and video games have been one of the main culprits of that failure.

In any case, I'm going to enjoy my final days resting here at my mother's place and start getting into the proper headspace for another intense semester of my art studies. Wish me luck!

What I'm thankful for:

Having upperclassmen roommates that are of the same major, directly involved with my progress. It's a blessing I'm not sure many share with me.

Goals for Day #10:

Do some exercise in the morning (walking/running)

Start packing up clothes and other belongings I intend to bring to my house near campus.

Continue working on my artwork.

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On 1/10/2024 at 12:38 AM, JuMpZ said:

I know it's been a while, but I've been thinking about how rude it was of me to not ask you the same. I'm actually very curious about your own aspirations in this creative field! And if you have any work, I'd love to see it. Thank you again for showing interest in my own creative endeavors.

Haha not rude at all, reciprocation is such an ingrained societal expectation, but there is a lot of joy (for me) in just listening. 

I have been doing art since Middle school- just something I was "good" at, but nothing unique. I've come to value art more in college, and though my biggest passion is now education, I care a lot about all things artistic.

Though, my passion for creation actually lies in a disdain/critique of the industry- I am so frustrated at mainstream movies/tv shows/animation and the entertainment industry at large. It's stagnating, imagination in crisis, perpetually failing to envision worlds that stand up, rather than reinforce today's problems. I want to challenge that.

And animation, in particular, is something that impacts me more than any other medium, emotionally. I cry literally every time I watch something animated, lol. 

Hope this helps! Thank you for asking, I appreciate it so much ❤️

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On 1/10/2024 at 12:23 AM, JuMpZ said:

I just felt a stuck sensation the entire time.

Oh, essentially most of my "personal" time between age of 10 and 20... Best of luck working through that, it may be a long journey, but every step forward is a breath of fresher air. 

What has been helpful to you in terms of working through this feeling of being stuck, or do you not yet have a strategy?

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