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Max
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On 8/21/2022 at 4:58 PM, Pochatok said:

Awhh thank you! glad you're doing well 🙂 I also took a long pause from GQ, but will be posting an update soon. Let's keep each other accountable!

Yeah long time no see! It's so motivating to see you grow as a person in your journal. I wish I would be as mature and disciplined like you one day.  I'm pretty confident that I can keep it up this time, so I'm kinda following your steps.

Btw if you are doing a research on game design, have you heard about Cult of the Lamb? It's an indie game and it looks so cool! I haven't played it obviously, but I think if I can manage to do a 90 day detox completely off games, I can reintroduce single player games and I would definitely play it! Obviously my biggest goal is to stay from Overwatch forever!

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Day 20.

All these days I was too busy to write an entry. So I'm writing this on my phone in a subway train lol. 

I've been fine, about to finish my work project and go back to studying so I could apply to software job in like 6 months. Work has been very busy, I've been working this whole week including weekends. I think I'll finish everything mid September. 

Currently can't spend almost any time on my hobbies, but I managed to get my hands on my keyboard last night. I fully disassembled it, so it's ready to be lubed and modded with PE foam. I hope to do it today in the evening. 

Still don't have much time for reading, but I go to the library once a week when I have some time.

My biggest concern at the moment is that I don't have any friends and I don't know how to make them. I kinda used to being alone but it's still saddens me.

Also my health condition is kinda shitty, I have to make an appointment to the doctor. Gastritis is a nasty shit.

I often experience urges to play throughout the day, but I can resist them because I'm always occupied with something. So when my work would end and I would have much more free time I might have some troubles. I'm really worried about this, but we'll see.

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On 8/29/2022 at 8:48 AM, Max said:

Yeah long time no see! It's so motivating to see you grow as a person in your journal. I wish I would be as mature and disciplined like you one day.  I'm pretty confident that I can keep it up this time, so I'm kinda following your steps.

Btw if you are doing a research on game design, have you heard about Cult of the Lamb? It's an indie game and it looks so cool! I haven't played it obviously, but I think if I can manage to do a 90 day detox completely off games, I can reintroduce single player games and I would definitely play it! Obviously my biggest goal is to stay from Overwatch forever!

Thank you for your warm comments ❤️ Hearing that you aspire to some of my qualities makes me want to keep doing my best! I wouldn't say I'm very disciplined, it's just that I've become very passionate about doing things that many other people find boring/difficult. As for maturity, I'm the oldest sibling in a 1st-gen immigrant family, so I kinda had no choice lol... It is something that just comes with emracing and experiencing lots of different situations, which acquiring maturity is a journey unique to every individual. Take your time 🙂

Cult of the Lamb looks super interesting, I remember seeing a trailer months ago..? Honestly, the game seems a bit too fun for me lol. I have been sticking to very intristic games (i.e. lack of rewards/objectives) like Minecraft, and am totally with you in avoiding multiplayer, competitive stuff. As much as I want it to be otherwise, being easily drawn into addictive mechanics in any activity (sports included 😞) is an inherent part of my personality. Is that true for you too, at all?

Thank you again Max ❤️ 

 

 

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Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, Pochatok said:

I wouldn't say I'm very disciplined, it's just that I've become very passionate about doing things that many other people find boring/difficult.

That's exactly what I'm aiming for. After years of overstimulation with dopamine and getting used to instant gratification it's so hard for me to do chores and enjoy slow paced regular life. I think it'll get better with time, I'm just on day 21. 

8 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Honestly, the game seems a bit too fun for me lol. I have been sticking to very intristic games (i.e. lack of rewards/objectives) like Minecraft, and am totally with you in avoiding multiplayer, competitive stuff.

Haha yeah I get it. Actually I'm a little bit worried to play it too. I once was shooting with a crossbow in Minecraft and it reminded me of playing Overwatch and I relapsed instantly lol. So I have to be really careful with games, but most of the time with single player it's alright. I usually get bored after just an hour or too and stop.

 

8 hours ago, Pochatok said:

As much as I want it to be otherwise, being easily drawn into addictive mechanics in any activity (sports included 😞) is an inherent part of my personality. Is that true for you too, at all?

Actually not. I think I'm so addicted to Overwatch is because I've spent crazy amount of time mastering it and got somewhat good. When I'm doing any other activity as an amateur I have no trouble keeping it under control. 

Same thing happened with powerlifting. I've been training for 1 hour 3 times a week, then after a year I started to get good gains and I started to workout for 2 hours or even more. Because of that I severely injured myself and needed a surgery. Now I can't lift anything anymore.

So yeah, if I stick with something I could get compulsive over time.

Edited by Max
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  • 2 weeks later...

Day 35. 

Woah it's been a while. Been lurking on the forums, but had no time to write a proper entry. Again writing this while going to work lol. I've been doing alright, cravings are minimal, always occupied with something, my mind is clear, motivated to learn and discover new stuff.

Last weekend I was in Armenia on a music festival and it was great, ate a lot of delicious food, met new people, discovered amazing places. I think the best part of it was the weather, sunny, 25 degrees. It was really nice compared to shitty fall weather in Moscow.

Can't wait to finish my current work and go back to studying, really want to find a job in programming as soon as possible. 

Quitting gaming is so fun!

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Day 37. 

WARNING: MAY BE TRIGGERING 

Yesterday I was sick so I had to skip a work day. While laying in bed I was bored, but instead of reading a book I started watching Overwatch streams on Twitch. And at the same moment new hero was announced for Overwatch 2.  And then I saw tons of other new content for it. And I started to crave so badly. For all you guys not familiar with the game, Overwatch hasn’t received a single content update for years, game became basically dead. But I still played. And now there’s tons of new content, hype, lots of new players. And my work has ended as well. 
 

I’m so sorry if anyone had some faith in me, but I don’t think I’m gonna make it. My addiction is too strong, I don’t think I can resist anymore.

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Ending a stressful job which was the only reason you stayed on track + getting sick

those two things are BIG pressure on your journey of staying sober. Everyone can stay on track when they are occupied with easy jobs which you dont have to procrastinate. Thats why most of the gamers who have a non-study intense job eg working with their hands never have a problem with gaming. But students do have. More freedom, more procrastination

So yea learn from that. You need to change tje environment for good or built up the strength to stay sober while staying in that environment.

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On 8/31/2022 at 5:52 AM, Max said:

Because of that I severely injured myself and needed a surgery. Now I can't lift anything anymore.

Awhhh shoot, same here! I only do calisthenics now because I ruined my kneecaps and a few other joints. Lifting weights is too risky. 

 

On 9/16/2022 at 1:02 PM, Max said:

I’m so sorry if anyone had some faith in me, but I don’t think I’m gonna make it. My addiction is too strong, I don’t think I can resist anymore.

Hey! Just remember that this is only a feeling, not a fact! You might be feeling this way now, and that's totally valid, and you're going to feel better in the future. If it is possible for other people just like you, it is possible for you too.

You are on your own journey; I think that if I wasn't so privilieged to attend one of America's better universities, I would be still addicted. You have a very different environment that does influence the speed at which you can fight the addiction. It's not all your fault, because so many factors are outside of your control (or you might not even know about them). But you can, and will succeed, if you give yourself enough time and love and understanding. Your addiction does not define who you are or who you can be! 

Hope that this will give you some strength to keep going ❤️

Po

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On 9/19/2022 at 4:50 AM, Pochatok said:

Lifting weights is too risky. 

Yeah I only do bodyweight exercises now. 

 

On 9/19/2022 at 4:50 AM, Pochatok said:

Hey! Just remember that this is only a feeling, not a fact! You might be feeling this way now, and that's totally valid, and you're going to feel better in the future. If it is possible for other people just like you, it is possible for you too.

Thank you, I’m still staying strong, it’s day 42 now. Honestly I craved so bad this whole week and I plan to play Overwatch on Saturday for a few weeks. But I’m still uncertain because I don’t want to ruin my streak. Yet I really wanna play. 

 

On 9/19/2022 at 4:50 AM, Pochatok said:

You have a very different environment that does influence the speed at which you can fight the addiction.

Yeah, that’s true, we’re living in a very different environments. Just an hour ago Putin has announced mobilization of military reserves. And guess what? I’m in a military reserve, second wave. So there’s a chance of me getting drafted and being sent to Ukraine soon.

I’ve never been in Ukraine and always wanted to visit, but not like this lol.

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Day 42.

I’ve been doing alright, due to the pause at work I am now learning Python. Also I have a very interesting book to finish, so my mind is staying occupied. But cravings are strong, so we’ll see how it goes. 
 

Just read on the news that people in reserve can’t leave their place of living, so I’m happy that I was able to travel a little bit two weeks ago. I guess all I can do now is study, finish my work, and read books. We have a tight deadline at work, I’m waiting for other people’s part so I could finish mine. I hope to finish this project before getting drafted. 

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19 hours ago, Max said:

Day 42.

I’ve been doing alright, due to the pause at work I am now learning Python. Also I have a very interesting book to finish, so my mind is staying occupied. But cravings are strong, so we’ll see how it goes. 
 

Just read on the news that people in reserve can’t leave their place of living, so I’m happy that I was able to travel a little bit two weeks ago. I guess all I can do now is study, finish my work, and read books. We have a tight deadline at work, I’m waiting for other people’s part so I could finish mine. I hope to finish this project before getting drafted. 

Oh no! My heart is hurting quite a bit, I'm so sorry to hear that you -and many of my friends in Russia- are getting drafted. It sucks even more that you are already in the reserve... I really hope that this week's entries aren't the last time I hear from you. 

I'm glad you're continuing to be resilient even in the face of such difficult circumstances.

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2 hours ago, Pochatok said:

Oh no! My heart is hurting quite a bit, I'm so sorry to hear that you -and many of my friends in Russia- are getting drafted. It sucks even more that you are already in the reserve... I really hope that this week's entries aren't the last time I hear from you. 

I'm glad you're continuing to be resilient even in the face of such difficult circumstances.

Yeah it sucks. Some people I know already got letters from the army. But all of them served in the army and/or have real battle experience. I can't relate to none of the above, so I'm in the second wave. Most likely I won't be drafted because I'm useless lol. But who knows, no one thought that mobilization would happen at all. We in Russia live in complete uncertainty, no one knows what to expect from tomorrow day. So it won't surprise me if I'll be on the frontline in a couple of months.

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Day 45.

Half of my detox. I've been planning to relapse today, pick up my gaming monitor and good GPU, download Overwatch and play for at least a month (also Overwatch 2 comes out in a week and I wanted to be there). That's all I was thinking about this whole week. I was very uncertain, on one side I had massive urges to play, on the other I knew what comes after a relapse. So today I've made my final decision that I'm moving forward. I had enough of this shit. Every time I relapse I feel horrible. I'm so tired of being a failure. I have so many goals, during the past 6 years I've reached none. All of these years I've been nothing but human garbage. I lied to everyone that I would change, I lied to myself. I can't do this anymore, it makes me fucking sick. I have to fucking grow up.

Edited by Max
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You made an important choice by deciding not to relapse. By putting your foot down and deciding you’ve had enough of the game for good, you’ve laid a foundation for future self-improvement and personal growth. You’ve made enormous progress by making it to 45 days, why stop there? Keep going! We’re here for you 🙂

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56 minutes ago, Paul A. said:

You made an important choice by deciding not to relapse. By putting your foot down and deciding you’ve had enough of the game for good, you’ve laid a foundation for future self-improvement and personal growth. You’ve made enormous progress by making it to 45 days, why stop there? Keep going! We’re here for you 🙂

Thank you, I really appreciate your support during such a hard times! We can do this!

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Day 48. This is it, I relapsed.

I’ve been craving a lot whole week, but today was especially terrible. I wanted to play so much I just could’t think of anything else, I was reading a book, but games was the only thing I had on my mind. After some hours I started having a headache, my hands were shaking. My mind has been tearing itself apart. I didn’t want to play, I NEEDED. I’ve never had such a painful craving before. I just couldn’t take it anymore. While installing Windows to play, I accidentally chose wrong drive and wiped out my main system with tons of unsaved configs, scripts and other thing’s I’ve been working on this year. I’ve been learning Python this whole week, now all my code is gone. I put so much effort in it, fuck. Instant karma I guess. After I finally played I feel such a relief. No more cravings, I don’t feel anything. I’m gonna binge play for 12 hours a day for some time, that’s for sure.

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What activities have you used to try and replace gaming? I don't want to be that guy that just parrots everything somebody else says, but Cam has a point when he says you need to find certain activities to replace your gaming habit. For me, computer programming is the one activity that fills the gaming void. It has constant measurable growth, just like a video game, and it's interactive. It's attributes like this that make programming a suitable replacement. Activities like reading are great, but they don't serve the same purpose gaming does. You'll need to find activities that are just as fun, but just as interactive and stimulating as playing video games. Especially when you're feeling those cravings. Reading a book just won't cut it at that point. Hope this helps

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