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Journal - exBfPlayer


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Week 7

Physical task: 

Continue attending gym

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate
    1. Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepar in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(27 out of 100 units done)
  2. Starting master's degree next year. Abandoned that. 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

 - 

Summary of Week 7

Not more to talk about the previoes week of not playing. I fighted back the minor craving in last week, so the present was much easier.

 I have been focusing on English Grammar for all te week. I did some reading too. I can recommedn the Fire and Blood, R.R.Martin ;).

SO in general all good news

@Gundham Thanks for your good word. It is good to hear from time to time from someone here, on this forum. 

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  • 3 months later...

Week 0. day 1

Hello everybody. It's been a while, hasn't it?

It good to be back on the forum. I haven't posted for a while, as to be honest I was too ashamed to do so. Since November started, I had been back to play BF3 again. I relapsed 😞

I played ever since then till just yesterday. So it was almost 4 months. It was a time in which I had been convincing myself that playing is not that bad, as I am still performing and doing good at my work. Moreover I had actually founded a new job. I am on 1 month notice at my current company.

Nevertheless during that time, I had that feeling that it is not a life I want to have. I am not fully satisfied with my life.

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate

    Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepare in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(58 out of 100 units done

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

I have managed to find a new job.

I am constantly learning English grammar.

I feel I have a power to start quitting gaming once again.

Summary of Week 0, day 1

As I am trying to not give that easy, I think that I have enough power to start quitting gaming one more time. To be honest I have found a replacement for BF3 – before relapse from November. I am fun of F1 racing, I started to play F1 2020 Codemastrs. And I played it almost every day for 2m  for 3-6 hours daily. I feel that I need to play something, but Is it not another game to be addicted from? Can someone please advise if person like me is doomed forever ? Just because I am not able to set a proper balance between life and gaming?

I need to understand my nature.

I want the current venture to be something more than just quitting BF3 – I want to quit gaming completely, because my problem is not just BF – it is in general playing any game.

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  • reader changed the title to Journal - exBfPlayer
Posted (edited)

Week 0. day 4

 

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate

    Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepare in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(60 out of 100 units done)

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

I managed cravings in recent days

Summary of Week 0, day 4

I can see now how in fact difficult is to manage all the craving. Since my early youthness I was playing some game. Back then I didn't realize that I am addicted to gaming, In fact I would laugh If someone would accused me of such thing. But now I can see how addiction to gaming can be destructive to your life, how unaccomplished and unfulfilled you may feel. The more years I was spending on gaming, the more difficult it would be to get rid of that addiction. In fact I have emerged (subconsciously) some patterns and habits in my brain, that triggered my addiction to be more and more powerful. I am reading a book: “ The Power of habit”, I am on the beginning, but I  realized that I need to do something else to replace my addiction and all the habits associated with it. For now I can’t figure it out, as I'm not sure if a proper reward could be sufficient for my brain 😉

Edited by ex_bfplayer
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"And I played it almost every day for 2m  for 3-6 hours daily. I feel that I need to play something, but Is it not another game to be addicted from? Can someone please advise if person like me is doomed forever ? Just because I am not able to set a proper balance between life and gaming?"

You're not doomed. I'm 5+ years in quitting games. I don't even know anymore how many times I relapsed. I was replacing games during those years and tried many things like mobile games, singleplayer games and such and even managed to play moderately last year but it is still supbar to dreamlife. I feel like every time I relapsed something was different. I can't tell if the intervals beetwen gaming and no gaming shortened but each time it was less destructive. After years it became a habit to break the cycle just before it gets out of control. After a year of playing in moderation (and cutting the games off when needed) I decided this is not my dream life and I'm ready to really shine. Today is my 18 day of detox and almost 5 years since I played the league last time and feel stronger than ever.

The road will be bumpy but you and I - we are not doomed. I don't know how many times I will relapse from now but it doesn't matter because the breaking habits and spirit are there.

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Day 11

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate

    Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepare in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(65 out of 100 units done)

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

I didn't think of much aobut playing.

Summary of  Day 11

@NesteaDrinker Thank you for your good word.That's encouraging - the fact that someone understand as had had similar experience in relapsing into different games. I think I am subconsciously crave for other entertainment in form of gaming, because I was playing games very intensively for 10 years – and it became into some kind of habit.  I am trying to distract myself by doing other activities, like reading more, studying, but subconsciously I am all the time seeking for something to entertain myself – and I know that it happen by habit. So I realize that it is good news because every habit can be overwritten by new one, but it takes time and a lot of effort. On the other hand I feel anxious and troubled with the fact that in some near future I will relapse again, because I really want to break it finally, breaking the habit of necessity of resort to gaming

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On 2/26/2022 at 2:20 PM, ex_bfplayer said:

Can someone please advise if person like me is doomed forever ? Just because I am not able to set a proper balance between life and gaming?

If flower don't bloom you don't fix flower you fix the environment. You are not a flower but I think try to focus on changing your environment more to suit your desire to change. I can't tell you what all you should do but take time and consider just what you can can do so you can work on that a little bit day by day. Maybe new hobby, new friends, new job, new school, new room setup, new habits, etc. Just don't try to do too much at once, one goal a day - it can even be a small step towards a bigger goal, at least that is some kind of progress for you. Have you deleted and thrown out the games yet? That helped me a lot my first detox.

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Day 18

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate

    Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepare in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(76 out of 100 units done)

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

Summary of  Day 18

On 3/9/2022 at 8:09 PM, goodvibes said:

ocus on changing your environment more to suit your desire to change

I did. I have deleted all games, unsubscribed all game-related emails. Also The environment is also, easy to adapt/change as I don’t have many friends who are playing gamesI am working on new habits either. I am exercising my will power as well, as I think This is my weak spot. 

Anyhow, I do my best to keep myself out of gaming. Trying to keep my mind off it. Energizing pulse is fact, that I am really efficient in my plans, goals, and endeavours and ventures associated with with goals. I can feel the ppower -  I can tell that, So this is huge motivator. 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Day 23

Projects: 

  1. To start classes for getting CAE certificate

    Scrutinizing the book: Advanced English. It will allow me to prepare in terms of grammar, before starting classes with natives.(84 out of 100 units done)

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

Summary of  Day 23

Another few days left. It was good time in which I have been thinking a lot about my addiction. It seems that I can win this fight, only if I would be focused all the time on the goal. And the goal is to not playing any game, win the craving.  I am winning this fight so far. 

Edited by ex_bfplayer
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  • 2 weeks later...

Week 5

Projects: 

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

Advanced English - Finished

Starting new job

Summary of  Week 5

I didn't write as I was busy most of the time. I tried to manage my cravings. I did, as still not playing. I am now focused on new job, learning new things.

I am happy that will make lot more money, considering the fact that situation in Poland isn't any better, we have increasing inflation, so it cause the prices being larger and larger.

But beside that everything is ok. There are moments when I am thoroughly forgetting that have problems with gaming. 

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Week 6

Projects:

None

Miscellaneous accomplishments:

I don't drink alcohol for almost 10 months.

Summary of  Week 6

I am focusing right now on technical knowledge at my new role. Some things to learn are really challenging, but I manage to cope. I had a conversation with my friend about gaming, he didn’t realized that I could have had any addiction problems, so he was a bit surprised when I had told him that have some. I felt relieved that someone from my environment knows, and to be honest I felt anxious and uncertain of what people’s reaction would be. Now I know that I can openly and freely tell anyone that it is an issue for me and causing me difficulties in many areas of my life, and with gaming I can’t lead normal life. On the other hand, it is sad that I can’t play like normal guy. I am conniving myself, - and I actually  truly believe in that, that at some level we all are fucked up in terms of having issue with ourselves. That’s what I believe in, and this thought is actually good, because it seems that I am actually normal

Take care all of you and don’t give up, no matter how many relapses are ahead of you.  

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  • 3 weeks later...

Week 9

Projects:

None

Miscellaneous accomplishments:

I read 11 books since january, most of them in English language.

Summary of  Week 9

Time passed so fast, I didn't even bother to post every week, as not-gaming has been becoming more as part of my life, than it has been a renunciation. Neverthenless it is still a struggle to keep myself out of gaming, there are cravings and each time I am spending some effort to fight it back. But still it is a great time, I see so many benefits of that whole venture of not playing anymore :). I had much more time to do other things(like reading). 

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  • 4 months later...

Week 1

Projects:

None

Miscellaneous accomplishments:

I read 26 books since January

Summary of  Week 1

I managed to be out of gaming till end of June. I relapsed badly. I relapsed for the second time. It started with small thing. First I installed this game on android pool(Billard). I explained that to myself that I can play on the phone - what can possibly go wrong? It is not a gaming like on PC. Soon I realized that I had humongous cravings to that game. I don't even play that much pool physically. Pool playing lasted circa 2 weeks. Then I thought why not playing F1 - I am a big fun of F1 sport. So I did. I started go through the races. I explained this to myself that I can play that, as my main problems with gaming lies in Battlefield 3 only -.-. So I was playing F1 for a one month. After that I realised that I missed playing BF3 so much. And on the beginning of the July I relapsed 😞 

I stopped a week ago, realizing that I went in the same patterns and habits then when I played obsessively few years back. I started to neglect my daily duties as a husband and a father. Every single leisure during the day I spent on gaming. It was a call to wake up for me, when I started to stay late at night to just play one more game... My wife get upset, bc I neglected her so much. And she was right off course

I felt horrible. Still feel horrible. I must say, that I am in the worst mental state ever.

I do have a great job, well-paid, in comparison of how others in Poland earn. I do earn pretty good tbh. The tough times comes, and I still have addictions problems and I am 31. I feel so stupid

That’s all. This is my 3rd attempt to quit gaming

On 5 of September I started be out of gaming again. a third time. I hope this time I manage. I now realize how gaming interspersed deeply into my brain. That sucks, but hey - If you not fighting you lost already, you must keep fighting

Take care. 

Edited by ex_bfplayer
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Hello, I am starting to see something.

You may be attracted to the excitement that these games bring. It is the glory of coming first in a race or ambushing the enemy troops.

So when you stop playing them, you don’t seem to get that kind of fun from anything else.

Have you ever played paintball? Competitive paintball gives a lot of adrenaline from my experience. Or you could actually get out to a real race track (like Karting) once a week and have a blast racing against other opponents.

Edited by Amphibian220
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  • 2 months later...

Week 11

Projects:

None

Miscellaneous accomplishments:

I read 34 books since January

Summary of  Week 11

Just checking-in. Still not playing for 11 weeks now. I must tell I have huge cravings. Cravings increases badly lately, that's why I am posting today. I have varies thoughts about playing... Like yesterday, I have that idea to buy PS5 - and play only occasisonaly. Learing from experience, I know it won't gonna work. But still, I crave gaming tremendouysly.

Take care. 

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Is there a need that's not being met at the moment that is increasing the cravings? Sometimes I struggle to identify it, but every time I have had increased cravings, it would be coming from an area of my life not getting enough time and attention...

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hmm good question. I think that area might be entertainment. I like reading books and it's ok for me to distract. But due to lack of time, I cannot engage in some different social-entertainment activities. I am solitary kind of person, so it is hard to me to go and hang out with  people, that's why games were only option for me, but since it became detrimental for me life - I stopped playing

 

I know I must figure it out somehow, but still have no idea how to provide to myself to same level entertainment as games. 

 

Thanks @Pochatok for insightful question. I think I will try to work on that area in upcoming weeks ( hope will not start gaming again, and I feel I am very close to that) 

 

Edited by ex_bfplayer
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On 11/21/2022 at 11:51 PM, ex_bfplayer said:

m solitary kind of person

I recommend reading more about this! For me, understanding how my introvertedness works (by reading "quiet the power of introverts") helped me a lot in figuring out what kind of social interactions feel fullfulling and purposeful. 

 

Also yes, the need for entertainment is certainly something to work with during the 1st few days/weeks of detox. Nothing really brings the same levels/types of excitement simply because the brain is so addicted. It will get better! After I went through a full 90-day detox, reading became more fun than video games 🙂

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My thoughts, having the title as exBfplayer, leaves the question open “What next?”.

when you log in to post, the Bf3 in the title reminds you about your connection. From your posts, you are no longer a gamer by identity, you should give a new title to this journal. Like put your favourite sport in the title that you do actually play. If you are a runner, cyclist, or swimmer etc. Have that as the title because it will bring a new richer life sooner.

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I am not fun of any particular sport as we speak. I attend a gym, that’s all - like to shape my body. But I love reading - So I am a “reader” now. Thanks @Amphibian220

I am now at 11 week of detox. It is hard time, and I still did not get the idea for entertainment. I have a 6months son 😄 maybe I will focus more on him.

But really, it is not that I am spending days on figuring out what would be mine entertainment activity. I don’t have much time for entertainment  anyway, so for now reading must suffice

Thank you @Pochatokfor solitary insights. I will definitely develop that area. Again thanks to @Amphibian220 for the psychological tricks with nickname

Edited by reader
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