Question of the week: What are you grateful for?
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Hello everyone! Some of you definitely know me because I'm a member of the Discord chat under the same name (my previous nickname - Farant). For those who don't - my name is Vera, I'm 25 years old, female, from Russia. My English isn't particularly great, so don't mind my mistakes, please. I felt the need to start journaling after something bad happened in my personal life just yesterday. I've been journaling for more than 10 years on paper, so I know the drill. I'm afraid to touch my journal right now, I'll get back to it later when I'm ready. I've been a gaming addict for several years, abandoned gaming and the internet entirely for a couple of months, but it didn't really help a lot. Games were my escape from reality. I think I started thinking about it seriously last spring, became familiar with GameQuitters on Youtube. I used to play very niche online game with the toxic community, servers that died every now and then, the game was very addictive. I quit only when I got really angry at myself for wasting so much time on nothing. As time went on, I've joined Discord, did about 40 days out of 90, relapsed multiple times and eventually decided I want to play, but only one game because of my boyfriend. But the game gave me strong motion sickness, I didn't like it and I already deleted it, so I have nothing on my hard drive. I enjoy keeping an aquarium, knitting, programming, reading, journaling (obviously). I’m into Stoicism, I’m far from perfect but I’m using every opportunity to learn more and apply it in my life. I can’t say my life is empty, but I feel empty right now. I have the chance to turn it 180 degrees. I decided I’ll go to the gym once again and just try to be social, let it be the first step. It will help me hold on and not give in to depression right away. I’ve also asked my friend to go to the cinema with me when the new How to train your dragon comes out. The more I reach out to people, the more I realize I have friends I can count on. So here I am, day one. I’ve prepared things I need for the gym, tried to eat (not very successful, but better than nothing) and it’s time to go to sleep.
Never in my life would I expect to find myself on a forum like this but. I guess life truly has no roadmap. I'd normally use an Alias but...seeing as how that usually ends up, I'll keep this personal and use my Real Name only and the names of those if permission if given and I apologize if it's hard to read. I tend awful when writing from the heart at times. With that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Giancarlo. A Highschool Junior In the Big City who's trying to crawl his way out to freedom after realizing what gaming is doing, I started off on PS2 But slowly transitioned to other platforms and stuck as a multi-platformed gamer. I got into gaming at an early age since I lived in a bad neighborhood and my parents feared the worst. I was autistic and back then was often bullied and targeted...so I was kept in a small safe haven of the Nintendo Gamecube and PlayStation 2. The Nights of NSX and Simpsons Home And Run, happy memories of youth and killing time until My Uncle picked me up to visit my grandmother or playing against my cousins until dinner time! It was a time when gaming was that. A Simple game to kill time and then put down. But that's not where my story takes it dark turn. That happens sometime around middle school. This was when my hobby started to turn into the addiction it once was. It was when I was finally allowed to go online and interact with the world. This was the PS3 Era. When Bo1 and CoD MW2 Were the Games to have and own. I was this pudgy and F A T. Kid Growing up, so I was often bullied and left alone. at the time. My Parents finally decided to put the internet into the house for work purposes and by looking up videos online hooked my PS3 Online and Got a Headset from my cousin and soon I was on a fast track to talking and making friends. It felt...nice. Finally being able to hold an actual conversation with someone outside of my Special Ed Classes. Talking about common interests and having good laughs over the smallest and dumbest things...It helped my escape my brutal life in school. My Parents were naturally concerned but my father got into tech and supported it...from 5th Grade to 8th. It was Video Games Every Night and Day. Talking to the Same Peeps and finally feeling greatful. Then...I started to make them my priority. After All. It was just a simple algebra assignment. What's one little missing HW. Thing is. They tend to stack when you look at the long term. Little did I know the first stages were setting in. I became irritable when the internet was down, I stopped leaving the house and just scootering around in the park. I became a couch pillow and liked that way until high school started. I'll skip 9th and 10th Year as they were much of the same but worse...It nearly costed me to be held back and lose my position within my cohort. 11th Grade Year. I found what I thought was fucking impossible. A Girl who actually liked me...for me. I learned alot about putting up a front but...when I was with her. I didn't want to mask up and shield. I wanted to be a naked mind for her, just as she was for me but...gaming after so many years took its toll, I was socially recluse and often ghosted when we chatted on discord. Usually paying attention to a War Thunder Match or CS:GO Match, I was doing what had been done on to me...and little did I know at the time that I was hurting her. I let my internet persona take the lead and act like this giant Brochado, when she loved my sensitive and intelligent side that came and went in flashes. She eventually left me after I caused her "Stress" but we remain close friends. It wasn't until the last few months that I started to realize that I needed to lose the systems as I had bigger dreams. I found a school I wanted to go to (USNA!) but My grades after years of gaming, hold me back and after a heavy conversation with my Ex. I realized something... A Decade in my life was coming back to bite me with no punches pulled...My Safezone was really my Gas Chamber. I was poisoned and living in my own reality instead of being apart of the real world...the world with her, the world where we watched movies, the World where I left and explored New York City. I lived in a Virutal World. Devoid of Life. I need Help. I know what I want out of life...and I don't want to cross the Rubicon and become a shell... I want to fight this and finally be free.
Hey guys, My routine in life isn't super efficient at the moment and by reflecting on what worked in the past I figured out that journaling was one of the best things I could do. I don't game at all anymore, but I don't know any other forums like this, so if it's okay to post on here I'd gladly use it! My life as it stands today Not too healthy -> Medicine for Acne (only 3 days left) and not working out that often / lost some weight. I have my own company -> VelzenMedia (marketing company) I'm judging other people too much, because I see myself in them. And I don't like myself right now Bad sleeping cycle / habits. Where I want to be in 90 days More energy, strenght and healthy eating habits again. VelzenMedia @ 3 clients paying me each 1000 euro's +. Not judging other people. Talking in terms of other people's interests and making people smile 🙂 Less entertainment / internet / social media. Only use it for growth. Better sleeping cycle / habits. Where I want to be at 25 years old Extremely fit, energized and healthy. Successfull companies helping people all over the world. Be a millionaire, but don't buy things to show off. Re-investing all the money to provide for myself long-term. I want to be the one who makes entertainment. Not the one who consumes it. These are my current targets. It all starts with this 90 day challenge in which I want to take back my health, energy and obsession. I'll be posting once a day to summarize my day and efficiency. If you don't see me posting anymore it means I've quit and that I'm a talker not a do-er. How am I going to succeed? -> Planning, planning, planning. I believe that to be my keystone habit.