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A Single Step

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  1. Day 7 There wasn't a whole lot that happened today. I did a little bit of studying for my classes. Watched an episode of a TV series with my mom. Can't believe it's been a week already. Time goes by so fast and that's scary.
  2. Day 6 I stayed up way too late last night on Reddit, and was pretty tired and cranky today. One of my roommates used one of the coffee pods that I bought without asking meand I got so incredibly angry when I found out. It just ruined my day instantly, which was amazing because it was such a small thing. Probably a lack of sleep or hydration talking. Also, my background check for the warehouse job passed, and my starting date (March 7th) is finalized! I think what I'm going to do though is try to find another 20-25 hr/week job in the next couple weeks that has more reasonable hours. If I can't find one, the warehouse job will be fine. And if I can, then awesome, I won't have to work in such a fast paced environment while being perpetually sleep deprived.
  3. Day 5 of this journey... Not much happened today. I went to class, and then went to the grocery store afterwards and meal prepped for this week. I think my goal is to cook once a week on Wednesdays, since my job will be Saturday-Wednesday, thereby making Wednesday essentially my Friday. My menu is looking something like this: Breakfasts--Oatmeal+Berries, Medium Boiled Eggs, Milk Lunch--Shredded rotisserie chicken, power greens, a little bit of rice Dinner--Rice, Rotisserie Chicken, Steamed broccoli/carrots Snacks--Almonds, Walnuts, Apples, Instant noodles (lmao) I also bought some coffee pods for the keurig coffee maker I never use. Could be useful later on. Other than just cooking, didn't do a whole lot today. Spent some time with my friends. One of them is turning 21 this weekend so might do something to celebrate it with him then. Edit: just wanted to add a picture of my dinner. My culinary skills are nonexistent, but I’m feeling quite happy because it took 2 minutes to make and tastes quite good.
  4. Day 4. I drove 50 miles to the warehouse headquarters today to get my hiring stuff done. It feels weird now that the reality of my new job is starting to set in. I'm probably going to sound elitist af, but I was raised in an upper middle class household, went to a good college and only ever held white collar positions. Now that I'm firmly in the blue collar sector it's a humbling and terrifying feeling. But hey, at least it'll only be a temporary gig until I finish my classes, and start a job that makes a little more of a consistent paycheck. Other than that today was pretty uneventful. I kind of just surfed the web, spent some time on Reddit, stuff like that. I think I'm going to clean up and head to bed soon, and do a little reading for class tomorrow. I might try some breathing exercises as well; with this whole warehouse job situation and the lack of gaming to cope I'm noticing a definite increase in my anxiety. I hope this is something that's temporary.
  5. @Alexanderle It's dumb really but now that it's time for elections there's a candidate that I've always been really passionate about and I went to go knock on some doors for them. It was scary as hell because I'm not good at talking to people, and at one point yesterday I straight up had a panic attack midway through and almost quit. But I'm glad I pushed through that in the end 🙂 @Talby Thanks for the very kind and wise words. Hopefully in time I'll learn to stop comparing myself to others. It's Day 3 and I decided not to go to that event. I had a crazy panic attack last night in bed, stressing about how I'm running out of money and need to find a source of reliable income before I become homeless. My bank account finally dipped to just a few thousand dollars last night and the realization of that was so scary. I've been reading reviews from former employees at the job I was offered and it doesn't seem like the hours are consistent enough to where I could sustain myself, so I think I'm going to contact them and back out of there before the situation gets even worse. Thinking about all the possible ways I could make enough to get by drove me crazy, and by the time I finally passed out it was probably around 2 or 3 in the morning. For all those reasons (stress, lack of sleep, etc) I decided to just skip the event and spend the time improving my situation instead. I found a seasonal job at a warehouse paying $16.75 an hour, and it's the graveyard shift so I would be able to do it while finishing up some classes (the idea of such a fast-paced job terrifies me, but it would be more than enough to get by for now). I'm going tomorrow to the site to get my drug and background testing done. I also got myself to get a good bit of studying done for a class today. So all in all pretty productive day I would say, and probably worth the event skip. Thankfully no gaming urges today. The good part about my body literally entering survival mode is that all unnecessary thoughts were just straight up pushed out of my head today.
  6. Day 2 now and the urges to game are still really, really bad. I ended up volunteering again today, which took up a lot of time--however, because I've spent so much time volunteering this weekend I received a VIP invite for an event on Monday. One of my biggest heroes will be at that event so I'm super excited at the possibility of seeing him there. I also got my TB test done to finalize a job offer I received a couple weeks ago, and decided to finally get around to hand washing my car. The thing looked awful and the carwash was a long time coming. That's all for today I think. See y'all tomorrow.
  7. Thanks everyone for the kind and encouraging words. Reading your posts may have made me cry a little more--happy tears this time though. Day 1 went by in a flash today. I decided to go volunteering today, which is something I've always wanted but could never bring myself to do, and that took up most of the morning and early afternoon. I was utterly worn down after that, so I ended up taking a huge nap in the afternoon, before spending the evening doing some chores around the house. It was all in all one of the better days I've had recently. I think I really like the idea of doing one small goal at a time that @DaBest suggested. If I can incorporate one good habit into my life every 1-2 weeks, that'll be like 30-50 good habits I'm picking up a year. Exciting stuff. I think the first habit I'd like to do would just be to get 8 hours of sleep a night. I did some research online today into self improvement, and every single blog lists sleep as the foundation for a successful life. So I think it would be important to nail down a good sleep schedule first. With that in mind I'm probably off to bed soon. Thank you for reading and hopefully I will see you guys tomorrow.
  8. Good evening. Like the vast majority of people on this forum, I am addicted to gaming and have been for a very, very long time. However, it wasn't until very recently that I began to understand just how severe my addiction is, and how much it has stunted my life. I used to have big goals and dreams for myself--getting a great job, becoming fabulously wealthy, buying that big home and nice car, marrying that unbelievably awesome woman, traveling the world, making a difference. However, with every year that I piss away gaming, those dreams become fainter and fainter, to the point of basically no return. I'm almost 25 now, and while I'm not quite the 30 year old neckbeard living in his mom's basement, I'm well on my way there. I still spend the vast majority of my time gaming, watching Netflix/Youtube/anime, and lying to my parents about what I'm doing with my time. I do feel guilty almost every day about all the talent and potential that I wasted living my ridiculous lifestyle, and my head is always telling me to wake up, that I'll only live once and that I need to get real right now. But my body won't listen. All it wants to do is stay attached to the excitement, pleasure, and meaning that gaming can bring it without it having to exert any physical or mental effort. And because of that I'm spending day after day, week after week, year after year cooped up in my room wanting to change, but unable to muster the strength and self discipline necessary to do that. Today I hung out with an old friend from my high school class, someone I would game with frequently back in the days when things were so much easier. It was a hard punch straight to the gut when I realized the guy is living the life I wish I had. He's graduating from medical school this year, helps run a clinic in Nepal, and probably benches triple what I can. He showed me a picture of his girlfriend who he's planning to propose to before the end of the year. She's extremely beautiful. This will be the 24th valentine's day I'm spending alone. I went home tonight and just got under my covers and cried a lot. Then I got up, searched how to quit gaming, and found myself here. At this point I truly feel that I've fucked up life up beyond repair, but if there's any chance that something can be salvaged then it must start with me getting rid of the disgusting habit that got me here. I hope that it's not too late for me to take this step. I would do anything to have another chance to make something of the one life I've been given.
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