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JSmith

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  1. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.21.2016 | Day 81 Just realized recently I was supposed to do another reflection on Day 75, but, uh...as you may guess things kinda went awry. Karate camp was great, I mean, aside from being sick the entire time. Common Cold hit me that Friday after my last post; thought I could power through it and get some good training in, but after two Saturday classes I was reduced to something along the lines of this: Oh well, at least I got to hang out with some friends, although I'm not sure it was worth the expenses. I also fell behind on work (and other obvious things) since I didn't feel like doing pretty much anything when I returned. But I'm feeling better now so I'm doing what I can to get back on track. Not going to worry too much about what I missed, for now I just want to get back into the routine of doing those pomodoros, every day. I'm bumping it up to six. Worked pretty well today. I can't believe I'm almost done with this detox. I was watching a couple of Cam's videos on some advice for afterwards, and while I don't like the idea of never being able to play games again ever, I have to admit that it might take a little while longer to start seeing satisfactory results, especially being in the thick of the semester and all. But I'll worry about that in nine days. Thermodynamics exam on Wednesday (X.X) Another great video @Cam Adair. I struggle with a perfectionist all-or-nothing mindset A LOT, and it was especially bad in high school. In fact, this was probably one of the factors that caused me to struggle to the extent I did my freshman year of college. Instead of trying to fix the mistakes I made as they were occuring, I would basically just give up on the day, playing video games while telling myself I would do everything perfectly the next day. And then if I didn't I would just give up again and repeat. Not smart. Missed karate tonight because of homework; decided to make it up by hitting the exercise bikes at the gym. Not bad at all...until I got kicked out for wearing khaki pants. BIG DEAL at least I got some cardio in. That was the second time I've ever used the gym on campus. Anyways, I'm back. Oh, and I've decided to start trying meditation using Headspace. Neat little program. Stay awesome.
  2. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.15.2016 | Day 75 Writing this entry from the lounge on our floor since there's currently five people in my room playing super smash brothers. Hopefully they're gone by the time I have to sleep. Very inspired by Cam's video today on going for your dreams. A lot of what he said resonated with the internal dialogue that's been going on within myself for some time now. I wish I could say more but it appears difficult for me to form complex thoughts at the moment. I must be more tired than I thought. Wow. I got nothing. This is embarassing. Today was a busy day. Let's see, I have a karate camp coming up this weekend, looking forward to that. Will probably pack for that after my last class tomorrow. I'm actually feeling a little irritable right now, so I'll just cut it short for tonight. Will probably have to write tomorrow's entry a little earlier, so I can get more sleep before our early departure. Or maybe I'll just sleep in the car. Decisions.
  3. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.14.2016 | Day 74 So my plan failed. Pretty miserably, I might add. First of all, 1:20-3:20 does not equal 180 minutes...I'm so good at mental math...which means I can really only do 5 pomodoros for studying plus MAYBE one more. One. Second of all, I crashed. Again. Right after my last class. I just can't do this much. I was about 10 minutes late to studying after my lunch break as a result of staying in my Japanese class late to take my quiz, which happened because I had to stay late in Thermo to ask my professor a question...tried to make it up, skipped the 5 minutes breaks and only took the long one. Then after 5 pomodoros of purely physics I realized holy crap I have class soon, I thought I had more...oh.... Then I went to class. And then my brain shut down. I honestly think I won't be able to do anything more than my regular studying on Mondays and Wendesdays. It's just too intense. Not to mention I will most likely be doing only physics these days, since the class is on Tues/Thurs and there's just a bucketload of work to do in between. And my lab starts tomorrow. I can do extra stuff the other three days (and weekends), but as far as slight edge tactics go, it's not super efficient. I don't know how exactly I want to do that; I'll have to spend time later crunching more numbers. This is so frustrating, I almost want to just wing it. Maybe I should do that. Slight edge tactics for studying, just wing the rest. It's college, the schoolwork matters most. And karate, since it helps me work better. On the bright side I got a lot of new music today. Was a super mood booster after I hit rock bottom. Tomorrow is physics, studying, physics lab, then...I don't know. I'll probably be too tired afterwards to do any other work, but we'll see.
  4. You are REALLY good at tagging people...how do you do it? (seriously I still don't know)
  5. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.13.2016 | Day 73 Today was a productive day. Woke up on time and energized, had class in the morning, then hit the library. 11 pomodoros of studying today. Made lots of progress in my classes. Feeling good about the vocab quiz tomorrow for Japanese. Then I spent some time thinking about how I'm going to plan my future days, as promised, so I can be more efficient with my time. Results turned out pretty decent. As long as I follow the time slots, I can knock out 5 pomodoros of studying and do a few other tasks I was doing earlier. Unfortunately there's not enough time for everything (not unless I want to risk my sanity by taking no breaks...won't take that risk) so I've decided not to do Solidworks or any Aerospace related work Mondays or Wednesdays. Better I leave those more intensive tasks for the other days, when I'm not doing as much schoolwork. I have also decided to double the work I'm doing for my novel idea; I really want to get this thing out, so two pomodoros per day. Would be great if I could publish it before 2020, or else I risk some possible major advance in technology screwing things up, hehe. Really dissapointed to learn the Aerospace Institute on campus will be meeting Wednesdays at 7. That is literally when I have karate. And I'm not skipping on Wednesdays. Mondays or Fridays, I would have thought about it, but going three whole days without training, that's a no-no. I can still be a part of design competitions though, and I know one of the officers, so hopefully he can help keep me updated on events. Will be giving this new schedule a shot tomorrow, hopefully it works out. Stay awesome. P.S. If you're a nerd like me, you will love this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKqY8sy3nkM
  6. That page looks awesome. Looking forward to seeing it grow!
  7. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.12.2016 | Day 72 Today was rough. Woke up half an hour late out of exhaustion, despite going to bed on time. As a result there wasn't any hot water left in the showers (people actually get up early in my dorm, it kinda pisses me off), and the morning was colder than usual, so that was a grand time. Allergies hit me pretty bad too; my body's still punishing me for forgetting to take my Zyrtec two nights ago, this campus is relentless (I already taked about the grass...). Writing my 750 words was also a little upsetting. I seemed to be feeling less optimistic and more unsure about the path I'm on currently, while trying to answer the big questions. What do I want to see in the world? What do I truly want to do, and WHY? Mid response I had a huge trigger flashback to another roleplay I did about half a year ago, with a friend I actually got pretty close with, until we stopped talking a couple months ago. Pretty much just hit the floor after Japanese class. No studying today. At least I took care of some organizational tasks before karate. Tomorrow is going to be pretty busy, with some hw to catch up on and studying for another Japanese quiz, but I also only have one class. I think I'll just hammer it all out after physics, pomodoro-style. Long breaks after 3 sessions, lunch at 12 for an hour, should be finished by 5. Planning, Cam. I had a solid plan, and all I needed to do was follow it. But these Mondays/Wednesdays are rougher than I expected; I knew what I needed to do, but I crashed. I hated doing this in the past but I may need to schedule those two days, like minute by minute. Just because there's less room for error, unlike the other days. After studying my primary task will be making that schedule.
  8. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.11.2016 | Day 71 Oh geez. Day 71. That leaves 19. So why do I feel like I'm progressing backwards? I've made some poor decisions lately. NO I DIDN'T RELAPSE...I mean other poor decisions. Without going too much into detail I made the awful mistake of going back and messaging someone I used to know on my old roleplaying site, not to get back into it, but because I was looking for something. A relic, you might say. So of course now a couple days have passed and I know the person has read the message, but no response. And now I feel horrible again. I shouldn't have even tried...but I thought maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad. I should just delete this stupid account. But I literally can't, there's no feature for it. I could scramble my password, but then I could just get it back using my email. I have spent countless weeks away from that place, and almost everyone I used to interact with are gone. But I can always go back, and that's dangerous. After I realized I was being ignored (again), all the old frustrations and triggers were coming back to me. I've had enough of this. I'm tired of letting women control my feelings. I need to just focus on myself. If I didn't care about girls, what would I want to do with my life? That's a very difficult question I've realized, and I don't have a concrete answer. The urges to game again have actually been coming back, believe it or not. Again kind of my fault. I've been thinking about getting a new laptop, and it's difficult looking at the more powerful systems, especially if they have specs that could enable me to play games. At least this laptop has integrated graphics so I couldn't play any even if I wanted to. But it's lacking in other areas. For example, if I get a computer that can run solidworks it could also probably play games (can't get a mobile workstation because they're too damn expensive). I lied. I could get one for about the same price range. Doesn't mean I should. Plus I don't REALLY need a solidworks machine; won't be doing anything big for a while (especially if I keep slacking on practice). Anyways, at least I did my studying for the day, of course. Still going strong on that. I just need to take some time and get reorganized. My to do list is growing again...
  9. This. Do this. Just make sure to avoid those McDojos.
  10. More birthdays hope it's a good one
  11. In winter, maybe the average is around 2ºC (sorry, can't remember the conversion factor to ºF). Seems not much, but to me is bloody cold, like freeeeezing cold. The worst is that Japanese houses are not insulated. I don't get it, I reckon it is something related to earthquakes. You have to rely on having your heater on if you don't want to feel cold. But the good thing is that winter doesn't last long very long as in maybe Canada, Russia and Northern Europe. On campus where I live it can get as low as -28 C with wind chills (it's very windy here) so that's wonderful haha. I can see the insulation issue as being annoying though. Can't wait to get the hell out of here after I graduate.
  12. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.9.2016 | Day 69 Had an alright day today. Spent my entire studying time memorizing all the Japanese hiraganas; kanji and vocab quiz next week Met with the campus mental health doctor, to see about how I've been doing the last month with the wellbutrin. Told him I was still struggling a little bit with social anxiety and bouts of loneliness, which led to a back and forth discussion about girls...left me feeling a little frustrated in the end. Mainly because I had trouble putting my thoughts and feelings into words, which happens often actually. I figure out what I truly wanted to say AFTER the conversation has already ended. So annoying. I also dislike how short the meetings are, which is why I stopped seeing a regular therapist. Half an hour every two weeks equals getting absolutely nothing accomplished, and they keep changing the subject. I wish I could see someone like every other day or something, for longer. There's just so much I need to unpack. Again skipped out on novel work, reading and solidworks. I should get back on that huh...I'll figure something out tomorrow.
  13. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.8.2016 | Day 68 I'm not feeling good right now, mentally speaking. This, lingering wish...creeping up on me once again. Making me question everything. I even logged back into my old roleplaying site, didn't write anything though. I was looking for someone I did a 1x1 with a long time ago. She's still there. I think about her too much, I should really let her go. I should let it all go. But I can't. Studied today of course, that's still #1. Ended up doing 6 pomodoros; was nervous about getting my physics hw done on time - it's due Monday - so I pulled a little extra. Then I did Solidworks later, but that's it. Oh well. Need to remember I also have three other classes with homework...
  14. I have physics work almost every day, but I'll try to take more advantage of the breaks in between my pomorodors, instead of just blasting through it. Thanks for the support. Speaking of goals, did you know Karate will be an olympic sport in 4 years? PS: Sick pictures! I do! Tokyo 2020, gonna be an interesting one.
  15. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.7.2016 | Day 67 Today was a struggle. I missed most of my daily goals, except for journaling and studying. I was mentally exhausted after finishing up my physics work. This class is going to be just as difficult as everybody says it is. I have quite a few assignments coming up for early next week as well. And I'm still lagging behind on getting additional tasks done, like emailing the dean so he can get the damn provost to stop spamming my email about the credit limit, it's been overridden! Anyways, I'm not exactly sure what I could have done to make the day better. I probably could have used the hour or so before my first class more effectively. That way I would have completed solidworks at the very least. As for later on in the day, I don't know. I don't remember taking any breaks at all, maybe that's why. I rarely use the breaks between my pomodoro timers, because I'm in the middle of working and I don't want to stop. But then I may end up flatlining, like today. But this is why I get the studying done first. Saw something amazing on my way to karate today. Almost didn't even take a picture, since of course it wasn't the first time I ever saw a rainbow. But then it turned into this. Okay, that's pretty cool. Never saw a full rainbow before. I climbed up a few outside stairs to try and get the best view possible. So I'm smiling at my pictures, walking to the gym, feeling pretty good. And then I see THIS Mindblown. There was no way I was going to keep these to myself. Anyways, karate was karate. Well except for the exam. Which went fine, I hit my rank target, 4b kyu. I was used to having a quick maybe half-hour training session before testing, but this time we had a full class, which is the best haha. I was so worried I would screw it up, getting corrected left and right, fix this, fix that. It was almost like I had not been training nonstop for the last month...it's really frustrating sometimes. I'm still too tense in my techniques, which they've been telling me from day 1. But at least that's done; all I have to do is keep training and I'm confident I'll get brown belt in December. Sure belts don't really matter, but I need goals in my life... Really not sure how I want to modify this plan. I need more time to study, but I don't want to cut anything else out, because it's all so important to me. I need to do solidworks, I need to read good books, I need to do aerospace research, I need to get this damn story out of my head... No. I just looked at my schedule again. I already planned it out on paper. I had so much time for breaks and other stuff. But I didn't really follow it. I'm exhausted just thinking about it now. I'm going to have to do this tomorrow...there's just too much spinning in my head right now. Too many details.
  16. I have done something similar with a paper journal in the past. But the main problem I have with longhand is that it's too slow for both my thoughts and in general. Also, the journal I was using, while it looked nice, was terribly lacking in writing comfort. With the 750 words site I can crank out an entry in 15 minutes with no trouble at all. And I find it still has the same theraputic effect, if not better actually; since my journal isn't physical I can really let go without worrying about anyone stumbling across it. I can't imagine not writing daily.
  17. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.6.2016 | Day 66 Had a sluggish start to the day. Woke up on time, went to class, then got hit with a wave of drowsiness as I was doing my daily online journal around 9am. I think it was because of my writing topic. Then I blinked and suddenly it was 2:00pm. I kid you not. It felt like I had just jumped forwards 3-4 hours. What did I do? I did some homework, met with my academic advisor, had lunch...was I a zombie the whole time? I honestly feel like this was when my day actually started. Got all my daily tasks done, then had dinner with my friends, which I hadn't done in a while. I'm glad to have had this day off from karate, especially after the last two days. The Sunday + Monday push is exhausting. Still nervous about this test tomorrow, but it's whatever. As long as I stay relaxed and breathe, I should do fine. Hung out at a gameroom with one of my friends afterwards, where we continued our foosball rivalry. When I first arrived to college I was the absolute best out of everyone I knew. But this guy...I play with him again and again, for hours. And now he's kicking my ass. Unbelievable. Sorry for such a short post, but I can't think of anything else to say right now. Tomorrow's gonna be a busy day, maybe I should hit the sack early. Three things I'm thankful for: 1. A chill evening. 2. The library help center is open now. I'll be doing my physics hw there from now on. Might as well bring a tent. 3. My day now aligns with the date. Makes remembering much easier
  18. I won't dare to give you advice on that, but my experience says two things: 1 - Timelines put the right pressure on you so you can deliver results. 2 - I haven't seen a project start right and stay unchanged until its end. If anything, you could be the new Jules Verne of space fiction. Oh no haha. I don't think I could live with only dabbling in fiction. In fact the only reason I'm even trying to write a book is because my brain is forcing me to. This plot has infected me for years, like a virus. I have to get it out or be forever tormented. Thinking more like the Daniel H. Wilson of space fiction
  19. Welcome to the forums! You won't be alone on here. Good luck with your journey
  20. Captain's Log - JSmith | 9.5.2016 | Day 65 Today was productive, though that seems to be more the standard nowadays. Something amazing happened this morning. Remember how I was worried about possibly having to spend more time getting my physics hw done? I didn't have to. I finished both assignments in the 4 pomodoros I had for the day. It was crazy. I was so lost on the problem sets the other days, but it all seemed to click today. The biggest lesson I learned was that I just need to be more organized in my work, and pay more attention to the questions. Once the equations diagrams and numbers start flying across the page it's really easy for me to lose track of important details. Cam this is for you: Completed the 3D tutorial on the oven rack, then decided to spruce it up with a render. I took a guess for what might be the most realistic material, and went with polished aluminum. If anyone knows what oven racks are actually made of, please let me know haha. In some spare research I've been doing from time to time, I came to the realization that some engineers out there actually spend all day just designing stuff in Solidworks. I read a forum post from one guy who said he had been doing CAD for 25 years. How insane is that? I wonder if this is something I would want to do full time. I don't know. Karate was...karate. I'm so nervous about this test coming up on Wednesday. I was practicing my kata in class and sensei was pointing out so many things I was doing wrong, things I simply can't fix in two days. But it's no use getting worked up. I've been to every class since August 1st, all I can do is my best. Of course there is always more I could do. I could show up earlier and stretch more. I could stay later and practice more. But karate isn't the only focus I have. I'm confident I'll keep improving gradually, as long as I just show up and try. Three things I'm thankful for: 1. Day off from karate before the test. Much needed. 2. New music. Always a good thing. 3. Getting my physics hw done. Stainless Steel, Low Carbon Steel, Aluminum Steel. Aluminum Steel? I didn't even know those two were mixed. So I was half right. Does solidworks even mix metals? Will need to find out.
  21. In the context Marquess is describing it's a bit more about how it's ok to play video games and we're not against gaming (focusing on the positives) instead of taking a harder stance that gaming is harmful. The reason why we do this is because the gaming community is very defensive and we have to be overly cautious in approaching them because if they sense at all that you're attacking games they shut down - many members of our community found us specifically because we were approachable, so it's important. More on that here. Cam, the reason I joined and gave this a shot wasn't just because the community seemed nice and aproachable. It was because everyone here actually knows what it's like being a gamer. We're here because we were all gamers at one point, and we all know the struggle it brings in our lives. I can't even begin to describe how I started to feel upon that realization. I feel like the gaming community has a right to be defensive. It's so pathetically easy for someone who doesn't play games to look at a gamer and say pssh, you're clearly wasting your life, when they've never been in their shoes to understand why they do it in the first place. For the longest time I've resisted getting help from my family to stop playing video games, because they don't have a clue as to what I've been through. They only saw me on the outside, the real me, not the online hero I had built myself up to be. They only saw the negatives, while I only saw the positives. But everyone here knows both. I think the gaming community would be more willing to listen to people who at one point were just like them. That's what you should emphasize. Yes, we've ALL been there too, but here's why we stopped. If that was made clear from the very beginning, I believe it would lower many shields. Heh, online hero.
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