Pochatok

Day 54. Two days in a row here, wooowiieeees! No Games: 16. Having some urges to install and play a game right now, but I have quite a bit more of HW to do. Maybe I will, but I doubt I have time. No Porn: 1. Had no urges today at all, which is very nice tbh. Today has been very productive and just nice. I exercised even more than yesterday, and it was really enjoyable. Apparently, I can now easily make big leaps when going up the stairs(skipping through 2 steps instead of one), and I couldn't do that before. Very nice to see progress like this. Other than that, I realized that I need to put more work into my music cuz I completely sucked during a rehearsal today. Had my 1st club meeting of the term, it went nicely, although very few people showed up. Finally, it seems like I am about to get officially hired for the job I have been interning for over December, which makes me pretty happy heh. Some thoughts: I still lack courage when it comes to being even a little bit hard on people, especially women. I imagine the environment being aggressive in such situations, and in my head that helps me be "mean". But in reality, when I need to be hard on people, they are often surprised by my appearance/words rather than offended. That mismatch of expectations v. reality is what takes away my courage, I'd like to think. Imagining more realistic reactions from others should help me be in control of the situation more. I'll see 🙂 Good thing from today: Beef with Olives and Capers for Dinner. Some real Yum. Also, I finally sent the letter to my grandparents!! Have a good Wednesday y'all beautiful people, Po

Alright, been awhile. Day 53, yeahhh No Games: 15, hell yah. Very low urges, and rather not to play but just to see what the game devs have been up to. Games are just not as fun anymore. Porn: 0 (relapsed twice within the last two days). This one is still tough. I have to keep reading helpful books on this topic. It's been a very busy week. I am happy with how things are going- I am on time with everything, I am making significant impacts here and there, and I even applied for an Internship. My grandparents decided to give death some time to wait, which is nice- I wrote them a letter, which hopefully will get to their home in time. I've been exercising almost every day, and it is quite enjoyable. I've been reading for fun, and even hanging out with friends- which has not happened since summer haha. Although there are some occasional mood swings, I'm able to push myself to stay productive, and am pretty happy about that. Wisdom of Randomness: I often try really hard to restrict myself from various habits and addictions via sheer mental power. At first, it is usually enough: I have enough willpower to last, let's say, more than a month without gaming. But then something sad happens, and I get stressed. And when I am very stressed, I tend to go back to these habits, because in my memories they offer safety from that stress- they calm me down, let me escape reality and feel some great pleasure. The guilt and self-hatred that comes after my brain chooses, very conveniently, not to remember. Anyways, it is not that I overestimate myself- I do have the ability to resist my bad habits and addictions. But, only in normal circumstances; there is no "insurance" if I accidentally take a wrong turn. Which is why I gotta fooken get in the habit of going beyond myself to ensure that I will not fall into bad habits- and it takes just a few seconds to install an app block or create another "insurance" if my primary defense fails. Today, I am grateful for my amazing partner, almond butter, and my kitten. Oh, and the markers my friend gave me awhile ago, they're super awesome. Stay well people, Po

Hi Zidane, welcome to GameQuitters! Looking forward to hearing more from you 🙂 Po

Day 48 No Games: 10 yay No Porn: 5, not bad today was very messy. Just the news going around get my feelings mixed up, and in terms of being productive I felt like I was on the lower side, although I spent a lot of time today working. Less urges to watch porn, and none to play games- I am very stressed out about all the things I have to get done by the end of the week. I think that probably is hindering at my productivity the most. Plus, sitting in front of the PC all day is also very exhausting, and not much fun. Let's recap the good things from today to end on a good note! Signed up for another class, now I'm fully overloaded for Spring Term, yay! Stayed Hydrated for most part, although I am kind of thirsty Got back to drawing slightly more. Honestly missed it so much! Did a lot of good things with my talking- I left a strong impression on the class I will be tutoring, and made a serious impact on a discussion I had within a club. Was overall on top of the things I had to do, although I have been rather clumsy with some of them. A very active day in class- I am happy with my classes! The food has been pretty good today I really appreciate my partner more as of lately, she is such an incredible, hard-working soul! That's it for tonight, I want to shower now. Stay well everyone, take care of yourselves! Cheers, Po

Welcome, dot! I really like your creative approach with the username and this topic- you put a lot of meaning into it. Also, I am so impressed to hear that you're only 14 and already are on top of gaming addiction. Congrats on making such serious commitments already, and I hope to see how your journey unveils in the future. Keep us updates, Po

Hi! I wonder if you have been utilizing thins that help with that nausea, like having the "night shift" feature constantly on, and using dark theme on your apps. If not, let me know, and I would be super happy to share the many apps there are to help you deal with the ZOOM Fatigue. Today I forgot to turn the apps on, and have been feeling incredibly tired most of the day. It was very frustrating to find out that the reason behind it all was just my computer screen heh. Cheers! po

Day 47 I think I want to start a count on how long I have been game-free and porn-free. No Games: 9 No Porn: 4 Done. Feeling slightly worse now because the numbers were higher in my head lol. But I am happy I am getting it this far already. I honestly hope that I will simply not have any time for games in the near future. I definitely feel less inclined to play/read about them, although the urge is there from time to time. I gotta keep being passionate about other things, and not let myself get too stressed out- it's the stress that usually gets me back into games. The last few days have been very busy but good. I am happy with what I am accomplishing: I'm leading a big, school-wide petition, and uncovering a huge scam in a school club I am in (doesn't have to do with the club itself, but with its managers, who are BEEG people). Other than that, I feel very uncomfortable practicing in my room, and for not reason really, which sucks for sure- I can't enjoy making music. Classes are also fairly challenging, but I certainly find them fun. Random thought of the day: My "business" is defined by my willingness to take on the things I do not enjoy- if I am unwilling to take on a task, I am "busy", but if I feel committed, then I always find some space in the schedule to fit yet another thing in. Then the question is, where does that willpower to say "yes" to things I do not like come from? In the past, it came for my desire to self-sacrifice/dislike myself- I felt good when I was stressed out, tired, in pain. While that unhealthy habit has left my self, now I find myself saying "yes" even when I should be saying "no" for a different reason: I value others' needs much more than before, and enjoy helping others. Even though at times that still feels like a self-sacrifice, the motives behind it are different- I want to make other people happy, not make myself unhappy. Lots of good things happened today, the main one being- I have seen almost no porn at all. Urges are totally there, but I am able to resist it much better. Gotta keep finding that motivation! Also, I drew today for the first time in 2+ weeks. Feels great to be back! Po

Time to catch up! Today must be day 45! No gaming so far, way too busy. The urge to visit gaming-related communities is pretty low, so I am able to stay away almost completely from any gaming-related stuff. Other than that, life has been very stressful the last few days. Grandparents have been both in poor health overall, and now have caught COVID. I have no idea if they are alive as of right now, should probably check... Moving back to campus was disorienting, and I am very tired today. Porn additction has been getting to me, but the last couple of days I've been doing well. Gotta keep that streak up! Don't have time to journal more today, let's hope I will have it tomorrow, Po

Catch up for yesterday: Day 41 Overall a good day, had lots of things going on that helped me stay productive, although I have been noticing that I am rather slow with completing things. Wish I could be a bit more active. Also, I gotta get back to exercising again! Day 42 Almost 2021! Gonna be very sad day tomorrow. This year has been tough on all of my family members, so recapping it will be a tough time, although I do hope so much that things will get better in the new year. Overall, I wasn't very productive today, but fuck it- I'm on my last days of break. Tomorrow I gotta get some things done, or I will simply run out of time to complete them. Other than that, some nice ramen and BBQ Chicken today, as well as plentiful of lightly stressful but fun driving in the snow. Overall, I feel like today was good for me personally, although there has been some tension socially between me and my family members, and between them all as well. My dad is stressed out mentally, and my mom isn't feeling well. Random Thought of today: I often get slightly upset at lack of control that I have over family conflicts and just simply other people's mistakes, faults, and problems, and that stress causes me to actually become manipulative and controlling. Today, I was consistently blaming others (in my head) for their character qualities, almost gaslighting them. I feel very lucky to be so self-critical that throughout the day I would make "counter-arguments" for these thoughts to not get too upset and remain reasonable. Still, any aggression inside my head, from just being upset at someone to imagining getting into a fight or any other violence rises the chances of me creating actual conflict. I hate how much my thoughts have control over my feelings and actions, especially on that subconscious level where I can not control stuff. ehh whatever, it is what it is, but I should be nicer to my family. They are all trying hard, even if not very effective. Hope y'all get a day off, but spend it *wink wink* wisely! Love, Po

Catch-up for Day 39 Went very poorly in terms of gaming. And to be honest, I played only an hour and a half or so, which is only half an on hour more than how much I have been playing in the last week. Yet, out of that 1.5 hours, I only enjoyed 15-30 minutes. The rest was a zoomed-out, blurry, pointless, upsetting way to spend time. It really crossed the line for me, and reminded me that I can not self-control by having a game constantly installed on my PC and playing it daily. Moderation does not work for me, period. Need to keep reminding that to myself. No matter how much or little I play, I never feel 100% happy with the way I spent my time. There is always a bit of regret, a bit of guilt. Today was filled with guilt, and I do not want that. Yes, reading books and other activities might not be as exciting to my brain, might not scratch the same itch, but I hate that feeling of guilt more than I love the excitement of playing games. Good things from today: Playing more trombone Organizing more things in my room. Love moving stuff around! Being outside Food! My mom made stuffed bread, and it was amazing The Night Is Vast- loved 80% of it, the other 20% just wasn't my type. my partner 🙂 Day 40 Today was nice. I didn't get too many things done, but they all felt impactful and meaningful. Also, I have not relapsed with porn in more than a full week now, and am going well without gaming. Life is exciting enough, at least today. Good things from today: Driving around in the snow. Spooky! Walking outside, but only during the day. Brrr so cold! Getting a few things done, although there are plenty I have not 😞 Making just a bit of music. Finding a new fun book to read Starting my cover letter for the internship. I am very excited, although nervous. My partner, duh. Have a good Tuesday everyone, let's make this week a good one! Last one of 2020 after all. Po

Welcome Dennis, glad you are here before 2021 kicks in! Let's start the new year better 🙂 Po

Day 38. Okay day. I have completed my resume and began doing the cover letter for the internship, and resumed practicing trombone. Sound surprisingly good so far, seems like the break brought some good. However, I played games a bit excessively today; yet every day is an improvement to self control: I tend to stop quicker when I do not feel like playing. Random Thought of the Day: Now, that I pay more attention to my thought process when I game, I notice so much more easily how my addiction controls me against my will. There is a very clear feeling I experience when I no longer feel like playing games. Sometimes it takes half an hour, sometimes I feel it the moment I launch the game. What addiction does is not suppressing that feeling, but rather tranquilize it: takes away the guilt, for some time. The most difficult action to take yet is not to acknowledge that feeling, but to allow it to blossom into action. Lately, I have been able to notice that feeling much quicker, and take action within ten minutes of my notice. Still a long road to go, but it seems like I am getting to the core issue of the gaming addiction itself: letting that feeling guide me completely should allow me to master self-control, finally. At least I hope so. Good things from today: Driving, although I almost crashed into someone... Cleaning up. Very meditative. Walking outside. Feeding chicken Watching Paprika with my partner, although she doesn't like it so far haha. Reading every now and then. I want to read more. Completing my resume! Seems pretty good 😄 Snacking on my cereal Pizza! My mom's culinary deliciousness I intend to journal earlier in the day from now on. Reason: it gives a major happiness and productivity boost, but during the end of the day that boost ends up mostly unused. Stay well everyone, Po

@Bird By BirdThank you for your insight, that's a point I haven't considered before. Yes, I think I do like to be in control of my feelings, and get very out of balance when others manage to make me feel in a certain way. It is actually a habit I have not thought much about until right now: years ago, I thought of being in control of my feelings as "strength"- something I liked to posses. As of today, I still have a lot of issues letting my feelings out- I guess I am so much "in control" of them I end up suppressing them. Some deeper feelings, like strong affection, have been especially difficult to provoke in myself. Hmmmm, you really made me think here, thank you very much! Day 37? Today was pretty good. Did a full composition, which I am pretty happy about despite all the rough edges it has. It has a feel to it, and that's what I wanted to achieve. Other than that, I am still not doing the things I need to be doing- school and job-related stuff. I have to get on top of that soon. Good things from today: Family movie night! Playing board games with sister Cooking and eating Making music Drinking some water. Need to drink more tbh Walking outside. Very cold but also very beautiful Being with my partner. Have a good weekend peeps! Po

Honestly forgot what Happened Wednesday, but can recap Yesterday. Day 36 Consistently improving with self-control in both porn and gaming. That feels nice. Beginning to become more "productive" again in the way I define it, although there were plenty of good things I did yesterday. No random wisdom today peeps, head empty. Good things from yesteday: Did some technical work with a saw, screw, leveler, and a few others. Felt super nice, missed using those simple but genius tools. I built a shelf nearly from scratch; putting it up was a nightmare due to crappy quality of my wall, but it was very worth it. Cleaning up. Putting Lights outside and Ornaments on the New Year's Tree(I don't celebrate Christmas so I call it that haha). Playing games a reasonable amount Getting inspired for composition and painting again Driving around and ordering some nice dishes for the family Exercising here and there. As you can see, yesterday was mostly a good day. Today has started out nice as well- I recorded myself playing some guitar for the first time in forever. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it 🙂 Po

Hi @L3tsLive, Welcome! Glad you have been able to acknowledge and begin working against your addiction so early on in your life. I suggest you do not stop here in terms of looking for information on how to quit gaming, and use other forums and resources to aid yourself. There is plenty of magazine articles, a couple TED talks and numerous YouTube videos on this topic. To answer your question, I believe in this: "Take care of the bad habits, and the good will come on their own". Social Media in all forms is equally addictive as gaming, among other things. Finding ways to regulate your screen time on YouTube and such could also aid you with quitting gaming. For me, I deleted my Reddit and Twitter accounts, and changed my Instagram and Youtube feed/suggested content so much that I only go these sites for inspiration. Doing that helped me become more passionate about various things in my life, and less passionate about gaming. TL;DR: YES Welcome, and good luck on your journey! Looking forward to hearing from you, Po

Hey @L3tsLive, welcome to GameQuitters! Seems like you got a nice headstart already, big props for starting the journal and planning out rules so quickly! One thing about YouTube I can recommend is to delete all of your search and video browsing history, and disable both. This way, 80-90% of your home page suggested videos will be from your subscriptions. I heard there is an app that clears out even more unwanted content from YouTube, but I do not know what it is exactly. Feel free to research haha:) Also, I suggest you try to not be so hard on yourself at first. Quitting is very diffirent for everyone. Might be easy for you, might be very tough. Round-up realistically- 2H 45M to 3H sounds very fair, but 1 M to 1 H is a stretch imo. I suggest that you don't think of your journey as a mix of "successes" and "failures", and instead try to think of it as a continuous road of progress- every mistake contributes to becoming free of video game addiction. It's like learning to ride a bike(or anything really)- you will inevitably mess up in the beginning. Cheers! Po

Day 35. Much better with gaming- only 30-40 minutes today, but also much worse with porn- I relapsed, and it was a very unpleasant relapse from start to finish. While I have been improving overall, with relapses taking longer breaks in-between, today was pretty unhappy because of my struggles with self-control. Don't have much time to journal now unfortunately, will finish tomorrow morning! Stay well everyone, Po

Welcome Mateo! Glad you are joining our community here on this forum 🙂 I very much suggest you start a Daily Journal so we can know how things are going for you. You got this!!! Joining GameQuitters is a big step towards getting rid of those addictions and habits, so congrats on making it this far already! Po

Hmmm there are just a few comics I could share with you(DM me if you'd like) that do not have booby-booty stuff, but are still an incredibly fun read 🙂

Day 34. For some reason, I did not feel much happy today. Lots of small irritations throughout the day, but in normal circumstances I would not count them as such. Lots of gaming today(for me)- about an hour or so. While that is not too much on its own, I played games at times when there were other things to do. Fortunately, I have this journal and the awesome community here to always make my last few moments of the day a bit better. Oh, totally forgot about the biggest, baddest of the negatives of today: My grandma has lung cancer, and has had it for awhile but never got tested for it. Hopefully chemotherapy will do its job. Some random thought of today: Some individuals in my life have this amazing ability to make me doubt myself, very implicitly and indirectly. And, it's not very much their fault, even though I like to think so. Truth be, I simply lack confidence on my own, and when today one such individual doubted the way I was lofting my bed(quite odd to be honest, but it did work out!), I already was not feeling very sure about it, and they simply let my un-confidence blossom. I tend to think that other people make me feel in a certain way, but often they simply make me aware of my own feelings. Good things from today: Making a bit of progress with my Music Projects Making more progress on my Internship Application Driving and Shopping. I am getting very comfortable with both now. Playing Blokus. Making and eating cereal Making and eating an improvised chicken recipe. Moving around furniture in my room. Feels much more spacious now. Not watching porn 🙂 My farts were stinky Yes I meant that Have a good Wednesday everyone, thank you to all who read these entries every now and then 🙂 Po

Day 33! Like the number 33 a lot for some reason lol. Today I played quite a bit of games, at one point it definitely got too much. My biggest worry is the fact that I have strong urges, even though I am able to resist them well. If I do not figure out a way to deal with them properly anytime soon, I will go coldTurkey again. Good things from today: I am getting good at flute! such a nice instrument. I enjoy playing video games, as long as it is regulated I love driving Family is nice Home-made cereal is the best I am, however, not happy about a few things: I have not practiced trombone for two days now. I have not completed my application for internship. I need to, very soon. I am behind on my to-do list by two full days on some tasks now. I will have a lot to do tomorrow. Stay safe and true to yourself everyone, Po

Day 32 Past a month worth of journals, wohoo! At the same time, today I relapsed. Honestly, does not feel like a relapse that much. Yes, I have urges to play more, but they are very manageable- I'm currently journaling instead of continuing my game. Today was heavily packed with changes and events. My partner has not been feeling well, partially because we have moved to my house early morning. Only slept for 3 hours within the last 24, can't wait to hit the bed haha. There were definitely some good things today- I went driving again, I got a few family things done, and got to learn more flute which is super exciting! However, currently it feels a bit sad. I'm tired and my partner is still feeling down for good reasons. Hope tomorrow is a better day! Today's Thinking: I really hate the loop of self-awareness leading to more bias. The more I feel like I find out the ways I tend to think/act, the more confused I become with myself- are my habits the result of my thinking, or is my thinking the result of my habits? For example, I came to believe that I like to cause myself trouble for various reasons, and since have been trying to control and predict my behavior to improve my wellbeing. But then, I've noticed that that belief that I am a troublemaker makes me one even more so. The more aware I am of the fact that I am a "troublemaker", the more I notice and judge all the mistakes/trouble I make, the more of it I make. Feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy that I can not escape by any means. As if every conscious conclusion I come to is manipulated by my subconscious. Bahh I am too tired for this bs. GoodNight everyone, hope you start out the week well tomorrow! Love, Po

Day 31 Today there were a lot of reminders about how nice life is. Had breakfast with my gf's parents, and it was very tasty and wholesome. Learned flute together with my partner, and even recorded a small song together. Currently, I am slowly working on my resume for a very awesome summer internship I hope i get into. Not So Corny(Apparently) Personal Wisdom: Performance anxiety is largely what undermines the performance itself, and not just in music. When I was recording a composition today just to be shared with my family, I kept trying to 'get it perfect' rather than to simply enjoy the music I was making. At last, the recording I decided to submit was the first one, the one I initially found the most imperfect. In that first take, I was simply enjoying the music, not comparing it to anything, not worrying about making it better. So is often with my academic work: my best essays, best test results etc. come when I am enjoying the process, or am trying to, rather than worrying about not doing my best. Somehow, when I am happy or immersed into the process itself rather than the end result, the result is better. Good things from today: Duck Soup Nuts Uhh nevermind. I did relapse with porn, but for last time I hope! Put up more blocking apps and will put up even more tomorrow if needed. Making Music Not doing much art for once Waking up early and not feeling super tired. It's been awhile for that. Have a good weekend everyone! Po

@DaBest Thank you so much! And, my profile pic is just matching my username, which is russian for "cob" haha Day 30!!! I am almost a month in babyyyyy~~~ Feels nice, given that I have not played any actual games in a long time nor I desire to; however, that is largely because I have no access to gaming... There are very few games I enjoy playing, and I will have to fight the urge to play once I come back home to my PC. We shall see, but what I can do right now is try to get my good habits up again. Uhhh porn addiction on the other hand is incredibly annoying. I am definitely more successful than not, but fighting my urges still takes up a lot of concentration and time. I have to find some resources to help me make porn less appealing, and other things- more. Other than that, today has been a pretty good day. I installed a second layer of blocking apps for social media since I have been spending more time on that than usual lately, and am looking forward to purchasing a blocking app for my phone, specifically for porn and social media. Corny Wisdom of today: I am often not willing to spend money/time on things that will aid my side in the fight with addictions. I think that lack of will comes not from my lack of motivation, but from a very deep, very subtle dislike of myself. At times, when I am relapsing, I can almost hear a voice say "yay, I'm a failure", and it feels good, almost. A few things have been helping with this: Journaling about how I am important, how I matter to others and how I make/can make the life of other people better works well; however, the one thing I just discovered that helps tremendously(for me, at least) is being more honest and open with family/people who care about me about every time I feel like a "failure". There has not been a time when someone would reaffirm that feeling; rather, they would always provide support and reaffirm my value as a person. Acknowledging my struggle to others helps me acknowledge it to myself. However, there is the issue of people misunderstanding me or not taking me seriously, but oh well, this is already long lol Good things from today: Practicing trombone actually felt valuable Starting a new painting is fun I began my application for a very awesome internship, this is so exciting! Working out outside brings me joy Showering in cold-ish water Japanese Chocolate Nightlight Kisses Have a good weekend everyone, thank you for reading, reacting, and replying to this! Keeps me going and caring about this journal and the community 🙂 Love y'all, Po

Journal Entry for Day 29 Missed a day yesterday. Was a somewhat productive day, I had quite a few issues with porn that persisted into today. I need to find a way to care about the benefits of free-porn life more somehow. Right not there is not enough motivation to quit. Very annoying, but I will find a way to make things better! Besides that, yesterday was somewhat eventful. I had some meetings online, and went shopping with my partner. I started a new painting, discovered a few internships for the summer(I'm so excited for that!), and did a lot more stuff with GarageBand, which I simply LOVE. Corny Wisdom of the Day: One of the reasons I often struggle to quit gaming/porn and other things is not because I am not passionate about other things in my life; I am simply not passionate enough. Finding daily sources of inspiration helps greatly. So for painting I browse Artstation, for music- Youtube and talk to fellow musicians, etc.. Finding more joy in the real world helps, and when I can't, I simply watch some inspirational movies, or read cool success stories that remind that I am, too, enough, and that I can, too, succeed at whatever I want to succeed at 🙂