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About Stev1989PL

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  1. ! Failed day 68 ! Entry: With this entry I just want to bring closure in this journal. I have failed on day 68th as I was suspecting it might happen. As the new server of my greatest game addiction (L2) was announced to be opened from scratch in next Season the "avalanche" movement came into place. With little grains of snow and rocks at the beginning and gathering more and more eventually resulting with full half of mountain decent on my barely forming new life.. And I relapsed hard, getting fake sick leave from work and almost losing the woman I love in the process.. Just to play
  2. Finished day 66-67> 23 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry: I am about to relapse. I almost did it today. There is beta of the server that will be opened on 26th of March. At first I was thinking hard about joining that day.. As I know this would result with me losing my job and my girlfriend I came up with the idea I will take a sick leave coming 5 days now on beta and try out classes and have fun with ending gear set up etc. This way I could quit again on 26th when server starts....with hope I will resist myslef from continuing on.. I was gonna do it today as I felt like I hit such hard depres
  3. Finished day 65> 25 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry: Spent productive day and socialized with my friend on whisky blending workshop which was super fun and insightful, also inspiring in the sense. I have made my own blended whisky from single malts 🤩 Aside from that fact the L2 thoughts are still as clouds in bad weather over my head..
  4. Finished day 64> 26 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry (super imporant for me vol. 2 - contrast): In contrary to the last entry I had actually spent this day on super positive vibe. I have managed to get myself out of bed at 6am, took a shower, ate small breakfast, drank quick coffee and went straight for my boxing session at 7:15. After 1 hour of exhausting training I got back home and started to work remotely at 8:45. And to my suprise this was actually a great day, which I am grateful for. I still maintain high level of energy, I feel almost empowered in a sense. As though I had conqured mys
  5. Finished day 62-63> 27 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry (super imporant for me): At this point I am gonna be truely 100% honest with you and myself with this entry.. I dont know if I'm gonna make it.. As mentioned earlier I have been listening to Witcher soundtracks for work/studying and there hasnt been any issues with me in regards to desire to relapse. However recently as I have the loud neighbour living floor above me I have started to listen to Lineage 2 cities music compilation.. At first it wasnt any different than Witcher OST but after a while I noticed this feeling of nostalgia insid
  6. Finished day 61> 29 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry: Work: This day I have worked with almost 100% attention when working so I would say it is a mild progress. The transition of new responsibilities has started, thus I will need to stay consistent with such approach. Otherwise I will not take over successfully and probably quit afterwards. What is super discouraging is that the guy I am taking over from is the 2nd person leaving the company. I have spoken to him today and he confirmed the story from the 1st person who left 2 months ago. It appears there is no work-life balance and the load
  7. Finished day 60> 30 days to go 🥉🥈 Entry: Cant believe it has been 2 months already! It had its ups and downs but I feel proud to write this message. I can only hope I will start improving in other areas as well in weeks to come
  8. Finished day 59> 31 days to go 🥉 Entry: Tomorrow will be 2 months off gaming content and 30 days to finish respawn. Have nothing else for now, lets focus on this for now
  9. Finished day 57 > 33 days to go 🥉 Entry: I feel better now.. I have to get my shit together asap [dont know why this post didnt go through] Finished day 58 > 32 days to go 🥉 Entry: Work: better as I am learning more and getting more motivated in a way. I am taking over more responsibilities from Metal Commodity. Hopefully I will keep my level of motivation for following days and wont get discouraged in the process Meditation: havent set up routine with this one, thus fail No alcohol: fail, had 2 glasses of wine No PMO: fail, gotta start over
  10. Finished day 56 > 34 days to go 🥉 Entry: I am not gonna expand on this as I am drunk right now. All I can say is that I regret it is that hard to control myself at my best capacities.. Going through so many self-reflective experiences would kinda make you the expert on so many things. What is the reality? You are not. You only reflect on your own agenda and experiences. Judging it from that perspective. There is none of universal one. So this is the stage for me and my entry here. I am drunk. I regret it but it is the truth as of this moment. I also cannot promise as I am being i
  11. Finished day 54-55 > 35 days to go 🥉 Entry: Yesterday I have celebrated National Women's Day with my woman. Not to get into details I have made it more special for her than the ordinary one. She seemed content and happy when we went to sleep. This day was a disaster though. We had another serious argument over something even not worth mentioning. What is worth to mention though is that such occurance has definitely become more frequent than it should.. We argue way too often. I am to blame as not playing games made more vulnerable to...well...true myself. Myself not clouded
  12. Finished day 53 > 37 days to go 🥉 Entry: Well today was quite the opposite day than yesterday one. Even though I had hangover in the morning and both of us had gloomy moods we set off on the trip we had planned before we argued. I gotta admit it was a breathe of fresh air in all aspects. We spent almost 6 hours in the mountains. The weather was amazing, refreshingly cold air and the sun was shining on our faces. We are going to sleep happy and content at the moment and I just wanted to briefly share how the day went. I am quite optimistic about tomorrow. Below sharing few photos
  13. Finished day 51-52 > 38 days to go 🥉 Entry: I have had another serious argument with my girlfriend over something of ridiculous no importance which ended up with me and her leaving the apartment solo and going for individual car drives to calm ourselves. We made peace when both of us eventually got back but I kinda feel numb right now. At the moment I am listening to nostalgic music compilation and drinking 3rd glass of whisky and I just dont care anymore.. We will see what tomorrow brings
  14. Finished day 50 > 40 days to go 🥉 Entry: Had a really tough day.. At the moment I am feeling tired as hell, both mentally and physically. Don't know the reason but I would guess being "burnt out" seems most accurate right now. I have put lot of commitments on top of my shoulders. Also I struggle with being myself in relationship with my girlfriend. I can feel her immense support and I am truly grateful but I also get so easily agitated and frustrated.. I have short temper and get annoyed almost in an instant by little stupid things of no importance.. We talked about it, she under
  15. Finished day 49 > 41 days to go 🥉 Entry: Work: same old, same old, no progress.. I feel like I am keeping this one until there is fire under my ass with threat of letting me go from the company.. I know it doesn't sound reasonable but it is as it is at the moment.. It is like not using peaceful period for building fortification, training your army, gathering supplies in face of enemy army coming towards your family village until you see it on the horizon.. Wonder what the outcome might be Meditation: done No alcohol: done Physical activity: Weight training with ba