Pochatok

Hi! I don't know if this would lead you to a relapse later on; this depends on what this music means to you and reminds you of, and how you react to hearing it. I would track your response to it to see if it is harmful in any way. I listen to music of games I've previously played (in which the music is actually good tho haha) quite a bit; and I still am interested in seeing Game Development Diaries, talks, and such. But, I only allow myself these things because they do not cause urges for me- they're exciting and fullfilling on their own. I just find video game music to be a very unique medium, and game development diaries often offer very interesting perspectives from an artistic view. So, this depends on you- is listening to OSTs fullfilling on its own, or does it make you crave for gaming? Po

Day 75 Writing about urges Journaling I'm not feeling super well today, partially because I feel like I get so stressed out and worn out during the week that the weekend just kind of bodyslams me and I get all confused. What do I do with all this 'free' time? How do I take a break and rest? It feels like I have not been taking my time to answer these questions and it is frustrating. I have spent about an hour on social media and just wondering around internet for no reason today because of that. I think that from now on, I will try to change the things I do at the very end of the day. Currently, I just go on my phone and/or rest and think over what has happened earlier. Instead, I want to not be going on my phone (don't like that in general, makes falling asleep harder an such) and rather think of what I am looking forward too in the next day and for the weekend, and put those down on my todo list for according days. This way, I will know that whenever I am wandering around aimlessly, there is something exciting to "work on". I've attempted this earlier by trying to keep track of how often I complete certain pleasurable, positive activities like exercise and reading, but it has become too inconsistent with my busy schedule. In order to stay on top of things and also not feel depressed when I have free time, I need to plan out both my chores and my resting activities. Let's see where this goes! Let me start now, here: For Sunday, I want to (can;t be chores!)... Watch a cool short animation Listen to one new song Read another chapter in my book text one old friend think of a gift for my partner Some people also mention having a "don't-do list", but I honestly feel like it would be a bit too complicated with everything else I have on the moment. I just don't have the space for that, and try to rely on my discipline and things I am doing to curb that. I'll journal on good and bad things from this week tomorrow, gotta get going now! Thank you all, and have a restful Sunday, Po

What helps me moderate these urges more is understanding where this "weighing on my mind" comes from. For me, it's not my mind weighing things, but my addicted brain trying to reconnect me to my old habits. Understanding that this is not what I actually want, and my desires trying to trick me helps. Of course, that's not always the case- there are times when I genuinely want to play because it is very meaningful, but those times are much more occasional, pattern-free. In other words, I just want to play games for a reason other than it simply being convenient cuz of "more free time" or "a new game/update coming out". Food for thought, I hope 🙂 Po

Thank you! Hope to not waste any more of that precious money -_- Yes, I feel like it is very difficult if not impossible to completely disregard physical appearance, but simply noticing how my behavior is impacted by that has helped me change the way I view people around me. Glad you are doing the same! Uhhh, not gonna say I am feeling much happier now, but the week overall has been better. Sometimes, for me, stress needs to be endured for longer amounts of time to- I am confident that it will pay off soon.

Yes, very true! I think that porn is just one aspect of the impact of modern beauty standards. It goes very deep into our everyday life in ways that are often hardly noticeable. The more I have been detaching myself from viewing the world through those beauty standards, the more I notice how prevalent they are! And yes, I've avoided dating apps all my life hahaha

Day 69, continued! Journaling I am not 100% sure what has caused me to feel so stressed today specifically, but it probably has been a combination of things like messing up my sleep schedule, not getting enough sleep, being distracted throughout the day and not meeting certain personal and professional deadlies. Additionally, I feel slightly exhausted socially. Though my capacity for social interaction has increased a lot lately, it still can cause me a lot of stress. I hope to end today on a better note overall. Otherwise, today has been a day where I have been certainly feeling passively-tired (as in, I'm feeling tired, but can't think straight). This is partially what has made me reverese some bad habits, which I am not happy about. Whenever I am tired, I am less self-counscious. I can feel my lack of focus. Very frustrating, cuz I don't think that I can do anything about it other than going to bed, which isn't happening for the next 4 hours. What I have done today: A ton of social work! I've completed dialogues with 5 people, and I think that they were highly helpful 🙂 Held a few successful tutoring sessions Completed some homework! I've been not doing well academically, so this made me quite happy. What I am not going to do today: Opening any more youtube. I've spent far too much time on it today. Avoid doing things that improve my wellbeing. Destroy my posture Not get enough sleep Some good things from this week: I've been doing super amazing at my jobs! I feel like I am making a lot of impact on others' lives and that feels good 🙂 Still loving my classes- they are genuienly fun and I am learning a lot from being there My partner and I have been doing well together. I am enjoying spending time with them Lots of exciting things are happening next week, and I am looking forward to them Some baddies: Time for personal hobbies and interestes is completely gone. I am so overwhelmed with work this week, it's ridiculous. It's completely my fault though- I enjoy my jobs too much and have a hard time not overdoing them I've had two night shifts over the weekend and they messed up my sleep schedule There has been a very socially-stressful accident today, and I am not sure if I have resolved it properly/completely. Nervous Blowing more deadlines! Completly forgetting some academic deadlines, personal projects have gotten zero development, and I am barely holding it together for some of my jobs (though no one has noticed yet, thankfully) This week has been pretty crazy overall. I am finding myself to be very exhausted and generally overworked. I do have time for rest, but I am not using it properly; that's a me issue though, and I hope to resolve it in this upcoming week. Thank you for reading! Po

Gaming: 69. Nice. Social Media: Not going to keep a counter anymore, but rather just journal about it: I've been accessing slightly more instagram and youtube lately while also reading less. I think that reading is something that fullfills the same areas of interest as social media, and whenever I am not reading there is an inclination to shift off to social media. Will keep this in mind! Otherwise, I am still doing very well on self-controlled usage of Twitter- have visited it maybe once every 4 days in the last week. Journaling This week has been extremely stressful, and in a lot of ways it seems like today is the pinnacle of it all. I feel like I need to get some more immediate support first, but hope to journal here as soon as I feel better. Update you soon, Po

Hi, and welcome to GameQuitters! Looking forward on hearing more about your quitting journey. I know it's a small thing, but it's also quite important- reframing who you see youself as is one of the most powerful things you can do to change. For starters, perhaps renaming yourself from a "gamer" to a "gamequitter" could be helpful *wink wink* Other than that, I highly recommend going around and reading other people's journals- there is a lot of great ideas and methods for gamequitting on this forum 🙂 There is a whole book written on why that concept important/true I think you could find it useful: Atomic Habits. Po

Hey! Glad you're having such a good week 🙂 As a university student, I relate to that good feeling of not having schedule conflicts haha. Hope that good things will continue to happen!

Heyo! Feel free to check out my journal, I think it talks about some of the things you mention here (link below) 🙂 However, I must say that though I do not see gaming as an enemy, I do think that it does not fullfill any needs beyond simply letting stress out and escaping the real world. Gaming can help someone have a social circle and/or deal with emotions, but it is a weak tool to solve any issues you might have. Most games are made to be fun and distract you from problems rather than help you deal with them. That's also true for online relationships- they can be helpful, but they are ultimately not as fullfilling as real relationships. For me, gaming is only a good way to have fun and, only if I am playing with others in person, connect with people. What do you think? Po

Gaming: 61. No urges; I enjoy thinking of creating a video game, but none of the games that currently exist really feel worthwhile to me. There is always more exciting things in the real world. Social Media: 1. Yesterday evening I did go on social media, but for the last week I have been not doing anything beyond searching up a social media account on google and then closing the page. I feel much more disengaged from gaming this way, and it does make me feel less stressed. Not happier, but certainly helps with stress management. Journaling I have been doing much better with porn addiction the more people I am talking to. It's super amazing to be able to talk to people without focusing on whether they are physically attractive or not, to be able to just appreciate their character. The unrealistic beauty standards in pornography are leaving my brain. I also am enjoying not being heavily distracted by seeing anything "explicit" anywhere (online or around me); I feel like I can focus on my day and control my urges much better than a week ago. I'm also taking cold showers every day, and it's become easy! I think I can jump into a frozen lake without much hesistation now; my discipline is improving. There is still some of that hard-to-explain sadness and lack of motivation I am experiencing, but I am noticing patterns! My urge for social media and other bad habits increases in the days prior, and I do feel/think that I feel more lonely. Though I am experiencing these feelings right now, they are under a much stricter control and my day goes on! What I have done today (since I am feeling kind of guilty about not doing much lol): Made some minor edits to a newsletter I am publishing. Completed some HW online and for an Art Class Sent out a bunch of Emails What I am not going to do today: Propel my bad habits forward Avoid difficult tasks Be physically uncomfortable Feel bad for taking care of myself Some good things from this week: I got a scholarship! I think it's the first one ever in my life My classes are awesome I've set some exciting goals for the first time in awhile. Good to back on track with this stuff It feels as if I have more time for myself. There is a slight sense of guilt ("i am not doing enough!!! Lazy!"), but in general I am fairly happy- there is finally enough time for doing things I find important rather than the things that are important for others. Some baddies: Sleep schedule has been all over the place, though it's getting more stable I am not feeling very happy right now My room is a mess haha A few projects have completely blown their deadlines; however, it is not completely my fault -_- This is it for this week. I hope that I will feel happier next time I am journaling 🙂 Stay well, Po

Thank you CG EYE! I think that quarantine has contributed to loneliness, but it has been a long standing issue for me due to a variety of problems caused by mostly childhood issues. I'm trying to make it better! And yes, GQ is a place that certainly helps; I appreciate your support 🙂 I don't think I am worrying about losing my partner- I trust them enough to not feel this way. What bothered me more was that her social life reminded me how mine was pretty lackluster, and I had few people to spend time with. Thank you for the meditation track, I have never really considering diving into that but do believe that it can be helpful; hope to make use of it over the weekend hehe The counselling was quite helpful, thank you! Po

Oooo yes! Congtrats on getting to a full month! I think that for some of us, approaching a record can be trigerring and might cause a relapse. I, personally, do better when making a more distant "goal" like 60/90 days, and keeping my previous attempts out of my way. Those "records" remind me of my previous failures rather than successes, and aren't all that encouraging. What do you think? Does appriaching a "highscore" help you?

Hiyo! I do appreciate that you are sharing this here, but I am unsure whether GQ is a good place to get critique on writing from. Unless you want folks to reflect on your experiences rather than the quality of the content itself you are presenting, I would just kindly recommend looking for a more writing-focused community that could give you more precise feedback! 🙂 Po

Hi Luke! Nice to meet you! I’m not sure how many of us here on GQ are married with kids, certainly not me! There are other teenagers like you here as well. In terms of your question of whether to play less or not, that is up to you- why do you think you want to play less, what are you going to do with that time? Why do you want better grades- will they help you achieve your goals? Do you have any goals? There is a lot of questions I think you can ask yourself- like the ones above- that could help you figure out why at the moment you find gaming so appealing, and what you can do to replace it with other activities. I recommend that you first think about that- it’s difficult to make yourself stop doing something your brain enjoys without replacing it with another activity that will be fun as well. Welcome, Po

Thank you for sharing! I think that overall, I stand by you- excessive consumption or action of any kind is always not good; it drives people out of balance. There are some things that are, no matter how you look at them, are harmful. I think that porn is harmful; it is at its core a fantasy that pretends to be real, and it dehumanises every person that’s involved in it. Masturbation, too, can be harmful if excessive. However, I think that this is pretty much where the line between facts and speculation is drawn. Any sort of “benefits” of nofap are blown out of proportion by the communities you mentioned, and it honestly does feel like a cult sometimes. To me, nofap fails to address one of the main issues that causes excessive masturbation/porn- over-fixation on all things surrounding sex. Often, nofap communities glorify abstaining from PMO, but do little to acknowledge how much P corrupts the way women (and men, and many other kind of people) are perceived by others. In those communities, women are still seen as overly-glorified objects of desire, and often the ultimate goal of someone’s nofap journey is to simply get better at having sex. I personally stay away from PMO by reading and learning through FightTheNewDrug; it addresses the issues PMO causes fully without putting any “superpowers” and other unscientific bs. In the long run, I find nofap a very odd place. I can’t really compare it to anything but a cult lol. It’s really hard to relate it to gaming in any way; even hardcore gaming communities abstain from making the ridiculous claims you mention nofap communities do.

Gaming: 54 -- I am having minor urges due to loneliness, but I have been dealing with them in a suprisingly positive way this week. I cannot say that I have been feeling happy a lot of often since my last entry, but I am dealing with all the negative stuff better than usual Social Media: 0 -- My usage has significantly decreased to 2-5 minutes a day, but I still cannot regulate myself fully. There is an urge to check social media at least once a day, and that is giving me a lot of stress. The reason for the counter continually resetting is because I cannot fully block my access to it, and so it really comes down to my own self-control. I have to be much more intentional and motivated about this. I will journal sometime later about more reasons to quit social media/ Additionally, I think it would be useful to read some stories about people who have gone on a complete detox, and how social media is harmful to my life. Journaling I had a week full of training for a job, and it was very long and very exhausting. Fortunately, I was able to get some smaller things done along the way, and that prevented to-do lists from piling up towards the weekend. I have also been experiencing stronger anxiety about loneliness, and once again questioning who I actually want to become. The more I distance myself from various forms of escapism, the more my pain hits, I think. Being on my own has not bothered me as much before, and nor has a lack of meaningful relationships. A part of the issue is, perphaps, the fact that my partner is making a lot of friends, and I am not making as many. I am very happy for my partner, but because of how much they are socializing, I get less time to be with her, and get reminded that I am certainly not as loved. I like being loved I guess lol. Hugs!!! In terms of not knowing who I want to be... This is such an ancient issue for me. -- Took a two hour break -- Yes, I think that there is a lot of things I am very passionate about that I want to do so badly, like making my own art book/comic/animated movie, or composing soundtracks for video games- every time I think about these, my heart burtsts with excitement~ But on the other hand, there are things that bring me less joy and happiness, but in which I find a lot of value- like teaching and mentoring others. And at times, I am very unsure of how I can combine the two... I love making art and music, but when it comes to teaching, I prefer subjects like writing and academic success, since I find them more helpful to a larger and more diverse number of people. I think that I need to re-evaluate the reasons I find music and art less "valuable"; perhaps a shift of mindset would allow me to combine the passions instead of keeping them parallel. It is my 2nd to last year at college and I still do not know what I am doing... However, I do know that I am enjoying whatever is happening to me and around me. Perhaps, I should keep things the way they are, but try to understand them more. Good things from this week: I enjoyed training for my job, and felt like I had a lot to learn! Not sure if I feel more prepared, but at least I feel like I am in a better place. Time to kick my social anxiety's butt!! I have been eating better foods, and reading nearly every day (like 6/7); keeping good habits like this makes me happy There has been a good amount of progress made with my bad habits and tendencies; I hope it doesn't slow down I just hang out with a friend and it was a very good time The Negatives: I am experiencing a lot of social anxiety, or perhaps anxiety in general. It is a bit weird The weather is very humid today, ew I have way too much work to do, and I am not managing it well at the moment. Time to organize myself! That's all for this week, looking forward to counseling in two days. Thank you all who read this, you truly make my day~ Po

Thank you! Sometimes I forget how much phrasing matters. Yes, I agree- there might not even be anything to diagnose; I think that more than knowing if I am mentally healthy overall, I simply want to feel better. The last few weeks have been very rough, and though I have definitely had a lot of happy moments, there was rarely a day when I would not feel strong anxiety or stress, often for no specific reason. It's very frustrating; I feel like I should be happy with how good my life is right now. Counseling in 3 days, yay! Yes, absolutely! I've been trying to not go on the phone whenever there is people around me lately. Though i still need to make a lot of progress to stop media usage completely, I am in a much better place than I was just a couple weeks ago. Honestly, I don't think that my sexuality is the issue; it's loneliness. My porn usage started from, I believe, just not having a lot of people to connect to, and so my fascination with it grew into an addiction. Again, I hope that by meeting more people and confronting my social anxieties, I will be able to get over it. Thank you both for your input, I really appreciate it! You're the bestest!!! Po

This caught my attention, because I totally felt the same way back when I was invested into playing similar MMO type of games, like War Thunder or Apex Legends. My question is, what do you feel like motivates you to do other things? For me, having a lack of access to/interest in other activities like making friends/dating/learning more about myself/doing therapy would cause my gaming habits to spiral out of control. Figuring out why I had or didn't have motivation for certain activities helped me understand what role gaming plays in my life, and what I needed to do to replace it. I know this is a difficult question, so please do not answer if you feel uncomfortable doing so! It helped me at some point during my recovery. Po

Hi BlueHorizon, welcome to GameQuitters! I'm glad that you are able to see that gaming is harming your academic life and want to do something about it! How are you feeling about college so far? Do you have clear goals and hopes that you want to achieve by graduation? As a 3rd year college student, I feel like figuring out my passions and finding motivation to achieve my dreams has helped me take gaming out of my life. Po

Hi Wondering! Looking forward to hearing more from you in your journal, and congratulations on joining GQ! This is a big step in the right direction. Be seeing you, Po

I relate to this and previous post! I honestly no longer can justify playing games pretty much at all. With how much I value other activities, and how much the gaming addiction has harmed my relationship with gaming, even playing for a couple hours every other month gives me guilt. Though, in the last months, I've been able to develop a healthier relationship with gaming, I think that playing games is just not a part of who I am anymore. I still follow development cycles of certain games (because I find gamedev intriguing and inspiring), and my favorite music is all from video game soundtracks. For me, gaving a healthy relationship with gaming does not mean playing them, but rather adding parts of the game experience (that speak to me the most as a musician, artist, and an overall curious learner) into my life. I would encourage you to keep thinking of what exactly you think is irreplaceable for you in gaming, because there are a few things unique to this digital medium, but there are also a lot of similar activities that cover the same area; I've been enjoying watching people play board games instead of searching through twitch streams, for example. But, video game soundtracks have very unique qualities that other music cannot replicate. Cheers! Po

Hope you can make it all the way to a full month! Congrats on such a consistent detox 🙂 Be well parkin, Po

Gaming: Day 48; No urges. I thought of watching a gameplay video, but it does not fullfill the lack of social activities I was feeling today. Instead I watched Invincible- I think I watched too much by about 15 minutes, and it was a slightly better experience. I think in the future, I want to try watching something that is more dear to me. Reading while eating is compicated, but listening or even just watching something is a good way to keep me occupied while I have dinner. I'm going to make a playlist right now. -- Done! Social Media: 2; I think that I am no longer *actually* going on social media sites, but I still find ways to cheat the system just once a day. I am feeling better and worse. I feel less stressed with the negativity of twitter gone, but there is a greater social anxiety due to heavier feelings of loneliness. That's okay though, I just need to push myself to make connections and try to love people more. Journaling: The last few days have been difficult for me due to both simply being busy, undergoing a lot of personal challenges, and experiencing more mental health issues. I really feel like I would like to see if anything is diagnosable for me; there are days when I, for no reason, feel very sad/lost/depressed, and there are days when I simply lose my regular sense of the world, and have difficulties connecting with other people and myself. I've been experiencing this before, but believed that this was a part of "being normal". The more I stay in the real world, the less I escape, the more it is obvious to me that there are a lot of cracks in my mental health that I do not have the capacity to fix by my own. I've scheduled a counceling appointment, 8 days from now. I don't think I am falling apart, I can wait; this is just very frustrating to be living through atm- to not have control or understanding of my mental health. Other than that, I want to brighten up my evening a bit by listing the successes and failures of the last few days. Failures: I've relapsed with porn towards the end of August, when I was so close to having one of the best, in terms of not being a porn addict, months so far. Dissapointing, but also understandable- there were a lot of triggers. Keep on keeping on. I'm not 100% productive or effective in the last few days. I'm struggling to keep all my tasks in focus and, though I am by no means procrastinating, I feel like some responsibilities are going to start slipping through my fingers soon. Don't want that to happen- let's keep a good posture and try harder! My diet hasn't been the best, and I've been struggling to exercise in a consistent manner this week. I've been eating slightly more sugar than usual, not eating the foods I'd like to eat in general, and also often being too tired for a good amount of exercise. Today was a good day, though! Successes: Literally everyone is complimenting my looks every day. I've not experienced this before; it feels great, especially given that I am doing absolutely nothing to get those compliments lol. Perhaps I am coming closer to dressing as an authentic (my)self. I am doing well at my jobs, still. I feel like I've made a lot of good impact, but also have learned a lot. Hope that this hard work will pay off in the future! My relationship with my partner is going well. I am feeling like we are dealing with conflicts better, and sharing more love. It's always nice, especially when this is the 3rd year into our relationship heh. It's not getting old still! -- This is it for now, time to put some good work into the last two hours of the day! Be well, Po

Thank you! Let me try that right now: 1. I find the process of gamedevelopment very fascinating. It is exciting to see a passionate team push out an update, to see the creativity, time, and effort put into it. 2. It is exciting to see the people's positive reactions to a new game, and how they manage to express themselves through it. I find it exciting to see connections be built between the gaming community and developers through appreciation. 3. It is a form of social connection in some way for me- I like seeing people being joyous, and I see that a lot on social media (or rather I search for it a lot). I feel their emotions and feelings very well myself, and so it feels like I am a part of their "community". Shortly before I got into GQ, I would play games only to post screenshots/gameplay on social media to connect with others. OOO this is a discovery! I've never thought of it this way! 4. It is a way to distract and numb myself from other things. That also helps me deal with stress and tiredness towards the end of the day- it makes me feel slightly better.