ceponatia

Someone said that the most important thing is to not mess up the second time. Everybody breaks a streak but when you do it twice in a row you're usually going to be off your game for a long while.

Hopefully he learned from the experience. I think you have to have a reputation built for yourself before you can start making jokes like that. It also depends on the joke... you can be "racist" and also lighthearted and funny but if you're just telling the kind of white trash racist jokes that people at fast food restaurants tell each other, it has no place on a stage. Maybe in Kentucky or something, lol. (that was a prejudiced joke) For me, I just think those kinds of jokes just signify that someone isn't very funny or original. Picking on race is a cheap way to get laughs from people who agree with you... and you'd better hope a lot of the audience agrees with you, lol. That's why the reputation is important... if people are specifically coming to see you because they know what kind of jokes you tell, they'll let it slide. Take Anthony Jeselnik for example... I thought he was hilarious the first time I heard one of his CD's but it's just the same tired "outrageous" bs over and over again, he got boring fast and now I can't even listen to him. He writes good jokes, for sure, but he really lacks creativity. That's just my humble opinion as someone who watches a lot of comedy and has dabbled a bit in joke writing for books.

Yes this is the way I'd do it if I got to that point. I have been able to stick to a time limit in the past but right now I have a pretty poor social life so the tendency to just sit on my computer all day is very strong. Some day I might go back to it but at the same time I've found so many things to do that I enjoy more than gaming now, like getting back into music production. I do miss some games though and if I'm totally honest there are games coming out in the future that I'd like to play some day. But I'm taking it one day at a time. 🙂

I went to rehab for alcohol addiction about two years ago after battling alcoholism for 15 years. 😮 I had tried quitting on my own pretty much the whole 15 years and for some reason rehab just "cured" me. I actually quit all my bad habits in rehab... stopped gaming, stopped biting my nails, stopped eating poorly... and then slowly some of those ones came back out of boredom lol. That's why I'm here! I have lived on my own in the past... as I said a bit above I used to live in Phoenix and LA making over $100,000 a year but it was not sustainable with my alcoholism and gaming. The dream is of course to live on my own again but I'm not able to financially. I theoretically could do it, but I'd be living check to check again and I don't want to go back to that life lol. Roommates are kind of out of the question because Detroit is a pretty sketchy area for that. Lol. I did it when I was younger and was frequently robbed, abused, etc.

I got inspired by the filthy hoarder bedrooms that I saw yesterday and while it's true that my house is pretty clean, I let my closet and desk drawers get a little unruly so I did a much needed purge. There were some clothes that I am not interested in anymore that I'm donating and a lot of paperwork that's no longer relevant that I pitched. I also cleaned up my digital life. I've used Lastpass for a few years and love it but I kept ignoring the warnings that almost all of my passwords use the same, fairly easy to crack password that I've used for a decade. So last night I took two hours and went through changing all of those passwords and closing old accounts when possible. A little anal, maybe, but it feels good knowing that every account I have is protected by a password that would take longer than the heat death of the universe for even the fastest computer in the world to crack. That sparked one of the best mornings I've had in a long time, too. Made my bed, went through my whole bathroom routine with facial scrub, moisturizer, and all that jazz. I have about $200 worth of products I bought from Brickell that I almost never use and the only way they work is if you use them consistently so I'm going to make an effort moving forward. I used their eye rejuvenator for about a month when I first got the stuff and for once I actually looked like I slept 8 hours. I always sleep 7-8 hours but I just genetically look tired 24/7, lol. There's always work to be done but I'm getting back to that philosophy I had when I first got out of rehab... the only way things get fixed in the world is if people who notice them fix them. I'm applying that in my own small way in my personal life right now to just get my house in order. It's difficult because my mother is absolutely filthy and my brother is a self-obsessed alcoholic who sits in the living room in his underwear surrounded by dishes and empty bottles all day, but I'll try. Honestly if it weren't for me, my family probably would live in one of those 4Chan houses. It's one of the reasons I'm so clean... I grew up in an environment where every flat surface was seen as a place to pile garbage and dirty dishes. And my mother is obsessed with washing hands because of Coronavirus... it's fucking hilarious.

Work was interesting. Someone showed me a YouTube video of "4Chan bedrooms" which were basically what you'd expect to see on the show Hoarders. It's not surprising that internet trolls, incels, and "hardcore gamers" live in abject filth. What was surprising was my coworkers' comment... "And some people think that having a couple bottles, a sock, and a plate on their floor is dirty!" WHAT?! Why would you have empty bottles and a plate on your floor? What kind of person finishes drinking something and then just chucks it on their bedroom floor? More than that... who even eats in their bedroom? I get if you're younger and live with your parents, your whole life is in your bedroom... but as an adult it's very sad. But I digress. I feel like cleaning my kitchen now. Lol

You're right. It's been a topic I've tried to write about many times but end up shelving it because I can never get it to sound right. There are just so many layers to life, it's difficult to express everything that goes into a situation. I agree about Reddit, too. Like I mostly went to the music production subs and I always got the feeling that the people pretending to be experts were liars. Nobody who is great at writing music spends that much time on Reddit. I quit all social media right after getting out of rehab and definitely felt better. I've maintained most of that for the last year and a half but I rejoined Reddit because I was lonely. Then I joined Twitter for some weird reason even knowing it is a shithole, lol. But you're right it's so much better to just leave those people to their misery and live your own life. In 5 years we'll have grown significantly as humans and they'll still be arguing about Minecraft and whoever the president is. Lol

My main focus is the A+ exam right now. I have read most of the A+ Exam Guide and "passed" all of the practice tests at the end of the chapters, but now I am in a college course which is teaching the same material and I'm having to go back and look stuff up. Not a good thing when the actual exam comes up! But if I'm being honest with myself I can improve a lot. I need to write things down more when I read and go over my notes frequently. Memorization isn't my forte, but it's not impossible.

The second I see something formatted in poetic prose, my eyes usually go cross eyed and I can't even see the words, but I read your poem and it was quite nice. 🙂

Ouch, yeah my cousin is allergic to dogs and if there's one even in his vicinity he's a goner. I have a vivid memory from when I was a kid of us being at the airport for some reason and he had to be whisked to the hospital because a dog wandered by.

I totally understand what you mean by that gut feeling! I have it all the time. I do write a schedule but I'm going to make more of an effort to stick to it 100%. Thanks for the feedback

I'm sure lots of us have this problem. That's probably what led us to gaming in the first place... it felt like we were getting something done all day. I'm in college and I feel like no amount of studying or extracurricular work is enough... reinforced by the fact that I can't remember anything I've studied. Anyone have some tips for overcoming this? Maybe I'm really not doing enough?

Tried, unsuccessfully, to write a blog post three times this morning but I'm just not feeling it. The topic I'm trying to tackle (my own history with racism and sexism) is too broad for 7am. I deleted my Reddit and Twitter accounts last week and severely trimmed my Instagram account down to just close friends. I don't post on Instagram but sometimes use it to check in on my friends. Reddit was starting to get to me again... too many sniveling little shits on that platform masking their self-hatred as opinions (hey it's a platform mostly populated by game addicts what can I expect? lmao). Social media really makes me want to just sever contact with society but I know that people don't behave that way in the real world. They know they'd get punched in the face too often. Is that a good thing though? Social media has unlocked the door to allow us to see what people are really like when nobody is looking and I don't know if society can ever shut that door again. Part of the reason "the nation is so divided" is because we are all, when you strip away the fake smiles and virtue signalling, trash. Maybe I'll try to not be one of those people for a bit. Not just when nobody is looking, but period.

Good idea, @BooksandTrees. So after some difficulties with my new equipment (my studio monitors didn't come with the cables required to plug them into any audio interface which is strange considering that's what they're for) I ordered a bunch of cables from Amazon and was able to wire everything up. I'm still having trouble with my synthesizer because its audio is extremely quiet in the interface. I have to play what I want, hoping it sounds right, and then normalize the volume afterward so that it's hearable. Looking for solutions online. Spent a good 3 hours yesterday putting together a minimal techno song. Not what I want to make long term but it's good practice and I learned a few things about my software and instruments in the process. Right now it's just a bunch of patterns, nothing that could be recorded and listened to. Once I get that worked out, I'll post it.

Well I was naturally pretty devastated, lol. It was masked for a long time by my drinking... I just went about my day working in shit jobs so that I could buy alcohol. It really got noticeable when I quit drinking though... that I was decades "behind" my peers in almost every measurable way. "They" say not to compare yourself to others and we all have our own path... but come on... I was 35 and I lived with my mother, didn't have a college education, no friends, no hobbies, barely an income... I was behind. Haha. It's much better now. I wouldn't say quitting gaming completely changed me but it helped improve what I'd already started by quitting drinking. I'm able to spend even more time on school and hobbies. I've acquired several promotions at work. Even got accepted to an honors society where I'll probably make some friends. Things could be better but they're nowhere near as bad as they were 2 years ago and technically I'm doing better than I ever have before in my life. I may have made a lot of money and slept with a lot of women when I was in my 20s, but I wasn't happy.

There are of course thousands of factors, exceptions, outliers, and so on. That's why we use statistics, to get a broad picture of deep problems. The pay gap is not really a problem about wages, it's about how people are treated in western societies. It's of course true that women choose to go into industries that pay less than the top male dominated industries but a lot of evidence suggests this is due to how women are socialized and educated at young ages. There's also the theory that if all things are equal women will still choose to be nurses, teachers, and so on. Who knows. It is, still, a fact that when you average the wages of men and women, women make less (this figure also only accounts for working women; a lot of people who don't like this statistic use the excuse that a lot of women are stay at home parents so it throws off the number. this is not the case as those women aren't counted). I agree that merit is much more important than some cloudy vision of equality that nobody can agree upon, but that's not the world we live in right now (and probably never will be if history is any example), so I look to the next best thing.

Yeah lots of red flags flying off of that woman, lol.

I don't really have a lot to say most days, just letting people know I'm still here, still doing well. A big package full of stuff I bought for my studio arrived yesterday and now I'm almost 100% ready to start earnestly recording. It's exciting, I've never had this much genuine audio equipment before, I always just half-assed it. All the money I'm saving from not buying games really comes in handy lol.

I think the same. I have made a concerted effort to never say anything negative about myself anymore and have already noticed a lot of improvement. Even in how other people treat me. When we say bad things about ourselves it's like we're begging someone around us to give us "the answer" to our problems, but nobody has one. I don't want to say that just faking confidence is the way to go but at the same time, nobody wants to be around people who are always begging to be saved.

Sometimes you have to go back to go forward. Plenty of addicts go back to using for a couple of years before they remember why they quit in the first place. Addiction is progressive though... when you go back to gaming it'll most likely be worse than it ever was.

I totally get you, man. I just got the biggest tax refund of my life... around $3,000, and 2 days later got in a car accident that cost me $2,000 (decided to pay out of pocket instead of going through insurance so my rate wouldn't go up). I was planning on paying off all of my remaining debt and now I'm almost right back where I was. I have to stay positive though... I did still manage to put $1,000 toward my debt and I had the money to pay for my car so I didn't have to go further into debt. I think you're on the right track. It'll suck short term but like you said you'll be able to replenish your savings as long as you stay diligent... and you'll have a car! A decent one from the sound of it. Nothing feels worse than not being able to get yourself where you need to go. I went a measly 5 days without a car because of this accident and it was miserable, lol.

It's situational It's situational but for the most part women aren't treated as well as men in the workforce. Of course there are exceptions but it's not the rule. A lot of guys are also just oblivious to what goes on around them. I work in the public sector so it's more "fair" because nobody can make more money or have more privileges than anybody else because of the unions. I still have a huge advantage over the women I work with though, even while I'm only one of 4 men here in an office of 200 people. I get virtually every promotion I apply for, am granted excessive leeway because I'm considered more intelligent and hard-working (I am, but that's not because of sex, it's because I'm awesome XD), and so on. We all have allegorical stories supporting and disproving the claim but you can't argue against statistical facts. It's getting better quickly so I think that's important to remember. Women make 98 cents to every dollar a man makes in 2019 so we're right there lol. But that doesn't say anything about sexual harassment and all that... and like you said a lot of the time even the women are the ones doing the sexual harassment and discrimination against one another. As I mentioned I'm one of 4 men in my office so it's mostly women who are treating me better than women.

Very true what you said in your first post about how getting good grades and all that doesn't necessarily mean you're doing well in life. At the height of my drinking and gaming "career" I was in upper management for a very famous restaurant company making over $100,000 a year, living in a very nice apartment in Los Angeles, was dating multiple girls at a time, etc. I don't say that to brag but to point out how far one can fall because of this sh*t... I now make less than $40,000, live with my mom in Detroit, and have no friends. All thanks to booze and gaming.

Lol, yeah the title made me not want to read it initially. I hate reading posts where people are just talking down about themselves, but you TRICKED US. I might try a daily drawing challenge for myself. I used to really enjoy it.

I have the added benefit of being an alcoholic so it's well ingrained in my brain that if I drink one beer or play one game, I'm done for. My body won't die but my soul will. I've just gotten to the point where I am starting to feel like a normal human being again, laughing at jokes, smiling at strangers, shaking people's hands, craving contact with new people and meeting people with similar interests. I'm still very much alone but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't want to go backwards.