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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. I don't waant to say too much. Just this: I understand that you have your goal in mind and are therefore somehow ignoring the small wins, because you have this ideal. I know that very well. Despite my immense successes, I still look in the mirror and see certain bodyparts, I don't like, which makes me want to achive my ideal even harder. I think success lies somewhere in the middle: Hating your current situation, having some kind of positivity on the way and desperately wanting the thing. The most important thing: the relapse is not a sign of some failure. It is the result of your new expectations and desires. You are changing. Now you just need to continue to show yourself, who you really are. So keep going. I just don't understand, why you restart your counter. Today is day 18 of your process. 😉
  2. I think that this is fine, right? I just need a medium to express myself and to collect my thoughts. Doing it in a public way to maybe reach some people would be cool, but only optional. Overall, the biggest issue is the technical aspect, since I want the content to really be mine.
  3. On the one hand, I agree, on the other hand, it might be useful to listen a lot and let people express themselves and even guide them into coming to their conclusions rather than forcing my conclusion towards them. I really think you are not alone. It is a totally new situation. I think, if you structured your day before the situation regarding deadlines, outer structures and schedules, this could be a challenging situation now. It might be easier for a person, who always did follow his or her own schedules and deadlines. But the good news - this will not last forever. 🙂
  4. yeah that is true. It should not become work. @BooksandTrees I haven't really thought this through entirely. Also the technical side is not easy. But it still sounds worth to give it a shot.
  5. I mean no reason to quit whole bread entirely. Carbohydrates are not the enemy imo. But I think most people just eat too much of them.
  6. It has been a while, since I wrote something about my personal stuff. What is going on? Regarding my thesis, I almost have all the participants I need, despite corona. Now I have to do the statistical analyses and basically write the whole thing. Still more than enough time, but I will start soon in the next days to dive diehard into the whole project. The last days, I was more focusing on my ethics course. This stuff is far more interesting, since the question of ethics basically is: What is the morally right action to pursue, which in certain ways is a question many of us are thinking about. But the whole field is very complex with stuff like Kant's categorical imperative, utilitarianism or Aristotles virtue ethics. But overall, university stuff is fine. I have a group work now going on, which obviously will be mainly an online thing and once again, my goal is not to contribute well. I mean, of course it is, but actually the plan is to make a step back and to not be overbearing. I have this tendency, to do too much. This is very important for my career to learn and to understand, when I have to express myself and when I have to let things evolve by itself. This is also, why I think that this forum is a very good way to practice this, because I sometimes express myself too much. I think, it can be very valuable to also listen , what people have to say, since I can learn a lot from other views and perspectives of the world. I am also wondering, what to do, when Corona is over. I kinda need to prepare this, because I want to use this chance to not be like an alien going into the "real" world, but actually to be one of many to "finally leave my appartment again". This does not come naturally to me, since I like to be at home and I have no poblems during this corona pandemic from an emotional point of view. I can work out, I know how to work on my own without real deadlines and pressure and I am kinda used to that. Regarding porn, everything is fine. Also I am now adressing my diet a bit, which turned out to be a bit sloppy. I was eating too much carbohydrates. I still need to loose some fat, before I can enter the bulking phase. The last important thing to mention is that I am actually thinking about getting a blog up, because I have soo much things to express and talk about that I want to order them somehow. I am now so interested in self actualization, self improvement and clinical psychology that it is kind of tough to swallow, since the field is pretty much infinite. I saw a book about psychotherapy approaches, which introduced a couple of them. You would not guess how much approaches actually exist: Hundreds! I hope that some day, I can contribute to the scene in a meaningful way. Oh, and I would like to have a relationship with a woman and some real friends in my close surroundings, but that is a different story. I am kinda stuck in that regard right now. ^^ That is all for now.
  7. That is fine man. I saw that you mentioned it often. So I figured I point towards it.
  8. @BooksandTrees I have three questions kind of. 1. Is it generally too much or is it only something temporarily? Because if it is only temporarily, maybe it will just solve it self over time and you just have to fight through it. 2. Are you enjoying it to some agree? Working hard can give some people a good feeling. Sometimes, having no deadlines and nothing to do, get done or to accomplish can be quite hard as well. So maybe, know is a rough time, but if you are generally enjoying what you do, maybe this is ok for now 3. Are there ways to relax or to be more efficient? Maybe there a parts of your work, which could be optimized? For instance, maybe some kind of work seems like hard work, but is not as necessary or efficient as it could be. Maybe, you could switch something up or work at different times. Maybe working at a different time might help. Or giving yourself more breaks in order to have more efficient sessions of your work, which might even save you time. I know, very theoretical, but those could be things to adress or to look into.
  9. Just one or two things about losing weight. I don't like cardio very much. It is exhausting and requires a lot time and effort. And weight lifting is not only more fun to me, but also more effective in terms of weight loss, since you need to get your metabolism up. Otherwise, your metabolism will decrease and goes into a state of emergency, until you up your calorie intake again. But that is a personal preference: If you enjoy running or cardio then go for it. Another thing: The whole idea should not be a short term deal. Just losing some weight, because the summer is coming and you need to look good at the beach is not enough. What happens after the summer? No, the goal should be, to sustain something that you can do not just for a short timeframe, but forever- until you die. I want to look good not just for a couple of months, but forever. Right? So, therefore, forget all diet changes, which involve getting rid of everything for a short time. Instead, start thinking about food in terms of how it can be beneficial to you. Let's talk about vegetables for a second. They are beneficial and better then a lot of the stuff, we eat today. So, it makes sense to eat more of that. Think about, how much vegetables you can eat to reach the same amount of calories in comparison with a portion of noodles. I promise you, you will be filled completely. This is almost impossible to eat so much. Basically, drinking a glass of water before every meal and eating a bunch of vegetables will make you quite full to begin with and you will eat less other stuff. That is a good starting point. Then you think, what you can do instead to improve your diet? You start to throw out the bad stuff and replace it with better things. Maybe get rid of cola and drink water. Maybe get rid of sweets and eat more protein stuff. Whatever it is. It is the same with every other addiction. Don't just try to get rid of something. Instead, add something better! Couting calories can actually be quite useful in this process. Nothing, you should do forever. This is more a thing of experimenting and learning, how much you put into your mouth with certain kinds of foood. That can be quite shocking sometimes. A theoretical example: If you eat 100 grams of muffins, this might be something like 377 calories according to google. Just in theory - muffins are quite different. Now, lets compare this with cucumbers. A cucumber has around 15 calories. So instead of 100 grams of muffins, you could eat 25! cucumbers to have the same amount of calorie intake. Good luck eating that! So again, no need to count calories forever, but I did it here and then to learn something about food.
  10. Hello and welcome here at gamequitters. My first advice, maybe start a journal at gamequitters to express yourself. Just talking about it and get your thoughts out of your head can be very useful. Many people here are not just talking about their gaming issues, but are focusing on many areas of their life. Basically the time after games is as much an adventure like the time while playing. So now: There might be a problem with this approach and that is relapse. Wanting something and then forcing yourself to not do it usually creates and emptiness, which needs to be filled with something. If you don't find an attractive alternative than chances are, that you might relapse. Not that relapse is necessarily a negative thing, but instead of trying not to do something, what is it that you could do instead? What do you want? Maybe find out, how you want to see yourself in the future. What kind of identity do you want to have? Focusing on that and developing alternatives can be very helpful. Good luck.
  11. It is impossible for me to say right now, what exactely the cause of the physical symptoms is, might be something medical, maybe something psychosomatic. But let's focus now not, on what you feel like, you will not be able to do for long, but instead, what you could do now that is sustainable: What are your goals for now? If you know, what you want, then you can try to divide it into small baby steps. If your goal is to exercise more than instead of starting with a heavy workout, just moving a little bit more might be helpful. If pushups are not sustainable for now than maybe some workout videos on youtube get the job done. Or just stretching a bit at first. There might be many areas in your life to focus on, which could have a positive impact: Diet, exercise, hobbies, daily schedule the list goes on. What do you want?
  12. Interesting stuff about the lark chronotype. Did not hear about that before. Besides that, keep it up, just aim to be a little bit better then yesterday. You can do it. 🙂
  13. Isn't that something valuable? Aiming for 100 percent, so basically being perfect for a whole day is very difficult. It is like going for your absolute maximum in the gym: Maybe you can do it here and then, but it is not healthy. Constantly getting SOMETHING done is far more better. But try to built on your successes of today and get a little bit more done tomorrow. Do you really think that you were that lazy?
  14. This is a recurring theme in your posts. Since around february 13th, burnt out has been mentioned 8 times by you. Can you elaborate, what do you mean by that? Like, how is it expressing itself? What do you feel?
  15. Well, you kinda told me, right? And honestly, it is important to talk about these things. Not necessarily with me or other strangers, but maybe your family. Tell them, what exactely makes you doubtful. Maybe sometimes it is just a minor thing that, once taken care off, releases the pressure and you are fine again. But I understand, what you mean about the necessity of finishing now, so close before your degree. You should absolutely finish it, since it is valuable to have a degree. I just hope that you will also find a job that suits you. So procrastination is the result of no pressure? Therefore, when you are pressured, you are productive? I assume that this is external pressure from deadlines, upcoming exams and resulting grades right? I think that something, which is helping me, is that I also have this inner pressure. Workaholics like me tend to want to be the best, finish everything close to perfection and just be amazing in what they do. So, they have their own deadlines and external motivation is not necessary. Perfectionism is not always valuable, but maybe this is something that you should now find in yourself: Internal pressure. Create a schedule for tomorrow. Consider, how tomorrow should look like that you will be in a better state than today. And than be a bit pissed about yourself that you maybe only hit the schedule with around 70 %. And than try to adjust the schedule the next day to become more effective. Forget the grades and deadlines. You are own master! You decide, how to control your own engine. What do you think about this approach?
  16. ok, I sense some negativity here. If I offended you that was not my intention. The fact that you mentioned your doubts about university let my alarm clocks ring, because it can be quite a nasty place to be in, when you are having doubts about your study subject. I know that quite well. For me, it became unbearable. If you feel that it is right to continue doing it than that is fine for me. I think at least having a job later, which fulfills you to some degree (there are always annoying parts), that seems to be an important thing, at least for me. Fair enough. I get that. But this is, why I started to talk about the importance of meaning, identities and "studere" 😛. We know, what to do in order to be more effective. To study effective. Stuff like: Regular sleep, breaks, active reading, regular learning instead of binging before exams. All of that - but is it actually helpful in your situation? We all know these things, we all know what to do to lose weight, but we still are struggling despite the knowledge. So knowledge is not always the issue. But if there is some meaning and some perspective for the future, there usually also is the motivation to work, independent of deadlines or corona. And I am sure that corona is not really helping the situation. So therefore, I was wondering about your subject of the university in the first place. Running in the wrong direction, whatever that is, seems to be a terrible choice, no matter how fast you are running. But what are tips for productivity? - Clean your room and be the master of your own situation. - Find a way to workout (yoga, meditation, bodyweight exercises, some workout videos on youtube, weight lifting, I don't know, what you like.) - Eat good food (not junk food or excessive amounts of sugar) - have a daily schedule and set your own deadlines - good to bed on regular times and try to wake up a little earlier than you are doing right now - don't change too many things at once, because that can be quite hard - don't work all day long (have breaks in between) - Have a mourning routine (shower regularily, brush your teeth and shave) - Drink enough water - Find opportunities to leave the house to get some fresh air - find ways to talk to people (telephone, online, in person...) ... I am sure there is a lot more. But it might be a starting point.
  17. Welcome to the forum. It helped me a lot ro get things straight and find some answers to so far insolved questions. i recommend you start your own journal, which is a great way to express xourself, document your progress and just weite stuff down. Very powerful. Good luck with your new journey towards a new you. We will be there!
  18. Do I understand it right that you like to game with them? Do you like to play games? If so than this means that you are seeing yourself as a gamer right now. Wasn't your old you a gamer as well? So the question I have: Why do you want to control yourself to not play games? Why do you think that not doing that is more meaningful that doing it? And can you then elaborate, what might be something that is more meaningful to you instead? I seems that watching a movie is like biting on a piece of salad, while other people are eating cake.
  19. Btw. I am now 28 years old. It was not too late for me to try something new.
  20. I have the feeling that you are regretting your choice from the university because of that: The solution is really easy. Go to a study advisor, maybe talk with your parents and try to find out, why you are concerned about the future. If by any means, you find out that this is the wrong job path for you that it is a huge mistake, isn't it? So why bother and waste money? Instead, you should start to find out, what you want! Otherwise, you are wasting your life. And don't be afraid that you wasted your time before. The only thing that you can change, is the future, not the past. I studied latin and biology from 2011 until 2015, but in 2017, I decided to start over and started to study psychology. BEST CHOICE EVER. Just thinking back at my old studies creates pain in my stomack. I am so glad, I did that. I would have made a terrible mistake. There is another indication that there is something wrong here: So, I don't have to download a game to reward myself to learn for university. Why? Because I want to become a very good clinical psychologist. I want to learn as much about human psychology as possible. About diseases, problems, positive psychology, fads, ethics and philosophy. It is rewarding in itself. And university is really not a place to waste your time and to just get a degree. You are educating yourself (search what studere means in latin). You are trying to find out, who you would like to be and how you could be a valuable part for society. When I read a piece of ethics, I don't just read it. I mark it, make my comments. I ask my own questions, I question the claims of the article itself, I am basically changing my whole identity and I am a different person after each module. I am not saying that you need to find a study that is fulfilling for you as psychology is for me, but I am telling you that you should find out, who you would like to become. What is your desired identity? What kind of person would you like to be? Is part of that identity to study, what you are studying right now? Is part of that identity to sit at home and to do nothing? Is part of that identity to play league of legends? You have to find answers to those question. I think, it is the most important notion to start your journey towards your dreams.
  21. There are a couple of interesting things, which I can see here. This is very much something, I can see within myself. And I think, it is quite common at gamequitters as well. We understood that gaming is not suitable anymore to fulfill our needs and keep us happy. The question is: What will give you that feeling? This might be a reasonable goal, I can see in your text. Are those the things, which you want? What about your identity? Who would you like to be? It is really not that important to have everything layed out, but you need a starting point, from which you can begin your journey. I think this journey is an evergoing process. You will always have the feeling that something can be improved. So it makes sense to understand, what that might be for you. What is the best thing to do? Start doing SOMETHING. Maybe pick one of those topics and start to adress just that alone. Maybe working out and getting lean and muscular might be an objective. Or becoming studious. Whatever suits you. If you don't know, where to start, then maybe start splitting tasks into babysteps. Just anything that is getting you one step closer to a dream of yours is already good. A huge problem, I often see in other people and even in myself is that we want too much in a very short timeframe. Give yourself enough room to grow. Change is not taking place overnight. If you have this expectation, you will set yourself up for failure or you might be to perfectionistic. This is what I mean. This critic is always there. Just understand that just doing anything, which will make you go forward is enough. Nothing more is necessary. This is such an easy principle: You are 97 days without games and than you relapsed for example. So? Why bother with the numbers? What is better? A person, who is playing for 97 days or a person, who relapses after 97 days? I think the difference is HUGE. What is better? A person who is gaming all day long for hundred days or a person, who is not playing for almost hundred days but played some online chess here and then? Basically, are you closer to your goal by just eating one cookie or the whole box of cookies? It really comes down to simple math. The only thing that makes you feel bad about it is your inner critic, who keeps telling you that it is not good enough. And this is also something, where I don't see a problem really. Isn't two steps forward and one step back ultimately one step forward? I think the only thing that matters, is that you have some kind of goal to pursue and that you are going in the right direction. You will certainly stop here and then, but that is ok. And before I forget: Congrats for not playing games for such a long time. You nailed it! You are making amazing progress.
  22. Here is, what I think of those experiments: The reason to do an experiment is like a test to see, if there might be ANY chance that we can still do it. This means that porn is something that has meaning to you. This is opposed to some earlier comments these days that porn is a complete waste of time. If this would really be the case and it would be meaningless, we would not do it. This is, what is happening to you with gaming. However, you have not played games for so long that an actual experiment might be this: Would be gaming in moderation be possible now? After all that time? Because you seem to have no desire to do it. In your words: "No anger, no shame, no regret, no desire, no love, no excitement. It was like I never had attachment in the first place." If that is true than gaming in moderation now would be possible to the degree where you again would start to like it so much and to see meaning in it that you would become addicted again, whatever this means. I am by no means saying that you should try to play games now. But if you and I are thinking that gaming in moderation is a bad idea, even though we are not having issues with games, why should an experiment to watch porn in moderation be worth it, if you and I were more struggling with that? I am interested in your thoughts. I am still thinking that the idea of moderation should be possible. But moderation would not mean some controlled timeframe, were we would only "allow" ourselves to do something for 20 minutes, but actually the absence of a problem. We should kinda do it. But we don't really care. It just happens, but without causing any problems. I am currently thinking a lot about this, because I see that while I am always resisting sugar, other areas, especially carbohydrates like bread or noodles are imposing challenges for me. I still feel not like the master of my diet. A true master of his diet would not need actual limitations. He is just doing the right things. I am not done with my thought process yet to come to a conclusion, but I am not sure about the idea to experiment more with pornography. Masturbation is a different thing, because it is not some product, people are trying to "sell" to you, but just something natural that exists.
  23. @Amphibian220 Thank you for the kind words. Means a lot!
  24. Alexanderle


    Very good thing that you start to enjoy studying. Sometimes, ust starting is all you need to do.
  25. There is some truth for that. But it means that you are not a victim of your addiction. First of all, it makes you conscious. Conscious of yourself, your strengths and more importantly, your limitations and weaknesses. Those are things, we don't like to think about very much, so we are trying to ignore them and instead forget about yourself doing things like smoking, drinking or maybe gaming. And this is also a chance to really think about yourself and tackle those issues. But of course, the corona situation is not helping either. Are there things to do, you maybe could do instead inside?