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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. It is going to be alright man! I am sure it will. What are these goals and priority lists you are talking about? Are those things strong enough to make you invested and focused? Do you mean school overall or just like this year? I have a theory that you already said to things, which you could start to focus on. Something which you said by yourself: Maybe those are things to focus on. If your goals list or whatever is not something that is helping right now, change your goal list. Put some things back in the future and focus on other things. Prioritizing is back. Once you have success it can create an upward spiral and give you energy. Overall, I am glad that you are still on the forum. We are here for you!
  2. Great to hear. And I hope that you can fix the situation with your wife again. But why is she hurt that you relapsed? The relapse is a personal issue for you. She should support you on your way back up. Making you feel more miserable hardly seem to be a good idea. But if you are back on track, it should be ok.
  3. Hey man listen. I am in the exact same situation like you right now. First of all: I am not a fan of the whole day 1-, day 2-, day 3- structure. And I think that it is not really a noteworthy post to basically write the same things every single day. Why even bother? I only write, when I feel like I have something to say. So just for your information that you are not alone with that "struggle". Change is always hard, as long as one is still someone attached to games and to a certain degree a "gamer". Your goal is not to get rid of games, but to become someone else. Someone who enjoys self improvement, maybe sports, maybe programming. Whatever! So keep focusing on that. About sleep: Just very recently, like the last two weeks, all the sudden, I had problems with my sleep patterns again- struggling to wake up early, struggling to not check the phone, struggling to just go to sleep without distractions. But today, I did wake up as early as I used to and my morning routine was excellent again. Certainly a little motivation kick. I experience that not really motivation, but a goal and desires can be helpful, since it is a difference, whether you wake up with some energy, because you have things on your plate, which you want to do, instead of having to force yourself because it is just another grey day as usual. Goals can be incredibily helpful. Not only as direction, but also as boost. Also check out the 5 second rule by Mel Robbins. Helps me here and then. For me it is more like a 10 second rule though. xD Furthermore, instead of watching some crap on youtube, you could also try to watch something more meaningful. This could be better than watching nothing. Babysteps you know. Maybe you could listen to a video of positive affirmations. I do this daily: This dude just keeps talking, how wonderful I am and how beautiful the life is with some nice sleepy music. Far better way to fall asleep than googling bullshit. Since I am not ready to listen or watch nothing yet, this is a good intermediate step. Maybe try it out. And don't be frustrated! You just have to keep going. Maybe tommorow I will fail miserably again with waking up early. So, I will just try the day of tomorrow then again. This is, why it is a process of ups and down's, but just a one-way street where everything is handed to you. Not the people, who need something, will get it, but those people, who deserve it. 🙂
  4. Greetings man. Ready for some tough words? If not, don't read it. Unless, here we go: Alright, you relapsed! So what? At least this is what I assume, since you posted it in this area here. I also assume that you did not game for 2 years. Do you have any idea, how incredible that is? You sir, are a winner. You managed to accomplish something incredible. But listen, there is this terrible idea in the heads of many people on their way towards a "good and meaningful" life, whatever that means, which has to disappear: A relapse is nothing negative per se. Yes, it is a learning experience. You probably learned more out of that single experience than during the two years of not gaming. Sure, it hurts to some degree and you feel like you failed. But you did not! Who do you think is the bigger failure: The person never trying and playing games for 2 straight years or the person doing something meaningful for two years and then playing once? If your goal is to become a phenomenal basketball player and you are practicing your free throws - who is the bigger "failure", the person resisting to practice out of fear to miss or the person, willing to keep shooting despite missing here and there? Even the very best players in the world, shooting beyond the 90 percent mark of their free throws - even they miss eventually. Why? Because they are human! I am human! You are human! And as a human being, who is clearly not perfect, you have now two options: 1. Whine about your situation. Feel bad about yourself. Feel like a failure. Feel depressed. Blame the circumstances. Blame the lack of support or your mental health. 2. Embrace the challenge. No one hinders you, to deinstall your games again, to just go back to your routines, you build within 2 years. To focus on the underlying problems. No support? Join a forum like the gamequitters to get support. I support you if you need it! Join an association in your area to get support. Learn to meditate, get into sports, enjoy nature, go to a party or whatever you enjoy, develop a high work ethic. Whatever it is, focus on what you could possible become and set meaningful goals. The list of things to do is endless. It is just a matter of perspective. If you now feel like a failure, you failed. But if you just continue your wounderful path, which lasts far longer than my journey btw, then you win. There is no difference between today and yesterday or last week or last year. Unless you start to focus on that and tell yourself that this difference exists. I don't understand this statement. Do you think you are starting from zero again? Bullshit! The count is 730 (2 years) to 1. Tomorrow you can make 731 to 1 out of it. If you want instead see it as this: Last streak: 730, current streak: 0. Well, that is your personal decision. Take care!
  5. @A Single Step wow, while I am not really into politics whatsover, this is genius. A great way to work on your social skills bruh. Keep it going. 👌
  6. Don't think so much about yourself. Try to focus on the outside, focus on other people. I feel that we have this tendency to have very high expectations, when looking into the mirror or on pictures, which we can never fulfill. As a result, we are then frustrated, unhappy and do not like, how we look. Therefore, we will always find things to "complain" about. When we have bad skin, we don't like the skin, when our skin is fine, we don't like our hair, when we are overweight, we hate that we are overweight, when we finally have a sixpack, we are annoyed that other people are still more ripped than we are. So focus on the outside, what other people were, what they are doing, where they are coming from etc. Get away from this self negativity. It is going to be there anyway, whatever you do. When I look at photos of mine, I could scream. xD Ps.: Don't say to yourself that you don't look beautiful. What you say this to a person, you would sincerely love and take care of? And I think this is your goal: To take care of yourself, promote yourself and be there to yourself. I am sure, you look like a beautiful angel. 🙂
  7. Welcome man, I really like your approach already. You have the right attitude and are ready to kick to games in the ass. This is nothing to worry about. Think of the positive side: You now have the chance to take on a new identity. You can become, who you ever wanted to be. It may not be always easy and even the chances of relapse are possible. But don't you worry about anything like that. Just keep going and you will achive greatness. 🙂
  8. Hm, volunteering is an interesting way to get out of the house. I have never thought about that opportunity really. For what are you volunteering?
  9. The reason, why I concluded that you care about the time or the numbers, is because in your journal, where actually almost depressed, because you said that you "only" studied for 6 hours, when your plan was to study for 12 hours. That is a big number for me. And I consider myself to be a hard worker. Seems I can learn a couple of things from you. ^^ And you can also precisely tell me the number of push ups, squats and sit-ups. And there is nothing wrong with that per se. But a simple problem what those numbers can do with us: We sometimes exercise the wrong way. In order to desperately reach some number, we try to force ourself there. Even with the cost of dong the exercise the wrong way. Just to reach the number. That is ridiculous. I never count the amount of push ups. I have no idea, how much I can do. I just do it up to the point, where it starts to hurt. I just enjoy the process of doing push ups. The amount of hours of studying, the number of push-ups, the number on the weight measuring device, nothing is an indication of success. It can be a valuable tool of and give some direction, but it should not be the measure of success. This kind of philosophy has a huge benefit: When I relapse or don't make progress in terms of numbers, may it be to stand up at a certain time, loose a certain amount of weight or learn for a specific amount of hours, I don't get freaked out. Most people don't study properly at all, they don't workout at all. What they do is complain. So go and work like a machine again. But remember, we are machines with a bug inside: Eventually, we reach a point, where it is not working properly anymore. If we realize that this is temporary state and just fight trought, it will be ok. If you will stop looking at the amount of hours, you learned on a daily basis, you will become less frustrated. Just the fact that you learned that day will be important. And you will be happy. And guess what I will do now. I will close the gamequitters tab and will get back to work. You have the freedom to do the same thing.
  10. Alright, so I have something not as drastic the last couple of days, where I watched some porn again and procrastinated. Also like 2 weeks ago, all the sudden, my troubles to wake up early came back. Now, I wake up, go to the bathroom, but then go back to the bed again and the struggle starts. I can't help it. So I literally have something like this right now. Before that, I was waking up around 5 for several weeks without trouble. I was extremely productive. I am still productive, but those times were crazy - I was a machine. The question is: What to do about that? Give up? Sure, give up, fall back into your old patterns and feel miserable about yourself. Or you could just deal with the fact, that after the easy times come the hard times. That is life: It is not all shiny and rainbows. After black comes white and after white comes black. I see it so often in this forum. The moment it gets hard, people freak out. Meh, leave me alone, I am a failure, I am weak. I am lost. Can you explain to me, why exactely you feel lost now? I preach the positive approach and I will to the point, where people become annoyed: You are doing great. And you will fail - many many times from now on. Don't run away from it: Embrace it. It is your friend. Right now, in these moments, where I am struggling with certain things, which were easy before, I am learning a lot more than in moments of happiness. After this downphase, there will be a "highphase", where you will roll like crazy. This may last a couple of days or months or just hours and then comes the next downphase. Your only failure would be to give up. Just stick with it man and learn from it: Maybe you are studying too long. As a matter of fact, many studies suggest that studying for several hours is not productive. Are you really making desired progress? Think about this: What would have happend, when instead of studying 6 hours yesterday with the expectation of studying 12 hours and feeling bad about it, which caused you today to not get shit done and feel evec more bad about it, if instead you studied three hours yesterday and three hours today, without any expectations and with more than enough time to go out, enjoy yourself, take care of yourself, work out and be relaxed? It might be that then you would have not installed instagram, because you would not feel stressed. Btw, I mentioned to have no expectations. I mean this. You are like a candy addicted person, who in the middle of the diet steps on the weight measurement device in the bathroom and checks the weight every 8 hours. Did I loose some pounds already? Why not? Oh no, I did not? Why even doing all of that? I should just go and eat candy. This is why people relapse. I blame the constant expectations, the numbers, the continuous checking, whether they already reached their goals. Honestly, whether you learned yesterday for 6 hours, for 10 hours or 12 hours, it doesn't matter. Why would it? Destroy your clock, ignore, how long you are studying. Your goal is to study your materials, not the clock. It would be a mistake to not study at all, but just go to it man. What matters is not one day of studying straight the whole day. This is the common strategy of many students on day before the test. The success come by studying continuously for many weeks and months beforehand. Oh, and deinstall that instagram crap. Do you even have an account? Delete it. Waste of time! I am sorry that I did not share my experience with you in order to go and sit in the corner together with you and cry arm in arm. That is just not me. I will continuously punch you in the face, when you are doing something, which I consider to be self destructive and will make you feel worse and help you stand up again. Even with the risk that you run away. I take it. I feel, you can handle it.
  11. So, you wanted to start your journal with good states. Weren't you exactely doing that? 6 hours of studying is absolutely phenomenal. Do you have any idea, how many people are struggling with that. Even I do on certain days. This is hell of a great first output man. Keep it going. 🙂
  12. Hello @A Single Step, welcome to the forum. I think that @DaBest already said the most important things. Just this little perspective in addition: Love yourself! And I don't mean in a stupid esoteric way, where you start to say to yourself, how beautiful and grateful you are for all your failures. ^^ Actually, there is a reason, why so many people here get into grooming, diet changes, sports or better sleep: They try to appreciate themselves and are trying to take care of themselves in a good way. Start to take care of yourself like you would take care of your favourite pet. It is crazy to think that we go to the doctor with our pet, we feed it well - only with the best nutritions, we nurture it, we love it. But we refuse to give ourself good food? We don't go to the doctor and are doing bad things to ourselves, sitting in front of a computer screen and not working out? We say to ourselves that we are failures, look in the mirror and hate us? We give us the label of a person, who failed or compare ourselves with other people? Why? Hate the video games, but not yourself. I tell you something, I know with a hundred percent certainty without even knowing your friend: His life is a mess as well. All our lives are a mess. For some more than others. There has to be a reason, why so many movie stars are severely depressed or even commit suicide. The photos they show you, their profiles on Facebook and Instagram: It is not real. It is want they want you to see. Just because your friend has a beautiful girlfriend doesn't mean that they don't fight, that they will not encounter many points in their relationship, where their relationship will come close to an end. As a matter of fact, the statistical chances of their future marriage to survive are not looking good. So why compare with those people? Like @reza Mrb said: "First thing you should know is never compare yourself with others. Only compare youself with yourself. Improve day by day to be a better version of yourself." Your goal from now on is not to "not game" anymore, but to explore your new life, to become a new person, to find new hobbies and to love yourself and to take care of yourself. Just like you would take care of someone else, who you love. Emma Watson recently said that she is in a happy relationship with herself. And everybody is so perplex about this statement. Why? Clearly she has understood something that the majority of stupid humany has not understand yet.
  13. I hope so too man. But so far, it has been working out. Actually, this kinda answers my question, what I am doing here. Despite the fact that I am really not struggling with games anymore, it just feels good to share this journey or process with other people, who have a similar background. They understand my struggles more than everyone. And it feels good to motivate and give something back to other people in this forum.
  14. @Amphibian220 Wow, the way you just described that - amazing. This has to be saved somewhere, so I won't forget the phrasing. And when I really look back to my past, for instance when it came down to my diet, I tried numerous times to change it to the better. But once a relapse occured, I just gave up. Once I started this second approach, it just kinda worked without a lot of problems. It worked for my diet, it worked for gaming, it worked for self discipline overall. What is so fascinating, what I was thinking about is this: What am I actually doing here? Gaming is really not a problem for me. Out of all the things, it is the easiest thing for me to pretty much ignore. There is just no desire whatsover. For my social life, eating and procrastination, it is a lot harder. Maybe because I cannot just delete food or every distration including in my mind and so on. And right now, I have a couple of things, I am struggling with: Waking up early, my diet is a little bit more messy than before, procrastination and pornography. It is not that I am now at a negative turnaround and I relapse completely. I am still the "type 2 relapser". However, I have been thinking, what caused the latest troubles? There are days, where I am super focused but relapse to porn, days where I eat bad but don't relapse to porn or days where I procrastinate without anything else. A possible psychological model that coupld explain it might the so called ego depletion theory. In a nutshell, it states that we only have a certain pool of willpower in the tank. Once it is depleted, we have no willpower to get other things done. The only change that might cause this are the "social changes". My old module is over and in this module, I have to adjust again to my social situation, have to deal with scary lectures and literally force myself to go there. I still do it, I even attend sport courses now or visit the sauna. So this is a gigantic leap. Such a leap, which I never did before. So this could explain, where the energy went. Maybe it is just a little bit too much to deal with it all at once. But I am still not worried: My eating is not so bad, because I really don't eat sugar. Just a bit too much carbohydrates. I am also working out quite a lot. So I might actually need the extra food. I am getting more ripped than ever. In the evening, I was eating salad like usual. If I would now order muffins and cupcakes that would be a bad thing. I am just not as strict as previously. My procrastination I can also figure out I am sure. One day I am a high tech machine, the other day there is some struggle. The porn I worry a little bit, because I know the influence, it can have on me. But this I figure out as well. I know, how important is now to keep going in the social area. I will still put all my energy in that area, even for the sake of "neglecting" something else. Eventually, everything will be back in order and I learned something new. Thanks again @Amphibian220 for the valuable input regarding types of procrastinators. This led to the vast amount of text above and helped me to start the thought process to figure some things out and to structure my situation a bit. I don't know if my theory is correct, but for now it is enough as explanation. Nothing to worry, I keep firing.
  15. I have to really agree with @DaBest those kinda tips are very useful. As a matter of fact, this is exactely, what I am doing, when I have thoughts about gaming. In a certain way, a negative-positive thought loop: Something triggers a gaming thought (could be an ad or whatever) - I think about a game (for instance rocket league) - I see my car flying through the air doing an insane circus shot - I see myself playing the game - I see, how I feel afterwards - I try to focus on, what I could do instead and how that makes me feel - and boom, my focus has changed and I am back on track. Those gaming thoughts really won't last that long. Meditation is also definitely fine, I have nothing against it. It is not really my thing, but that is subjective. However, I think that is important to have some activity that involves sport. That is, because it will make you feel better afterwards and even more important - you will be more productive, your learning will improve, you get more shit done. In the end, how much time will you "loose"? 4 to 6 hours is more than enough. And this then ofc can relate to your health overall, which will make you feel even better. Over time, your energy levels will increase and you become addicted to improve yourself even more. Two months from now, you will be a working machine! Just my thoughts on the importance of sports. Oh, also something regarding waking up early: I used to wake up between 5 and 6.30 every morning for around 2 months. I was super productive. Then all the sudden like 1 or 2 weeks ago, I stopped. Now I am kinda back to the old struggles to wake up early. So don't be suprised, when this happens. You just gotta stick with it and keep struggling through it. I belive, it will be better eventually. 🙂
  16. @Ikar Alright, if it is helping you to understand something then it is worthwile.
  17. Interesting @Ikar have not heard of that one before. I just watched a couple of videos of him. Overall, I think the idea of living in the presence is quite a nice and fresh take of the world, even though other "enlighted people" have said similar thinks. I just think, it is worth to try out some of the stuff to see, if it is helpful. 🙂 Why would you not call it a book?
  18. Alright then. So today was the first day, where I managed to have breakfast without watching any TV or something. I also woke up quite early and had an amazing morning routine. Quite on point. Maybe I can repeat the whole not watching TV thing again. I was listening to some music and watched the Sun rise. Really funny but be awake "before" the sun. ^^ I attended to lectures today, one was "mandatory" the other one was completely unrelated. A famous philosophy professor from the USA was giving a little talk. Was quite interesting, not gonna change my world, but whatever. The important part is that I was there. Talking or looking to other people is still a challenge. I have some serious problems man. xD But I continue to throw myself out there. It is the right way. There are two interesting concepts, I found today. The first concept is the idea of painbodies. According to Eckhart Tolle, they are a cumulation of our previous history of "failures". At some point, it loops and creates a vicious cycle. He suggests to not ignore this anxiety feeling, but actually focus on it and accept it. Interesting concept, maybe I will try that out in a lecture. The second concept is the idea of the Network, which in a similar way like other organizations, tries to organize and structure mental diseases. The idea is that an outside event triggers a certain response. Maybe a huge mistake at work causes a sad mood. Under normal circumstances that will vanish eventually, in other cases, if could also cause sleep problems, which could also cause exhaustion, which creates even more intense sad feelings, which eventually could cause suicidal ideation and voila, we have some symptoms of a severe depression. This is quite a new approach to look at mental illness categorization, but I really like it. I think that this concept can also be used in a positive way. I get one activity right, like fixing my diet, which can cause me to move a bit more due to weightloss, which then let me exercise more, which causes me to improve in other areas etc. Not sure yet what to do with this information, but I wanted to write it down, because this has some potential. No idea for what, but we will see.
  19. Just a little positive perspective to something, that I have seen on this forum quite often now: A relapse is not the end of the world. You managed to not game for more than 60 days already. That is great! Actually amazing, the majority of people, who have an addiction are incapable to not do it for a week. Right now is a little bit of a rough phase, but this is part of the whole journey of change. But focusing so much on not doing something, focusing on those filters, which will basically "steal" your candy, that is not optimal in my opinion. A psychologist once said, forgot his name, that often smokers don't start smoking again, because they crave the nicotine per se, but rather they they tortured themselves for so long with the whole idea of not being aloud to do it that they crave the cigarettes to not have this feeling of not having it, this feeling of stress. Instead, I suggest a more positive perspective. Keep focusing on those other activities. Try to find things that are fun, that keep you going. You haven't made your bed for a couple of nights? You were gaming? You were not drinking enough? So what? Just keep doing it from now on again. If anything, this is a valuable lesson to see, what you can improve or what might trigger the whole thing. I recently relapsed on porn, I also relapsed on a little bit too much food, nothing too bad. Doesn't mean I failed, I just learned something and I continue with it all. The next two days after the "incident" were absolutely amazing. Actually better than ever. If your job is to become an amazing basketball player, you will probably have stretches, where you don't hit anything. Sometimes, even the best nba players have a stretch of several games, where they just don't have the touch. But they still keep going and keep shooting. Eventually, the touch comes back and they are better than ever. If you now look at your "streak" and your numbers and that you hope whether you can make it to 90 days or, that could be a way to make it harder for yourself. Don't give the games more power than they actually have. You are a tough person, just develop a mindset, where with every new try, you just kick the videogames in the butt a little bit harder every single time. Eventually, they will bleed like pigs and die. I see some hate and anger in you. This is not a bad thing. Just keep hating and blaming the videogames. I still blame them for so many things in my life. Might not be accurate, but it can feel really good. Eventually, you will hit the 90 days with ease and then you will laugh at the videogames laying in the dirt, being embarrassed themselves. Just my five cents. Keep going, you can do it!
  20. Wow respect, for me that would be a tough one. I just love music. Even though I have to say that I have seen very bad bodily reaction from myself when listening to Hitman soundtracks. Like sincerely made me aggressive. 😕 Besides, I just would not be able to stop with it right now. But, if this is working for you than go for it. For sure worth a try.
  21. @reza Mrb I think those self improvements are possible through the fact, that I proved myself being capable to resist short term gratification. It started, when I almost entirely quit sugar. I think I have not eaten ice cream for more than a year now. ^^ While this is not a strategy for everyone, it helped me to improve and get the confidence in myself to do so. Regarding my mind: I am a complete mess. xD Sure I am finally capable to look into the mirror and really like, what I see. I am now proud in myself for my achivements. That is already a huge step. Not gaming was easy for me. I kinda just stopped because, like you said, I was busy with so many other things. And I still am. However, I am also not where I want to be. My biggest struggles are my anxieties, mostly social and my overall social incapabilities. But this is also improving. But like I always say: It is a process. Maybe you are mentally weak. Could be. So do something about it. Baby steps, I suggest. Start with something easy. If you are capable to for instance resist fast food, than do that. Or whatever temptation is out there. Something that is not so hard for you, but makes a difference anyway. Just find ways to prove yourself that you are actually not mentally weak. At some point, you will become mentally strong. For me, I really struggle with anxiety in lectures. I have trouble to talk to other people, I feel stalked all the time and I am just nervous. Guess what, I still attend those lectures. I attended one today and in like 2 hours, I will attend a voluntary lecture, which is not related to my subject. It has been shown that when you expose yourself to the subject of terror, it is not that the subject becomes less terrifying or something, you just become stronger. Maybe as a result of that, it appears less terrifying, but whatever. It is really about exposure and trying to progress. Not, where it is hurtful and completely terrifying, but also not where it is too easy or boring. Somewhere in the middle. And always remind yourself that it is a process. Failure can happen, relapse can happen. This is not necessarily a proof that you are weak, but just that you are human. What makes you strong, is to still continue.
  22. @reza Mrb I woukd say it depends on the degree, how much change you want in your life. If your goal is just to eat a little bit less in the evening, you are not really changing my identity. But for me, I turned from a bad eater into a healthy eater, from a gamer to a non gamer, from a procrastinator to a hard worker. Those are drastic changes. If I still would view myself as lazy, I really woukd have a hard time to be productive. But I proved to myself that I am capable to work hard without distraction. And this also changed me as who I am and as what I see myself. And if we make changes to our life, im my opinion, we change our identity as well. Ofc I can also view myself as an upgraded version of myself. That is also fine. But I could argue that this upgraded version is already someone else. Even though just a little bit different. And I agree regarding self love. This is important. Actually this is tge motor of everything. I mean my healthy habits, my weight loss, my routines and my grooming stuff, isn't this a way od appreciating myself and showing myself some love? Ofc I am still me, but I changed so much. And I am happy about it.
  23. Forcing yourself not to think about something never works. Don't think of a red elephant. Don't! I sometimes think about videogames. Very rarely though. And why not? They were an important part of my life for around 20 years. But from what I read, you are doing absolutely amazing. I can see that you are focused on other things, are not procrastinating that much and are doing enjoyable things. So my advice: Keep focusing on that. Try to extend your now amazing life even more. The sky is the limit. You can become, whatever you want to be. Or at least you have the ability to start your journey towards your dreams. That is amazing. 🙂 One thing about relapse: I don't have a problem with relapse. Not that I don't relapse on certain things, but I don't blame myself or feel really bad about it. It just can happen. This is more like a learning experience. And what I often see, is that people feel miserable because of it. But not gaming for 2 or 3 weeks and then relapsing... isn't this so much better than gaming for 3 weeks straight? After the relapse, you can just continue going your path. It is like basketball training. Even the very best shooters in the world, they can hit maybe a hundred baskets. But they will also miss at some point. We are not robots, luckily. And I have this theory that sometimes just thinking so hard about relapsing or not relapsing can be a big contributor, what actually causes the relapse. So long story short: I think you are doing just fine. Just don't be too hard on yourself. 🙂
  24. Everything is alright I would say. Today I was working very hard for university. I attended the lecture sitting next to a person, I talked with. So that was going ok. The challenge will be, how I react, when this person is not there on Thursday. I guess we will see. I was also studying a bit in the library afterwards and then I attended some sport classes. Right now, I was painting a bit, and my bedtime is visible on the horizon. So with a positive attitude, I finish this day. May tomorrow come to me. I am ready to rumble.
  25. I came to a positive realization again. Despite my recent failures, everything is fine. It is the same with learning a language: It makes sense that I am a fool at first and that I am failing in regard to social activities. So I just have to keep going and to make baby steps. Now the question that arises, is: How can I make baby steps towards my fear of sitting alone in a lecture? The first real thing is just continue to go there. This is the first big difference in comparison to basically my entire past. So that is fine to do. I also found the Mindshift App designed to tackle anxiety. Will maybe give that a try. I will also continue to sit more in the front of classes to actually pay attention and get shit done. Right now I am not only on track regarding my lecture, but actually in front of time and most of my peers. So that is alright. Once again, I will also try to focus on other people during the lecture to get out of my own head. Those are some starting points I would say. The rest I figure out later. Today I also started to work on my bachelor thesis. Right now it is about sorting out my materials and really understand, what is going on. Maybe tomorrow I find some time to start writing a bit of structure for the introduction etc. So overall, I am quite fine right now and focused. It is not perfect, but it is enough to keep me going. 🙂
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