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dasvira

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Everything posted by dasvira

  1. I thinks that or most people on GQ it is just fucking hard to moderate on videogames. I myself always relapse when I try to go trough that route. That being said, many of my colleagues ( I would be that most of the population) do play videogames only moderately, so good luck if that is the route you pretend to follow! Just be careful not to relapse.
  2. Thanks @Lampshade and @championeal ! One of the worst par of videogame / internet addiction is not having anyone IRL who would understand your struggle. No real surfing! saw an academic video about COVID-19 in youtube but that was necessary and I didn't feel any urge to click in the tonnes of gaming / trashy links youtube offered me. Quickly used reddit for academic purpose, but only for 5 min. I feel that journaling here and in my private journal has been great for my mental health. I stopped doing it on penzu and I am now writing in a big notebook. I used it to keep track of my productivity by writing my daily milestones and keeping track of my studies. In another page I write some of my intimate thoughts about the world (I am inspired by the journaling way of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, a book I have read a few times). My meditation morning sessions are becoming really great. I struggle with Insomnia sometimes but it has gotten much better with my current tech detox. Yesterday was my first insomnia crisis in two weeks, mainly because I had a common cold with stuffed nose and nocturnal coughing. Because of that i woke up at 7:00 today and was not as productive in the morning. Studies improving slowly but surely, this is my second day using the Pomodoro Techinique and I am enjoying it a lot. I studied 'only' 5:52h , but this is mailny because I am being more strict in what I call 'study time', my productivity is much better than last week (3:42 min of classes + 54 pp). Days without: - gaming: 16 - TV / streaming: 16 - Porn: 04 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 01
  3. I am also making an effort to wake up early everyday. It is really makes my productivity and mood much better! I am curious about at which time you go to sleep and how many hours of sleep every night you are getting? I found your struggle against WoW touching, i know how hard is to overcome our addictions. As someone who was raised as catholic, but found that becoming an atheist (and kind of a nihilist) in my late teens did more harm than good, I will leave my 2 cents specifically for that part. Spirituality coming from the Latin world spiritus that means 'breath'. In the classical age it meant what gives you a sense of meaning and connection in your life. Even life has no intrisical meaning, you still can cultivate and find meaning for the life you want to live and a sense of connection to the people around you. Reading and practicing some of the secular forms of philosophies has been a great to cope with life's hardship at least for me. If you are interested and have the time, I recommend you the book A Guide to the Good Life by William Irvine. It is an easy read and very insightful.
  4. Today was election day in Brazil again, so I lost most of my morning in the voting session (so I could choose between a local corrupt and opportunistic career politician, whose biggest accomplishment is being grandson of a former governor of São Paulo; or a guy from the communist party famous for invading and occupying 'rich' people's home for the sake of 'social justice' for the poor). After that I had a great family time and a great barbecue. I ate a ton of food (way more than I should have eaten) and slept until 16:30. When I woke up I checked the news about the Brazilian election for about 30 min (everyone was only talking about Bolsonaro's fiasco of not being able to elect a single ally as mayor), which I think is fine because I didn't check any news about the world for exactly 2 weeks (I think that checking the news once every 2-4 weeks on Sunday is a reasonable compromise, between not being overwhelmed by the all bad stuff that happens everyday, and maintaining a notion about what is happening in the world). However, after checking the news, I wasted 20min of my life reading all the crap Trump posted in twitter on the last 2 weeks. As much as it is always funny to see Trump groaning about his defeat (even if I am not sure the other side is that much better...), I realize that seeing that kind of stuff only feed my own hate and discontentment, not adding anything positive to my life. Didn't study much today, because of family and the elections. I only studied for 2:08 hours (19pp + 1:51h of classes) Days without: - gaming: 15 - TV / streaming: 15 - Porn: 03 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  5. Good luck in your journey! I would like to leave my 2 cents specifically about that. Everyone is different, but I think books can also be a source of addiction and compulsion. There were times I was addicted to book novels like ASOIF, the Saxons Chronicles and The Expanse. I also would read self-help and philosophy books out of compulsion and procrastination, as a way of escapism. That being said, I feel like reading/ literature can be a very wholesome activity and I am doing it everyday in moderation (one chapter per day only).
  6. Thanks @Mohammad and @championeal for your support! I haven't posted much in the last two day due to work/study. And honestly I will probably post only more resumed journals from now on. I realize a lot of the numbers I post (E.g.: morning routine; study time and porductivity; daydreaming episodes etc.) have been really useful for me in order to keep track of myself, abandon bad habits and develop good ones. However, they must not be very interesting for the readers of this journal. Just as you said, on Thursday after seeing porn I got frustrated, disabled getcoldturkey and started seeing the forums of ParadoxInteractive (of Europa Universalis and Crusader Kings), saw new updates. I even felt a urge to request my steam account not to be deleted. I even started to torrent the games I used to be addicted to, so I could play "just one last time" before steam account was deleted (but I stopped the download before it was completed). Thankfully I was able to control myself. Friday as pretty surf-free and my last workday of work until January. And Saturday was my first day with absolutely no surfing, and was my most productive study day BY FAR (8:50 hours of study; 5:43 hours of class and 54 textbook pages). Other than that I keep exercising, reading a single chapter of a philosophy book in the morning, taking care of my yorkshire and meditating everyday. I am also getting used to wake up early in the morning (about 5:30) jump out of bed ASAP and starting my day, I have been pretty consistent on that which is already a big improvement. I realize gaming, porn, surfing, TV/streaming are simply not compatible with what I really want in my life. Even if I can never quit completely, there is no point in stop trying to overcome those bad habbits, even if only to 'damage control' and diminish the chaos those addictions bring to my life. Days without: - gaming: 14 - TV / streaming: 14 - Porn: 02 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 01
  7. Day 12 - of my journey to overcoming my gaming, porn and internet addiction: Did a 12h shift today. Unfortunately I came back to home tired, opened porn (disabled getcoldturkey) and fapped before taking a bath. I don't really feel bad about myself, because even if I want get rid of porn I think it is not as problematic as TV, internet and games. That being said, I am still committed not to see porn (forever, should I have the perseverance). I realized porn didn't make me feel better but worse and doesn't do anything good for me in the long term. I see my journey as a lifelong commitment, so now there is nothing else that I can do other than restarting the counter.... Did only 10 min of surfing today. Days without: - gaming: 12 - TV / streaming: 12 - Porn: 00 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  8. Good luck Mario! Stress is a bitch! You seem to have some solid goals for your life, time to put them into practice 💪
  9. I second this. I use timer for some activities like, accessing this forums and in case I need to search something in the internet. But even for most of activities I don't use a timer, I am writing in a piece of paper my start and ending times. I think it does helps me to keep focused.
  10. Day 11 - of my journey to overcoming my gaming, porn and internet addiction: Not surfing is very hard when you keep the entire day studying in front of your computer. I kinda off fucked up by researching useless information int he wikipedia today for 45min. Other than that, I spent 50min reading (and worrying) about problems physicians face in the USA, when I am still doing the steps... I already have plenty in my life to have the luxury to worry with immaginary problems. That being said, I am still satisfied on how today turned out. I felt pretty well along the day an I was productive in my studies. Facts of today: Wake up hour - 5:30 Got out of my bed - 6:10 Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 9:00 I didn't game I didnt't watch shows I didn't see any porn. I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it) I did meditate. I did exercise (gym close on sunday) I did journaling. I studied only for about 7:00 hours (9:30-11:05; 14:30-15:25; 16:10-18:50; 19:40-20:50) (3:08 minutes of classes + 26 pages of textbook). Subjective score for this day (0-10): 7 Days without: - gaming: 11 - TV / streaming: 11 - Porn: 11 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  11. Everyone has their "lazy days" once in a while (or often...), try to keep up an do better tomorrow. BTW, I binged all 8 episodes of the boys S2 about a month ago. I sometimes feel like TV shows can be just as addictive as gaming. Though every person is different, I am curious to hear your thoughts.
  12. Do you have any goals beside quitting gaming? You are 17, do you pretend to do any college or other specialising course? (I have no idea ho high school and college admissions work there in Russia...)
  13. Day 10 - of my journey to overcoming my gaming, porn and internet addiction: Again I spent the day almost with no surfing. I only searched reddit about divorce for 15min in the morning (I never even had girlfriend LOL, It just shows how distracted I can be at times). I also tried to surf twice time but quit it in about 1 min each (one searching about Massimo Piugliucci and in another I oupened the GameQuitters forum out of compulsion). Other than that I researched about personal health and dog health for about 30 min, but I don't consider it surfing because (they were rather legitimate doubts) there was no compulsion and I don't regret it. I thought about how nice it is not to worry about politcs or the news and later found this article as I was searching for a quote I like about having only few opinions: https://aryatra.com/stop-having-opinions/ Studies improving and today was my most productive day in months, even if it is still not what I am aiming for. Facts of today: Wake up hour - 5:30 Got out of my bed - 6:45 Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 8:00 I didn't game I didnt't watch shows I didn't see any porn. I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it) I did meditate. I did exercise (gym close on sunday) I did journaling. I studied only for about 7:30 hours (9:34-11:15; 14:45-15:40; 16:00-19:05; 19:20-20:15; 20:30-20:50) (3:34 minutes of classes + 31 pages of textbook). Subjective score for this day (0-10): 8 Days without: - gaming: 10 - TV / streaming: 10 - Porn: 10 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  14. Hold on strong, I am actually relapsing every single day in my quest to overcome internet surfing, so I can imagine how frustrated you are feeling.
  15. Day 9 - of my journey to overcoming my gaming and internet addiction: Spent the entire day almost with no surfing, aside from a 20 min surfing lapse in wikepedia (about geographical content). Other than that I accessed gamequitters forum twice but only for 2 and 1 min. I also goolgled a quote I like "Comparison is the thief of joy" and surfed a little bit for about 5 min. Other than that no major cravings for surfing. I had a little bit of craving for porn today, but I resisted the urge. My study habits are improving slowly, but steady. I am still not quite in my 10 hours of daily study goal, but I can see important improvements compared to to earlier in my previous week. I am also enjoying to study much more (because I am refraining from doing anything else LOL). Facts of today: Wake up hour - 7:10 Got out of my bed - 7:10 Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 8:30 I didn't game I didnt't watch shows I didn't see any porn. I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it) I did meditate. I did exercise (gym close on sunday) I did journaling. I studied only for about 6:30 hours (9:00-11:15; 15:17-16:18; 17:21-20:40) (1:19 minutes of classes + 69 pages of textbook + 32 questions). Subjective score for this day (0-10): 7 Days without: - gaming: 09 - TV / streaming: 09 - Porn: 09 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  16. Thank you for your support! As much as I would like to stop surfing immediately and I am sometimes impatient for some more immediate personal growth, I takes time to change bad habits that I cultivated for so long. Any improvement is better than keep in the circle or procrastination and entertainment, playing fucking video games all day long and not doing anything with your life.
  17. 24-30 hours work week seems great! IMO many people just work compulsively (and others are forced long workdays by theirs employees). It is much, much better to work less, live more simply and be able to live life at a slower tempo than work like a ass but have no free time and be stressed all the time.
  18. Try to use a blocker like GetColdTurkey for twitch/youtube . It is really helping me so far.
  19. Day - 8 of my journey to overcoming my gaming and internet addiction: Nothing really new, trying my best to concentrate in my studies and ace the USMLE exams. During the morning I read the Gamequittersforum for about one hour. I don't think it was caused by procrastination or compulsion to surf, but rather a bad management of time. This forum is great and all, but from now on I am ONLY accessing it in the night with a 25min timer (counting right now). Other than that I surffed for useless information about Apu (of the simpsoms LOL) for about 5 min, and watched a 10 min video from nofap. I also oppened this forum for about 2min after that. No majors compulsions for surfing. It is not quite what I want (which is no surfing at all), but I must say I am happy with my improvement. My mood is also better I feel a better capacity to concentrate. I also feel that daydreaming reduced by a lot. Facts of today: Wake up hour - 8:00 Got out of my bed - 8:00 Started Meditation (got done with early morning chores): 11:10 Mind wandering/ wishful thinking/ daydreaming episodes: 10:30 I didn't game I didnt't watch shows I didn't see any porn. I DID mindless internet surfing (but not a lot of it) I did meditate. I didn't exercise (gym close on sunday) I did journaling. I studied only for about 5-6 hours (1:23 minutes of classes + 28 pages of textbook + 33 questions). Subjective score for this day (0-10): 7 Days without: - gaming: 08 - TV / streaming: 08 - Porn: 08 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  20. Hi I took some minutes to read your earliest and most recent posts and skim over the middle pages. I also followed trough your "my last chance" journal. I will share with you some of my inputs. - You are very young at 17 years old. This is totally NOT your "last chance". I wish I had started quitting games when I was 17 yo. That being said, I remember that when I was 17 yo I was under a lot of stress because of national examination and universities admissions, which you mentioned several times in your diary. Maybe your gaming adction is at the same time a symptom and a cause of that stress and general uncertainty about the future. - Relapsing is normal. I am currently on my 4th coldtrukey atempt and i had MANY less commited atempt bfore. This also seems to be the case with many journals I have read. It sucks to break our "streak" of days without gaming, but we have to keep in mind that we are not restarting from the zero after a relapse. We always have important lessons to learn from our last relapse and attempt. - Identifying triggering factors that lead you to gaming can be helpful. Also I find that self-help / spirituality books can also be helpful to understand the underlying causes that lead you into gaming (as just mentioned in your last post). - I bet many people IRL don't understand what you are going trough, but remember you are not alone in your journey to overcome games.
  21. Goodluck with your thesis! Compared to your earliest journal posts, you seem to be much better psychologically now!
  22. I don't think that my night shifts are that bad, when I consider that I sleep 3-5 hours during them. 24h shifts are quite stressful indeed, but they are a common practice in some professions in Brazil (and I think that in the USA too). That being said, not working previous week and instead having to do 24h shift yesterday was 100% my own choice, so I can't really complain about it.
  23. I'm on a 24h shift today, but I got 3 min to post here, just so I don't lose the habit. I had only 60 min of a break and I used 20 min checking reddit in cellphone (as I ate lunch). LOL I had literally to resist it for only 60 min today, and I can't do even that. At least I am fully convinced I am addicted to it. On the plus side, I am completing a full week with no porn, TV, streaming or games (including gaming content in the internet). I had quit all of those before for a few months, but I can't remember if I ever had a week in which I didn't do any o them. Days without: - gaming: 07 - TV / streaming: 07 - Porn: 07 - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00
  24. What does AC stand for? (assassins creed?)