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OptimisticMalcontent

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  1. I'm going to go against the tide on this one and say it will to some degree. Gaming sets a high threshold for enjoyment of a task or activity, pretty similar to other endorphin releasing activities like cocaine use or consuming sugar. Your brain likes to balance itself out, so It will reduce the endorphins released, or reduce their effect. The result is you need to game, JUST TO FEEL NORMAL. You may not even enjoy it anymore. This also makes it difficult to enjoy every day activities, like studying because again, the threshold is set so high. So while you may not immediately start to LOVE subjects you currently hate, you will gain a kind of appreciation for them. You should also find it way easier to engage in subjects that you do enjoy. At least, according to my personal experience. Another thing to consider is that one of videogaming's primary detriments to your ability to study is reduced attention span and lack of deep engagement. Sometimes you really have to hit a flow state to enjoy the material that you're studying. But you have to feel psychologically safe to do that. If you've skipped multiple weeks of class, or crammed until you reach the final cumulative test, you're going to freak out and that's going to stop you from engaging. So yeah, there's that.
  2. Thank you for sharing those insights. That'll probably save me a lot of trial and error. Thanks for chiming in!
  3. Thank you, that really helps. You went into how you use these platforms to benefit you and connect you to the real world. Could you tell me more about how you control your use of tech for entertainment?
  4. Thanks for chiming in. Feels good to know that I'm not the only one.
  5. Day 0 - Wrestling With God Today has been... hard. I'm having issues at work and wanted to numb myself. I decided to order and Xbox controller to play games on my computer. Ultimately I made the right decision, cancelled the order and returned here to get a sense of accountability. I graduated into the worst possible job market with a Masters degree in marketing. But, I did myself a disservice by not looking as hard as I could and settling for a retail job(which i took initially just to survive). I've also robbed myself of opportunities to learn and grow socially, creatively, and academically. I did this by avoiding dealing with my mental health issues and numbing them with vices instead. I've got a psychiatrist as well as a psychologist I see regularly, and to be honest, sometimes it feels like I'm fundamentally broken and no amount of therapy will fix that. Ouch, hurts to read that out loud. Maybe some of you have felt something similar? The quote is from the Old Testament, in a story about Jacob, who wrestled with God(or an agent of God) in human form, demanding to be blessed. I'm not religious but I do pray and have a relationship with God. I felt like I could hear him telling me not to get the controller. Not to game. That he has better things for me. I ordered it anyway, but ultimately that voice won out, and I cancelled it. Thank you for reading. And all the best on your own journey to seize the best years of your life.
  6. It's endless web browsing, reddit, youtube, and social media scrolling that terrify me. It almost feels like I'm a balloon. I squeeze on one end of my vices, and the other grows proportionately. If I get the slightest bit uncomfortable or frustrated with a task, I put on Netflix or Hulu, or Prime video. Feels like I always have to have a podcast or long form youtube video or SOMETHING going on in the background. How have you guys dealt with this?
  7. Day 0 Quote of the Day - With your personality, ability to work on a team, and motivation, you will definitely find a job - My Career Coach Hey, guys. I'm back. I RELAPSED Around day 11 or day 12, I realized that I would never be able to play my favorite games again. I have a love hate relationship with these online games. They kept me sane during my traumas, depression, and even thoughts of suicide. But, ultimately, they added to my isolation. I changed so much during my 30 day media fast and 90 day detox, that I wondered if games and media-consumption were REALLY problems in my life... Jokes on me they were. I plan to continue my 90-day gaming detox today & use media with the following restrictions. Hard limit of 30 minutes per day of media use for purely entertainment purposes. This includes music, television, movies, fun apps, and etc Reddit -No browsing Reddit (It's okay to use Reddit for research purposes or for solving problems but not for entertainment purposes. I can get wayyy to into Reddit to the point where I'm opening 15 tabs from the front page and reading all the comments) -No Reddit YouTube videos (Reddit has videos which read you people's responses to different questions on R/Ask Reddit. These topics can range from people writing about near death experiences or funny pickup lines. I've always loved to hear other people's stories and I'll listen to these way more than I should, without gaining anything of substance. Therefore I choose not to engage with this aspect of Reddit. I'll substitute this for audio books and podcasts.) Youtube -This is a big one for me. I have a habit of caching videos so I can listen to them while I perform certain tasks. The problem is most of the things I listen to are not substantive and add very little value to my life while dragging me down. So I'll use more edifying material instead. That's what I have so far. I'll report back and tweak things as I go along. Thank you for reading!
  8. Ideal therapy is between you and a mental health professional (Preferably a Psychologist or Licensed Clinical Social Worker), but when these options are not available it could be talking to a friend who's nonjudgmental and a good listener. It could also be expressing yourself through writing or music or art. The idea is that you face the challenges you have in your life and unpack them in a healthy way.
  9. Day 10 Thought I'd start the day out with a quote that stuck with me You've got what it takes! - My therapist encouraging me : D Today was a tough one. Not really as productive as I would have like to be, browsed the internet more than I wanted to (but no social media), did job research but didn't put out application etc. Feel trapped by my lack of vehicle, finances, job, and professional experience... but I still have just the tiniest bit of faith. Thank you for the support. I love you all! Goodnight
  10. @BooksandTreesThank you! I love the guy and his wife and my nieces and nephews, but he seems like the type you have to keep at arms length. Honestly, these are the hardest relationships. Where you know somebody 'cares' but they're likely to attempt to push your boundaries if you're not attentive.
  11. Day 9* Thought I'd start the day out with a quote that stuck with me The number of funerals is going up because of the Coronavirus. I find out about these funerals and invest in them - My younger brother describing his investment strategy Today was mundane and unusual at the same time. I spent the majority of my day helping my mom with mortgage paperwork. After that, I cleaned my bathroom. My younger brother had a hernia and I myself have had repetitive strain injury in my wrists which makes cleaning our shared bathroom difficult. The place was a mess and I couldn't take it anymore so I just started cleaning. Later, my mom showed up for help sending an attachment and helped me scrub the tub, which is the hardest task with RSI. Bathroom was practically sparkling and I'll be cleaning it weekly from now on along with my brother to keep it that way. Still feeling bored at times, but that disappears once I really get engaged in a task. My younger brother caught me reading a martial arts book and praised me for keeping my gaming/media detox. I told him I'm glad it's changed me so much in 9 days, but I'm afraid to slide back into addiction/escapism. My brother suggested that I never consume digital media again, which seems a bit...extreme. My plan is to set up guidelines with my therapist so that I can learn to use media in more beneficial and healthy ways. I'll be back this evening with day 10. Thanks for reading!
  12. Day 7* Day 7 was good. Found myself connecting with family and old friends over the phone. I had a conversation with a friend who was working together with me on a video project before he gradated and left the city 6 months ago. We had only reached the conceptual phase of the product. Yesterday I was editing some footage he featured in and decided to give him a call. He was glad I called and we shared an intense conversation about the socio-economic race-wealth and equality gap. We later talked about continuing the project, and making it more raw and authentic. I was reluctant to call him because I felt like he was too 'cool for me' if that makes any sense. I also sometimes fear that people dislike me or want to avoid me. Its led me to let a lot of relationships die a slow death. I faced these feelings by calling him out of the blue and the pay-off was more than I could imagine. I spent the rest of the day making multimedia to support the project. Day 8 Today was a little different than usual. I got up around 5AM to help my dad with a task before he went to work. He had an accident in his vehicle and is forced to drive my younger brother's car while my brother works from home because of the quarantine. My brother doesn't maintain his car well, at all. There are multiple serious issues he's neglected to fix, because 'It's a cheap car, I'll just spend another $3K and replace it. Here's the list from most dangerous to least: No Anti-lock Breaks, Faulty Turn Signals, Windows don't work and are taped shut in +80 degrees F weather(No air condition either), Massive oil leak, Sun roof is broken and open. The result is my dad who's just over 60 years old having to drive this vehicle while boiling alive. I took it to the shop early that morning but they could only look at it and tell me to make an appointment for a later date. My dad hand waved it and said he'd be fine driving it until the weekend. I'm honestly distressed by it, but my mom and brother don't seem to be bothered... I just don't want him to get hurt. Other than that, day was pretty good. Saw my therapist and got to surprise her with my gaming detox and media hiatus. She was thoroughly impressed. I also visited my ortho Dr. for my repetitive strain injury caused by gaming and things are looking good. I had a cousin call me today for a favor. He's in the UK and asked me to register on a US stock platform so he could make trades in my name. He agreed to offer me a percentage as payment. Seemed a bit shady. A year or two ago I would have gone along with this because I just couldn't say no. Today I told him pretty clearly, "That doesn't sound like its for me." It's nice to see some growth. I'm trying to be a bit more assertive, outgoing, and expressive in public as well so I'll see how it goes! Thanks for reading!
  13. If you're 30 years old and the average life expectancy is 82 years, then you have 52 years to practice. You don't have to make huge time investments, just consistent and incremental improvements. Yes, it's usually good to force yourself to go out, when you're just feeling a little bit lazy, but when you're running ragged it can be a good idea to power down a bit and let yourself recover. You're not lazy, you're human and you're going through a lot right now.
  14. Day 6 Today felt easier than the day before. I'm currently taking a hiatus from digital media (screens basically) and doing the 90-day gaming detox. I've been having a bit of trouble with the digital media detox. I put on a show for my brother to watch and ended up watching 7-8 minutes myself while I was (supposed to be) doing something else in the room. I've also been looking over his shoulder and watching/ listening to some of the youtube content he plays. I'm not going to lie... I feel a little guilty about that lol. I'll try to limit future transgressions to 2-3 minutes. My brother is a really productive guy, in fact his example was one of the reasons I decided to start my detox. But he seemed a bit tethered to his phone to my newly unencumbered eyes. I'm a little more bored than usual, but I'm still reaping cognitive benefits from not sabotaging my brain with dopamine. I've accomplished 1/3 of the Color Correction Course I'm taking on Skill share. I took notes and watched each video twice, and also practiced applying some of what I was taught. Took me 2.5 hours. Focusing that long before game quitters would have been a small miracle. I'm planning to create questions on Quizzlet and then link my questions and notes in the comments section for future viewers. I had a great conversation with a group project partner from my entrepreneurship class last semester. He encouraged me and gave me tips on the job search and, I helped him out with a survey for his master's thesis project. He loved my answers and said that 'the way I put words together was magical.' This really made me happy as a writer/creative. I'm thinking about what I want in terms of gaming long term. I just can't see it benefiting me over all. I have a younger cousin that I used to game a lot with. I even promised to get him a new w multiplayer battle royal game so we could play together once I have a full time job. Now I'm thinking I'll take him to the basketball court on Saturday morning and we'll run some drills instead. My friend agreed to refer me to his company today. I'm encouraging myself to find a job by researching the car I want to drive once I get a full time job. Sorry for the choppiness. I'm exhausted😅. Good night😪!
  15. Hey man. I can relate to feeling so crushed by your ambitions that you don't have room to make mistakes, to even BE human. My therapist calls it obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I think the important thing to realize though is you are not the artist or engineer you'll be a year from now, or ten years from now. Assuming you're still practicing these crafts, your skills will grow, and you'll be able easily perform tasks you struggle with today. But you need to give yourself the freedom to practice and make mistakes until you get there. My 'thing' is writing, shooting, and editing videos. I've made videos so bad early on that I cringe a little bit looking back. But I SLAVED in vain over those videos trying to make them perfect. I shot one video with a cheap handheld camcorder. I use a DSLR and Stabilizer now. 10 extra hours of editing would not have improved the video at all, but I had to force myself to stop editing and put the video out. You're a human being with finite energy and will power. There is so much to do and learn in the world that we cannot master every aspect of one trade let alone every trade. You're doing important work that directly benefits people EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you're interested in robotics, google, take an online course, get a certification, or even work on a degree, but don't pigeon-hole your present accomplishments in engineering. Your 10 year old self would want you to have a comfortable pad, a car you like to drive, a good job, and fulfilling relationships. In other words, he'd want you to be a chill and happy dude, which you are. Yeah you have some work to do, but we all do. Breathe and take a moment to realize just how far you've come.