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About sick'n'tired

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  1. I think you got me there. Perhaps a journal might be better.
  2. To be control of my own life if i were to put it short but precise would be to be a professor, good pay, and away from crutches of porn, and gaming; basically be the master of myself.
  3. It seems like the brain is trying to find a way to get that 'same level' of excitement through porn and masturbation ever since I left gaming couple of days ago. I have two problems: craving and boredom. Although I do have lot of hanging out with mate, part time job, studies and cycling (in winter the weather is normally not good) to deal with the two, it seems the source of my problems come through my phone and thus can't get sleep for most of the night. Sometimes I feel iike I don't have self control and gaming helped me get away from porn and that shit. Any suggestions?
  4. Hi, Interesting thing happened yesterday when I looked myself in the mirror and thought to myself "I look like a grown up man playing this stupid game". That day I played 12 hours of game, and the day following it I felt the guilt of time wastage, at that moment I realised there were so many things I was doing before I started buying these crappy games, and now they were taking control over me. Mainly it was overwatch which wasted my time, and I had already forgotten about my steam games anyway, didn't seem to interest me anymore. I woke up at 11am, paid 20 quid for the book, got some good advice from it, deleted my blizzard account and steam account permanently. Funny enough when I told my mate about it he was surprised and told me that I had put so much effort into getting the SR points in Overwatch (the blizzard game). At the end of the day I told him I must change as time is not to lenient on the likes of me. He did tell me to sell it but the thought came to me "f*c the game, don't care about the money anymore, I want this weakness gone now!". At the moment I feel guilt of losing something, a void you could say perhaps, but I feel energetic from being released from some sort of prison. It's more of a freedom feeling, and I feel my soul is at peace for now until the relapse comes. All games gone, and the achievements with them. I am in last year of my mechanical engineering degree, I survived barely for two years and that was purely due to putting gaming over my studies, hell even cycling became non-existant to me at that point. Now it changes, something that I should've done a very long time ago. Can't complain much, have to man up and go ahead. Its better I toughen up now then to get a 2:2 and not become a phd doctor at the end of the year, or even worse not being able to get a job even. Many things I wanted to do: do my phd after this final year, take up competitive road racing again, do some spiritual stuff, read literature and talk to my friends who I didn't bother to respond to since I was gaming at that time or something. Well this is my story, its 11/08/2018 and a hilly journey starts. I will need a cup of coffee along the way, hopefully that will keep me calm awhile.