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Laney

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Everything posted by Laney

  1. Why can't you do both? Adventures and serious!
  2. What is your family situation like? Car or bike or public transit situation? (Can you get around) What do you think you might do with your hobby time? Sports? Woodshop? Boy scouts? Choir? Studying? Learning an instrument or another language? If you can give what might interest you that would be a great place to start. And we can figure out a plan from there!
  3. Clubs are a great way to become socially (and professionally) involved. You'll make friends with alumni and fellow classmates who will help you in your journey and you them! I got involved on the elective board my 2nd year and that was great but not for everyone.:) What kind of club would you start? Apply for jobs at the school, the printing lab, the bookstore, the food places, the library, etc. Many opportunities there and they work with your student schedule.
  4. A big part of me quitting gaming was not being able to stop thinking about them. It sucks to be chained to the intrusive thoughts that make the rest of my life seem boring in comparison. I'm not sure when that went away but I think you're making a great decision, I look forward to seeing your updates!
  5. ALEXX!!!!! So great to see you wanted to say hi in your journal ♥♥♥ I am in a Shadowrun campaign of 3 years, and am in a newer 5e D&D campaign. Science fiction and fantasy is MY JAM AND BUTTER broski. I completely understand Edit: also jeesh all these bangin' professional face photo's in these journals make me wanna put one up too!
  6. Welcome back after your relapse ♥ So glad to see you here and that you have a place to process your struggles. We are here for you to give ideas and support :3 I used to get freaked out by my dreams, had no idea Cam made a video on them! Super excited to watch it later. Mine I would wake up and be scared I had relapsed or that I was close to relapsing. But I accepted them, said thank you body for the reminder and the nice story, but I'm okay. In relation to the social aspect I am SO EXCITED FOR YOU eeeh!! Real life connections are a-maze-ing! Do you have any plans on how you might achieve meeting new people or maintaining the relationships you make? Social hobbies are a great realm for this, education or learning a new task can encourage bonding as well as commitment more than just "oh I met this cool guy at a rave in LA and they were super excited to be friends but we never met up again". I want you to have the tools to escape what can happen to us in this stage. We reach out to make friends -- then are faced with our first disappointment or rejection and we lose all hope. "Everyone is a flake" "I hate people" lol, okay, some people are flakey yeah but this is actually well within our control if we approach meeting new people correctly! And it takes practice to invite people to things when you're not used to it. It takes intention and energy and we are going to screw up. Be kind to yourself and let people surprise you. Also; have you thought about a part time job? This helps a lot with self confidence, income to do fun things, social practice and more!
  7. Laney

    Piotr journal

    Well, it is an interesting thought that creeps up. What about gaming makes you want to go and play them right now? I'll answer mine for you, maybe there will be some similarities; I want to play a game right now....because I want to relax and reward myself at the end of a long day....because I yearn for magic and story and amazing visuals....because of the positive feelings I recall from my childhood and the accomplishment I felt being able to figure out the puzzle or beat the boss....because I'm bored and have nothing better to do.... Wait what? I have nothing better to do? Heeellll no, I have letters I want to write, rooms I need to organize, car I need to get an oil change for, hair I want to bleach and dye blue, flow flags I want to build and dye myself, copper mugs I need to polish to give away during the holidays, friends I want to visit and catch up with, hikes I want to go on, dances and events I want to go to, I just bought Google Play Music and need to organize and create my music library, I want to prepare food to last for the whole week, my laundry is beginning to pile up again. So many yummy things and possibilities to fill my time with! I think I'm okay with the reward of going to bed earlier or a 2 hour phone call with a new friend. Let's explore your brain more and this thought more to see if you this is something you think you could handle at this point in your journey. For context I did the 90-day detox (well, 82 days...) and now I'm sober on mmo's but not rpg's. I still play games, basically is what I'm saying. But I touch them here and there, it's been 2 months and I haven't even noticed or cared so I'd say I'm in a healthy spot with rpg's being reintroduced. When I reintroduced MMO's I became immediately addicted again and played for hours the first night, the whole day on the weekends, then began neglecting my life once more.
  8. What would it take to make living not a chore? I am new to your journal, but it seems like the language you use is that you see yourself as a destroyer. That can be useful, I think. You may be interested in the diety, Shiva, who is seen as a destroyer and benefactor, the wild god, the fierce god... Shiva performs five actions - creation, preservation, dissolution, concealing grace, and revealing grace. Within destruction lies beauty, lies life, lies creation. Perhaps you could begin to see those aspects of your life, in how your wake it may fertilize the ground for better things. Maybe you need to destroy yourself to rebuild. Constantly reshaping and molding you and your life.
  9. A lot of us find we're using phones, social media and tv shows to fill the gap created by not gaming. The detachment is hard, the brain hurts not being able to use these mediums at first. Once you discover how to fill this time it's a wonderful feeling. Good luck I look forward to reading your updates!
  10. Reading this makes me so happy! The beginning of the journey is so unique. It is tough and easier in ways you'd never expect going into it. Love the updates. Love that you are noticing and appreciating the world around you.
  11. To that end, my journey this summer has been discovering how much I actively have SHIT on myself my entire life. I am seriously fucked up in my view of who I am and what I deserve. Some self discoveries through therapy and amazing friendships this summer: Laney is bad. Laney's desires are bad. Laney is a manipulative, selfish bitch. People liking Laney is false. Once they get to know her, everyone hates Laney. Everyone leaves Laney. Everyone will abandon Laney. Laney is not important. Admitting this shit to myself was fucking hard. It's not a good feeling to realize how much self-hatred you carry. It's not a good feeling to discover that I have literally been my worst enemy. That my motivations to be better in life have been driven by the internal motivator of "You are trash, you have to be better because of this." BECAUSE you are trash, you HAVE to be better. Think about that statement and see how it fucked my self confidence and my ability to see anything good in myself or to trust in my accomplishments. I have built amazing habits because of this statement. I have built empathy and forced myself to listen and love others. I have forced myself to be humble. To shut up. To listen. To accept negative feedback. But I have no self-love because of this. I am done with this destructive tool, it has served its purpose and it can go away now. Laney no longer needs any of your bullshit. The goal of my life, and the goal I am striving for is to flip these statements around: Laney is good. My desires are worth celebrating. I am a respectful, giving and selfless female. People really do see and appreciate me. Once they get to know me they can see how truly awesome I am and that they want more of me in their life. People will stay in my life. People will want to stay and will love staying in my life. I am valuable.
  12. 150ish days sober. It's been a long while since I've visited the forums.. but Cam posted a journal entry on Facebook that resonated with me. Seeing it inspired me to pause and look back at how far I've come since finding GameQuitters. For a long time I felt like I wasn't allowed to be on the forums if I wasn't sober on video games. I am sober, not on "video games", but on MMORPG's. You know what. Fuck anyone who disagrees. That's more than enough to be a true GQ member. It was HARD for me to quit MMO's. It was a struggle of self-esteem, self-love, self-acceptance. It was a journey that lead to finding my true self hidden underneath all the distraction-goop that online games plastered over me. And the best part? I have played only 60 hours on RPG's this year. I haven't touched a RPG since September and I'm completely okay with that. I don't need games to be happy. Although I can play RPG's without fear of addiction, I also don't need to force myself to play them when I have other things going on in my life that are better! I choose my life over games every day, and I love it. Let's talk about how much I have played games this year. Calculating it based off of memory I would say I've spent 200+ hours relapsing on OW, Diablo III, POE earlier in January to May when I was stressed about graduation. (DID YA'LL KNOW I'M GRADUATED NOW? Bachelor of Science in Business Administration bitches, awwyeee.) I also have many hours on another game BoTW with my legally blind cousin, she asked me to play the main story line with her because she currently has a cataract. It was a gift of my time and energy to her, while she cannot see and is suffering alone. So I do not count this one personally but I want to put it in here so I don't forget it happened. Making this list of my hours played.. I realize I've gamed more this year than I thought I had! Huh! It feels like I've had all the time in the world, and I've been enormously productive in life. Writing down the amount of hours spent on games since January makes me feel uncomfortable. ========================================== If you have never met Laney, and this is your first time visiting her journal, Laney has an addictive personality with MMORPG's. The social and peer pressure aspect of gaming, the need to be on every night otherwise she'd fall behind. The need to practice her skills so she can compete and be seen as a girl who can "game well"--not just a cute girl who plays video games. The falling in love with a story, character and life that is not hers, but a fantasy that will never give her any tangible rewards in real life. MMORPG's are lies and a terrible pill. They are her addiction; not drugs, not alcohol, not cigarettes, but MMO's. They tear her away from her life, leading to neglect and stagnation of her career, friendships, hobbies, familial ties. They whisper in her ear how she'll never amount to anything and she'll never be successful or happy or loved. Laney can play RPG's safely. She can pause them with ease and can live her life happily without fear of feeling guilt for not having gone back to it. Because Laney plays RPG's for her self, not for others. Because Laney does not define her accomplishments in life off of her accomplishments in a non-social game. To her--solo games are like a good book. Above I listed only 60 hours of solo rpg game-time in 2017, compare that to the 200+hrs playing MMORPG's in a 5 month span--uncontrollable and unacceptable. I will not shame myself any longer for my decision to still play solo RPG's. I am COMFORTABLE with this decision. I am free, because of GameQuitters, and I want all of you to know that I appreciate and support you in your journey. I hope you can also be free. (OR AT LEAST FREE TEMPORARILY AND WE CAN SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN GETTING BACK THERE AFTER A RELAPSE <3) I am sure that my binge earlier this year will not be my last one Each journey will be different, each approach will be unique to the individual. Find what works best for you, and don't let me or anyone else tell you otherwise. We support you.
  13. Yes I love that energy and drive you have to fix this! You are capable, and you've seen that letting go of the steam account will be a great step for you. I think you should complete the process and you'll be surprised by what a burden you've let go of. I'm proud of you for coming back and there's no judgment here. Only support for the future and for you! Good luck, hope to see your journal entries around
  14. Man. It's a tough to stay positive when multiple all back out of your plan last minute. BUT my awesome buddy Ian is going still, and I'll love him forever for that. He is always reliable (not in being on time but he always does what he says he will) Time to dance the night away and hang with fantastic people in DTLA.
  15. Laney

    Hey

    Oh hey Colin! If you live in SoCal we should meet up and brew your beans! They better be fantastic -insert high expectations here- I also have a great summer drink if you're interested in the process. It involves espresso, ice and something you'd probably never think to use with coffee. Welcome to the forums, I hope this place can help you in your journey.
  16. Have you been designing any of these quotes you're posting?
  17. Hey there miss mom!! First off I want you to truly step back and look at this decision you made to quit. This is a hard decision for anyone to make--and you've done it all on your own. You are strong. Not only do you have the inner strength to take the steps towards a healthy life(already done, yeaaah!), you have the ability to grow as a person and progress in life. You've had it all along but it's been shushed by games and false progress. Not only will this decision grow you, everything else in your life will benefit as a result of you knowing yourself better. Your son from a more active mother. Your husband from more diverse time spent with his wife (what fun adventures await!! camping? sports? poetry nights? squeee~). The barista at Starbucks from a customer that noticed them and had more to say than their order. Your career, your community, your health. Everything! Anyway, your struggles sound eerily similar to mine; making lists and ignoring them, thinking poorly of yourself/guilty for not having achieved more, ignoring-not facing-the disappointment you feel when you look at your life, etc. My own journey with quitting games taught me how to forgive myself, and notice progress. I hope it can do the same for you too. Progress is not something that happens overnight, it's something that builds slowly. Social media makes us check in with people only when big events happen in their lives. When really it's all the small events that truly show how a person is growing. You'll even see in my journal entry today I had to remind myself I was doing well! How silly is that? So here's a reminder. You are doing fantastic. None of us are perfect and we don't expect you to be Wonder Woman in a few days or weeks. We are glad you are here.
  18. Picture post! 1. Proof my journal is turning into a Kurt Vonnegut novel 2.The best picture I took at EDC 2016 3/4/5. The gift I sent out to a random girl I didn't know (secret santa via reddit) 6&7 Favorites of grafitti in San Francisco 8. Always keep yourself open to possibilities. This performance was a few steps away, and we found it because we cared to listen. Side of the LA river.
  19. oh my gosh yes, the RAINBOW was fantastic!!!! I was following it for what seemed forever. Gorgeous.
  20. Thanks Alex, and everyone else commenting/liking support I'm not sure what my relationship with video games is right now. I know for a fact it doesn't include MMO's, and that I don't feel my addiction anymore. Games are no longer a need. Which is fantastic! Feels so good to say! And it's also why I feel safe coming here. GQ is biggest reason I am where I am right now, and I want to continue improving myself and supporting others.
  21. Just a personal update, need to write journaling stuff later Gym membership achieved! +1 Dating someone who is active and inspires me +1 Eating in more often +1 Scheduled psychologist appointment for the first time in two years!! +1 Being assertive with my health (doctor appointments, wisdom teeth removal, etc) +1 Using a refillable water bottle instead of wasting plastic +1 Shadowrun is way more productive AND happening more often +1 Signing up for classes +1 Car is always clean +1 Room is clean half of the time 0 Not writing any responses for Peg -1 Being unenthused with work and letting that affect my performance -1 Spending too much money on people, dating and outdoor gear -1 Not following up with your friend in jail -1 Overall: +5 Try to remember those negatives don't make you a failure, Laney. You are making healthy decisions and progress and doing well all around. @Ashley K. ^ what I referenced in your journal Goals for this week: Be more supportive of roommate and her art job, she's struggling, spend time with her--wooden pallet? food? Gym 3-5 days a week - get that heart healthy and body stronger and GAIN WEIGHT jfc you're 108 girl Write in journal a few times a week about J, you know you're forgetful. Many important things are going to slip away. Things to ponder on: Why are you less anxious? Gluten-free or probiotics.... or both? Perhaps in the near future I can re-introduce gluten on a small level to find out.
  22. I noticed this is a common topic in the journals. Must of us start the detox but don't have a concrete life plan or goal in life. We usually just have a vague idea of what we want. We need to become more than "mere bundle of wavering thoughts and fluctuating sensations" This is soooo true! That's what I love about this forum and this community. It's full of people discovering themselves. Games were this distraction that kept us from hearing parts of ourselves that are quieter...more in the background. Getting rid of that noise not only gives us more time in the day, but it gives us the ability to expand ourselves. To try new things and see what works and what doesn't! It's full of endless possibilities and the freedom and possible future is almost scary it's so exciting.
  23. I think this would be a great idea. Edit: I also kind of want to plan a backpacking trip
  24. I had forgotten what a surreal day that was for me, the 7th of March..the day of my journal entry (above). This was a day of mourning, of disbelief, of processing. It was also destructive and beautiful. I had driven to pick up an item and locked myself out of my car for the first time in over a year. I had planned on visiting this cake shop for my family after, so after being unlocked I went. As I was about to park someone slammed on their accelerator and drove into the shop I was going to visit. The odd feeling was that I could have been in that store had I not locked myself out of my car. Weird. My somber self then decided I wasn't ready to face what had happened the day before, at least not at home. (Relapse) I noticed it was raining in the distance, With storm clouds as my guide I drove with no goal in mind except to meet it. I drove towards it. I drove into it. I followed it into the mountains where it fell, now lightly, onto my skin. And I spent a few hours writing. There was a deep yearning inside me for those moments in the mountain to never go away. Eventually the sun faded from the mountains. My stomach ached for sustenance. I recalled the long drive home. Reality began to come back and sobered me from my writing phase. By the time I got home it was dark. I posted my poem. I went to bed. ** Sorry for the odd post. Revisiting old thoughts and feelings. My journal tends to be styled more Vonnegut anyway. No, I enjoy this entry. Done apologizing. Take it or leave it. .
  25. Laney

    Daily Journal

    ♥♥♥ Your first two days make me so happy! Getting rid of the physical distraction, joining the forums, writing a journal, taking the time to plan your days and being present with yourself. The itch didn't appear for me right away either, it was a bit surreal at the beginning, as if it were an exciting temporary thing. Making it an always thing happens over time, which the 90 days is perfect for that. Reconnecting with people became much easier for me too. I'm much more in the moment now. Giving people my full attention, when before I'd be consumed with thoughts of games, or bored in the presence of people who used to entertain me. Hope it goes well:)
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