Hitaru

¡Hola! Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on quitting games! Mindless browsing online content usually comes in hand with video games, as you have already noticed. The key words are "temporary escape" and "instant gratification". You waste time, get a short satisfaction and too soon you need more. Have you thought about introducing new hobbies and activities in your life? How do you currently use your time? Looking forward to your journal!

Relationships are built each day and that's something I'm currently discovering as well. There's been times I felt things were on a downward spiral I had no control over, and nothing farther from the actual reality. If you're having a bad sensation be mindful about the relationship (as you currently are) and focus on the now. If you think it's worth it, you have all the right to feel otherwise. I see nothing wrong with your English...

You said you'd get rid of your gaming account and you did it. Small steps, sure steps. You know what you're capable of.

Welcome to the forum! One of the main reasons why we usually play video games is to cope with unpleasant feelings (like stress) or temporary forget about problems we're facing. So it's a completely normal reaction if you stop and suddenly feel that anxiety you thought under control is actually not so under control. Don't worry! For what you wrote, you obviously have the potential to shift your energy towards constructive projects, if you allow yourself to take things step by step. You've done it before. You have half the path already walked. Yep, that shift means new hobbies. You'll have to make plans and actually go through them, and that can be a pain (it gets manageable with time, life is habit). You wrote a list of possible things to do in the first post. Time to give it another look? You got me intrigued with sewing and paper crafts, they look challenging yet relaxing at the same time. Good luck in your journey! It makes me hopeful to meet commited teachers, you guys are more needed than ever.

@Marquess I can relate to so many things I can't begin to quote you lol. I'll try to make it comprehensive and it may be hard. "I have developed a lot stronger sense of self and stopped with the self hate, but I'm just so fucking sensitive to everything. I don't know what's to come out of this." - I passed through this phase too and it was definitely a good thing. "I would absolutely hate if I were forced to live some sort of an incredibly limited life where I'm basically considered a mental patient, perform some light tasks, live in poverty and irrelevance forever. I'm terrified of that possibility. I find it disgusting to even think about attempting to make peace with it." - I, too, know this sensation. It haunts me much less than it used to. The key to face and beat this is the sense of self you mention. You are not crazy, and you'll ever be if you don't allow it. Even if you have mental problems, that's not the same as being crazy. And if some fucker tells you otherwise, well, I remember you told me some time ago to screw people's definitions and name-callings. You know yourself best, and if you don't, at least you have higher chances than anyone else to find yourself out. Don't let anyone tell you who you are. You're dealing with a lot of stress so it's normal that your brain feels slow, even dumb to learn new skills. Give it time until you are in the right state of mind. This isn't motivational bullshit. You are a really smart guy. Or girl. You're being understandably cryptic about that subject, but I support you any way you take. Let's see what comes clear from those therapist appointments, don't panic. You'll sort it out. Congratulations for mustering the courage to go, and face your neighbours, and stop drinking and all the victories you tend to downplay but are really relevant (what a thing, I thought I was the only one doing that...? ). Just for you to know, whatever place you are in the binary (or non-binary) gender spectrum you'll always get the utmost respect here in the forums. It's on my watch after all. Things can only end good if you let them, friend.

Thanks @Remigjus, @giblets and @WorkInProgress -------------------------- >I've been less able to read the forum and reply, so for the record I'm really interested in reading @SuperSaiyanGod's story next. He's the only of the regular posters I haven't replied once, for what I caught from his latest posts I think I need more knowledge of his background instead of jumping straight to his journal and make clear I don't have idea of what I'm talking about. So if you catch this, hi man! Hope everything is going alright for you (I shall find out soon). >>Note to self: Contact @Hobedaga as well. If you read this before I write you, I saw your relapse thread, how are you doing? PM me if you feel like it (I'll be doing it anyway, hah). Also, we appeared on TV man! Awesome!) -------------------------- Still sick, but less sick. Physical tests in two and a bit weeks. In Freudian speech, my It is panicked as usual, my Super Ego is confident as usual, and my Ego is still curious to see how all this will turn out, instead of the apathy or feeling of "unavoidability" from the beginning. Could this actually be the balance of forces I need to handle to go through my life? Hmm. -------------------------- >I allowed myself to play a business/colonial simulation game while recovering, yesterday and today. To be honest I noticed how after playing I would feel weaker and less focused, so for the most practical reasons (if not for the many others) I should just stop. I need and want to be healthy and do stuff. Instead of a melodramatic feeling of relapse, decadence and doom, there was a dull and surprisingly simple sensation of awareness of being wasting valuable time. I noticed I have a long-time frustration of "completing" the game (I played it for the first time as a child) and how that goal, despite its simplicity, or maybe because of its simplicity, was much easier to follow with dedication I won't give to anything else. On top of that the game features Spain so of course there must be some part of managing/governing fantasies involved. --------------------------- Now that I mention, Happenings still happening in my country and then some. Maybe if I had started earlier without addiction involved, I'd be able to take part in any way by now? At least participating in debates in my town instead of biting my nails in impotence. We'll never know, but for now I need to take into my memory all the info I can, all the arguments... The future can only be achieved by a solid understanding of the past. I should be there, doing dramatic speeches, rallying people for whatever topic of the day or just fumbling through dreadfully boring documents, instead of pretending I'm actually interacting with pixels. Of course the thought scares the shit out of me. "****, the megalomaniac!". "****, the joke!" "Doctors warned, schizotypic disorder!". Sigh. No, what scares me is other people's reaction. Always other people's reaction. That's why I counter it by being crystalline honest about everything. It will work. I won't be misjudged, misunderstood. I'm confident on it. Or maybe should I focus all my energies in steering my way the closest to my vision I possibly can? If I truly pursue politics someday... or anything that involves dealing with people, really, then some people will be against me, and saying that is not exactly a crazy, paranoid delusion. I really, really should let go and allow other people to be dicks to me if they so desire. For the sake of my confidence and my inner peace. Doing that while also listening to the most people possible will be a mess. Isn't that what Marcus Aurelius and many others talked about? What's the big deal, me? Afraid to face real challenges? Huuuuuh. Hard thoughts. Another loop. --------------------------- To finish on a positive note: Make those 5 countries 6 @Cam Adair! I'm heading north next, to a lovely country full of bikes, tulips and home of quite a bunch of people from this community. No, not Poland yet (?). It will be short, but surely fun! Certain individual I'm involved with may have suggested the idea, which makes the trip all the more sweeter. It's still a while left but I can't wait! This long rambling gave me flashbacks of previous years indecipherable walls of text. Maybe it's the weather. Also I noticed typos but don't remember the right things. Brings back memories too (?).

Have fun!

Trial and error, until it works

Sicktaru being sick. Uh.

Glad to see your journal! "Spending" has a bit of negative ring to it, almost some kind of inevitability/necessary evil. Perhaps you should think about it as "investing in yourself" instead? That could give you a reasonable frame to consider how much money is worth to let go at a certain time for the benefit you're getting, and you could begin to look forward to opportunities to pay for something that will help create a better you. Sometimes prices don't mean the objective "worth" of the good or service you're purchasing, but the commitment you're willing to make. The way you word things in your head influences the feelings you have towards them. If you want to think different about something you can either start by shifting the feelings, or changing the words. It works. Also, exploring for cozy coffee shops where they don't rip you off could be a good excuse for that walking and cycling. Kudos to your wife, btw, for her support to you and for having such original interests! Make sure to express gratitude towards the loved ones around you that make your life more of an adventure.

Welcome to the forum, @super_seabass! True, we usually talk about videogame addiction and extreme situations, but that doesn't mean it has to be every case. Whatever are your reasons to quit (and for what you wrote they seem really thought-out ones), you must know they are ok. If you have good foundations in your current life and want to take it a step beyond, that's awesome! As you probably found out in your previous detoxes, it's not just "quitting games" but also finding something new and fulfilling to do instead with your time. If you're looking for new hobby ideas, you can check this list. If you want to learn more about instant gratification, procrastination or why games feel like the only and most entertaining activity you could ever do, you can find videos covering those topics in the YT channel. Looking forward to read you!

This game you're playing now feels frustratingly slow at times (more so for us used to high speed decisions and high speed consequences), but on the bright side there's a lot of character development. This one is not to be saved, stored in a box or erased, right? . Patience to get the real achievements vs. dull instant gratification, this is our daily choice. Awesome gratitude list, the most basic things are by far the most important ones. We should think about them more!

Getting things out of your chest is also fine! For what I've been hearing and reading lately, the current trend in the market seems to be leaning more towards having practical experience rather than hard theory. They have a concept in Location Rebel called "relative expertise" (eg. An acceptable competence in Excel, Social Media or SEO Writing, rather than an IT degree, can already place you ahead of 90% of the workforce and that's more than enough to get going).

Good observation there. Your brain will try to negotiate with you, and if games are also nearby... Bad combination. You may want to write that down somewhere visible: "If my brain tries to bargain by doing _____, I'll do ______".

Awesome!

Trying again.

Welcome back! Motivation comes through small constant victories. You'll have to set small goals, daily tasks, and accomplish them. During the bad times, remind yourself of the reasons for your decisions and reinforce your purpose with affirmations and gratitude. You know the "theory", you have to apply it with discipline and wrestle the brain resistance until it becomes a habit and becomes manageable. You can do it!

I agree with @WorkInProgress, temporary highs in work happen sometimes but working hours call for more working hours. The public servant paradox I think it was called in my country, work tends to occupy all the available space. Know about Demir Gjw... impronunciable surname, the one from Lifehack Bootcamp @Cam Adair interviewed a while ago? His main expertise came from being completely overwhelmed at work in the past, almost lost his marriage, had mental breakdowns, a mess. And if you have the chance to talk with Cam in the tour, ask him about his own work habits. I've seen them personally and I can assure you they are nothing superhuman. I know it can be tempting to say "But man, you don't know how much work I'm facing", I've also seen the opposite "ethic" (rather "habit") in my mother: around 12 hours of work almost every day and the only thing she archives is long and pointless sessions of inferior performance and low-quality delivery. In less pedantic words, spending all day stressed and unfocused, making constant mistakes, and almost zero productivity. Rest hard bro!

I also watch anime now and then, I lost the habit but society's expectations had nothing to do with it, it just happened (so I wasn't implying anything there ). I mean, what I have witnessed is adult men judging negatively the time sink games represent and women judging the "childish" immersion (aka "Look at that sad guy playing games and believing himself a wizard, at his age"). Mostly, it can happen the other way around of course, just my experience. Anyway the common factor is they consider videogames something for kids, a toy. No one will talk about the potentially addicting patterns or the social, academic/professional, psychological/emotional issues, that's what I was trying to say. For most of the "adult world" video game addiction is not about having a problem or at least nothing better to do, it's about being an immature man-child. That shaming needs to go if we want to stablish a real conversation. And that's what we're working for, as a community.

Best thing for avoiding relapsing with porn (and by proximity with video games) is definitely putting physical distance between you and devices or putting yourself in public. Maybe you can identify the times of the day or week you'll be more tempted and plan ahead? That way you won't have to wit your way out of the craving, you will know you'll be spending your day in that café with WiFi, or outdoors doing this or that activity. Don't wait for the hard times to come at you, outsmart them.

Me alegro mucho de leer que te va mejor. También he pasado por esos vaivenes y van a mejor. Utilízalos para aprender, conocerte mejor a ti mismo, saber qué te hace sentir mal, cómo y cuándo. Muchas veces nos movemos en ciclos e identificarlos nos puede hacer un bien imposible de diagnosticar de antemano. En eso también entra un poco de planificación, y sobretodo de observar y experimentar lo que nos pasa sin juzgar, solo reaccionar. Reaccionar con la cabeza y el corazón a través de la consciencia y la esperanza, y no a través del dolor o la auto-destrucción. No se qué haces en el día y posiblemente estés bastante ocupado, pero quizá quieras escribir con más frecuencia, aunque sólo sean unas líneas cortas. Te podría venir bien a la hora de ordenar tus pensamientos y dejar constancia de tus planes de manera específica, además de "Debo hacer esto o lo otro" (me ha pasado mucho anunciar o planificar algo de manera "abierta" y luego enterrarlo en la rutina y los días que pasan sin mucho control; no hagas como yo, es muy frustrante!) Como siempre un placer leerte. Por curiosidad, ¿cuánto tiempo llevas sin jugar?

Almost there! Easiest to reply journal ever lol. But that means you're doing amazing right? You can also write about your victories and what you've been doing instead of gaming if you feel like it. It's not only woes in the Journal Section, we love to read about improvements too!

Video games were always a safe space where you could try different avatars and personas and "live" situations beyond your natural boundaries with no side-effects or harmful consequences. It has its good part of course, I think very few of us will ever go to space or explore fictional civilizations or riddle whole towns with bullets (I hope). It may have set our expectatives higher than non-gamers as well, and probably set up some kind of comfort barrier. We were used to be told what to do and where to go, step by step. It's time to abandon that auto-pilot and experience fully each decision you take and each thing you try Also, I can't encourage traveling enough. Try it out man, absolutely worth it.

Curious right? Videogames are the norm between the youth, yet at some point there still prevails a certain culture of "growing up" past them. Like you "shouldn't" watch anime beyond 20s you "shouldn't" play videogames past 30 as well. Is some kind of subtle "common sense" or a sign that "adults" still don't understand the real implications of gaming?

@giblets Dude. Absolute helpfulness. No f*cking irony